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general emotional trauma that comes with acne

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ScottishAcneFace

the first one

Ok guys. Here's my background. I'm a 24 year old Scottish girl who over the last few months has realised she had spots and acne for over a decade. From about 13 I have taken pretty much every rubbish brand of spot cream, oxy and all those kinds of balls. Only after suffering for 4 years my stupid mum informed me that there are treatment at the Doctors. I took tetracycline for 2 years. Basically everyday at school for me was like an oil slick had exploded on my face. It wasn't will when I was 18 it cleared up for a little bit. It got back again and in December 2004 I went back to get the pill. (Think it was Dianette. I could only take it for a year though because if you take it for over a year it means you have a higher chance of getting cancer later in life)

Basically I'm going to rant about my disgusting face and moan about those stupid bimbos on the spot cream ads.

So just now I'm taking an antibiotic for my face. It seemed to be working, with a slow and steady progress but now I'm back to acne relapse. That not only involves shit loads of spots but also crying at night times and not wanting to leave the house and see people. When I look at my face sometimes I don't even recognise my anymore. I was using a cream from abotu August till October this year it got really disgustingly dry and flaky and then one day, (even though I still had scars and some spots) it was smooth and more even looking. That was 1 day though. A single freaking day and I continued to use the cream but it because less and less effective.

I just washed my face and even though I just used a wet flannel, just the flannel itself irritated my forehead. Not only that I have a general problem of biting my nails, probably coming from living in a house where my parents always argued and I was quite a nervous kid.

The lowest point for me was probably about late September 2009 and it's been getting slightly better since then after I started the antibiotics but I'm worried it's getting worse again. I don't want to have to go to christmas parties as most of the people I know have really good skin and I feel like an absolute freak. Like a red pussy, freaking leper. I worry what people see when they look at e and worry that they think I look disgusting. I don't even need anyone to think I look attractive. It just get paranoid about what people think if they see how bad my skin in. I try to be healthy and I cycle almost every day. I hardly drink. It really pisses me off to see other people with nice skin and they eat crap and drink all the time and they have great skin. It makes me really hate them but most of all it makes me hate myself. I know every person has different genes etc but I don't know why I have to have this. I feel like it takes away my feeling of being myself. When I look at my face I just can't see how that same person can be me. My whole face is covered. And I have big red scars down the sides of my forehead and my chin. I get these big red lesions under the skin that go really red and are hot and sore so then it almost just look like I have a deformed face.

I hate seeing other girls who can wear makeup on their faces and take stupid pictures of themselves and their faces close up. I want to have pictures of me and my friends but when my skin gets this bad all I want to do is cry when I see my face. My boyfriends doesn't have any spots and I worry that it looks so bad to him. He says it doesn't bother him but when he's barely had any spots himself I worry it is even more noticable to him and worry that he will stop finding me attractive. I'm crying just now and some nights it makes me so sad I end up crying for hours and not knowing how to stop :D I wish I could get that acne laser treatment but it's way out of my price range. Maybe if I make an appointment and find out how much I need I could save up for it.

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