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mariamaria

curious..... I need your opinions guys

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Hi everyone,

This is a little bit off acne topic

I've got a friend, she's very close to me. Last time she took my picture when I was with no make up and messed up hair and bad clothes (other words, me in my worst look). She did it in a joking way and she didn't want to delete it when I asked her to.

When we went out together in a group, she showed that pic to my boyfriend, in a joking way. Strangely, I expected that to happen (like, when she took the pic, I assumed she would do that one day). I don't feel embarassed though, 'coz my bf use to see me when I wake up in the morning and all messed up. I'm just wondering, what do you think about my friend? Does what she did have anything to do with insecurity? I know her as a very easy-going, independent woman with high self-esteem. Or do you thing, that was just a plain joke?

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Maybe shes just envious and trying to pick out your flaws to make her feel better, but this dosent make her a bad friend in my opnion- its a natural human reactiono to think something like this and doing it is just taking it a step further.

And everyone looks rough in the morning so I would try not to worry about it! :D

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Sometimes girls who seem very confident with themselves really aren't. There confidence is just kind of a show to put on to hide their insecurities.

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Hard to tell, it's kind of weird to just pull it up for no reason at all. If she would have shown it to a close friend to you jokingly I wouldn't have thought much about but since she show it to your bf it could be done for several reasons hard to guess the right one.

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Hi everyone,

This is a little bit off acne topic

I've got a friend, she's very close to me. Last time she took my picture when I was with no make up and messed up hair and bad clothes (other words, me in my worst look). She did it in a joking way and she didn't want to delete it when I asked her to.

When we went out together in a group, she showed that pic to my boyfriend, in a joking way. Strangely, I expected that to happen (like, when she took the pic, I assumed she would do that one day). I don't feel embarassed though, 'coz my bf use to see me when I wake up in the morning and all messed up. I'm just wondering, what do you think about my friend? Does what she did have anything to do with insecurity? I know her as a very easy-going, independent woman with high self-esteem. Or do you thing, that was just a plain joke?

I think she's not a real friend but a bitch with a motive. Watch your man around her. LOL.

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Hi everyone,

This is a little bit off acne topic

I've got a friend, she's very close to me. Last time she took my picture when I was with no make up and messed up hair and bad clothes (other words, me in my worst look). She did it in a joking way and she didn't want to delete it when I asked her to.

When we went out together in a group, she showed that pic to my boyfriend, in a joking way. Strangely, I expected that to happen (like, when she took the pic, I assumed she would do that one day). I don't feel embarassed though, 'coz my bf use to see me when I wake up in the morning and all messed up. I'm just wondering, what do you think about my friend? Does what she did have anything to do with insecurity? I know her as a very easy-going, independent woman with high self-esteem. Or do you thing, that was just a plain joke?

I think she's not a real friend but a bitch with a motive. Watch your man around her. LOL.

If your man leaves you for some tramp he wasn't such a great catch to begin with.

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i have no idea,

if it was a really bad pic of you i'd be suspicious haha,

hey my mates have taken pics of me and ive gone hell no, delete it, and they do, as i do for them.

she could be just silly and not thinking much of it, but best thing to ask yourself is...

has she done this b4, lots?? or was it just a one off from a good mate?

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That was a mean-spirited and unkind thing for her to do. Is she often that way?

Quite often. Don't get me wrong. The thing is. we are so close and comfortable with each other, that we often make fun of each other as jokes and none of us would get unhappy. That's why I'm confused, coz I find this scenario to be little different than our usual 'make fun-jokes'

THanx for all the replies everyone ^^

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I think she's not a real friend but a bitch with a motive. Watch your man around her. LOL.

I was thinking the exact same thing

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I think she's not a real friend but a bitch with a motive. Watch your man around her. LOL.

I was thinking the exact same thing

Good! I feel validated now, instead of so damn suspicious... :shifty:

Hi everyone,

This is a little bit off acne topic

I've got a friend, she's very close to me. Last time she took my picture when I was with no make up and messed up hair and bad clothes (other words, me in my worst look). She did it in a joking way and she didn't want to delete it when I asked her to.

