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trying to feel comfy in my skin

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joyful girl

Same ole story

Nothing much new to report. Skin has been a bit drier, just because of the weather i think. I mean it snowed in New Orleans on Thursday! Nutso. So my makeup looks shittier, but I still feel the need to wear it.

I've developed a rash on the back of my hands. I've read about this happening to others so I'm not too concerned. I think it's just dry dry skin that I itch. But it looks gross. Like a flesh eating virus or something.

Still 2-3 months to go! But it's been pretty smooth sailing. Just gotta get rid of these scars. Ah how I dream of the day when I have my lips back!

joyful girl

Month 4

Just starting my 4th month and all is going smoothly. I got a couple big zits this month, but as of now I just have one active to the left of my chin. Which is a fine place for a zit I think. I still have a lot of red marks, and in general my face is really red, from the retinoids my derm told me. She said that won't go away until I stop the meds. But everything is easy to cover up with makeup. I can't wait for the day when I don't feel the need to wear makeup! Still so happy that I'm not oily and that I don't have painful zits anymore. Hope everyone's journey is going well! Happy holidays!

joyful girl

Starting my 3rd month

So everything's been going great. I haven't had any bad side effects, just dry skin and lips that have been treatable with my beloved aquafor and aveeno lotions.

The derm switched me from Claravis to Amnesteen this month. The pills are smaller which is nice! I called my old derm to get a second opinion about the switch -- I was scared of the possibility of side effects with a new brand. She said the same thing as my new derm -- that Amnesteen has shown the most effectiveness in studies but also said if Claravis seemed to be working for me that there's not a huge reason to switch. Except I guess to stick it to the insurance company because they have to pay more and I don't!

I've been going out a couple days a week now which has been great. But I know I have to be careful because I don't want to really mess up my liver, and of course I have to make sure those blood tests come back fine.

So excited for Halloween!!!!!

joyful girl

6 weeks in

So good news! The higher dosage hasn't increased my side effects, except that I'm slightly more addicted to Aquaphor, if that's possible. I actually feel LESS tired than when I was on the lower dosage, but I'm guessing that's just because my body is getting used to the drug.

Right now I'm a little scared because my face actually looks a little more oily. One of the main things I've been loving is finally having non-oily skin! When I look in the mirror after work the makeup is all still there! So I'll keep an eye on this. I still have a lot of red marks to cover up and two zits on my chin that I popped today. I don't think my derm will be happy and may even increase the dose again.

Not sure if I wrote about this before, but a couple of weeks ago I went out and had about 4 drinks over 4 hours. The next morning I puked my guts out. I mean PUKED. Way way way worse than any after drink puking I've ever experienced. My body did not want that in there. Miraculously, after getting it all out I felt relatively fine, if a bit tired from being up in the middle of the night.

So I laid low for a while. But the past couple of weekends I've been going out and having a good amount of drinks and been feeling fine. I hold off on the occasional beer in hopes that my body can tolerate a certain number, so I save up! haha, I know that's stupid. Anyway, I'm staying cautious but have been happy with how things are going.

joyful girl

Month 1 Complete!

So I just had my derm appt and she upped my dose to 60mg.

I've been taking 40mg of Claravis. At this appointment my doc said Claravis was the worst one! She said if the insurance doesn't cover Accutane proper, that Amnesteen and then Sotret are the next best because there have been studies on both of those. And there haven't been any studies on Claravis. So she wrote the new rx for Sotret but the pharmacy didn't have it. Should I be nervous about this? Oh well. I've been happy enough so far. Just hope the side effects don't get worse.

On to month 2!

joyful girl

Day 20

Finished my second packet of pills today! I wouldn't say time is quite flying, but it's not dragging either. Have my next blood test on Friday.

Things have been great, I think my body is adjusting to the drug. I was definitely noticing how dry my eyes were and it was bothering me. Using the computer and reading so much wasn't helping. But now they feel more normal, just slightly dry. Been using eye drops and drinking a lot more water. I think the water helps a LOT.

I've gone out and had a couple drinks without any bad hangovers or side effects. That makes me really happy. I've definitely cut back on the drinking and I miss it, so being able to go out every once and a while is exciting.

Lips are dry but not bad. Face is not too peely, just dry, especially around healing zits. Other than this monster sized zit on my upper left cheek (close to my nose) I'm really happy with my skin.

joyful girl

Day 17

Things have been looking up!

First of all, I have no bad side effects. Eyes and lips are a bit dry, but very manageable at the moment. The big zits I had on my cheeks five days ago have died down. I have one very large inflamed zit on my upper left cheek and two in between my eyes. But for whatever reason they don't seem to bother me as much.

I got new makeup -- this brand Lorac, it's really lightweight. The shade's a bit pale so I've been mixing it with some Neutrogena foundation that was too dark for me and i like how that's been looking. People at work have told me my skin is looking better so yay!

Another huge plus is that I haven't had to wash my hair in two days. That's unheard of for me. I could probably even go without washing it tomorrow, but that's pushing it.

