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Guest hopelessGuy

Gather around kids, because its story time from HopelessGuy.

Guest hopelessGuy

What you are about to read are real events of my life. I have tons of stories to share....

My friend's little brother Vinny, he was a freshman in high school and I would always be over at his house. Vinny would always levae his shoes outside the front porch, so one night, I decided to pee in them. Next morning I saw Vinny at school, I asked him, "Hey, your shoes wet?' He said, "Yes, why?" I told him because I had peed in them. Vinny then said, "No wonder the insides looked yellow when I looked at them this morning!"

When I was 13 or 14...I seen a guy get shot and killed in front of me over about $20 in a dice game. The shooter was a guy in a wheelchair, after shooting the guy, he just strolled off!

Thats about it for now kids...now run along and cleanse your faces.

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What you are about to read are real events of my life. I have tons of stories to share....

My friend's little brother Vinny, he was a freshman in high school and I would always be over at his house. Vinny would always levae his shoes outside the front porch, so one night, I decided to pee in them. Next morning I saw Vinny at school, I asked him, "Hey, your shoes wet?' He said, "Yes, why?" I told him because I had peed in them. Vinny then said, "No wonder the insides looked yellow when I looked at them this morning!"

When I was 13 or 14...I seen a guy get shot and killed in front of me over about $20 in a dice game. The shooter was a guy in a wheelchair, after shooting the guy, he just strolled off!

Thats about it for now kids...now run along and cleanse your faces.

:eh:

I'm surprised Vinny didn't get mad ... and what? he wore them? One pair of shoes?

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Guest hopelessGuy

Vinny was upset I guess, but he couldn'y say or do anything because he was younger and smaller. I don't know why he still wore them, maybe they were his favorite pair.

Here's another short story...

I gotten a $90 ticket for driving too close to a cop, yes, "driving too close to a cop". I have never heard of such a thing before, but anyways...I approached him from behind, green light was on and he wouldn't move, I figured since he was a cop he must be doing something so I tried to pass him on the left side, he opened his door, approached me and asked why I was driving too close? He told me to pull over, didn't explain much, gave me a ticket and told me to go fight it in court. Here in NYC, city has budget problems, and cops are encouraged to give out as many tickets as they can to collect money. So i went to court, the idiot actually said I was "tailgating" him. Who in their right mind would tailgate a cop? Judge saw that I was annoyed and believed me and dismissed the case. Bastards!

I used to get into alot of fights as a kid, especially with girls..and no I do not do it til today. I can recall being in the 1st grade, I had gotten into a scuffle with two sisters next door, we pulled each other's hair and kicked and punched each other. After it was all over, I was furious, I went home and got my dad's saw, I climbed up on their lime tree and started sawing off branches. I didn't accomplished anything, my hands got tired doing so.

Another fight with a girl was in the 5th grade, school had ended, I was walking home, and in front of me was a girl with her bike, I think I yelled out Bitch, but it wasn't meant for her. She slammed her bike on the ground, came towards me, keep in mind this girl was much bigger than me...as she approached me with rage, I didn't know what to do so I socked her on the right cheek. It didn't even phase her, god she was a beast, she grabbed me and, some said she body slammed me, but thats not accurate, she flung me to the ground, before anything else could be done, the yellow school bus pulled up and stopped, door opened and the bus driver told us to knock it off.

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You crack me up... :lol: ..

I have tons of funny stories, all true..lol.. unfortunately, I'm too lazy to write them here...heyyy, we should get together and write a sitcom...$$$$.. :lol:

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Guest hopelessGuy

Not a bad idea, but what shall the sitcom be based upon and called?

Ok, here's tonights stories for you all to indulge in.....

This one is kind of bad, unethical...

My family has a retard...I mean a mentally challenged guy as the family's personal servant/worker/laborer, I'll just call him Bob. Bob isn't the most pleasant thing to look at, he's overweight, bad teeth, has a foul odor, uncombed hair, weighs about I don't know 350lbs/158kg, and he's black. He does everything from lifting heavy equipments for my pops, mow our yards, clean our bathrooms, pick up doggy poop, wash our dishes, clean our houses, plunge our toilets when its acting up. He also tends and look after my folk's businesses, he does everything and gets paid less than $10 a day, and I think he told me once he wanted a raise but my pops would decline, saying he could get other retards.

