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Day 4

Today I went to my friend's house to take care of her cats and she had some of those Clean and Clear Oil Absorbing Sheets. So, I tried one. Gross! My skin completely drenched thing. Particularly the skin on my forehead. That could explain why my pores are so blocked up there. I am thinking about getting some. I wonder if they really help to control breakouts or if they will just end up making my skin really dry.

My skin was OK today. It was really, really hot and really humid so I was sweating a lot. Lots of extra oil production. I also was really craving chocolate today and had some - but only a little! I don't think that little bit will hurt me too much. I think I am going through some weird hormonal shift right now and it is making my skin be all over the place.

No new cysts or really inflamed zits, so that's good. Just a lot of little ones popping up, but those will clear up pretty quickly.

Not much to write about today. Hope everybody is well who reads this.


Once again, internet was out yesterday evening, so I am blogging today about yesterday!

Day 3

Yesterday my skin was a lot less inflamed in the morning and continued to get better throughout the day. My face has been breaking out a little on the sides and I am wondering if it is because I've been wearing my hair down recently and I usually wear it up. That combined with the extreme heat and humidity could be doing it.

I did a pretty good job again of keeping my hands off of my face. I did pick at one zit while I was at a friend's house. She has those sort lights in her bathroom that allow you to see every single blocked pore, and I couldn't resist. But, once again, I stopped before too much damage was done.

Yesterday there was a lot of socializing in my day and I forced myself to not make excuses not to go out because I was embarrassed by my acne. I realized that while out, three of the four people that were there (including myself) all had acne. The other person has the most beautiful skin I've ever seen. But, what it made me realize, was that I don't look at those people and think they are disgusting or want any less to be their friends or take them any less seriously just because they have acne. Why do I suppose that people will think that way about me just because I have acne.

I always worry that my male friends won't want to be seen with me because they will be embarrassed to be out with a girl who is maybe not as attractive as they would like. I know that men appreciate beauty and this is why they are so drawn to beautiful women, and sometimes I worry that just because I am not beautiful they will not want to be around me. Men definitely treat me differently now than when my skin was clear. It's very difficult for me to be around men and know that maybe they think less of me or don't want to be seen out in public with me because they think I am unattractive. It could all be in my head, but I can't seem to let this idea go.

Back to skin. It does seem to be getting better just in the couple of days that I haven't been picking at it. The lesions are healing faster and not leaving behind really dark spots. I've decided that I need to start exfoliating and using salicylic acid more because my pores get really clogged and my skin seems just have this film of dead skin cells over it despite moisturizing a lot and wearing a honey mask overnight. I think I will start exfoliating and using my burt's bees salicylic acid treatment every other night.


I didn't get to write yesterday because my internet was down, so I will write about yesterday this morning.

Day 1

Today was hard. My face was really inflamed and still a little dry from all the Witch Hazel I'd been using. I also had to babysit today and the kids just kept staring at my skin. I really wanted to cry. It was one of those days where all I wanted to do was sit in my house and not have to face the world. Those days seem to drag on endlessly and they are always the days when I actually have a ton of world-facing to do.

To make matters worse, I had a call from a friend that was a little upsetting. This girl is recently married and has been cutting coupons like crazy. So, she called me and said, "I have a coupon for Sun Crystals sweetener and I know you use those, so I wanted to see if you want to pick it up." I said yes and was grateful. Then came the fatal blow: "I also have a coupon for the AcneFree system and I didn't know if you used that at all." OUCH. I've never even spoken to this girl about my struggles with acne, but of all the people she could have asked about giving this coupon to, she thought of me. Lovely. That was a downer on the whole day. I guess I am just being overly sensitive. It's not like it's a secret that I have acne or something. But for some reason it really upsets me. It makes me wonder if people get upset when you mention to them that they have lost some weight.

But, I did a pretty good job of not touching/picking my skin. In the morning there were a couple of white heads that were not inflamed and were begging to be popped, so I let them free. I had a couple of other weak moments where I would begin to touch or begin to pop, but I stopped myself quickly into the process and didn't do damage. In the evening my skin looked a lot less inflamed than when I woke up and I credit it to not touching or picking myself to the point of absolute sabotage! I have one new zit creeping up at the base of my chin. I've treated it with the Zeno acne system, put Tea Tree Oil on it and will use a spot treatment Green Clay Mask on it overnight.

Overall, it was an emotionally draining day, but my zits are drying up that I didn't touch today, so that is great! We'll see how it goes in the morning!


And so it begins...

I always told myself I would never give in to the world of blogs. I have failed. I suppose I never cared about something to write about or never needed to write about in order to find some sort of psychological release. But, as we all know, acne can change that. I've been dealing with acne since I was 11 years old. It was mild for the majority of the time. In the past two years it has gone from moderate to moderately severe to none at all to mild and now back at moderate. I know what I have to do to cure it, because I did it once. But it was hard and I fell back into my old patterns of eating and picking, and thus it has returned! I hope that writing about it will help to keep me motivated in doing all I need to do to stop this pain and finally be the person I know I am inside.

I cured my acne last year through eating no grains and drastically reducing my sugar intake. Within 3 months I had no new acne forming at all and I was left with an insane amount of hyperpigmentation and scarring. With a good diet, those also healed for the most part. I was left with some minor rolling scars, which were only noticeable in bad lighting. Then, I gave into my weakness of eating and began binging on sugar and cakes and cookies and bread for 6 months straight. I would go a week of eating well and a week of binging. I'd developed an eating disorder. Great. I struggled through it for months and finally prayed a novena to St. Jude (patron saint of lost causes). Guess what? No more eating disorder. Now that I have that under control, I will start my journey anew.

Currently skin is bad. One huge cyst on my chin that shows no signs of healing any time soon. Lots of scars and hyperpigmentation. Lots of active lesions. Pores are clogged like never before. But it will heal. It will heal.

I have always had problems with picking my skin and I have been doing a lot of that lately. I am hoping this will help. If I can write it down and know that people are supporting me and cheering me on in my attempts to cure myself, then I hope this will keep me focused on my goal and not on my bad skin. Nobody else understands. People take their clear skin for granted. They don't understand why I can't stop picking my zits. You all understand, and so I will rely on you to help me through this process.

Here is how I will do it:

Diet: No grains, no caffeine, low sugar, low dairy, organic

Supplements: B-complex, multivitamin, 5000 IU Vit D, Fish Oil, L-glutamine, Cinnamon

Skin care:

- Evening: Wash with Burt's Bees Carrot cleanser

Tone with apple cider vinegar

Aloe vera

Honey mask (left on overnight - helps immensely with scarring and red marks!)

- Morning: Rinse off honey

Aloe vera

Jojoba Oil

Only wash skin with cold water

Spot treat with Tea Tree Oil

Twice a week: Exfoliate with Burt's Bees exfoliator; Wash with Burt's Bees salicylic acid cleanser

Once a week: Green clay mask

Make up: Color revolution (mineral makeup)


Here we go.

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