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me on accutane.. fun, right? :)

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6 + Years After Accutane

Hey everyone! 

While I was sitting in the office at my now full-time job, I came across an article on buzzfeed that reminded me how bad my acne used to be and how soul-crushing it was for my self-esteem. Now, I've graduated with a bachelor's degree in english, a master's in journalism and at 23, have a very happy life (despite a few breakouts here and there). 

I haven't logged on to this site in YEARS, but I wanted to share another update, post-accutane about how my life has gone since then. So, here's me over the last few years! Yes, I do have makeup on in these pictures because these are of me livin' life, not worried about my skin.  

If you look at the pictures close enough, I still DO get pesky chin zits, but with healthy eating habits and exercise, it's under control. With accutane, I thought I would never get another zit again, but that's not true. I've had stressful, deadline-packed months in college that wreaked havoc on my skin, and that special time of the month is still a surprise for my face. I still have scars on my cheeks from the cystic acne I had, and some pock and red marks scattered on my skin, but oh, the power of makeup these days in incredible. 

I go back and forth between using an acne cleanser and a mild cleanser. As I've gotten older, It seems that the more "acne" products I use on my skin, the worse it gets. Curious, huh? I love Purity from Philosophy and Burt's Bees has a great tomato toner that I love. 

I've said this before and I'll say it again: IT GETS BETTER. SO MUCH BETTER. Acne doesn't have to affect your goals in life. I was a depressed, sad and lonely teenager -- or at least I thought I was. It's strange how getting older (and I know I'm not old!) has changed my perspective on my teenage years. Reading my old blog posts makes me sad. I wish I could go back and hug the sixteen-year-old me and show her how she's going to turn out. 

I'm here if anyone has any questions about my time on accutane or how life has been since! 

All the best. xoxox

My most recent photo. October 2015. 

January 2015. 

March 2014.

April 2014.

And for a reminder, this was me at 16.




Hey Everyone! It's literally been ages since I've been here/ posted any type of update. Like.. literally almost 3 years or so.

My first point in interest, if anyone is considering taking accutance.. TAKE IT. the side effects really are normally minimal and in time go away almost completely unless something actually went wrong. Honestly, taking accutane was probably the best thing that I could have done as a teenager.

You skin WILL continue to get better and better as the years go on, and you will thank your lucky stars that you endured a couple months to a year of annoying medicince to be almost acne free for the rest of your life. I say almost because lets be real here, I still get a couple break outs here and there, but they're real real small and go away in about a day/night if i put some cream on them. Even with stress from college and everything else, my face has continued to be small ray of sunshine because I don't have to fucking worry about it anymore!

I felt like updating because I know a lot of people struggle with the decision to start such a serious drug, but to me, it was annoying that the time but overall the BEST thing i could do for my skin.

I currently use Clinique's acne solutions 3 step, and it works for me, also, I continue to get regular dermabrasions to help with some lingering scarring.

Want some pictures? Here's some! These are all taken randomly over the past few years but I think they show my skin improvement very nicely!





Keep your heads up guys, it really does get better!


Back in black?!

DAY 142

Hi again (:

Boy have i been busy...


no current or active acne

scars on both cheeks and around mouth, easy to hide with makeup

I've got four more packs left, and since im on ten pills a week (my dosage never changed the whole time) that means only four more weeks!!

The dry lips are still the worst side effect, sometimes my back is really sore, but only for a couple seconds right after I lay down.

Reason for not updating 1: I got mono... i know, right?!?! Everyone was like, 'oooooh who you been making out with?' NO ONE, grr. I bet I got it at this nasty burger king my friends and I went to the night of the playoff game in wilsonville. Ew, tmi?

Reason for not updating 2: I'm back at school finally (: But my case of mono put the first tri on hold so now I have a lot of catching up to do, but it's whatev.

Reason for not updating 3: Its funny, now that my acne is nonexistant, i don't feel the need to come to sites like these, when before, the only comfort because mom and dad was this site. Live with it, then forget about it.

clicky clicky vvv



DAY 81

Forget about me? (:


All areas a pretty smooth, sometimes my nose feels a little rough on the top, but no biggie.

