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Accutane - From the beginning...

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I can't believe I'm done!!!!! I'M DONE I'M DONE I'M DOOOOONE!!!!!

Soooo today was supposed to be my last day but I actually took my last pill yesterday morning. I got a tooth pulled Monday and realized yesterday I should just stop a day early and give my body time to heal. Accutane hasn't really done much for me anyways so what the fuck why not. I figure I'll let my body heal up and see what happens, if anything I can always start taking my pills again - I have at least another two weeks left that were extra. I sadly can't say Accutane is a gift from god or that it saved my life because for me it wasn't all that special. It basically turned my moderate acne into moderately severe acne. I would say that I haven't lost anything giving it a try and that I'm right back to where I started but sadly I'm not, if anything Accutane has physically, mentally and emotionally set me back further. I have 10x more scars and pits and the red marks left behind are pretty painful to look at. Makeup helps but lets be honest - red is impossible to conceal.

I will say that having gone through all this has made me a stronger person, it's taught me to hold my head up high and to not sweat the small stuff - life's too short!! I now know that beauty is only skin deep and it's what's inside that really matters!! I'm a beautiful person with or without acne and even though Accutane hasn't given me freedom from acne it's given me the freedom to actually enjoy my life and live it while I can :cool:


Day 140

So I only have 10 days left and I had every intention of stopping buuuut I'm starting to reconsider - I'm going to have at least 2 weeks of pills left over and I don't see why I shouldn't continue taking them until I run out. I'm so confused as to why my derm. isn't pushing for a 6th month - my face is still broken out and it's literally worse than it was before I started accutane. I just don't understand, this was my last hope to rid myself of acne and I'm just not seeing results like everyone else O_O I've tried to remain positive through this whole thing but I think it's time to face the reality that I'm going to have to deal with acne the rest of my life :wall: The only reason why I wanted to stop when my derm. said to was because I'm sick of feeling the way that I do and for what...absolutely nothing! I'm always exhausted and so dry, my joints and muscles are always pretty sore, my hair is falling out alot more, I've lost at least 20 lbs. throughout my treatment because I just can't eat half the time, I haven't been able to sleep through a whole night and since summer is here I sweat like non-stop!!! I just haven't felt like myself throughout this whole thing and I'm so ready to get my life back. It just REALLY REALLY sucks that I've gone through all of this and for absolutely nothing ;) Well I can't say nothing because I've learned to let go and not care so much and my overall skin tone and texture has somewhat improved BUT I have waaaay more scars and red marks then before and it's just going to be procedure after procedure and I can already tell that I'll never fully be satisfied with my skin :redface: It just fucking sucks.

So what do I do? Beg for another month? Continue taking what I have in hopes that something changes and it miraculously gets better in those next two weeks? Or just stop and hope that things continually clear up once I'm off this shit. What to do what do...


Day 127

So I had my derm. appt. last Wednesday and it turns out I was only doing a 5 month treatment plan so I only have one more month left!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!! Now while I'm excited to get off this shit I can't help but worry because I'm still breaking out O_O My derm. doesn't feel comfortable letting me do a 6th month so she upped my dosage from 60mg to 80mg in hopes that the 5th months a charm. I guess my biggest fear from the very beginning was that this stuff wasn't going to work for me because I have hormonal acne, now while I haven't given my hopes up I still can't help but be somewhat skeptical. I guess all I can do now is hope :wall: On a positive note I can tell my overall skin tone and evenness has dramatically improved so I guess I can't say this was all for nothing ;)

Now I've been taking 80 mg a day for 1 week and I can definitely tell a difference!! I'm way MORE dry (didn't think that was possible) and I'm starting to peel again which hopefully turns out to be a good thing! I can't tell you how many times my face has peeled on this schtuff - I feel like a snake :redface:

Well I think that's about it, nothing else too new to report except I was getting out of bed the other morning and my knee made this wicked cracking noise and I couldn't put pressure on it for at least an hour. If feels bruised but doesn't look bruised and the pain comes and goes - I can't really bend my knee all the way or kneel down :( Hopefully it's nothing and goes away soon.