When we went out together in a group, she showed that pic to my boyfriend, in a joking way. Strangely, I expected that to happen (like, when she took the pic, I assumed she would do that one day). I don't feel embarassed though, 'coz my bf use to see me when I wake up in the morning and all messed up. I'm just wondering, what do you think about my friend? Does what she did have anything to do with insecurity? I know her as a very easy-going, independent woman with high self-esteem. Or do you thing, that was just a plain joke?

I think she's not a real friend but a bitch with a motive. Watch your man around her. LOL.

If your man leaves you for some tramp he wasn't such a great catch to begin with.

True but not much consolation when the shit goes down....you better be ready, when the shit goes down...

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MariaMaria:

Holy crap! That sounds almost EXACTLY like what my best friend used to do. We often times liked the same guys, and she even dated/almost dated some of the guys that I dated/almost dated first! Anyway, that was back in the days when I CAKED on the makeup because I was so insecure about my acne. Needless to say, although this friend never took pictures of my bare face (I would never have allowed it), she would always "accidentally" comment about my excessive use of makuep around a guy I liked. Looking back, I am certain she had issues with my having any boyfriends because of the way she acted. It was a strange circle of insecurities, actually- she was insecure because I always got attention from guys, and I was insecure because once the guys got to know me they always went over to her (although she was much more of a flirt, both physically and verbally, than I ever was, so maybe that had something to do with it). I never tried to sabotage any of HER relationships, though. Needless to say all that doesn't matter because when I started going out with my current boyfriend two and a half years ago, she got really mad at me because I wasn't giving her enough attention anymore. We've ended our friendship since then, especially since two weeks after our initial fight she tried to get my boyfriend to breakup with me by singling him out after school and telling him all sorts of horrible things about me. He talked to me about it and soon found that none of her personal attacks toward me were true, or, if they were (such as the whole makeup thing), weren't worth caring about.

In my opinion, your "friend" is either feeling neglected by you, or has a thing for your man. Now, I'm not sure if she actually realized at the time what she was doing exactly, but I think subcontiously she did. Either way, this situation could get uglier than it is very quickly. The first thing you should do is talk to her about how you feel; don't be accusatory or anything like that, just try and "test the waters" a bit. Maybe start out asking something like, "I really hope you don't feel like I've been pushing you aside lately..." or "What do you think about my boyfriend's (insert his most attractive feature)." Although I do warn you that going into either topic could start a major fight if she becomes overly defensive, which if she does, there's a good chance your suspicions are legitamate.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Dropped when she was young.

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MariaMaria:

Holy crap! That sounds almost EXACTLY like what my best friend used to do. We often times liked the same guys, and she even dated/almost dated some of the guys that I dated/almost dated first! Anyway, that was back in the days when I CAKED on the makeup because I was so insecure about my acne. Needless to say, although this friend never took pictures of my bare face (I would never have allowed it), she would always "accidentally" comment about my excessive use of makuep around a guy I liked. Looking back, I am certain she had issues with my having any boyfriends because of the way she acted. It was a strange circle of insecurities, actually- she was insecure because I always got attention from guys, and I was insecure because once the guys got to know me they always went over to her (although she was much more of a flirt, both physically and verbally, than I ever was, so maybe that had something to do with it). I never tried to sabotage any of HER relationships, though. Needless to say all that doesn't matter because when I started going out with my current boyfriend two and a half years ago, she got really mad at me because I wasn't giving her enough attention anymore. We've ended our friendship since then, especially since two weeks after our initial fight she tried to get my boyfriend to breakup with me by singling him out after school and telling him all sorts of horrible things about me. He talked to me about it and soon found that none of her personal attacks toward me were true, or, if they were (such as the whole makeup thing), weren't worth caring about.

In my opinion, your "friend" is either feeling neglected by you, or has a thing for your man. Now, I'm not sure if she actually realized at the time what she was doing exactly, but I think subcontiously she did. Either way, this situation could get uglier than it is very quickly. The first thing you should do is talk to her about how you feel; don't be accusatory or anything like that, just try and "test the waters" a bit. Maybe start out asking something like, "I really hope you don't feel like I've been pushing you aside lately..." or "What do you think about my boyfriend's (insert his most attractive feature)." Although I do warn you that going into either topic could start a major fight if she becomes overly defensive, which if she does, there's a good chance your suspicions are legitamate.