No cysts or breakouts for about two weeks. I did get this weird bump on the side of my chin but im not sure what i was and it went away, soooo yay!

I've been trying to eat and sleep a lot better but its really hard! For one, im not 'in school' so i don't have to wake up early so why should i go to bed before three, right?

I've got bad cholesterol.

Im sixteen... :)

its like.. in the 200's.. uh oh. TIPS??!?!!?!

Im excited for thanksgiving! and christmas! yaaay! It's the holiday season again, get ready to curl up under a blanket by the fire, and if you're somewhere like oregon.. here comes the rain (:

party on


DAY 60



My WHOLE face is very smooth! I like it a lot! But of course you can't tell, because of all the red marks still there, but it's starting to get a lot better!

I hardly ever break out anymore, this morning I had one tiny little white head under my eye that is gone now. My chin still feels a little rough sometimes. Im finding it hard to keep mousturized.

Cheeks just have the red marks... boo


Polaroid PICTUREs

DAY 53


I've got only about.. four active pimple right now, one on left cheek, another on the right, one on my temple.. ow. And the last one by my right ear. They aren't big at all, but I know that they're there. BUT I've got so many red marks its hard for me to tell exactly how well my face is doing sometimes.

Here's some picture without make-up, it looks bad but my face is actually smooth and none of them are actives :)




But then here is more pics with make-up and you cant see any of the marks at all, so with make-up it doesn't look like have acne at all. AGAIN, yay! :D



ignore my large lookingish nose!

I've got a photoshoot on saturday for some new headshots, so i'm hoping all goes well and my pictures dont end up shitty like the first batch did. wish me luck!

party party on


DAY 48

Happy Saturday acne.org dwellers.

So last night, south albany high school FINALLY crushed silverton!! And I went and it was amazing after they beat us last year. I hung out with a friend that I hadn't really been in contact with for a while and so that was fun, I missed her, PLUS I saw a lot of school friends that I'm not able to see since i'm not at school.

It was still a little difficult, because every second I was still thinking about the way my face looked becasuse of this one annoying cyst that has stuck around for about two months. IT WONT GO AWAY! It's deflating... I think, but now once I take a shower it'll turn all lumpy and big and red again.

The one on my chin didn't stay long, no red mark either. I've had very few little cyst white head things pop up, they usually go away. But sometimes they think it's ok to stick around for a couple more days.

Since I switched my bc pill, my emotions have calmed down quite a bit and i've regulated, YAY. I'm still on the same accutane doseage. 80mg on monday, wednesday, and friday. Then 40mg on tuesday, thursday, saturday, and sunday.

It's pretty much fall now, all the trees here are changing and it rained like really rained for the frist time yesterday. Oh, oregon. How very wet you are.

party on :)


I can take you higher

DAY 43

What up what up what up

Welcome college students to your first day of class. hahahahah sucks to be you guys :)

I have been having a very good week

my self esteem seems to be going back up as my acne subsides wich is great. Today is actually my dad's birthday, and he has been working on our sailboat all day, he likes to do that so it was a good present I guess. I got him a book, woo!

I got the biggest zit that came up on the side of my chin. I can't tell if it's a cyst or just the biggest pimple ever. But it hurts like hell and kinda swelled up a little part of my chin. OH this is weird, i got a zit in my ear, on the lobe part but you can't see it. But that also hurts like helllllll. I've got my fingers crossed hoping that they don't stay long, but it really doesn't get me down too much.


i've been making new friends, too. everything is really looking up for me :D

party on


DAY 38

So today is the first day in a long time that i'm getting comfortable with how I look. I remember saying a while back that i would put these pictures up, so here they are.


Everything is going kinda great. I feel blessed that I have had such amazing results in so little time. I took my last pretisone pill, man that stuff works quick. I have zero swelling and remaining bumps are so little that you can only feel them and not see them.

Ok, so these are from about a month and a half ago, before I had all the severe cheek swelling.





I have make up on in those pictures so you cant really see how red it was.

