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pill #11

last night i opened my second package, woo!

let's discuss side effects thus far:

-what-feels-like-windburned lips (aka not REALLY chapped, but irritated/red)

-horribly dry flaky scalp (like when your skin peels after a sunburn)

-dry throat

-sore body sometimes

really, thats about it.

i got this aveeno overnight lotion that has helped SO much. its for your body, so its been keeping my arms and legs super moisturized, i absolutely love it. its also making my hair on my legs grow in slower, which has been great this week that its been nearing the 90s.

my biggest issue is definitely the scalp thing. i've tried to not wash it, but it doesnt help. i'm going tomorrow to buy some tea tree oil to put in my shampoo. i got a new redken shampoo. hopefully this all helps.

a few mornings i've woken up feeling a little achy in my joints. but nothing that doesn't go away through out the day. which could just mean its my mattress, which i wouldn't doubt, since its been bothering me since the start of summer. and i've been SO forgetful about taking the fish oil. i suck.

my skin has definitely improved. everything heals really quickly. i've gotten a few white heads, but the kind that are really small, and you pop them and thats it. they're done. i don't normally get those. i've only gotten one new cyst. and of course, i popped it. its scabbed over and its healing so fast. i can feel another one under the skin on my right cheekbone. we'll see if it comes out or not.

my back feels a lot smoother, and is clearing also. i don't know how the pores are back there, but the pores on my chest, arms and forehead are huge and gross. my nose and under my eyes are pretty smooth. there are still clogged pores there, but they're less noticeable. the sides of my nose are another story. the blackheads are raised and disgusting. but this is good, its gonna clear soon.

today, when i got out of the shower, i rubbed my face really hard to try and get some of the dead skin off, especially on my forehead where it felt scaly. well...i rubbed a little too hard and a chunk over a pimple came off and bled :[ haha, oops!

my next derm appointment is oct. 13. i think i'll only be like 25 days in by then or something. so i'm not sure if i should have her write the prescription for the date that i finish, and then get it filled? or just not take it to be filled until i'm done? or just take it when i get it, and not start it until i finished my box? i guess i'll ask at my appointment.

pictures!

http://c1.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images0...c8644e73948.png

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pill #5

idk what day i'm on, since i did that whole, every other day thing for a few days. but whatever. pill five. so far so good! the only side effects i've really noticed are:

-dry throat

-dry feet/palms

-itchy arms (but this could also be because i have not shaved them in like a month (ew!) and i have a new kitten who has the sharpest claws in the world and has scratched me while playing)

-slightly chapped/cracked/peeling lips

-dry/flakey scalp!

that's mostly it.

as for my acne, its not worse, that's for sure. i wouldn't say i've had an initial break out, but i wouldn't say i haven't either. i've gotten new pimples, but most have not come to a head, and haven't left much of a blemish. i've broken out a little bit more on my back than on my face. but those have come to a head, and healed much faster than normal. mostly, i'm just dealing with blackheads and pimples i had from before starting the accutane. the soothing fade is definitely helping. the right side of my face is looking rather presentable. i think some blackheads may have fallen out. for a few days my pores were HUGE and you could see how much gunk was in them :[ they seem better now.

i am starting to be able to tell how my face will look when its clear. and honestly, i looked in the mirror this morning and i was inspecting my pores under my eyes/the side of my nose and it looked clear. for the first time ever. and i literally said, "wow..." i took a step back from the mirror and couldn't help but smile. i realized this was really happening. i'm FINALLY gonna have beautiful skin. i never noticed the shape of my face/bone structure before. there were always blemishes taking away from it. and i must say, i love the shape of my face. i'm so excited.

my derm had said i'd probably be on for 9 months. but i don't think it's gonna end up being that long. i want to go 6 months. she said i can stop at any time. but the longer i'm on, the better chance i have of being 100% clear forever. we'll see, we'll see!