Fortunately my boy doesn't give a shit about that picture. I honestly wish that moment I told her 'he use to see me like that' to show her that what she did wouldn't do anything to my relationship, if that was what she intended to do.

Actually this friend has been single for years and I notice some of her other friends start to date guys. Putting myself in her shoes, I think I would feel neglected / lonely / jealous to certain degree. I often ask her about this though, she always says she doesn't really care if her friends date. Sometimes I doubt it and thinking if she'e being defensive. Sometimes I believe it, as she always portrays herself as very easy going, little ignorant, busy working girl. I know her as that kind of girl for ages.

But I spot some scenario when I think she probably does thing out of her dissatisfaction. First one was that photo thing. Other, it's when she said 'I notice your bf talk to me more than he talks to you when we were out together'. I was thinking 'did you say purposely that because you want to make me unhappy' On the other side I was like 'ooo probably she's just being insensitive but no such bad intention'

Other one was when my bf call my mobile or msg me at msn, she wanted to pick up the phone or replied the msn with or without me knowing it and she would tease my bf.

I believe it's not that she has feeling for my bf, coz I know my bf isn't her type at all. And for sure, she doesn't have intention to date my bf whatsoever. She told me couple of times, she would never ever date a guy who dates or ever dated her friends.

But yeah, I confuse why she does that or if she just not thinking

I don't dare to talk to her yet, coz I don't want to make those stuff big deal. I don't want to feel like I'm such a grumpy person too. So far, she did nothing that harm my relationship.

I'm sorry it's such a long post. I know it sounds like I make it complicated myself

THanx for the advise, The_Snow_Queen

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

What are your opinions on me posting the last 11 posts in this forum?

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MariaMaria:

Holy crap! That sounds almost EXACTLY like what my best friend used to do. We often times liked the same guys, and she even dated/almost dated some of the guys that I dated/almost dated first! Anyway, that was back in the days when I CAKED on the makeup because I was so insecure about my acne. Needless to say, although this friend never took pictures of my bare face (I would never have allowed it), she would always "accidentally" comment about my excessive use of makuep around a guy I liked. Looking back, I am certain she had issues with my having any boyfriends because of the way she acted. It was a strange circle of insecurities, actually- she was insecure because I always got attention from guys, and I was insecure because once the guys got to know me they always went over to her (although she was much more of a flirt, both physically and verbally, than I ever was, so maybe that had something to do with it). I never tried to sabotage any of HER relationships, though. Needless to say all that doesn't matter because when I started going out with my current boyfriend two and a half years ago, she got really mad at me because I wasn't giving her enough attention anymore. We've ended our friendship since then, especially since two weeks after our initial fight she tried to get my boyfriend to breakup with me by singling him out after school and telling him all sorts of horrible things about me. He talked to me about it and soon found that none of her personal attacks toward me were true, or, if they were (such as the whole makeup thing), weren't worth caring about.

In my opinion, your "friend" is either feeling neglected by you, or has a thing for your man. Now, I'm not sure if she actually realized at the time what she was doing exactly, but I think subcontiously she did. Either way, this situation could get uglier than it is very quickly. The first thing you should do is talk to her about how you feel; don't be accusatory or anything like that, just try and "test the waters" a bit. Maybe start out asking something like, "I really hope you don't feel like I've been pushing you aside lately..." or "What do you think about my boyfriend's (insert his most attractive feature)." Although I do warn you that going into either topic could start a major fight if she becomes overly defensive, which if she does, there's a good chance your suspicions are legitamate.

Fortunately my boy doesn't give a shit about that picture. I honestly wish that moment I told her 'he use to see me like that' to show her that what she did wouldn't do anything to my relationship, if that was what she intended to do.

Actually this friend has been single for years and I notice some of her other friends start to date guys. Putting myself in her shoes, I think I would feel neglected / lonely / jealous to certain degree. I often ask her about this though, she always says she doesn't really care if her friends date. Sometimes I doubt it and thinking if she'e being defensive. Sometimes I believe it, as she always portrays herself as very easy going, little ignorant, busy working girl. I know her as that kind of girl for ages.

