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fthea118

Difficult decisions.. (long read, sorry)

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This is my first time posting in this sub-forum, I just usually browse and nod my head to comments that people leave that I agree with. But today (or the past 6 months) I've had to deal with some problems. I don't like to go to other people for help because I know that everyone has their own problems to deal with, but I just need people to hear me and I just want to hear people.

I am 19, I met a girl in 8th grade, we were both 15. We went through puppy love which developed into something pretty strong, I began to go out with her in 10th grade, fast forward 2 1/2 years later, things were going pretty good and it was nearing the end of our high school career, but we still spent a summer together. I am from Philadelphia, she decided to go to Providence, RI for school and I went to Boston for school, but I did not get accepted for the first semester, only for the spring semester so I had to spend a semester back home, 8 hours away.

Things were still going ok when she left, she was worth the long distance relationship for me. I only wanted her to make time for me and at least talk to me once in a while, but she spent a lot of her time meeting new people and going out and having fun on the weekends, we would go a week or two without talking. I asked her to make more time for me, and she just told me (I'll remember these words exactly for a long time) "I can't deal with you anymore" and hung up on me, I was miserable as you can guess. Did not know what to do for 2 months, but started to heal by this past December, but then she decided to waltz her way back into my life and I took her back instantly..

A month later, we parted ways again and she said to me "things just aren't the same." I really needed her, I told her everything, I basically made her my life. My family situation was going pretty rough, my Dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer only the month before and I was so far away from home (I was in Boston at this time) but she was only 45 minutes away. She still left. And I said, ok, I can deal with this on my own, and I did, I recovered again over a period of 2 months and practically got back on my feet. Until she decided to come back into my life again and she wanted to take me out on my birthday. And I never felt happier in months. She began calling me and talking to me more. And then just one week she just.. stopped and spent time with other friends, went on walks with other guys (she calls them friends though...) to a place that me and her went for the first time we got back together.

So I called it, this was the last straw (she left again in April). I did not want to go through all that pain again. I spent time with friends in Boston, kept my mind off things and school ended about 3 weeks ago and now I am back home in Philadelphia, she is taking summer classes in Providence and is staying up there. So it made things easier, I did not have to be close to her this summer so I could completely get over her. Now shes back home for memorial day weekend and for the week (almost 2 months again) and she invited me over to her house for a big bbq that they are having and a few of my friends are going. I really do not want to go, because I just don't want to see her for a long time, I'll just be so heartbroken and I cannot do that. I cannot spend my time mulling over her because my family needs me right now. What should I do? Am I right in not wanting to see her? How do you see that things will get better when you feel like they just get worse?

Thank you for listening, thats all I asked for.

And how is this related to acne? Well, its gotten much worse since the last time I've seen my friends.

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If you could see her and interact with her without pain and emotional turmoil, then you could play this game by her rules.

But since you can't ... I think you have to set your own rules to protect yourself. And if that means not seeing her and breaking off contact with her, then so be it. At least you'll be the one calling the shots for yourself .... and that's empowering.

Sounds to me like it is time to move on, whatever it takes.

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Focus on your family right now. I doubt that later in life you'll regret missing her big BBQ shindig. You're allowing her to hurt you repeatedly.

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Don't go to the BBQ... it is only going to start up the cycle again and you already know how it will end. This girl knows what she is doing to you and is playing with your feelings. It is a self-esteem boost for her to know she can have you any time she wants and you fall at her feet every time. There are plenty other girls out there who are a lot more mature than she is and will not give you the run-around.

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"You love the things I say I'll do

The way I'll hurt myself again just to get back at you

You take away when I give in

My life, my pride is broken"

Sounds like what your going through at the moment. Dont let her get you. Stay away from her, shes just gonna hurt you again.

Shes just taking advantage of you.

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You're doing it to yourself bud. Keep taking her back and you'll keep suffering through the same ordeal. Why not just be friends with her? And if you can't do that... well that is your problem and not hers. Advise is: if you can't just be friends with her, don't see her. I had a girl like that once, and it was painful. Always hoping, "this time, this time she'll change, this time she'll love me like I love her". That doesn't happen. So, either realize that at your present time in life it ain't gonna work and just be happy being friends with her.... or continue taking her back and continue to suffer. cheers

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it depends man, some people would rather carry on getting hurt, as long as they get to see her. I know I would, go to the bbq just to see this girl. Because in the future you won't get invites anymore, and you'll be left thinking about this girl.