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day four

i've taken two 20mg pills and the blackheads on my nose are already raised, wtf. is this even possible? i don't have chapped lips or anything! i haven't had a serious break out, just some new ones here and there, nothing i'm not already used to. all i know, is that i REALLY want to squeeze out the blackheads on my nose, or take one of those biore pore strips to it, but ugh, i know how bad that is. i'm excited for them to fall out though :]

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day two

after taking my last pill, i got very anxious. and i was very anxious again this morning once i woke up. i don't blame it on the accutane at all. but any little tiny bit of weirdness i feel, i automatically start thinking- it could be a side effect, and which one, and how long will it last, and can i tolerate it and ugh. i'm so anxious about SOMETHING going wrong with this medication, that i won't be able to finish, and have clear skin. so, i decided to take a pill every other day for like, a week. AND i'm going to a show on wednesday and meeting a new band that we'll be filming, so i didn't want to be starting an IB for that. i figure, doing the every other day thing, will give my body and my (crazy) mind time to adjust and see that nothing is going wrong.

i've noticed some people had side effects as soon as day three into their course. i don't know if my 20mg are equal to someone who weighs more than i do, and who is on 40mg. i've seen some people starting out on even 80mg. i was almost expecting to start out on 10mg because of my weight.

my first writing class is tomorrow. i hope i can get through it.

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first post!

omg so i clearly suck at life and i could not, for the life of me, figure out how to upload a picture on here. so i just did it on myspace, and i'll put the link at the bottom. hopefully this thing allows html?alrighty. so i'll start with the beginning of my story.i think i first started getting blackheads and small pimples in the 6th grade. by 7th grade, i was getting large pimples between my eyebrows, on my nose, and forehead. in the 8th grade, i saw a dermatologist for the first time. i don't really remember what i was prescribed then, but i know it didn't work. i gave up after about 6 months. one day, i went to my regular doctor, because i had the flu or something, and my normal doctor was too busy to fit me in, so i saw another pediatrician in the same office. she was shocked at how bad my skin was for being only 13, and she recommended accutane. i had read an article on it in my marykateandashley magazine (anyone remember when they had their own magazine?! haha). anyway, i had heard of the really bad side effects, and i was immediately turned off to the drug. as soon as my mother and i left the pediatricians, i told her, no way would i be going on accutane. in 2004, i'd had enough, and my brother had found a new dermatologist, so i decided to try her out, too, since he really liked her. she put me on some blue capsules that did nothing for my skin, and some topicals. tazorac, benzaclin. this worked for a while. i think i ran out, and i didn't find time to see her, because i got busy. i ended up going some time in 2006, and accutane came up again. and again, i said no, but this time, because i'd been dealing with (what i thought) was an anxiety disorder. battling with this disorder for a few years, though it was better at the time (accutane came up), i knew the accutane could make it worse, so i didn't want to risk this. i continued trying samples of different topicals, nothing worked. but it came to a point where everything was really great in my life, it was senior year, and my skin had calmed down quite a bit. i can even look back at my senior prom pictures and not worry about how my skin looked!cut to: sometime in 2007, i lost about -10 pounds (putting me in the low 90s, which was dangerous), my anxiety had gotten increasingly worse, i constantly looked sick, and my skin was terrible. not only broken out, but just tired and "old" looking. and i was only 19! i found out i had two friends on accutane. after they finished their courses, they both had beautiful skin. neither had very many side effects. so now, here i am, a year later, on accutane. something i swore i'd never do, but with months of research, and two friends to encourage me, its something i am more than excited to get through. i am nervous, i am afraid that it will aggravate my anxiety (which is actually agoraphobia). but i look forward to the day i can wear a backless dress, and no make up, and feel beautiful.i guess i should also say that i am under the close watch of my psychiatrist, seeing him every two weeks, incase anything changes in my mood. i've been on prozac since about june, xanax on bad days, and propranolol for class (which starts on monday!). i've had good results with it so far, my anxiety has lessened, and i was able to get through my first lecture class this morning! i've not been able to attend college because of how bad the agoraphobia is :[ but alas, this is an accutane blog. so, here are some pictures i took yesterday. all of my pictures will be taken on my webcam, because i'm lazy :] at the end of my course, i may have my friend take some nice pictures of my skin with her dslr. until then, macbook pictures!a377.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/36/l_d0f7e8aa1ec6ba47244fc9d4d3920d90.pngi've never posted a picture of myself on the internet without make up, or without touching it up on photoshop, so be kind :/question!when did you first start noticing changes in the way you felt (mentally or physically) and changes in your skin?i normally have really soft, moist lips, so i'm dreading the chappedness- but i'll take it over the other side effects!

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