This one makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. My face was so FAT


But this is me now, as of about thirty minutes ago. not sure why the first one is upside down





Accutane has been a miracle for me in a little over a month, i'm feeling pretty good right about now :)


DAY 34

There there baby

It's just text book stuff

its in the abc's of growin up.

My life seems to be the epitome of teenage drama. UGH.

But luckily my face keeps getting better. But its really really really really really dry. It makes it really hard to put makeup on and keep it there. So i'm determined to find a good makeup that will work for this time period of being on this stupid stuff.

I've noticed that on the days I take two pills, which is monday, wednesday and friday that I get tired and a lot more and cranky towards the end of the day. Plus really thirsty and get weird food cravings.

I got the refill though, my labs were good. I was worried about my cholesterol even though i'm young its kinda high. The doc put me on pretisone or something for the swelling about a week ago, and i'm only on it for two weeks. So it kinda messed with the labs a little bit, but everything was still normal. The only downer is that i'm on a low fat diet now.

In other news I got my nails done, and i like them :naughty: It helps me not to pick which is excellent, and makes me feel pretty, which every girl needs! So its saturday night and I need to do something besides sit at home and watch the office

chins up and party on


DAY 29

So i've almost made it a month, three more days until I go back to the derm for a refill. I got my blood drawn today, hurts like hell every time. I probably won't ever get used to that.

So life has been a little tough lately. The boyfriend and I broke up after about two years. So now he's the ex-boyfriend. So that makes things weird, but we ended on good terms, so that's good and i've been handling it really well I think.

I haven't posted this before, but a reason for my desperation about my acne is because i'm a signed actress. I've got an agent in La, Seattle, and Portland. Even one in New York that i've been talking with. But I can't do anything, ANYTHING, with my face in this state. It's the most frustrating thing watching girls you know and audition with get the million dollar national commercial while you're tossed aside until you skin clears up.

Granted, progress in this past week has amazed me greatly. My face is only a little bumpy right now. It's soft to the touch. But the only problem is all the red marks that take some time to cover up completely. OH!!! my mom ordered my this absolutely incredible stuff for your face. Its called bio skin care. It a lotion/ cream that is good to use while on accutane. It helps with all red marks, even the ice pick scars it helps.

Its a wonderful product and i advise anyone to look into it!

I'm still taking the private tutor instead of going back to school, its working well for me now. I usually spend my time at starbucks doing the homework i still get. It's actually working well for me and my stress level has gone waaaaaaaaaay down.

Hope everyone else is doing great, party on


Day twenty-three. Oh lordy

Bad news, I've taken an emotional turn for the worse, and worse, and worse..

I thought i would be strong enough to face the world everyday with my face, but I just can't cope.

I wake up and just cry over how stupid it all is, it's really upsetting.

So i've basically got two options, get a tutor that the school finds for me and work with that person till about mid-december. Or get enrolled in an online school.

It's a stupid huge frustrating mess.


I don't even know, left side starting hurting really bad again this morning. That set me off

Side Effects

EMOTIONS are crazy!

dry lips

dry eyes

way tired


Wayne's world on day 21

Comedy central is truely my best friend :naughty:

Laughing is really the worlds best medicine.

Face is improving!

My right cheek is really the only place i have a huge problem with. Same as before, maybe flattening out some, but still bumpy and big.


I can tell that it helps a lot, i just have to keep reminding myself that i don't want scars. Everything is getting better, i'm really excited about it. I just want clear skin.

That's all for today, look up look up look up!


So, school started yesterday.

I really hate it. It sucks that every second im aware of how my face looks to other people, and how makeup doesn't help and i just feel sad, it's so stupid. My parents even considered putting me in online classes for this tri just so I can get through it.

But no, i would be twenty times more distraught hiding out at home then braving the world. So at the moment i'm just trying to be strong for the sake of my own emotions, but wow how i wish i had clear skin.



Nose is feeling kinda rough, little blackheads poking their way out.

My left check is almost completely flat, no horribly noticable bumps. Scabs, and red marks are there though. Oh well.

Chin area is flattening out as well. It seems to get better, then get worse, then get better again, then blah blah blah. But i'm liking the direction its heading in.

Forehead, only some super tiny cysts, usally go away in about a day, some between the eyes that dont go away as easy, but not really noticable.

