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dynswan

I just couldn’t believe those few months which I had been through. Thinking back everything seems to fly so fast. The moment of bitterness and happiness which come and go just like an unwelcome guest.

I could remember clearly that my life was starting to get fun at the beginning of the year, January till February. As it is every girl’s happy moments to fall in love. Hanging out with friends, work as part-timer, clubbing were my past times. I thought these fun moments will last long.

Coming towards the end of March I broke up with my guy. I was really so shocked with what was happening in my life. Everything seems to be so dark and hurt, deeply deeply hurt. Thanks to all my friends for supporting me, I was then able to stand again and be tougher.

On May, I was back as normal me again. My friend, Anna did asked me out but I rejected as I thought it was near exam which was on June 1st week. I stayed at home totally as I thought enough of all fun and back to serious. I then promised her that after the exam we will have a total fun. Never knows that everything will turn upside down.

I was having more pimples and spots on my face since April. I started to panic and changed my cleanser, and then I do not feel that it works so I got a set of products from my facial saloon. I was on a facial course then. Luckily my face still can be hidden under make up.

Towards the end of the month, on the 21st May, after my facial, my face was so red. It is so unusual, I started to get more panic and felt embarrassed with my own face. On the 24th May, I went to see a dermatologist. I was given a mild cleanser, methyl gel and antibiotics. Then I kept vomiting and I do not feel the medicine is right so I visited my doctor on 3rd June, seeing my acne face he recommended me to take some medicine and vitamins, another facial cleanser, a gel which I could not remember its name. Then I still do not get any better, instead I had some red rashes on my legs. So I visited this doctor again, and he said he had no idea why I had the rashes and asked me to take medicine for the rashes.

On the 10th June, was my college Car Wash Campaign day and I skipped it as I was so embarrassed and afraid to get direct sunlight. My face was just so terrible especially on the right. They were cystic pimples which I read from net; it has pusses and was so red and black in color. It was like a patch of them growing on my right cheek. Day by day, I just wish to get better and pray hard and search for doctors, medicines to get me better but none seems to work.

On the same day I visited my facial saloon, as I was so helpless at that moment. She was so shocked to see my face and said it was infected and dares not do any treatment on me. She suggested to bring me to a pharmacy to ask for any indications and shows them my medicines from the dermatologist and doctor. I came to know from the pharmacist that the dermatologist whom I had visited had recommended me the wrong medicine. My problem was acne instead I was given the gel for fungus. The dermatologist who owns the clinic had just been posted as a human resource minister and he lets any diploma graduates to handle his clinic. Damn, I thought, after hearing all these from the pharmacist who owns the pharmacy just opposite the dermatologist’s clinic. He even asked me if I had any rashes by taking the doctor’s medicine and I nodded yes. He then said I was allergy to the doctor’s medicine. Then, how the doctor could say he had no idea why I got the rashes. He included that I should not use the doctor’s cleanser as it was too acidic and it’s not good for me but I can use my dermatologist cleanser as it was mild. It’s a totally damn thing I thought; all these people have no professionalism and no responsibilities in themselves and only aim for profit making. The pharmacist recommended me to see a dermatologist in a hospital. As he said the only medicine which I have to take is only available in hospitals.

My aesthetician said she had a friend whom her face was almost like mine that took some Chinese medicine and it took her about 5 packets of it to heal totally and noted that it works like a miracle within days. Since she said the hospital might charge a very big sum, so she suggested I tried this herbal shop. At the herbal shop, the man said it will take me 10 packets to heal totally as this medicine cleanses the toxins inside our body. I went facial on the 12th June as my aesthetician suggested that I need to get rid of my pusses and whiteheads then apply the medicine just bought from the herbal shop. Within days, it does get a little better where there were lesser pusses and less redness and pimples on my forehead were gone after my facial. Then, the cystic pimples still do not go away all even though I had 11 packets already and also applied his medicine. By now my left cheek got infected too.

