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chikita8

Super pissed! Why do I let acne ruin my days?

Hey I just needed to write this because I had a really bad day (as usual) and needed to vent off my bitter feelings. I am angry because I see how sad my acne makes me, and how weak it has caused me to become. I let it overpower me, like to the point where my acne literally controls what I will do in the day or what I wont do. Ugh, why do I let it effect me so much and why do i care what other people think of me? I guess ive just always cared about my self image. I must admit i am a paranoid person who thinks everybody is staring straight at my zits but seriously how could they not? its kinda hard looking someone in the face and trying to act like you dont see that big ass zit smack in the middle of their face... this is why my acne has ruined my self-esteem. I hate having to deal with this all the time.

So let me tell you all what happens to me because of my acne. Well to start off i am a college student so clearly I am forced to be around people all the time, but this only gets me mad when I have super bad breakouts like this week! I have moderate to mild acne so I am never complelety clear of acne, but for the most part I do have some good days( not really visible whitheads, and blackheads), some okay days (1 or 3 zits) and then my bad days( 5 or more clearly visible pimples).

Anyway just the other day I was looking in the mirror and I was like wow my skin looks great. I was so excited and happy that I woke up for class in the morning, washed my face and did not even wear make up. So i got back to the room and noticed that even tho my face appeared to have no acne, there were some visible whitheads that I felt the urge to extract and i made a big mistake! The next day I woke up with 2 new zits OUT OF NOWHERE!!!! has anybody ever had those pimples, at literally grow so big overnight with no signs what so ever. So yeah i was just a little bummed cuz i was like damn, why cant i have more than 1 day with having clear skin and being able to enjoy not having to wear make up. 2 zits big deal, i got over it BUTTTTT the next day.....

I woke up with like 5 new zits...how did i not see this coming! I was so sad and feeling down. I forced myself to get to class but I had to really make myself go because I was one step away from jumping back into my bed and not having to face people. So i got there late and just faced the day.

At this point I had been stressing over finals and due dates for the next two weeks and I suffer from anxiety so that was keeping me from sleep and i was just a disaster which is prob why my face exploded. So yeah they got even worse one would go down and another would come...I couldnt help but pick my face..only a little tho cuz i have been trying to stop that and I must admit i have been pretty good about it. So obviously where i did pick, i thought it would have gone away..but surprise surprise it only got bigger...gee when am i ever gonna learn

So yeah i didnt go out to my friends birthday and i felt so bad but there was no way i could leave my room and sit at a restaurant with people sitting like 2 inches away from you, even if they are my friends i still feel gross about it, so its only worse to have others look at it.

I smothered my zits in bp , but they obviously werent going to miraculously go away, as i wish in my dreams i could just wake up with a fresh clean face.... So this whole week ive been down, and really needed to get things done for school and couldnt even get up the courage to leave my suite. None of my friends have problems with acne and they just get up in the morning and happily wake up and walk around the suite with no problem. NOT ME! WHAT DO I DO? hmm...lets see yeah ive had the same roomate for this whole year but i still wasnt always so comfortable with her seeing my pimples with out make up...so if shes up i have to ly in bed and make pretend im sleeping until she leaves the room...what a relief! I finally get up and cover my face to walk to the bathroom incase any other suitemates pop out and run into the shower then come out and feel gross cuz i have to look at my face in the mirror and face reality. Now i do not have severe acne, ocasionaly it gets bad like this. My face will erupt in about 5 small zits and like 1 or 2 hugeeeee monsters which i cant bear to look at so obviously i crawl in my bed and hide for the rest of the day no matter what i had planned.

I am happy and proud of myself though because unlike other times this has happened i actually crawled back out of bed (it took me an hour or 2) but i said you know what screw what other people think i need to get my stuff done, and go to the store to pick up medicine and go to the library to study. I have attention deficit disorder and need aderall to study and get my work done, but unfortunatly i had run out, and desperatly needed to get some more because i had finals this week..and i almost didnt go because of my acne. So i just left to the bus and yeah i felt a little uncomfortable because i felt like everybody could see the major cysts on my face but I need to get over my low self esteem which just makes me more stressed and depressed and i get more pimples..soo bottom line is...i realy will try to maintain this attitude for as long as i can!

The END ( finally!!!!...lol i know it was long)

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Guest Calibos

it was pretty long but i noticed noone had posted a reply to this and i thought that was kinda mean so i decided to read your story.

I know how you feel, put it that way. Some days and you wake up and think "Yes, my skin looks great, fuck you acne!" and then later on you can feel them buldging against your face, even worse is when you've convinced yourself you look ok and then you catch a glimpse in the mirror and think "Oh whats that" and there you can see that you must have still been drunk this morning as your skin looks awful.

Its like number 1 fear having people glare at your acne, it may seem impossible not to think that they could possibly be looking at anything else. Theres probably some technical psychological excuse such as "Negative energy will transpose from your body and be picked up on by other people" basically, if you cant forget it, nor can they. Really, unless your talking a complete bitch who's stuck up their arse so far they can see.....well the inside of their arse, most people probably won't notice it half as much - ever thought theres something insecure about them they're trying to hide? We're our own worst enemy, once we beat ourselves (not literally) we will be able to do anything, its one of the hardest things to do in life - learning to accept and love yourself, but really it should be so easy, there will never be another person like us (minus cloning) we are perfectly unique and are beautiful, once you and i learn this, we'll be a whole lot happier.

Sucks about having to wait till your own room mate has to leave, but i know how it feels. Whenever i stay over someones i used to be the first one up and would go straight into the bathroom and put on my makeup, fair enough you might think but im a dude! :lol:

On dates i was worse, i would make excuses to go to the toilet every 20 minutes just to see that nothing had changed on my face since the last time, more often than not i was anxious for the date to end just so i could get home and wash my face. lol

Stressing about your face will only make it worse, i know its a kick in the balls (well for men it is anyway) as you think "Well i wouldn't fucking stress about my fucking face if i didn't have any fucking acne!!!".

Its a shit i know, best way to get out of the cycle is to, quite simply, enjoy yourself! Do something you love with people you love, in a couple of days you'll see the improvement and you wont stress anymore, hey preto - a clearer faced you will appear in the mirror.

Don't pop your white heads, you'll only end up regretting it with scars - im stuck with scars and they're a whole lot harder to get rid of, most of the treatments will break you out aswell so theres a double whammy there, they make you look older, rougher and are not pleasant in the sun. I strongly advise you keep your hands away from your face!

Hope some of this helped dude, if you ever feel like poppin a white head again just think "Scars".

Calibos

x

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I don't think I would have been able deal with having a room mate when my acne was bad. I'm quite a private person anyway, but my skin problems just made it worse.

Nice to see you're strong enough to pull through even when you feel like shit. :)

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Sometimes I'll have a pimple pop up outta' no where....no sign, no slight redness, no itchiness...nothing. In the morning, I'll look in mirror and -->BAM<--... :o.....there it is!!!

That happened a few days ago, a big one began erupting right near my nose. I knew it was going to be trouble if I did not act fast. BP alone does not work for me. In the morning, I BP'd it and used some Tea Tree Oil (this stuff works well for me). Get home from work, BP and Tea Tree Oil. Before I go to bed, BP and salicylic acid over night treatment.

Good news, :razz: - the pimple never totally formed or errupted. It went down as quickly as it popped up. I had a little hyperpigmentation...but I have some fade gel for that, so it wasn't an issue. Pimple Wednesday night and 90% gone by Saturday night. Not noticable at all.... :clap:

Hurray Tea Tree Oil.... :P

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