Now.. my right cheek. UGH. Its the worst, still very bumpy, very just icky and nasty looking. Today i accidently scraped my cheek on the couch (i fell) and one of my cysts bled for like 15 minutes, it was insane. Very very very VERY slow improvement on this side.

Side effects:

Dry lips, cured by liberal amounts of aquaphor

Dry eyes only in the morning, blink eyedrops work well

Some lower back pain. It goes away on its own, nothing to worry about.

My skin feels a little itchy

I get cranky really fast, i get some headaches too.

Stay positive everyone, one step at a time


Haven't written in a while.. I just went through a pretty sulky period. I was determined that my accutane wasn't going to help at all and that I was going to suffer with it and be hideous forever. Oh mood swings.

But I did have some good times. I DID get to go to the fair, drew won me a tiger, rawr :naughty:

And We left to go to the beach house/ cabin thing. It was nice to get away for a couple days before school starts on wednesday.

We went shopping, and I felt better after spending a large amount of money on a new coach purse and clothes from the hollister outlet. My mom says its not a good thing to shop so much whem i'm low, but old habits die hard.. :naughty:

THANKFULLY, my accutane is working. Swelling has gone down completely, the left side of my face has almost no active acne, just lots of red marks. I've got another bad habit of picking the scabs that now form over my cysts, i do it without thinking, even. Then all of a sudden i'll notice i'm bleeding.

TIP: i've noticed that if I pick a scab, or pop a cyst or something, that by putting neosporin on the open lesion, dulls the pain, reduces swelling, and in the morning on a little baby scab is left. It works for me, maybe it can work for you?


Day 8 n counting :)

Only one more day left of work! Then i can finally have the escape i'm so looking forward too. Four straight days, no cell phone, no tv, just the beach, lincoln city, old town, and fishing/ being lazy :naughty:

Been kinda moody today. I woke up really early, and couldn't get back to sleep very well. Didn't bother with a shower today, my hair has been really dry and doesn't get greasy even at night, its wonderful, thank you sir tane!

Lips are dry, but i keep aquaphor on them at all times, my lips are one of my favorite features, haha and i don't want them all cracked and nastified. Also the creases of my nose have become really dry and cracked, its hurts a bit.

To all of you out there who think dairy is the cause of severe acne, that's complete bull. I'm lactose intollerant, or however you spell it, and have been for ages. So that means no ice cream no milk in my cereal, no chocolate, no yogurt or cheese. I don't drink soy or even the lactose free milk, it's all gross.

Yet, somehow, my acne has progressed to it's cystic form even with milk being out of my system for years n years. I eat healthy enough too... i guess it's just in my genes, which is well enough, i can eat what i want without worry. :naughty:


Some scars/ red marks are fading. I'm not breaking out AS MUCH. But still a fair amount. Cyts are sore to the touch and feel empty and just like raised loose skin.

Forehead still the clearest area, next being my nose, left cheek, right cheek, then my icky chin.

Chins up everyone, there's no point looking down anymore.


Day seven ya'll

So it's been 7 days already. I'm hoping that time continues to go by pretty quickly. But i'm sure that once school starts i'll be more aware then usual. Everyday I have to work I absolutely dread it. All the little kids stare at my face, grr it makes me loathe children.

I just took off the make-up on the lower half of my face. It looks better.. i think. Not as red. They're all still very active.

Eh, don't feel like saying much today. 8 hours at the pool can't be good for my health.


It's day 6 already!


There's been improvement! The cysts on my left cheek, some of them anyway, have deflated and turned into friendly little red marks. I'll take red marks over cysts anyday!

Everywhere else, still the same, but the cysts and nodules don't look as... angry. I think that's the right word.

Lets keep our fingers crossed for more quick improvements! :naughty::naughty::naughty:

Only 12 people showed up for rec swim today. A record low comparing to our usual 100 + crowd on hot saturdays. But the art and air festival is going on, and so is the state fair. I'm going on tuesday with the boy, hopefully. Very very much looking forward to that.