Luckily, I was having 3 weeks break after my exam. Everyday I stayed at home as I was too embarrassed to go out. I only ate vegetables and soups and fruits and lots of water. I could not sleep well during night as I was afraid that my face could touch the pillow, so I could only lie down straight. Whenever I wash my face I felt disgusted with myself as I could actually feel those bumps on my face and the pusses. Everyday I could only locked up in my room and cried and knocking my head against the wall. My heart was screaming out loudly and I even thought of committing suicide and not to live anymore in this situation where I had no confidence to face anyone.

I called up my parents who were in Indonesia to help me find any person who knows any medicine as my college break was soon going to be over. Earlier they thought it was not that serious, until my aunt whom stayed with me in Malaysia phoned them and said my acne was very serious as it was unlike what she had seen before in her entire life. They then visited a spiritual person and sent me some kind of charms with certain leaves and had herbal medicines for me to take for about 7 days from date 16th June. Indeed it did get a little better but not 100% as the pimples still kept coming out. The only difference made by drinking this herbal medicine is that my face had less of redness. This herbal medicine works by reducing the internal inflame.

Earlier my parents did urge me to send them a photo of my face but I felt embarrassed. Then, came to one day in which I just sent it to them and this time they do know how serious I was. I was like freaking out with myself and would want to share with them. That is how I felt at that particular moment. How I wish my family were right by my side. Tears…My mom called me right away at midnight and said the next day my neighbor will accompany me to the hospital. I just could not hold my tears from falling. Knowing how serious I was and after hearing my mom’s voice. By then I could sleep in peace as I thought there is help, there is a way out from this nightmare.

On the 25th June I went to the hospital to meet the dermatologist recommended by the pharmacist. He got me an isotretinoin, which means I will need to be under accutane. It’s an eight months therapy and he included that within these periods I might have nose bleeding and lips will go dry. I also sign a letter agreeing that I should not get pregnant during this therapy. Fear ran through my mind after hearing all this. Thinking there is no other choice I just have to go through it.

On the 29th June, after taking isotretinoin for almost 5 days my face seems to get worst. It was redder than before taking it. This was normal according to the dermatologist as after 2 weeks of taking it, it will get worst. Only after two months it will be better since the medicine had started working by then.

At night my dad phoned me regarding the college fee payment, then at the same time I told him I wanted to quit studying as I was really too embarrassed to meet my friends and everyone the next day. He consoled me to be cool as it was a normal thing for teens to have acne. But I insisted that mine was unlike other people as it was patches of them growing on my face. All I did at that moment was cried and screamed at him. Still he told me it will be alright and nothing to be embarrassed about as it was not something that I wanted to have too. After some time, I cooled down a little bit. Then we hung up the phone. Still I could not hold back my tears and continued crying and screaming in the room, punching the walls.

A few minutes later, my mom rang me up. She consoled me too. She told me not to be pessimist and that having acne is normal. I know it is normal but mine is just unlike normal people having acne, as mine was already infected. It took no days for the new ones to pop up. Seeing it just disgust me off. I could feel that my problem just troubles people around me. After hung up for some time, my dad called again. This time he asked if the medicine which I took was accutane and he said it was dangerous for me. Indeed he had called my aunt who stayed in Jakarta, Indonesia. She was an aesthetician. She said it is not good for me to go under accutane and that if I could go to her place she believed she could handle my problem. I was so happy to hear this. I then thought miracles were close to me now. And that I need not worry so much all by myself as I put all my trust on her believing that she will cure me. So, my dad asked if I could get permission from my college to go Jakarta for about a month. I said I will try my very best asking for a month leave tomorrow.

On 30th June, which was my college commence date, I went to the office early in the morning waiting to meet up my principle. I was really embarrassed and could not hold up my face, but only headed down. Many of the staffs asked about my face. I could just smile at them. During the long wait, I do thought that no matter what I still will go to Jakarta even though I had to quit my study if my principle had not agreed to my request.

Luckily, he agreed to my request for a month’s leave after seeing my face. He said it was very serious and I need to get it done fast. Thank God, he could understand my feelings and being supportive.