::I'm sending out postive and lovely vibes for everyoneeeee::


Day 119

I can’t believe tomorrow is the end of month 4!!! Hopefully only 2 more months to go – I’ve been considering asking for a 7th month but we’ll see how the next month goes. I got my blood and prego test done last Friday and I have my derm. appt. this Wednesday. Now while I can say my skin has drastically improved in the last month I sadly still can't say that I'm satisfied with the results. The red marks and scars seem to be my new obsession and I swear they get darker with every day that passes. It literally looks like I still have really bad acne and while I keep telling myself it's much better then what it was I still can't help but want more - I'm a perfectionist if you couldn’t tell and I feel like it’s all people notice. I know it's really pathetic and after everything I've gone through I just don't understand why I can't let my guard down and JUST STOP CARING!!!! Why do I care so much?!?!? I try telling myself that I'm going to not care and I might for a few hours until I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and am just mortified at what I see. It's almost like I still don't even want to recognize myself :wall:

On a more positive note my breakouts are seemingly getting fewer and far between but I still have like a million little under the skin zits that aren't coming to the surface around my chin - they've been there since I started my treatment and when I try to pop them nothing happens and they just turn into MEGA zits. Are they eventually going to just go away? Anyone else experience this? Maybe I need my dose upped…Other then that I don't think I have any actives OR cysts at this time and it's that time of the month so that a HUGE PLUS!!!!!

Side effects are all still the same but getting more and more manageable with every day that passes - still have dry everything, occasional muscle and back aches, extremely emotionally, crazy mood swings, always tired, zero attention span, insomnia, and I had my first experience with hemorrhoids - so fun!! I have a feeling it has something to do with the Accutane because I've never had this problem before and I hope to god I never get one again!!!!! I couldn't sit down for the last 2 weeks but FINALLY I think it's starting to go away!!!!!! THANK GOD!!!!! Seriously it was the most painful thing I've ever had to experience and I had to miss almost a week of work so now I'm broke as fuck ;) Well here's to wishing for a clear month!!!

Thanks for reading, later gators O_O


Day 101

Trip digits - woot woot!

It's sad that at this point that's all I'm excited about haha. So nothing has really changed, still hate my face, still breaking out, and still have ugly scars and reddish/purple marks all over. All I can say is I guess it could be worse...

I've been feeling extra depressed lately and like my life is just falling apart around me and everything is just so overwhelming. I'm only half way through my treatment and I'm finding it harder and harder to stay positive and that really scares me. I know this med. has a lot to do with the way I'm feeling and I just can't help but let it affect me. I feel sluggish and I easily zone out and drift off into space. I find myself staying in more just because I'm too tired or lazy to even bother socializing. My attention span is even shorter then it was before the tane and things I used to find interesting aren't as interesting. A lot of this could be due to the fact that I'm going through a terrrriible breakup (we're stuck in a lease living together) and it's just been miserable. We'll get into an argument and this feeling of rage just rushes through me and my adrenaline just goes crazy. I've literally had to hold back and just walk away so I didn't punch him in the face - I've never been an angry or violent person. Also the mood swings are just nuuuts and they're 24/7 - and I used to think I had bad mood swings around my time of the month ha!

On a positive note I guess I'm learning I used to take a lot of thing for granted...alot. Everything happens for a reason right?

::I'm sending out good, positive, happy, clear vibes to everyone in hopes I'll get some back::


Day 95

Another week down...seriously time has just been flying by! I can't believe it's been 95 days since I first popped that last bit of little orange hope - I remember being SOO excited! Little did I know what I was actually getting myself into. I can honestly say going through these last 3 months have been the hardest thing I've ever had to go through in the 24 years I've been alive. No one should have to go through this and I wouldn't wish this or my condition on my worst enemy! I still look into the mirror and get upset and depressed about my skins current state but I just have to keep reminding myself how far I've actually come and what the future hopefully holds. I've been taking progress pictures through my treatment but they don't even begin to capture how bad and painful this whole process has really been. Also this entire experience has been one big ego/reality check and once I'm finished with my treatment and if I still have acne I will at least be able to walk away from this knowing I've literally tried EVERYTHING and hopefully then I can finally be able to just accept and be proud of who I am :doh:

Ok to the good stuff - my labs reports all came back perfect and my derm. appointment went well, she was really happy with my progress in the last month. Current skin sitch - meh but could def. be worse. I have my period this week so everything is a little out of whack - got a couple new painful little buggers (zits) but the good news is....::drum roll please::...NO NEW CYSTS!! Wait, just kidding I got a medium sized one on my neck but you can barely see it - it's shadowed by my chin so it doesn't count!! Haha. Still have dry everything, I'm finding that I'm even more dry then I was last month - weird? I'm also finding that it's getting harder and harder to consume as much water and I know I should, basically I'm just sick of water - plain is just not my thing. ::Boys earmuffs:: My period is super weird on the tane, I have nasty mood swings for the entire week before then it comes 3 days later then it usually does and the cramps are HORRIBLE the first day then subside. Its been lasting about 3 days which is nice but it's the heaviest flow I've ever experienced and just doesn't look the same. Basically it's super weird and I hope it goes back to normal when I'm done with my treatment. More good news I've got my eczema under control and haven't had a flare up since it went away after Arizona :) Umm what else...Oh I've noticed that I've been sweating a lot more that or my deodorant just isn't cutting it, has anyone else experienced this??? I'm sure there's a million more things but I just can't think of them. I hope everyone is doing well and yea.

P.L. U. R. Bitches :)

peace, love, unity, respect


Day 86

Another day anotha dolla :doh:

Almost into trip digits - I'm almost half way doooone! Woot woot :) I got my blood and prego test done this morning and my derm. appt. is next tuesday. I'm really excited to see what she has to say! A lot had changed in the past month - well actually a lot has changed in the past two weeks! I was in sunny Arizona all of last week and I'm not really sure if it was the sun or my medicine just finally kicking in but I only have one active pimple and a bunchity of small under the skin whiteheads around my chin that I've had throughout my treatment but other then that everything else is smooooth sailing :) It's crazy, when i wash my face it feeeels like I have clear skin but then I look up into the mirror and yowers - the wrath is still there but the flatter version! Haha any progress at this point is good progress!! I'm actually starting to get excited because it can "hopefully" only get better from here :D Now don't get the impression that my skin looks good by any means because it doesn't. I have a lot of scarring and red and purple marks that I hope to god start fading - makeup definitely helps but you can obviously still see them. All I can say is thank god I'm a girl so I can cover them! Ladies what makeup are you using? I use Bare Minerals and it covers well but I just feel like it could still be somewhat better...

Side Effects: Still dry EVERYTHING - the little rash I had on the backs of my hands came back with a vengence - AGAIN! Does anyone know what this issss? It comes and goes. Also while I was in Az I got it really bad below both my elbows, a few little spots on my right bicep aaaand on my underarms right before where my arm pits start. It stung really bad and was kinda itchy and looks like little red irritated dots and feels super dry! Could it be eczema? I've been applying cortisone creme and lotion constantly and it seems to be going away but I can still kinda see that it's still there...any ideas...anyone? If it is just eczema will it go away once I finish my treatment???? Ok just did some reading and it looks like I have eczema - sigh - I hope it isn't a permant side effect. I guess we'll see what my derm. has to say about it next week.

Until then...


Day 73

*I thought I posted this but I guess I forgot...

Wow how time flies when you’re counting down the days, haha. Now I’ve been some what avoiding this site because I started to feel like I was becoming more and more obsessed over my skin and my progress is no where near anyone else’s which is SUPER frustrating! I literally have been trying to just let go and stop worrying so much about what I look like – easier said then done especially when people are constantly reminding me of what’s on my face. So while I’ve been trying to do that my skin decided to push me to the limit and freak out and has literally gotten faaar worse!!! Yea, I didn’t think that was possible!!! I look back at my pictures and think my initial IB was nothing compared to what I’m going through now :) I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or what’s going on!?!? I’m scared the Accutane isn’t going to work for me and I’m going through allll this for NOTHING!!!! I JUST WANT TO BE CUTE AGAIN!!!!! Before this second breakout I at least had my one good side and now both sides are fucked!!! I’ll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror at the mall or in my car or in a brightly lit store and its literally like instant sadness :doh: I can’t even control it. I’ve noticed people don’t even look me in the eyes anymore and for some reason I don’t really blame them. Who wants to look at a flakey, bumpy, scabby, zit filled face – sooo sad :) Aaaand I can just imagine the impression that I give off – it’s just no fair :D