My face has been itching more then usual today, its more annoying then anything because i'm not sure what will make that go away. Plus it seems like my face is showing more signs of oil, its frustrating for my makeup but i'm just waiting for the dryness to hit next.

Good luck to everyone else, keep your chins up!


Day 5

Had to work today, aaaaand the sun was out. I don't think i got burned, but i think i tanned a lot quicker then i normally would have. I'll have to get into the habit of putting on sunscreen a lot. Lucky thing that winter is coming up and I won't have to worry about it.

I've got a headache today, not sure if it's from being in the sun and squinting for a good three hours, or if it's cause i'm thirsty and on accutane, i dunno. I ate healthier today. Had a bunch of grapes for breakfast/lunch. Didn't snack on the junk food at work, did have a peanut butter cookie though. Had cheerios when i got home, then baked chicken and brown rice for dinner.

My face hurts today. I forgot to take my advil, so i think that's why. I'll probably go take some once i'm finished with this. I also feel kinda tired today.. which is good because lately i haven't been able to fall alseep before one.


initial breakout happening.

Face is resuming it's normal shape, slowly. I don't look like i got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday anymore. :naughty:


Day 4. Dear diary..


I think i'm having an IB, but i cant be sure, i think i do see minimal progress, though. Maybe that's the advantages of being on a high dosage right away.

Still too much going on though to tell. Same as before. :naughty:

Side effects? None really so far. I ran this morning, yay exercise! But then afterward my knee hurt, not sure if it's tane related, i've always had trouble with running. Lips have felt funny, not really dry but not really moisturized. Eyes get a little blurry behind the contacts, haven't had to use eye drops yet though.

Me ranting time, been kinda stressed today:

Went to starbucks with katie and lauren today. Have to say that they might just be the two prettiest girls in this stupid town, perfect skin. Kinda felt awkward sitting with them, but i told them all about it, i think i scared them.. But it was really fun. I actually didn't order anything to drink. trying to cut back on sugars and stuff. We were there for about three hours, still fun :naughty:

Drews dad went to the hospital today. Got a text saying that his heart stopped. But that they were able to bring him back in a few minutes. Scary as hell, i've never had to deal with death. I love the boy with all my heart, i hate to see him go through this.

Since i quit swimming all my team mates keep asking when i'm going to join again. I told them maybe in september, when school starts.. but now i know that wont happen. There's no way i'm going to let anyone see me without my makeup for a while now. Until i clear up. I told daniel that the other day when we were working.

I said, "I really don't think i'll join again until my skin clears up." He replied. "That's stupid. But what did happen? You used to have the softest skin."


Day 3, rain & work

It august! And we're having storms and thunder and lightning and lots of rain! Now I have this cute red acura integra and I think it hates the rain as much as I do. Every time I start it the belt makes a high pitched noise until it gets warmed up. And my tires like to sing to me while i'm driving along. For one, i've always been a baby and thunder scares me senseless. Sad :naughty:

Didn't have to go into work on monday, or today because the weather has still been crappy so they didn't bother to open the outdoor pool. I was happy at the time but that's eight hours worth of pay i could have had for new school clothes!

It's weird, sometimes if i yawn really wide or smile too big, my cysts start oozing. I don't think this is good because it might be considered popping. Stupid face I hate you. Is being itchy a sign of being on accutane? I took 80mg's today since it's a wednesday and now it seems like i have a funny tingly itchy feeling where my acne is.

My power weapon = two advil, fish oil tablet, and ICE. My face is still swollen but that's because of the really deep tissue ones, i hope those go away soon. The ice and stuff takes away the pain too, so i like that and do about fifteen minutes worth whenever I feel like it.

That jamaican guy is soooo crazy in the olympics...


Same as yesterday, too much acne to tell if it's getting worse or better.


CF: (current face)

Forehead; mainly clear, except it always is, i never touch my forehead so that's probably why. I do have a lot of scars and pock marks on my forehead, though from when i did pick there constantly.

Right cheek: bad BIG painful deep cysts the size of nickles, all connected by red inflamed skin. All in a weird diagonal line

Left cheek: about the same as the right one, execpt the ones there hardly hurt anymore, about five in a line.

