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So right now my acne really isn't that bad .. but the signs of acne ravaging my face are present. Red marks, scars. I only have a few scarred pores on my left cheek, one hyperotrophic scar, and various slash scars from being attacked by a dog when I was a little girl.

However on my right cheek, it's taking on the appearance of an orange peel. For some reason, I have SEVERELY clogged pores only on this cheek in this one area. I tried gently exfoliating them (aha) and using a wash cloth. I can't use retinols, don't suggest it. I've left them alone for too long, I finally said fuck it, and squeezed them all out. It was so disgusting. I can't believe those long strings of yellow/white crap were inside my skin. So disgusting. I think i'd rather take the scars over that.

But i'm just so ridiculously depressed right now. In my sophmore year of highschool, I tried to stop taking prozac (which i've been on since I was 10 years old) and I ended up in the mental institution. Over acne. I swear to god if I knew then that I would actually be one of the people who not only scarred from acne, but still have it now, I would have killed myself then.

I just don't feel like being alive anymore.

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I read you got prescribed accutane, congrats. However, accutane obviously causes huge mood swings... if you would consider yourself depressed right now do you really think its a good idea to get on accutane?

I mean I know youre depressed cause of acne (its a catch 22) but still, definately something to watch out for...

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Are you exercising? Going outside? Breathing fresh air? Eating good foods and not just supplementing everything with vitamin tablets?

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I know, thank you for your concern, my dad was worried about that too so he set it up so that I will be going to a psychologist during my course of accutane.

Are you exercising? Going outside? Breathing fresh air? Eating good foods and not just supplementing everything with vitamin tablets?

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Sounds like it has alot to do with mindset then. Is your depression due to chemical inbalance? Do you think you'll ever be able to accept what's happened? I mean you can look into scar revision later on. Small steps.

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Sounds like it has alot to do with mindset then. Is your depression due to chemical inbalance? Do you think you'll ever be able to accept what's happened? I mean you can look into scar revision later on. Small steps.

How can I look in to scar revision? I can't get a job, because I can't be around people. I always get really bad anxiety attacks, and I start crying. How would I save up money to afford the surgery? Insurance doesn't cover it.

I can't accept what has happened. I really can't. I want my face back.

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Daaaamn.. kanmi.. :cry: *hugs*

I dun really what to say! It seems as though you've tried everything. Maybe you just need some hardcore mental-disorder-ish drugs prescribed to you.. Like ones for those anxiety attacks and whatnot.

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What happened to you at 10 that you went onto ADs?

I don't know, my parents just said they didn't think I was like all the other kids at school and my doctor (who is in jail now) put me on medication. 8 years later, i'm still taking it.

Daaaamn.. kanmi.. :cry: *hugs*

I dun really what to say! It seems as though you've tried everything. Maybe you just need some hardcore mental-disorder-ish drugs prescribed to you.. Like ones for those anxiety attacks and whatnot.

I'd rather just die in my sleep tonight. I know i'll never be happy.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Sounds like it has alot to do with mindset then. Is your depression due to chemical inbalance? Do you think you'll ever be able to accept what's happened? I mean you can look into scar revision later on. Small steps.

How can I look in to scar revision? I can't get a job, because I can't be around people. I always get really bad anxiety attacks, and I start crying. How would I save up money to afford the surgery? Insurance doesn't cover it.

I can't accept what has happened. I really can't. I want my face back.

Okay, that puts up alot of road blocks. Some of them are obviously hard to get around, but i still think it's a cop-out to some extent. If you really want something, you have to try hard sometimes. Granted that depression is awful, but you also have to help yourself. You can't rely 100% on pills and miracles.

My skin was about 10 times as bad as yours. And i know it's all relative, but you can make your face look better eventually. I was never intraverted before it, but acne drove me into a dark room for ages. I was in the exact same frame of mind as you. Just wanted my face back. Felt completely helpless, still do sometimes. But that's what it is. You feel like you need someone to rescue you, but sometimes it's completely up to you alone. Nobody else thinks these things about you Jayme, it's all about what you think.

Obviously this goes beyond acne, it's morphed far beyond that. You really need to approach this from the angle of sorting out your social anxiety. I think that a great way to astart the ball rolling is to think of a few simple goals.

Consider this:

You're on Accutane. You only need to keep moisturiser on your skin, and obviously sunscreen when exposed to UV rays. Don't bother with any other lotions etc...

This is going to kill the active acne on your face, leave the scars for now. There is no way you can attempt scar revision whilst on Tane.

In the meantime, look at sorting out the anxiety with this psychologist. There's no need to be overwhelmed by all the issues you have, start with simple things.

If you sort out your social anxiety, you can look into getting a job. If you get a job, you can save some money. If you save money, you can look into scar revision.

:D

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Wow, namine. I don't know what happened to your gallery, or if I just saw pictures of you elsewhere, but I remember thinking you were very pretty. I'm sad to hear that your skin bothers you that much. I'd kiss your forehead and sing you to sleep if I could.

I hope you find something that makes your life worth living. You're still pretty young.

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Sounds like it has alot to do with mindset then. Is your depression due to chemical inbalance? Do you think you'll ever be able to accept what's happened? I mean you can look into scar revision later on. Small steps.

How can I look in to scar revision? I can't get a job, because I can't be around people. I always get really bad anxiety attacks, and I start crying. How would I save up money to afford the surgery? Insurance doesn't cover it.

I can't accept what has happened. I really can't. I want my face back.