Side Effects: Dry eveeeerything, and that weird rash I had on the backs of my hands came back!!! I finally went out and bought some Hydrocortisone crème and it’s finally starting to subside but who knows for how long. It’s all flakey, itchy, red and scabby – yea I’m pretty much a mess. Look like a meth head, have mood swings like I’m 9 months pregnant, feel like a 90 yr. old women - yup I’m pretty fucking hot. At least I won’t have to worry about getting hit on.



Day 59

Ok so it's official, my skin sucks - royally! I woke up yesterday and could feel 4 new cysts developing on my good side!! Today they look even worse!! My face looks deformed from the swelling and lumps :dance: I'm seriously about to the point where I'm going to just stop caring and let my guard down. It's literally exhausting worrying about my skin 24/7. I have no idea why I even care so much what others think of me. My friends and family know how cute I am and they've never judged me. So why do I care what strangers think of me? Especially if I'm never going to see them again?! I must have some underlying issues that need to be dealt with and well this is probably the best time to do it! If I can feel confident and look like this – I should be golden!

Sooo my derm. appt. went well and my blood work was fine, prego test negative – I was really worried because I was eating terrible due to all the stress I’ve been having. Now the first thing my derm. says is “oh your breaking out again†AGAIN?! Really?! I’ve been breaking out the entire time!! She said my progress isn’t exactly what she had hoped for so she gave me two options – start me on a low dose of prednisone and/or up my dosage to 80 mg/day. I declined both but kept the prednisone in mind. I wake up this morning and yea, hell on my face, so I call in and ask for the prednisone and she calls me back saying she’d rather not now. WTF?! I’m not so much upset at the fact that she won’t give it to me but more confused as to why she would’ve given me the option yesterday and now today when I want it she doesn’t think I need it…schwhatever – I didn’t want it anyways!

Has anyone else noticed that the simplest things that go wrong can seem almost disastrous? Like today for example, I had a dentist appt. to get my teeth cleaned and they doubled booked and told me to come back tomorrow and I left almost in tears – almost. I think I was so upset because I dreeead going to the dentist and I was psyching myself up all day and then yea come back tomorrow. Good news is they did called me back 10 min. later because the other person didn’t show up – kind of annoying but I went back and got it over with! It ended up really sucking cause I have two newer painful zits, one on each side of my mouth and she ended up popping one :boohoo: Well she pushed too hard on it or scrapped the top off soooo yea it looks worse now haha. I’m also realizing that a lot of people don’t know what Accutane is…it’s kinda fun to describe to them what I've been going through – they usually are like wow that sounds terrible! Haha yea it’s pretty terrible but I enjoy looking like a freak :(

::Back to the point of this blog::

Side effects: Same old dry lips, nose, hair, scalp. Last week I noticed the backs of my hands were looking a bit dry so I put some lotion on and was actually at a funeral and noticed all these tiny red dots all over. So when I got home I put some more lotion on I had in my purse that happened to be fragranced and LADIES LISTEN UP - DO NOT USE FRAGRANCED LOTIONS!! THEY WILL LITERALLY BURN YOUR SKIN OFF!! It burned like hell and a min. later I literally had like little burns where every little red dot was!! They scabbed and now a week later have kinda scarred :mad: Suuuucks. Well I think that's about all I have for now haha. If you got to here (Seven :dance:) kudos - you fucking rock!