To sum up, it seems to be smooth sailing at the moment and I'm in better spirits.

joyful girl

Day 12, not so great

Well, since I started on Accutane, I've been getting zits pretty much every day, but they've been going away much much quicker and haven't been too painful. Not so much the case right now.

I have two big painful zits on my left cheek and one on my right. I can feel a bunch of painful zits coming in on my chin also. I also got a painful whitehead right on my nose which is worst of all because it's redness right in the middle of my face. I feel like Rudolph.

I'm also down because I am just so pale right now and had to go out and buy new makeup. Knowing I will be so pale for six months sucks!

I'm hoping this is the beginning of an IB? It's not so bad I guess, I've had worse before. I guess it's just everything together. Big zits, dry eyes, dry lips, not feeling in control. It's stressful and tiring.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

joyful girl

Day 10

Finishing the first box today! Exciting stuff. Not too much to report on but I did have my first drinking experiences on tane.

On Friday I had about a half bottle of wine and woke up perfectly wonderful the next day. Didn't get more drunk than usual, in fact, I think that I feel less of an effect on tane.

Last night went to a bbq and a concert. Drank about 2 beers and 4 vodkas, not a ton for me and I didn't start to feel anything until the last drink really. Not too hung over this morning either! So, this is exciting news for me bc I know I'm gonna have a hard time cutting off drinking completely. So I figure if I keep it to 2 days a week I should be ok. And maybe I'll make better decisions bc I won't be so shitfaced!

joyful girl

Day 8

Only two little pills left in my ten pack and so far so good. What's been going on so far:

I immediately noticed that all the black heads on my nose popped up for air. When I touch my nose it is now textured. Kind of gross but I'll chock this up to being a good thing bc it's not too noticeable to the outside world.

The first few days on the meds I was disappointed bc I didn't notice much of a change. Mainly, my face was still super oily. I can handle the breakouts, but the oiliness just really gets me upset. I'm happy to report that I haven't blotted once today! So I think the dry part of the medication has kicked in. Which so far I'm happy about because it isn't painful or gross looking.

Immediately I did notice that my hair was less oily. This was actually wonderful timing because I was a hurricane evacuee for the past week and the less showering in the dark at someone else's house the better (or at least that's what my mom always said).

I will say that my zits come to a head really quickly. They all have whiteheads a day after getting them. I told my friend I had started on the tane and his response was "are you cauliflower face yet?" The answer is yes.

Thanks to everyone for the supportive comments! I'm so psyched for us!

joyful girl

I just got home from the pharmacy, meds in hand and I'm so excited! Had a debacle with the insurance company so I couldn't start on time. I was a bit stressed there for a minute because I may be evacuating tonight and didn't want to miss the 7 day window. I love my priorities...Just can't wait to pop that first pill! Just waiting to take it with my next meal.

joyful girl

just updating

It's crazy. Just knowing that I'm going to be on accutane soon is enough to make me not think about my skin so much. I switched to Aveeno products and I'm really liking them. I seem to be a lot less oily. I am still disappointed when I look in the mirror sometimes and I think about how great it will be to be zit-less but I am not being so hard on myself right now. I hope these couple of weeks will fly by until I start the accutane. I am so nervous about side effects and the cost of everything but as much as I debate it, I am really ready to stop being controlled by my skin.

joyful girl

one more month

had the derm appt today and didn't realize you have to wait a month and get blood work and urine tests and all sorts of fun stuff. damn! i'm so ready to start now that i've made the decision. but after years of zits i think i can handle one more month. so i'm gonna get all my binge drinking out of the way now!

joyful girl

well if i was having any doubts before about needing to go on accutane, today solidified that i made the right choice. i had to work breakfast at my restaurant and after a couple of hours without powder or blotting i jumped at my reflection! sooooo oily! ick ick. afterwards went to the gym and my entire face looked like it was covered in zits -- so so red from all those scarrs. excited for the derm appt tomorrow! i hope she hasn't changed her mind...

joyful girl

for realz

called the derm and made the appt. everyone i've talked to whose been on tane is so happy with the results, so i'm optimistic. i'm ready to stop thinking about my skin all the time. at the same time, my skin is clearer than it has been in a while, so still a little unsure about my choice. but i'm ready to meet with the derm, think it will be good.

joyful girl

decision made

I've finally given in to the fact that my skin isn't getting better and that I need to go on accutane. It was a really tough decision for me because I'm not a fan of drugs but I know that I will be so much happier not worrying about my skin all the time. My dermatologist is ready to put me on accutane but I was unsure so we decided to start birth control and use Retin-A which has been helping but I still get break outs. The other main problem is that I'm super oily. Anyway, she said since I was unsure we could see how things went for three months but if I wasn't clear that I should be ready to start Accutane. Now I figure why wait three more months of breakouts when I can start on the path to clearness. Reading others' blogs have helped me decide this. I probably have moderate acne, not huge cysts but the oiliness factor is what I hate most. And one zit seems to inflame my entire face. Anyway, I have to call the derm and make an appointment, but I've finally decided to take the plunge. I can't imagine what it will be like to have clear skin! But I know it will be a rough road to get there. I'm really afraid of all that dryness.

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