Gosee her, ignore her, do what you like, seeing her will help resolve your feelings, or place perspective on things.

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there are guys like that all over the place, they just want to fuck with your head and make you constantly worry and think about them. dont give her the pleasure, and dont go.

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it's easy to say don't go to that bbq, and i bet for a fact you don't want to, but deep down you've got that 'i need to see her feeling' been there bro :) walked in and out and it drove me totaly insane, constant heartache, and you think "fuck this i don't need you" but if they ever called and asked to do something you'd be out through the door before they finish the sentance, it's not the fact you do it to yourself, it's just an emotion you have no control over, the best advise? don't take no-ones, only you can work this one out, good luck mate.

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Sounds like shes just using you for her selfish fun.She wants to meet you and talk to you only when she wants to ,when she has nothing or no one else to do it with.Be practical anyway long distance relationships hardly workout there are too many new people to meet and we are all human beings-= human beings are selfish,we will meet other people,cheat,lie etc for our own sake.So for once make her feel that you can be by your own without her ,make her realize that you can live without her happily,she knows how weak you are for her and takes you for granted due to that.Maybe shell change her ways of thinking and her feelings might just become very strong for you then.Be with your family for now... and never like someone so much that they can control you or hurt to you to an extent where you cannot move forward.

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it's easy to say don't go to that bbq, and i bet for a fact you don't want to, but deep down you've got that 'i need to see her feeling' been there bro smile.gif walked in and out and it drove me totaly insane, constant heartache, and you think "fuck this i don't need you" but if they ever called and asked to do something you'd be out through the door before they finish the sentance, it's not the fact you do it to yourself, it's just an emotion you have no control over, the best advise? don't take no-ones, only you can work this one out, good luck mate.

That is exactly how I feel.. how did you get over it?

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it's easy to say don't go to that bbq, and i bet for a fact you don't want to, but deep down you've got that 'i need to see her feeling' been there bro smile.gif walked in and out and it drove me totaly insane, constant heartache, and you think "fuck this i don't need you" but if they ever called and asked to do something you'd be out through the door before they finish the sentance, it's not the fact you do it to yourself, it's just an emotion you have no control over, the best advise? don't take no-ones, only you can work this one out, good luck mate.

That is exactly how I feel.. how did you get over it?

I didn't....:( still feel the same for her now:( but....over time, it's not a case of "times the best healer" yeah we've all heard that one, but over time, it's hard to explain, you might not 'get over' her, but it'll just become a bit easier to except, the feeling you got is natural, but try one thing? don't give into this girl anymore? honestly it's not worth the pain, fight the emotion and don't give in mate, you'll be a new man at the end of it.

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take back your dignity my friend.i dont believe in friendship after a relationship, definitely not for a good long time anyway, especially when your ex partner evidently needs to do a lot of growning after doing some diabolical things to you.i know this person has shared so much of your young life, and you look at her through rose tinted glasses, but you owe it to yourself to move along.in a years time you are likely to find a girl who has been through this kind of thing and learnt an awful lot because of it, thats the kind of reltionship you need, one born from honesty, knowledge maturity and wisdom.i dont believe this on-off girl of yours is in any kind of position to respect your feelings at this stage in her life, she seems to be concentrating solely on herself and all the things that are new in her life, her college, her shiny new friends etc... you look at some people and just know they dont get the full picture

i suggest you look towards your future, keep your friends close for support and start appreciating the small things in life again, go out today and go for a walk and appreciate the environment around you, be there for your family, love and support your father.. and if you live your life this way, the love that is destined to be in your life will arrive in time.

this sounds like rubbish to you now most likely, i have a friend who is gradually coming around to understanding what im saying after his girlfriend left him last year..but we all come through it, unfortuantely it is one of those coming of age things..no 148-have someone break your heart.

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Meh, I wouldn't go. Sounds like one of those girls that likes to mess with your head. My ex did the same thing to me constantly when we broke up and I'm sure lots of other guys can relate.

It's hard to just forget about her, but I'd just cut of all contact with her so you can move on. You'll feel a lot better once you do.

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personally i would confront her. say that look, you don't mind the friend thing but you want it clear and upfront once and for all, none of this "maybe" crap.

i think before you can move on and be friends or see her you have to have closure one way or another.

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