Peace out internet homies :boohoo:


Day 51

Ok so lately I’ve been feeling a little discouraged, ok A LOT!!!! I look at my progress and I feel like I’ve literally taken 10 steps back instead of forward. I broke out late last week and it seems to be worse then my IB. I just don’t understand. It’s like a cluster fuck of cysts and pimples smack in the middle of my cheek. Like wtf is this shit?! GROOOSS!!! Right now I honestly see no light at the end of the tunnel and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and cry. I’ve almost finished month 2 and from reading everyone else’s progress I feel like I should be waaaaay further along!!!! Why oh why is this taking sooo long?!?! I have my 2 month check-up on April 1st and I hope to god she can give me some sort of encouragement because god knows I’m not getting it anywhere else. So frustrating!!! So listen to this…I went to the grocery store the other night and I decided I was too lazy to put my make-up on…BIG MISTAKE!!!! Note to self – NEVER LEAVE HOME AGAIN WITHOUT AT LEAST TRYING TO COVER THIS SHIT UP!!! All I have to say is people are so fucking rude!!!!!!! IT’S JUST ACNE BITCHES NO NEED TO FUCKING STARE!!!! FUUUCK!!!! Probably the worst feeling ever, I officially HATE being me :dance:

On a lighter note…oh wait there is no lighter note, just darkness!!! Fuck I want a drink. Fuck acne, fuck my dreams of ever having clear skin, FUUUUUCK THIS!!!!!!!!!

I’m sorry I’m just really really upset about well everything. I feel like I always get the short end of the stick and literally every aspect of my life right now is shitty AAAND on top of everything I have a shitty face to go along with it!!! I’m so sick of things not going my way and I’m so sick of never getting a break in life. When is it my turn???????


Day 43

Wow its crazy how time flies, I can't believe I'm almost to day 50!! Only 137 days to go lol :(

Ok so I guess too much hasn't changed; I still have the same active cysts that seemingly have decided to stick around for what seems like an eternity!!!! They seem to be playing tricks on me - some days they appear as though they’re going to go away and then the next day they’re raging with a vengeance!! Good news is my “little friend†is gone and hopefully the next three weeks are to be nothing but promising :mad: Now this may be kind of gross but yesterday I was sitting at work at my desk and I barely touched my biggest cysts and it literally exploded and ran down my cheek!! I quickly grabbed a tissue and I’m not even joking at the amount of puss and blood that came out!! I ran to a mirror expecting to see a gruesome gapping hole but to my surprise it wasn’t bad at all but there was more!!!!! I gave her a gently squeeze and BLAH more!!!!!!! SOOO GROOOSS!!!!!! Today its sooo much smaller and I can only hope it all came out and it’ll continue to shrink :boohoo: The things we tane users go through for clear skin haha.

Now I don't think I've ever had this many cysts at one time so it’s kind of been a shocker, I look in the mirror and I don’t even want to recognize myself. I don’t feel beautiful what so ever and not only is it affecting my quality of life but it’s been affecting my relationship. My b.f. just doesn’t understand what I’m going through – he has beautiful perfect skin how could he – he says he sick of hearing me complain and cry about it especially when there isn’t anything he can do. He keeps saying it’s not that bad it’s not that bad, BUT TO ME IT IS!!!! I feel like I’m not getting enough support and it’s just been really really tough emotionally, mentally, and physically. I’m really trying to keep it together even though I want to just crumble inside :dance: I sometimes wish he had acne too so he could understand what it’s like. But what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right??? Pffft in this case it might just actually kill me, lets hope not though. Much love to everyone going through this!!!!!!


Day 36

Sooo I think I figured out why I'm a little extra oily - (boys ear muffs) it's about that time of month and I am starting to think that my acne is completely hormonal :mad: I got a few minor pimples around my chin a few days ago that are already starting to go away. WHICH is a huuuuuge improvement - around this time of the month I usually would get 2-3 new cysts along with a few other pesky little guys around my jawline and chin. I've been reading that Accutane doesn't really do much for people with hormonal acne - does anyone know if this is true?? I'm super scared that I'm going through allllll of this for nothing :boohoo: I was on spiro for 4 months prior to my treatment and actually cleared up quite a bit, only problem was I was still getting really painful cysts, it made me really light headed, and I didn't like the idea of being on a medication long-term. Maybe I'll be forced to go back on a low dose once my treatment is complete....boo. As for now, I guess I am still ok with the way things are going. My face still looks like a mess thanks to these 3 big reddish/purple cysts that won't seem to go away but at least things are sloooowly shrinking and drying up - it gives me hope. I just really really REALLY wish they weren't sooooo dark - I mean gesh - makeup doesn't even seem to help :dance: I have a feeling it's going to take foooooreeeeever for these to completely be gone - DAMN CYSTS!!!!!!

