About this blog

Entries in this blog

fishies

Title says it all.

Detoxing. All of this emotional purging has got me a little under the weather.

All in all though, I am feeling pretty good. Just exhausted.

Today I have eaten only raw. Feel good about that. Learning to pay more attention to my physical body.

Still looking in the mirror every day with high expectations, maybe multiple times. I think that I need to drop that as well. NO MORE MIRRORS! Tomorrow I will not look in the mirror once. It's Saturday, so that shouldn't be so hard. I will also go to the beach if weather permits.

A helpful exercise to start exposing yourself to the emotional causes (it's not that the emotions cause anything, but not allowing yourself to fully experience them does):

What if it got better?/What if it got worse?

fishies

the title of this blog is the title of a book i have been reading lately. not ground breaking if you are familiar with body/mind philosophy, but it contains good exercises and asks pertinent questions.

and this is what brings me here.

how i feel/what i did:

  • woke up
  • ate a quick breakfast
  • had fun at work, kept busy, got a compliment about my hair which made me feel good because i had literally just rolled out of bed
  • got home about 12, gave stinky puppy a bath
  • took puppy for a walk to air-dry. had fun training to sit, fetch.
  • felt stressed by photographer at home, tried to avoid pictures. not just about acne, but about my appearances in general.
  • had a pretty harsh picking session on my face, put on a clay mask and read my book
  • feeling a little angry at myself that i resorted to picking so easily
  • felt angry with a house mate, thought he was acting/talking egotistically.

    IMPORTANT INSIGHT: what my acne does for me: allows me to avoid feelings of social conflict. Instead of having to deal with conversations, etc, i can say well i picked my face and it looks horrible now so it's not appropriate for me to go hang out with people.
    maybe i'm looking for sympathy?
    maybe it gives me a place to focus my anger or disappointment or worry?
    "it hurts so good"...

    What i ate:
  • bowl of coconut, cacao, maca, spirulina for breakfast
  • drank cup of green tea, cup of water at work
  • dried mango
  • wheat free fig bars
  • apple
  • grapes

i will do some healing visualizations later today, and meditate.

CONTRACT:

if i can keep my hands off, eat well, and keep a log of my day/progress for the next 5 days (until next monday), i will take myself out to a delicious raw smoothie at cafe gratitude when i go to the city.

so how do i keep my hands off? i think this is going to entail keeping door open at all times and keeping light off at all times. as long as i don't look in a mirror, no problem. I CAN DO ITTTT.

fishies

whatsss up

things were looking soo good...

diet is definitely a factor in my acne. there were a few days where i had quite a bit of sugar and even ate white bread! oh well.

also, i had a down period and picked a lot. i was feeling a little bummed.

still on the same routine...

exfoliate more or less every night

use acv/h2o/tto mix

that's it! peace...

fishies

well here i am. this log will be a bit different from most of those out there already (from what i've seen)-- it will be more like a stream of conscious diary than any sort of tangible routine.

here is my trip, in a nutshell:

-i absolutely refuse to use any sort of medication (oral/topical) because

-i know that my acne is just an indicator of deeper issues. in this way i am grateful for it.

-i am a compulsive picker

-i am going to heal myself

current skin condition:

papules (3-10 depending) and closed comodones everywhereeee. forehead and sides of chin are a mess.

current regimen:

morning

-shower (every day to every other day)

-use concoction: 1/2acv, 1/2water, with a few cap fulls of tto.

evening

-sometimes exfoliate (just added)

-use concoction

-sometimes use aloe (straight from plant)

diet consists of mostly raw fruits and veggies, vegetarian. very minimal dairy, minimal wheat (so hard to give up!). been learning about food combining (very cool) and also acidity and trying to apply that as much as possible.

i am starting this for a few reasons. first, to vent as needed, with hopes of clearing my mind for the rest of the day. second, to establish a solid diet and routine. third, any support would be sweet. :D really, i just want to heal and hopefully help out others in the process.

-----------

manifestation is something that is absolutely true for me. i say that i don't want acne, so then why do i have it? is there something deeper in my subconscious that causes me to continually develop new spots? an idea that the french have: acne excoriee. the idea is that the wounds created are a "protective device" designed to conceal deeper emotional issues. that website is amazing... i highly recommend that anyone else with "picking issues"check it out. i found this to be pretty profound:

" Some metaphysicians believe that acne is about not accepting the self or disliking the self. Self inflicted wounds whether pulling at cuticles or picking at scabs or pimples may be attempts to atone for sin of anger, love, and sexuality among other things. There can be is an incredible sense of psychic purification and accomplishment after a session of picking.

Many people who hurt themselves, such as cutters, do so in a private hidden area. When self inflicted wounds are done in a prominent area such as the face, it clearly sends a message out to the world. It may mean that they literally can't face the world. Or it could be they subconsciously wish to expose their pain in a very public way.

Many people have parents who only displayed love or empathy when they were sick or injured. Thus they create a situation within the body that tells the world that they are seeking care or empathy or nurturing."

i am pretty self-conscious about my skin... i would like to wear my bangs back but i don't, etc. at least i've weaned myself off of makeup for the most part.

i was thinking about it and, you know, i wonder if this would still be a problem if my mother had just told me that i was beautiful when i was started to get pimples. there is really no point in mulling over what could have been, but if i ever have kids i will make sure they know damn well how beautiful they are.

but ah, life is good. the ocean is calling me. :wavey:

currently listening to: boards of canada, cultura profetica

The Acne.org Regimen
The Acne.org Regimen
Product & Treatment
Reviews
Support Forums