Bob sometimes act as our security gaurd, because he looks so so so, ummm....a creepy/frightful way that no one would dare mess with him. I remember one time the state lottery was up to like almost $300 million, my pops stuffed a $1000 in a brown paper bag and brought Bob along as security, sorry to say we didn't win. In another incident, my little sister, I think 16 years old at the time wanted to go hang out with a college guy, I told her sure, if Bob tagged along, she would not allow it. She tried to pull a fast one on me, the college guy came and they both drove off to go eat at at a nice resturaunt, Bob and I hopped in my car and drove after them...they knew they couldn't shake us off, so they stopped at a friend's house, thats where the punk got out and tried to introduce himself to me, I didn't want no part of it, I said where ever you;re going, big Bob will escort my baby sister. The college punk and his buddy had some time to chat things through, I knew I had messed up their plans. They tried to be nice and asked if I wanted to go eat with them, I declined. So they left to go eat, and I in pursuit, when they got to the resturaunt I told Bob to go eat with them, it was their treat, even though they didn't want to. So all in all that night, my little sister was embarassed, she went home and didn't even get to eat, and since then, she never had anymore contact with that punk.

My parents live in a nice big ole house in the suburbs where there arent many blacks, and when we bring Bob home with us, we get all kinds of stares from the neighbors. Friend's of ours have commented they wished they had a slave. Bob sticks around because he has a crush on one of my sisters also. I know this sounds all awefull, but it really isn't, Bob doesn't have any family except his mother whom he barely sees, so Bob eats with us like a family, we take him to go to his doctors, pay bills, we get lots of stares when we take him with us but we don't care.

Tune in next time kiddies and I'll tell you about my science camp trip....so run along and cleanse your faces now.

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Guest hopelessGuy

I'll never feel sorry for you since you hit a girl. Wtf is wrong with you?

what the heck I was like in the 5th grade....some wild beast came charging at me, she was known to be a bully. I am nothing like that today...geez.

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Guest hopelessGuy

You made me feel bad....now I'm just gonna go around punching girls in the head and beating them up!

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Guest hopelessGuy

BrokenFlower....what kind of sitcom you wana write? Camp fire eh, haven't been around one in a long time!

I guess my last story about Bob didn't bid so well with the moderators, I'll try not to write more stories like that again.

So heres a a couple of short stories to read if you're on your lunch break or caged in your room...

Science camp trip for a week in the 6th grade at Miur woods up north of beautiful San Francisco. It wasn't just my school, but about four other schools along also, there were four or five cabins full of boys, each cabin had a camp leader consisted of high school seniors. These cabin leaders of ours were drugged up jocks that brought along drugs and chewing tobacco. This trip, we were suppose to learn about nature, experience it, and other crap; but what our cabin leaders decided to do was set up Fight Night among the different cabins full of boys. Yep, so every night for the whole week, my cabin was filled with boys from other cabins, encouraged by our cabin leaders to fight one another. Our cabin leaders had their wagers and crap, saying, "my kid and beat your kid." Man was it fun, for me atleast, not sure about the other boys who got their asses kicked. We tooked pictures of ass whoopings and all, I remeber a kid from another cabin picking on one of my cabin buddy, so I yelled, "If you wanna pick on some one pick on me." My cabin leader was impressed and wanted to make this the feature fight for the next night, fight never took place, forget why. All in all it sure quite an experience. Oh yeah, star fishes, they're hard as rocks, but not entirely, just lift a heavy 20 pound rock and drop it on the star fish and white stuff will ooze out.

A French tourist had asked me where Time Square was, he didn't know realize he was only about two blocks down the street from it....so I being the nice guy that I am, showed him the opposite wrong direction....hehehehe sucker!

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Guest hopelessGuy

I like to use humour as relief for things, get people to laugh a little. I grew up with a nice childhood, so I can't really comment about abuse scenarios...I get very uncomfortable hearing, listening about abuse stories...I try to change the subject. I wouldn't know what to say to the people, all I can say is ,"I'm sorry", but the victims hears it all the time and like it helps...so I like happy, funny stories to get on by.

Tune in later kiddies...I got plenty more...

ny mets in 2006!!!