Well I think that's all I have for now - I hope everyone else's treatment is going well!! Summer and clear skin is just around the corner :(


Day 31

So I had my one month check up with my derm. on Tuesday and all my lab results came back perfect- woot woot :) She's keeping me on the same dosage of 60mg/day and suspects I will start seeing drastic results by the end of my second month. I'm trying to stay as positive as possible but it seems as though every month I'm telling myself "one more month, this is the last month you're going to feel and look like this, you can do this, its not that bad, one more month" and then the next month what do you know - ONE MOOORE MONTH! GrRrRrR so frustrating, I'm sooooo ready to have clear skin!!! In the end I guess I really shouldn't be complaining because I look at were I was two weeks ago and I've DEFINITELY made progress. It's just these 5 pesky cysts that are seemingly taking FOOOREVER to go down!!!!!! I wish I could just sleep through the next 30 days. On a good note I have been SOOO good with not touching or picking at my face, which has always been one of my struggles but hopefully it has aided in my recovery ;)

Side effect wise I'm actually not as dry as I was a week ago. My skin looks more oily at the end of the day and my hair seems to be getting oily faster. Has anyone else experienced this after month one??? Will I dry back up again??? Do I need my dosage upped???? Should I ease up on the moisturizer??? So weird, I hope this is normal. Other then that nothing too crazy going on besides the occasional slight headache and/or body ache. My sleeping schedule has been a little messed up lately, some nights I feel as though I could pass out around 5pm but then when I go to lay down, I can't sleep. Also I've been waking up periodically throughout the night and having what I presume to be are night sweats - super uncomfortable. Anyone else experiencing these? Well I guess that's all I have - till next time :(


Day 25

Heeeello...to myself because I'm almost positive no one reads this haha. Oh well - it's for me anyways ;) Ok so this morning I had my blood and prego test - ouch, I genuinely hate needles and the nurse was a beeeatch! On a side note - I can't stand rude people, if you hate your job so much THEN QUIT!!!

Ok so nothing too new to post, I haven't really gotten any new zits since my IB which is DEFINITELY a plus and things are still continuing to heal. My skin looks and feels better with every day that passes! I honestly had hoped that things would've been a little further along by today - I have plans to go out this weekend - but I'm still going to go and I guess I'm ok with where I'm at because it could definitely be worse! I did have my first experience with back aches the other night - not sure what exactly brought it on but it hurt like hell...until I popped a percocet, hehe :( I do have one word for you - Cerave - if you’re having trouble with dry flaky skin get this lotion in the pump (walgreens)!! I was having trouble wearing my make-up and after a few days of putting this stuff on, dry skin what?!?! Sooo amazing :(

So I'm really torn between this no drinking thing...I can't eat my #1 love - sweets OR my #2 love - fatty/junk food why oh WHY must you also take away ma' drank!!!! If I can't drink to make myself feel pretty then what do I have left :) lol ok ok so it's not thaaaat big of a deal - obviously my health and clear skin are waaaay more important then a few dranks. I think it's just the idea that we tane users have had to completely change our lifestyles and for what...to be physically accepted by others and ourselves? I find myself not letting people know what I'm actually going through because I'm somewhat embarrassed that I've gotten to point where I'd literally do ANYTHING for clear skin. We strive sooo hard for perfection...what happens when we realize that perfection is unattainable? Then what? Try another product or procedure? All I'm saying is we as humans strive for perfection our entire lives and we're never really satisfied - we always continue to want more. In the end we can't forget who we really are and where we came from, acne doesn't define me nor will it continue to control me ;) Thanks for reading if you got this far :(