My dad along with my siblings came to Melaka on the 1st July 2008. My siblings were having holiday break and came here for holiday whereas my dad came to bring me to Jakarta. We stayed in Genting for 2 nights on 3rd and 4th July. On 5th July, my siblings took bus back to Melaka, my dad and I flew from LCCT to Jakarta.

My aunt and my cousins were waiting for us at the airport. She said nothing about my face. She just said that even if I heal my marks might take time to heal after the treatment. I said it’s alright as long as the pimples go off.

Next day, 6th July, I went to her saloon early in the morning. As you can imagine, my skin is now a damaged skin. It was a real pain when they took out the whiteheads and pusses. I could feel my tears flowing out due to the pain. I tried not to show my pain as I was afraid that the aesthetician might feel uncomfortable seeing me in pain.

I could see great changes after three to four times of treatment. All my cystic pimples were gone. Left marks on my face. Then throughout the month was to try to prevent having depressed scars by applying medicines and also an almost daily facial treatment

I had a great time spent in Jakarta. Despite of my face, I did not feel embarrass since I know no one there except my families. This time I really do know how important families are. They were all very supportive to me. Giving me positive feedback and motivations. I was very much calm now compared to before. Maybe it was because I trusted and believed in my aunt totally.

There were times that I broke down to tears thinking when I can fully heal. My aunt did said that I should feel satisfied by now as it was much better than the first day I arrived. I do agree with her statement.

On the other hand, I was afraid that I could not catch up with my studies as I was away for almost a month. But I tried to keep my mind out of any stress.

Then, I need to get another one month leave as according to my aunt it was quite critical if I went back at the end of July since my face was starting to peel. And she was afraid I might bleed and injure more. Fortunately, my college agreed but I had to send them a slip of doctor’s letter and my letter.

I promised to my LIC I will be back by September. Earlier, my college wanted to forward me to next year semester. But I insisted to continue on the current semester.

During the second month of treatment, my skin had started to peel off completely. Seeing those deep depressed scars made me feel so hurt even till now. I know there is no way out of this great change in myself. I was told by my aunt that my skin’s healing process is slow and that those scars might be due to genetics too. After years of being a professional aesthetician it was her very first time to meet patience like myself, she noted, that even though my treatment was a really very intensive one, still scars exist. As most of her patience seldom do have scars. No one to be blamed other than my bad skin.

Towards the end of August, I was much able to accept the reality and was much confident in myself compared to the previous month. On the 29th August, I flew back to Malaysia with satisfaction.

Honestly saying I do feel really sad leaving my aunt and everyone there in Jakarta. At the airport, I could actually feel my tears almost fell down, but I tried holding it and dare not show it in front of my aunt.

Thinking those days I had passed and how my aunt and everyone had treated me made me feel the warmth of a family. I really am so grateful towards my aunt for curing my face. No words can describe how grateful I am towards her and I know I can never forget those moments spent in Jakarta. It will always be in my memory. Always…Though I had not yet healed totally by now, but still it’s a great improvement. Now I can face up to people again and be much more confident.

Every one was so nice when I first entered the class which was on the 4th September. They even greeted me cheerfully. I was so happy to see my friends, lecturers, staffs and principal. They asked if I was feeling better, how I had passed my days in Jakarta, those times which I had gone through and what actually had happened. I was really touched with their sympathy and caring manner towards me.

My neighbours, my aesthetician, and my former tuition teacher even phoned to ask if I was better. Everyone here in Melaka was so nice. I am so touched even though with those few words..hickss..

Currently at the mid of October, I could see that my marks had becoming lesser. Two of my friends, Dawn and Aini even said that I was getting better compared to the month of September. I am pleased to hear that. But looking myself into the mirror, those depressed scars are so obvious.

I am now finding for ways to heal those depressed scars. I could recall what my aunt had told me before. She said that up till now the world still had not found a way to heal those depressed scars and that I should not get cheated by any advertisement. What is important for me now is to prevent any new pimples from popping out as I am now still at my teens age. Still my heart’s telling me to keep searching for ways. My boyfriend told me that it can be cured as he had a few relatives whom had cured their depressed scars. Still I dare not believe totally as I am afraid that what I hoped for will shattered again. I am now determined to have my face back as it was before. I really do hope anyone out there could give me further information about this.

