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My life with acne

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Lila_Green

Hola! I wanna introduce myself, so you can hear my story.

I am 21 years old, a student, and I have had acne for almost three years. They broke out during my holidays at the seaside in August three years back, and I have to admit that I suffer a lot from them. Before I had fair and very clear skin, and everyone was complementing me on my skin and its texture. I actually did not have any break outs during puberty, so I felt pretty lucky with my skin. I didn't use any creams or something else, always cleaned up my face from make-up and other dirty before sleeping, etc. But during freshman year, small zits started to pop out, nothing I thought that some pimple cream couldn't manage. But after a while, it got worse, and honestly, I was not even aware of it, and I didn't see this coming. During summer I decided to go on holidays with my friends to the sea, and we had a great time. I was convinced that the salt in the water would clear up my skin, like it always did, but instead it got worse. I exposed myself to the sun all the time, without covering my face, because I was not aware what was going on. I thought everything will be alright once I get home, and see a dermatologist. But it didn't. I made a huge mistake, before I even started my treatment. I never went to a doctor, dermatologist, but to a cosmetologist. And not to just any cosmetologist, but to someone I thought that was my friend. The first time she saw, my face was so bad, it was swollen (that was right after I returned home from my holidays) and completely red. She said I looked terrible and that she could help me. I was lying in her salon for about an hour til she pooped out all my zits, pimples, acne cysts, and god-knows-what-else. She told me that I should come and visit her like every week, and of course I don't have to mention that I had to pay every single "treatment"/"meeting". It never got any better. Sometimes she would not even put on her gloves and just popped the zits with her bare hand, well fingers. I had complete trust in her because my sister, mother and me we've been visiting her for years. But she never made no mention of a dermatologist. Every time I visited her, she told me it wold get better and that I shouldn't have to worry. It didn't. Surprisingly, I didn't have any acne on my forehead, just one both cheeks and the chin, but after a couple of months visiting her, she not even made my skin worse, and also managed somehow to get acne on the only clear and ace-free space I had left on my face, my forehead! I was furious, and my mother tried to talk to her, but she took offense, and said hat if she doesn't continue I will have horrible scars . . .

Two months later I quited. My face was horrible, disgusting, etc. Every time I had to look at myself in the mirror I started crying. No one around me understood (well, they still don't understand). And I went to a dermatologist. This visit turned out to be rather funny than helpful. He told me not to eat chocolate, stay away from alcohol and cigarettes, and fast food. I never had any problems with any of those things, but I always knew that food doesn't cause acne (at least in my case) and I was disappointed greatly disappointed, because the only thing he gave were his "wise" tips and betadine!!!!! I had severe acne!!!! Still have. I felt that no one, especially no the doctors, was taking my serious. And I didn't even have acne for a whole year, when I already gave up on ever getting rid of them.

A couple of months after that and of using betadine, I went to see my doctor. She gave me clyndamicin, and told me that I would get rid of my acne after about half a year. She is a sweet person, and I knew right from the start that it will take much longer than six months, and even much more than just clyndamicin, if I ever want to get rid of my acne. I used clyndamicin only for about a whole year. Sometimes there was some progress, and my forehead would become clearer, but I didn't take long for another great break out. Another year I was feeling ugly, disgusting, depressed, etc. and no one understood or even seemed to care about that.

Two months ago I went to another dermatologist, but a female one this time. Before visiting her, I had already done some great research about all acne in general, all types of time, about all the creams I used, and the ones that I wanted to start using. When I got there, I told her the history of my acne, and the next thing I mentioned was Accutane. I was afraid that she would make a funny face, and say that Accutane is out of the question. But she didn't. I was surprised by her concern and her willingness to really help me. She was the first person in my three years of curing acne, who told me that I should stay out of the sun! She also said that Accutane is an option, but I would have to wait til September/October, when summer ends. She also told me that I should visit my gynecologist in order to make sure that I do not have polycystic ovary syndrome. She said that the possibility that something is wrong with my ovaries is about a 90%, because the acne on my chin look like symptoms of this syndrome. I went to see my gynecologist, and as I expected, I have a couple of (harmless) cysts on my ovaries. He prescribed me Diane-35, and said that I have too many male hormones :D , and that they, and the cysts are the reason for my sudden acne break out. I can't tell you how much better I feel since I have finally a diagnosis, although my acne are still the same, if not worse.

Right now I'm on Diane-35 for 17 days now. The results so far: I get very aggressive and angry, most of the times for no reason, and I feel really, really depressed right now. There is no improvement with my acne so far. I like to write so far, cause then there still is the chance that it might get better one day. But to be honest, I completely lost my faith in all the medication, and I doubt that I will ever get rid of my acne. It is just very frustrating because I used to have this people skin and everyone was complementing me on it, and now this skin is horrible, I feel like a freak, and everyone is asking me what is going on with my face. I hate it! Every time I thing about my acne I become really depressed. I think that my situation is kind of serious, but I'm not hiding myself in my room or something. I do go out and hang out with my friends, and mingle, but not with the same intensity as I once used to. The first thing someone notices on me are not my pretty eyes or smile, or even body, but my acne, and most of them find it repulsive, and they subconsciously avoid any contact. It is very depressive because I used to be very popular with new people, and everyone would like me from the start. But now I am afraid to look at them straight so they won't have a complete view on my acne. I have to admit that my social life has changed a lot. I didn't have a serious relationship for years now. I haven't even been on the verge of having one since I have my acne. The reason is that I find myself just too ugly and unattractive, and I wouldn't want a guy to have to kiss me on my cheeks. If I were a guy, I wouldn't wanna give me a kiss on the cheeks.

Its' the last day of June, and I got something from La Roche-Posay. It's Effaclear K, face wash and daily renewal fluid. I cannot wait til September when I will finally get my Accutane. But til then I will have to continue drinking Diane-35, and I hope that they won't help me that much, because I'm not a fan of contraceptive pills, especially not of these ones :cool:

I hope I didn't bore you with my story. You are fee to comment if you want. I think I have uploaded a picture, so you can see what my acne look like.

I won't write again soon, cause I'm leaving for my holidays in a couple of days. So the next time you'll read something from me will be in August or September, and I'll truly hope that my skin will improve a lot til then.

Bye

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