Day 22

Ok so things have definitely been a struggle the past week. I've been in hibernating mode ;). Good news is I "think" I'm past my IB!! Woot woot, and fairly soon I'll be able to join the rest of society!! I can't believe how fast things are healing up though - it's literally amazing!! Cysts that should be around for 6-12 months are literally healing in days/weeks!! My pores are so much smaller and my skin color and texture is such an improvement!!!! I'm even already using less make-up!!!!!! I expected to see results early on but not to this extent. So far I'm really impressed and I just wish I would've done this years and years ago. :). The end of this week marks my one month so I take my prego & blood test this Friday (2/28) and my derm. Appt. is the following Tuesday (3/3) - I'm really excited to see what she says!! 1 month down - 5 to go :(

Symptoms: The headaches are fewer and far between - I notice when I don't drink enough water I tend to get one. I continue to be very dry but it's starting to become somewhat manageable - all I can say is thank god for Aquaphor!!! I also seem to be loosing a little bit more hair then usual - nothing crazy but I have really thick hair so I'm not too worried. My appetite seems to be somewhat suppressed which is nice but I'm having the hardest time finding convenient foods that are not greasy, fried, fatty or full of sugar. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated :( My diet right now mostly consists of water, lean cuisines or salads, and cookies and/or ice cream at night to make me smile ;) lol I love sweets :( Also I've noticed I’m entirely sluggish!!! I have the hardest time getting out of bed in the morning EVEN IF I got over 8 hours of sleep the night before and I feel like I could always use a nap! My attention span has also been slightly dwindling - I find it hard to concentrate on things I normally would find interesting. My scalp is also somewhat itchy and I just started using Head and Shoulders for dry scalp so hopefully that helps. Other then that my hair is so dried out that I only have to wash my hair every 3 days - kinda nice since I straighten my hair :( Oh and I've also noticed my night vision has gotten a little worse - not a huge deal but I can definitely tell.


Ok so I JUST figured out how to do all this so I have a little catching up to do ;)

Day 17 - I broke out SOOO bad yesterday!!! My skin has never looked worse :( I didn't leave my room last night - all I could do was sit in front of the mirror and cry :mad: I hate looking at myself and even when I'm not looking in a mirror I'm still crying because my face hurts soooo bad!!!! I didn't even want to leave my apartment today for work :( My skin is so dry and peeling and it kind of burns when I try to cover it up with make-up ;) I honestly don't even know if I'm doing myself justice by wearing make-up anymore - I don't know what looks worse :( I also feel like my entire body is drying up - my hair, nose, lips, everything! I guess it's a small price to pay for perfection. Please god let there be light at the end of this dreaded loooooooooooong tunnel :(

Day 12 - Well it's the weekend now and I'm not letting my insecurities get in the way of me going out! Yup I'm doing it! This is me not caring what people think and it's a HUUUUGE step for me! I hope it goes ok... (many hours later) I'm glad I went but I was completly self-conscious the ENTIRE time!! And when I got home and looked in the mirror I was mortified!! My skin literally got worse since I left home :( I don't understand - I look at people with clear beautiful skin and all I can think about is how much I envy them! Why can't I just have clear skin!! Why do I have to hide in the darkness!!!! LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER!!!!!!!!!

Day 9 - It seems I spoke too soon :). I woke up this morning and my skin looks all bumpy and maybe a little swollen and RED RED RED!! Not to mention I have a few new cysts developing on my cheeks :( Booooo! I'm assuming my IB is just around my corner. I started to develop a little rash on my chest, elbows, and on the backs of my biceps - kinda itchy - lotion seems to help. I'm starting to question why I'm doing this to myself?????

Day 7 - I've been experiencing minor headaches since day 1 but I can honestly already tell a difference!! My skin looks and feels healthier and smoother!! I haven't really had any problems with dryness except my lips and inside and around my nose (vaseline seems to help!!!) Also within the first couple of days my skin seemed to being clearing up!!! Could this be?!?!?

Day 1 - I started taking Claravis on 2-3-09 on a dosage of 40mg once a day on odd days and twice a day on even days (evens out to 60mg/day). I'm so excited to start this treatment I could pee my pants! I've been dealing with cystic acne pretty much my whole life and I'm sooooo ready to leave this stage of my life behind and be as beautiful on the outside as I am on the inside :(

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