I even went online to check for any treatments or operations for acne depressed scars. But what I found out was those are only temporary and not permanent in curing depressed scars. Feeling so de-motivated after reading it. On the other hand, my heart keeps telling me to believe that I could find a way to cure it. I really hope this will happen and not become worst. Haha..

I am now still using my aunt’s products. It really works for me. Those products just work like wonders. Thanks to those products, now all my pimples were off. Even though there are a few of them popping out, I panic no more as I use the pimple solution. It guarantees will get rid your pimples away. Products I am using includes cleansing milk, cleansing lotion, R2, S, SB, CS, acne cream, F3, pimple solution and bedak transparan.

In fact, using products need discipline and passion and don’t do it half way. I was once on treatment during my high school years, but then, I stopped using the products and opt for others. This is the result of it.

To anyone who has skin problems such as acne, or freckles, etc may always try this alternative. I dare recommend my aunt’s products to you people as I have went through this entire hell acne problem and her facial treatments just works. You can always pay a visit or contact the following details:

IVA Skin Care

Jl. Pluit Kencana Raya No.42,

Jakarta Utara – Indonesia

Telp: 66602833/66690854

Fax: 66690855

I hope anyone reading my story is not mistaken that I am doing advertising here. I just want to share my real life experience to everyone and help anyone who has the same situation as I do once have hope in them and not feeling despair as there is always a way out. I truly understand how a woman’s face is so important. I think even men are the same. As our face is what make the first impression in meeting people.

The above contact information may be useful to those who are in need. You can always check it out by yourself and judge it. But what my experience taught me is that, ‘Believe’ and ‘Trust’ in your doctor or whoever is treating you and do not listen to those people around you. Those people will always make you feel down by saying, ‘Oh, what happened to your face? You should try this that!’ then, they just went off. Those are poisonous influence that just despair you even more and your face will seems to get even worst. Just don’t get panic like I did and get the right source to treat those acnes away. Cut down on fried food, and sugar intake. Family support and positive feedbacks are also important.

Now, I regretted that if only I had go to Jakarta right after my exam where my acne had just started, I will not have this serious depressed scars which were right on both cheeks. Hicksss…Life seems to be so tough, winding and bitter at times making us unsure of which direction should we go. From all this experience I have quoted a few mottos:

ï¶Don’t believe in expected miracles; rather believe in unexpected miracles.

ï¶ I believe you will find gold by digging those dirty mines.

ï¶To believe and trust will disburden your shoulder and free your mind, heart and soul.

ï¶Always put your family in rank 1.

ï¶Everything is just God’s way of testing you as He believes you can go through the obstacle given. From these obstacles you learn and become a better person.

I started writing this around the end of September and beginning of October. At the time I wrote this I just could not help stopping my tears from falling. Plus looking back at the photos I took when I was having acne just make me broke down crying even more. Despite two months have passed, those bitter times I had went through can never be erased and still exist clearly in my memory, it is a traumatic experience indeed. Haizzz…~

In fact I have changed a lot after going through all this turbulence. One positive thing from this bad experience is that I have loss on weight..hahaha..

I even cut off my long straight hair. Hicksss..as at that moment I was feeling so bad and without second thought I just cut it off short.

Up till today, 18th October 2008, I am able to accept the fact of my face. I am even more confident and back as usual. But still I will never give up on finding ways to heal those depressed scars. I am glad that my boyfriend is being supportive to me and not to be forgotten also my family, friends and everyone who knows me. Cheers~ I am really happy with these moments of life knowing everyone around me actually cares about me. I am satisfied now. I really am..~

The story above was written based on my own personal experience. Sorry guys, I am not brave enough to post my photos in here as I am embarrassed about it. However, I did include the products I am currently using from IVA Skin Care. If anyone would like to know more or want to share anything can always mail me at: yaadein_gal@yahoo.com.

Anyway, thanks so much to anyone who read my story. I hope it does not bore you people. Hehe..^,^ See ya..and have a nice beautiful day..!!~

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