But I spot some scenario when I think she probably does thing out of her dissatisfaction. First one was that photo thing. Other, it's when she said 'I notice your bf talk to me more than he talks to you when we were out together'. I was thinking 'did you say purposely that because you want to make me unhappy' On the other side I was like 'ooo probably she's just being insensitive but no such bad intention'

Other one was when my bf call my mobile or msg me at msn, she wanted to pick up the phone or replied the msn with or without me knowing it and she would tease my bf.

I believe it's not that she has feeling for my bf, coz I know my bf isn't her type at all. And for sure, she doesn't have intention to date my bf whatsoever. She told me couple of times, she would never ever date a guy who dates or ever dated her friends.

But yeah, I confuse why she does that or if she just not thinking

I don't dare to talk to her yet, coz I don't want to make those stuff big deal. I don't want to feel like I'm such a grumpy person too. So far, she did nothing that harm my relationship.

I'm sorry it's such a long post. I know it sounds like I make it complicated myself

THanx for the advise, The_Snow_Queen

See you on Springer! LOL... So you really don't see her for what she is?????

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Mariamaria:

I still think you should talk to this girl because if you don't do it now, the situation is going to just keep getting worse, and one day you're going to just blow up in each other's faces or at the very least drift apart. It's not the point that your boyfriend doesn't care about what she's doing; the point is that she's doing it at all whether she realizes it or not, and it's clearly affecting you or else you wouldn't have started this topic. Also, something I didn't mention in my last post- even if she doesn't have a thing for your boyfriend, she may be trying to see if she can get your boyfriend interested in her to boost her self-esteem, which sounds pretty low based on what you've written. I've been in your friend's situation before (by that I mean everyone had a boyfriend but me), and while I never flirted with my friends' boyfriends, I would find myself flirting with random guys because I liked knowing that they seemed interested in me. And yes, I would pretend that I didn't care that I was single when everyone including myself knew that was a load of bull. If you and your friend can work out your issues with each other, that's great and I hope it works out, but otherwise yout friendship could become the kind of "toxic relationship" that Dr. Phil would feature, lol, except not really because that wouldn't be good. One more thing, don't think that all your friend needs to do is find a boyfriend, because what happens if they breakup? The problem would just resurface, except this time mixed in with post-breakup baggage, and things could become worse than ever. The only way to fix the problem is to talk with her, however difficult that wil be.

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Mariamaria:

Also, something I didn't mention in my last post- even if she doesn't have a thing for your boyfriend, she may be trying to see if she can get your boyfriend interested in her to boost her self-esteem,

You are saying someting that I've been thinking of. But I was unaware that I actually think that (sounds odd, I know)

You are right, I guess if it didn't bother me at all, I wouldn't have posted this topic. So far, we still get along well despite those thing that happen rarely. She's still very nice to me. I'm just afraid I will ruin the friendship if I brought up this topic.

Probably if she does this kind of thing again, then I would better talk to her.

Thanx a lot

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You are completely justified with your fears that speaking to your friend about her actions could cost you your friendship with her, although I think that if your friendship can't resume after a fight it probably wasn't worth it anyway (provided you kept your cool when speaking to her and didn't insult her or cross the line in some way). I say this because as your friend, she should recognize your feelings and do her best to respect them, and be willing to (eventually) accept that she could have acted in a better way towards you. Keep in mind though that is only my opinion based on what you've written; I don't know your friend so could be wrong.

I think it's reasonable to wait and talk to her about your concerns until she does something offensive again. There is a chance that your friend could outgrow her insecurities (though even if she seems to outgrow them she might resort to her prior actions against you should she ever become insecure with herself again). If your friend truly gets past her insecurities it's OK not to talk to her about her past actions- provided you don't require an apology from her to genuinely forgive her and stop holding anything against her. Be careful with this- you might think you're over her past behavior, but if you find yourself resenting her in any way it will be harder to talk to her about your concerns the longer you wait.

Whatever you do, I hope things go well.

-The_Snow_Queen

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