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LOL - it's okay. Most people don't know what to do with abuse stories, either. Pretty par for the course, really. :)

I've actually been trying to tone down the frequency of which I tell those stories lately. We'll see how this experiment pans out.....

Happy funny stories are good. I'm sure I have some. I just gotta think really hard......lol.

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I could have been that bully girl beating on you in the fifth grade hopelessGuy.......I was a bully as a kid. I learned from a young age it was totally fine to hit people. My dad beat the shit out of me time and time again, so what was wrong with it.? I retailiated by beating up on the boys, the bigger ones too.....my dad was a boy (a much bigger one) and he was allowed to hit me.....so what was wrong with me hitting the boys who pissed me off in school........I'd kick them in the chins, or in the groin. I'd scratch them across the face with my little claws and draw blood....no wonder I was in special-ed as a kid and had to ride the short bus.........

I grew up and curbed my violent tendancies and my agression toward the male gender........but it didn't stop me from almost beating stalker boy to death with a baseball bat (a metal one too)........when he broke into my house and tried to attack me last year.......

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Well, beating up boy stalker was a good thing. Basterd had it coming - that has nothing to do with your violent childhood tendancies. :)

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Guest ilovepancakes

Haha, your stories are entertaining

:ninja:

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That's okay. I bet St. Peter has a very similar sense of humour. Can you imagine this?

*walking up to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates of Heaven* "Heya St. Pete. So, how do I get in?"

*St. Pete smiles and says: * "Oh, just take the shortcut. It'll get you there fast." *points down*

Alright, lame joke, but I try. :)

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Guest hopelessGuy

I could have been that bully girl beating on you in the fifth grade hopelessGuy.......I was a bully as a kid. I learned from a young age it was totally fine to hit people. My dad beat the shit out of me time and time again, so what was wrong with it.? I retailiated by beating up on the boys, the bigger ones too.....my dad was a boy (a much bigger one) and he was allowed to hit me.....so what was wrong with me hitting the boys who pissed me off in school........I'd kick them in the chins, or in the groin. I'd scratch them across the face with my little claws and draw blood....no wonder I was in special-ed as a kid and had to ride the short bus.........

I grew up and curbed my violent tendancies and my agression toward the male gender........but it didn't stop me from almost beating stalker boy to death with a baseball bat (a metal one too)........when he broke into my house and tried to attack me last year.......

Awww gee golly wow Labgirlie, now why you gona have to tell me such a story like that for, you know I don't like hearing such......the short bus eh, I always wondered what it was like, how is it really?

Do you still have aggression towards the male gender?

Tune in later kiddies...more wonderfull stories ahcumin...

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Guest hopelessGuy

This weekend was awesome, I must've gained like 5lbs. eating like a pig,the weather was awesome and the glycolic acid peel is helping me a lot with the blemishes and my skin's pores & appearance, just wished I discovered it sooner :D

Ok kiddies....here's today's stories for you to indulge in...

At 6 years old I was known as a little rascal in the neighborhood, everyone knew who I was, from burning neighbor's truck down, peeing on their yards, playing with firecrackers, getting into fights. One of the things I enjoyed best was knocking on people's doors and running away. There was a particular neighbor that I always picked on, I guess because that house was full of pretty girls; one day, I kept knocking on their door and running away perhaps a few times already, and on my last attempt, they were anticipating me. As I approached to bang on the door, it suddenly opened and I was grabbed by the old man, he carried me into their bathroom and made me sit on the toilet. While I was crying from sheer fright sitting on the toilet, the old man had a toilet plunger in my face, he just kept shoving it. I was crying like hell, he stopped then brought me out to the living room where the entire family was, just laughing at me, the old lady of the house gave me a piece of cake and told me to go home. I went home and told my mother what had happend and I soon forgot all about it because I had my cake.

In middle school I took a home economics class, it taught us how to cook, use kitchen appliances, tools, and other crap. I recall my group, consisted of childish boys, had to prepare food for the entire class to try. We were suppose to make cole slaw, well, in our cole slaw, we threw everything we could find into it, from erasers, saliva, dish washing soap, dirt, boogers, and other junk. We allowed a group of girls to try it first, they were non the wiser about what we just did, one of the girls tasted it, she had this look of disgust in her face, she then said out loud that it tasted like soap. The teacher heard this, and she told the girl that there wasn't any soap in the cole slaw, but we all knew the teacher was lying, you could just tell by the way she said it and the expression on her face.

