well here i am. this log will be a bit different from most of those out there already (from what i've seen)-- it will be more like a stream of conscious diary than any sort of tangible routine.
here is my trip, in a nutshell:
-i absolutely refuse to use any sort of medication (oral/topical) because
-i know that my acne is just an indicator of deeper issues. in this way i am grateful for it.
-i am a compulsive picker
-i am going to heal myself
current skin condition:
papules (3-10 depending) and closed comodones everywhereeee. forehead and sides of chin are a mess.
-shower (every day to every other day)
-use concoction: 1/2acv, 1/2water, with a few cap fulls of tto.
-sometimes exfoliate (just added)
-sometimes use aloe (straight from plant)
diet consists of mostly raw fruits and veggies, vegetarian. very minimal dairy, minimal wheat (so hard to give up!). been learning about food combining (very cool) and also acidity and trying to apply that as much as possible.
i am starting this for a few reasons. first, to vent as needed, with hopes of clearing my mind for the rest of the day. second, to establish a solid diet and routine. third, any support would be sweet. really, i just want to heal and hopefully help out others in the process.
manifestation is something that is absolutely true for me. i say that i don't want acne, so then why do i have it? is there something deeper in my subconscious that causes me to continually develop new spots? an idea that the french have: acne excoriee. the idea is that the wounds created are a "protective device" designed to conceal deeper emotional issues. that website is amazing... i highly recommend that anyone else with "picking issues"check it out. i found this to be pretty profound:
" Some metaphysicians believe that acne is about not accepting the self or disliking the self. Self inflicted wounds whether pulling at cuticles or picking at scabs or pimples may be attempts to atone for sin of anger, love, and sexuality among other things. There can be is an incredible sense of psychic purification and accomplishment after a session of picking.
Many people who hurt themselves, such as cutters, do so in a private hidden area. When self inflicted wounds are done in a prominent area such as the face, it clearly sends a message out to the world. It may mean that they literally can't face the world. Or it could be they subconsciously wish to expose their pain in a very public way.
Many people have parents who only displayed love or empathy when they were sick or injured. Thus they create a situation within the body that tells the world that they are seeking care or empathy or nurturing."
i am pretty self-conscious about my skin... i would like to wear my bangs back but i don't, etc. at least i've weaned myself off of makeup for the most part.
i was thinking about it and, you know, i wonder if this would still be a problem if my mother had just told me that i was beautiful when i was started to get pimples. there is really no point in mulling over what could have been, but if i ever have kids i will make sure they know damn well how beautiful they are.
but ah, life is good. the ocean is calling me.
currently listening to: boards of canada, cultura profetica