Nose: always clear, i love my nose :naughty:

Chin: Dont even want to talk about it. covered in large cysts, always throbbing penny sized, about twenty there, counting the tiny white heads

Registration was today. One of my friends, we used to be super tight, but high school drifts people apart you know.. the first thing she said was "omg what happened to your face." I told her it exploded and i think she got the hint not to say anything else... still didn't do much for my self esteem

The new little zits that popped up yesterday are already almost gone.

It seems like i'm starting out on a really high dosage, i'm not a big girl at all by any mean, about 5'6 and 115 pounds, so 80mg seems like a lot? Who knows.. i don't.

Lips have felt funny today, still not sure if it's because i'm paranoid or the side effects already kicking in. knees also popped when i was walking, didn't hurt at all though.

I need to change some habits, tee-hee. I'm always eating things that are bad for me and i never get enough sleep. I'm going to try and change that. Oh, and i'm going to try and STOP PICKING!!


Day 1, finally!

So the day is finally here! Well it's almost over now, but hurray! Had the derm appointment early this morning, had to pee in the stupid cup, not prego, then got perscription!

I'm on the generic brand, claravis. On monday, wednesday, and friday i'm on 80mg a day. Then on tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday i'm on 40mg. Took the first two pills at dinner tonight, and being my paranoid self i already think i'm breaking out more. We'll see i suppose..

I'm using ponds cold cream to remove make-up, it works wonders and leave me skin pretty soft. And i'm going to put my faith into cetaphil and use the face wash twice a day, too. Along with the lotion.

Invested in some aquaphor, just in case :naughty:

Been pretty stressed out lately, school's starting too soon, it's my junior year! I counted and i'll have only been on it for about 17 days befor the first day of school, but hopefully i'll ring in the new year with clear skin! It's something to look foreward to at least :naughty:

Gonna start re-working out again, that should help my stress, and also keep the calories down.


HATE mondays :)

One more week! It seems to be taking such a long time. So i tried to put up some pictures, but I must be mentally unstable because i spent a whole day trying to figure it out, and for the life of my couldn't do it... help? :naughty:

I've also taken a TON of hours at work, i'm a lifegaurd, holla! There's two pools to work at but i prefer the outdoors one. I do work the inside on on wednesdays though, and it always burning hot and stuffy in there, which is not fun. So working outside has done a couple things for me, given me unwanted tan lines, (we aren't allowed bikini's ) burned my lips, so now they're a nice shade of red, and burned my nose. ow! There's good things of couse of couse, my freckles come out, AND i do get very tan, which is fine by me because i'm usually very white :naughty:

Well i woke up this morning, and my problem area, my chin, had improved quite a bit. Knock on wood, but i think it looks pretty good even comparing to about two days ago. The cysts seem to have become pretty flat, no heads, i think i drained it pretty well, ( screw scarring ) and have become kinda purply in color, which for me means that they're dead, yay! My forehead is mainly clear, only about a couple small ones by my eyebrows which a scratch a lot.


being a swimmer myself, i love phelps and hoff and the american swimming team. the relay last night was AMAZING. hahaha suck it france.

Ok, i'm done for today :naughty:


it's thursday, august 7

Nothing really to report. Nothing amazing has happened. Bad things have happened. MY face seems to be getting more red and cystic by the second. I'm hoping that i dont get and IB when i start the accutane, it really cant get much worse then it is now. I'll but pics up.. maybe. It might not be good for my self esteem, i never let anybody see me without make-up, hardly even my own parents. But.. i'll think about it :naughty:

I talked on the phone to my big brother the other day. He's tweny-seven now but was on accutane when he was my age. So yay, acne is in my genes. He told me that if i could just commit to it and endure about two months of hell then after that my life would be changed for basically forever. And i'm hoping on the gene card here again, if it worked for him so well, then it should work for me.

He said he didn't have any emotional side effects just the physical ones like dry lips. red face, and dry skin. Vaseline helped him but i dont really want to put that on my face. It's about 11 more days until i can start. I really dont like the downhill turn my face has already taken. But.. time will tell i guess.

:naughty: The best thing to do is stay positive and hopeful, oh and NO PICKING

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