Okay, that puts up alot of road blocks. Some of them are obviously hard to get around, but i still think it's a cop-out to some extent. If you really want something, you have to try hard sometimes. Granted that depression is awful, but you also have to help yourself. You can't rely 100% on pills and miracles.

My skin was about 10 times as bad as yours. And i know it's all relative, but you can make your face look better eventually. I was never intraverted before it, but acne drove me into a dark room for ages. I was in the exact same frame of mind as you. Just wanted my face back. Felt completely helpless, still do sometimes. But that's what it is. You feel like you need someone to rescue you, but sometimes it's completely up to you alone. Nobody else thinks these things about you Jayme, it's all about what you think.

Obviously this goes beyond acne, it's morphed far beyond that. You really need to approach this from the angle of sorting out your social anxiety. I think that a great way to astart the ball rolling is to think of a few simple goals.

Consider this:

You're on Accutane. You only need to keep moisturiser on your skin, and obviously sunscreen when exposed to UV rays. Don't bother with any other lotions etc...

This is going to kill the active acne on your face, leave the scars for now. There is no way you can attempt scar revision whilst on Tane.

In the meantime, look at sorting out the anxiety with this psychologist. There's no need to be overwhelmed by all the issues you have, start with simple things.

If you sort out your social anxiety, you can look into getting a job. If you get a job, you can save some money. If you save money, you can look into scar revision.

:D

James, don't scare me like that, I don't want to think of the possibility of scarring even worse on accutane. I really don't think I can take it. Thank you for your advice though, I just don't know if it's possible. I tried working once, as a hostess as a restaurant, and i'd always end up having to go in the back and cry. Every day. And I only worked for four hours a day.

You give me the advice with the thought in your head that I could be a strong person. But I can't be.

Wow, namine. I don't know what happened to your gallery, or if I just saw pictures of you elsewhere, but I remember thinking you were very pretty. I'm sad to hear that your skin bothers you that much. I'd kiss your forehead and sing you to sleep if I could.

I hope you find something that makes your life worth living. You're still pretty young.

Thank you, you're very sweet.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

I wasn't really going for the strong approach. It just seem obvious to me. You want to fix scars, but need money. You can't get a job because you get social anxiety. Go to a professional and try to manage this anxiety.

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how about getting a job with limited face to face social interaction to finance scar treatments? For example, my mother worked in a call centre for 3 months, and was able to work from home after an agreement with her boss. I'm sure there are many other similar jobs out there. Make an appointment with a job agency, and go from there to see what's available and within your abilities/comfort zone.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

My acne was at its worst in 10th - 11th grade. You are in 10th now so it will only get better in a couple years.

Are you her genetic equivalent? :think:

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My acne was at its worst in 10th - 11th grade. You are in 10th now so it will only get better in a couple years.

Are you her genetic equivalent? :think:

:lol: thanks for the laugh, James. Mr. Handsome .. i'm not in 10th grade. I'm 18. I dropped out of highschool. I'm not in any grade.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

All good. Although i do wish you'd take some of the simple advice. I think you would be surprised at how much it changes things. *sighs*

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awww,dude. *hugs* i wish i knew some wise words or something comforting to say, but i think ur extremely brave with everything that ur going through, and i believe that ur stronger than u think u are. Never give up matey.

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:cry:

i'm so sorry you have to go through this. but don't worry, my parents are taking me to a psychologist soon also, and it might help us both to have someone to talk to.

i know how rough you have it, and i completely understand the don't-want-to-live stuff. but for now, just remember that there are a lot of people who care about you- including me and everyone else on this post!.

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:cry:

i'm so sorry you have to go through this. but don't worry, my parents are taking me to a psychologist soon also, and it might help us both to have someone to talk to.

i know how rough you have it, and i completely understand the don't-want-to-live stuff. but for now, just remember that there are a lot of people who care about you- including me and everyone else on this post!.

I agree and your parents are obviously caring about you by taking you to see a doctor and stuff

you have alot more to live for in life :angel: please cheer up

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Hostessing in a restaurant sounds like the worst possible job for you, under the circumstances.

IMO ... you need to turn off the computer, get away from the bathroom mirror, and go do a little volunteer work. I suggest a shelter for homeless women and children ... or a battered women's shelter. Somewhere that will take you completely out of your own head for, say, 10 hours a week, and put you in a position where you can, through your own efforts, make a small but positive difference to others.

There's nothing like a little hard work, productivity, and human contact to start getting you past your social anxiety. And I guarantee you, there would be people who would be deeply and truly grateful for your efforts. They would be oblivious to these flaws that obsess you. They would see you as a real, whole, caring human being.

Think about it ....

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i'm not in 10th grade. I'm 18. I dropped out of highschool. I'm not in any grade.

Same. Dropped out in Grade 11 due to acne. Yup, that's how bad it was. :|

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Hostessing in a restaurant sounds like the worst possible job for you, under the circumstances.

IMO ... you need to turn off the computer, get away from the bathroom mirror, and go do a little volunteer work. I suggest a shelter for homeless women and children ... or a battered women's shelter. Somewhere that will take you completely out of your own head for, say, 10 hours a week, and put you in a position where you can, through your own efforts, make a small but positive difference to others.

There's nothing like a little hard work, productivity, and human contact to start getting you past your social anxiety. And I guarantee you, there would be people who would be deeply and truly grateful for your efforts. They would be oblivious to these flaws that obsess you. They would see you as a real, whole, caring human being.

Think about it ....

That's a wonderful suggestion. :D

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