"I've been constipated for a whole week, and there ain't a damn thing you can do about it!"

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I could have been that bully girl beating on you in the fifth grade hopelessGuy.......I was a bully as a kid. I learned from a young age it was totally fine to hit people. My dad beat the shit out of me time and time again, so what was wrong with it.? I retailiated by beating up on the boys, the bigger ones too.....my dad was a boy (a much bigger one) and he was allowed to hit me.....so what was wrong with me hitting the boys who pissed me off in school........I'd kick them in the chins, or in the groin. I'd scratch them across the face with my little claws and draw blood....no wonder I was in special-ed as a kid and had to ride the short bus.........

I grew up and curbed my violent tendancies and my agression toward the male gender........but it didn't stop me from almost beating stalker boy to death with a baseball bat (a metal one too)........when he broke into my house and tried to attack me last year.......

Awww gee golly wow Labgirlie, now why you gona have to tell me such a story like that for, you know I don't like hearing such......the short bus eh, I always wondered what it was like, how is it really?

Do you still have aggression towards the male gender?

Tune in later kiddies...more wonderfull stories ahcumin...

The short bus was fun.....I didn't have to wear a helmet or anything. I was actually in special ed cuz I was put on the autism spectrum when I was 5.....not cuz I liked to hit people (although that didn't help my case either).......I'm not autistic and never was.....I was hyperlexic (and still am)........I was on Ritalin until I was 12.....I got made fun of a little for being in special ed, but I got to meet some ineresting kids......They released me into normal school in ninth grade......I didn't even last two years and dropped out at the end of my sophmore year of high school.......I still use my nickname from middle school sometimes....."Special Sarah" when I have a blonde moment.....

I don't have any aggression towards the male gender now that I'm a grown up (except for those who threated to disembowel me or slit my throat). I'm way over the stuff that happened with my dad, and with other men who have hurt me physically........

I'm in a loving and stable relationship with a man, who I've been with for almost 11 years......I smack him around a little, but only when he gets out of line..... :lol:

Actually I've never evne been tempted to hit him.....evne when he gleeks at me or ties my hair to the bed post while I'm sleeping...........

The only time we physially fight is when he feels compelled to practice submission moves on me (usually after we watch UFC or Pride)....then I tickle him......that Polish boy is super ticklish.....I can bring tears to his eyes........a rear naked choke is nothing compared to a good undearm tickle.....and the position leave his pretty little armpits wide open for the attack...........He'll tap out in a few seconds.......

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Guest hopelessGuy

Ok kiddies, here's tonight's stories...

My friend was once arrested for shoplifting freakin cookies, freakin cookies man, I mean how much do cookies even costs, like two bucks the most? He wasn't a little kid, he was like 17 years old at the time, gosh what an idiot.

My mother called me over the weekend, complaing about the advices I gave to my sisters, how they should use guys, make them pay their bills, rents and everything else, that they're still young to be commited in a relationships, and that if they are to be in a relationship, make sure the guys treats you like a princess. Well, my youngest sister listens to me because we are very close took my advices. My mother complained that she, at 17, using a guy thats 20 or 21 I forgot, getting him all broke, she gets him to take her shopping, pays her bills, take her out, even making him change how he dresses, poor guy, my mother said, is even using his dad' credit cards on her. My mother said thats not even half of it, "your father" is using the poor kid also, my father is getting the guy to load up a lawn mower onto his truck to go mow some of his properties yards, buy my father appliances with his 10% discounts at Lowe's Home improvements, and my pop's making the guy fix his motor parts, and if the kid can't do it, get some one to. My mother told me not to teach my sisters such things, she said, "what if your sister breaks this guy's heart, he'll come burn my house down!" She also mentioned that my father said to my sister that she used the guy enough already and leave to get ready to go off to college. I still stand by my advices, guys should treat girls as princesses and that they should be used by pretty girls. :D

Tune in next time for more splendid stories...

"Rick James' hair smells like weed and coochie."

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Guest hopelessGuy

Lostgirl, I just realized that you're Drucsilla...I haven't seen you on here a while and thought you might have done something to yourself, glad you didn't.

Tune in later kids, more stories to come...

"Bubba is my best good friend."

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