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Abby L

Adult acne and relationships

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Im 27.

Never had a proper girlfriend because acne holds me back. Whenever i got a date, id worry my acne would get worse and id stay away from a girl because i wouldnt want acne around her.

When ive been acne clear for a while, all my self esteem comes back. But if i have any acne i get very consious of it and back away from anything like that.

Sucks, because before i had acne, i pretty much would ask girls out without a worry.

That echos right to my own soul...

but on the up side of things I have seen guys with way worse skin than mine with very pretty girlfriends.

Plus I saw a reality show on youtube called size matters, where 3 misshapen men, overcome their physical limitations. I think the guys who feel like having zits make you a monster should watch it, it gives hope.

I try not to let it hold me back as much, but when I get a big pimple and I am talking to someone, occasionally I catch them staring at it, then they pretend they weren't :whistle: . Inside I get so frustrated.

My friend suggested a online dating site, and all I could think of was fearing the taste of rejection from my bad skin pictures(although my skin is now better than EVER).

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ok you all may find this incredibly shallow and it certainly wasnt worthy of its own thread so forgive me for hijacking this but omg!!

My boyf has been away all week on business and Im finally getting to see him tonight and he's stayin over so def gonna see me without makeup and Im in the middle of a hideos breakout!!!!

sob... I need a hug folks. He's seen me without makeup before but never when my skin looks like this... :cry:

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Im sure you will be alright. If your bf doesnt like you without make up because of you break outs then he isnt worth it.

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I feel the same way about afraid to date or dont like to go into public because of acne.

I am 18 almost 19 years old and never have had a girl because of self esteem. I have

tried many things to try & get clear but nothing kept me clear. I want to experiment love but at the same time dont because I feel like im not attractive.

Man I know exactly what you mean. Im 21 and have never had a date, and because of my acne I don't want one either. It seems weird to me that most of you want to to get into relationships at all!

My acne is mild, but I am very conscious of it. Significantly so when talking to a hot bird. If I put my mind to it I think I would be quite able to land a gf, however I am convinced that because of my acne (not wanting to see her when its bad, being reluctant to meet her friends etc.) that the relationship would be only a farce and if she didnt end it soon I would. Given that I have acne, I think I am far happier without a girlfriend.

To me, the decision not to even try and get a gf (and on the odd occasion when an opportunity arises to pass it by) seems so obvious and logical that it doesn't seem like a decision at all. But judging by this thread most ppl dont feel the same way and this confuses me greatly! :eh:

One other thing- if I were to be in a relationship, Im fairly sure that the hardest part of it wouldnt be the acne directly but rather having to put bp on every day. I put it on in the evening only, and there is no way i would be able to put bp on then go and lie down beside by gf with it slapped all over my face. Does anyone else feel the same way?

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I feel the same way about afraid to date or dont like to go into public because of acne.

I am 18 almost 19 years old and never have had a girl because of self esteem. I have

tried many things to try & get clear but nothing kept me clear. I want to experiment love but at the same time dont because I feel like im not attractive.

Man I know exactly what you mean. Im 21 and have never had a date, and because of my acne I don't want one either. It seems weird to me that most of you want to to get into relationships at all!

My acne is mild, but I am very conscious of it. Significantly so when talking to a hot bird. If I put my mind to it I think I would be quite able to land a gf, however I am convinced that because of my acne (not wanting to see her when its bad, being reluctant to meet her friends etc.) that the relationship would be only a farce and if she didnt end it soon I would. Given that I have acne, I think I am far happier without a girlfriend.

To me, the decision not to even try and get a gf (and on the odd occasion when an opportunity arises to pass it by) seems so obvious and logical that it doesn't seem like a decision at all. But judging by this thread most ppl dont feel the same way and this confuses me greatly! :eh:

One other thing- if I were to be in a relationship, Im fairly sure that the hardest part of it wouldnt be the acne directly but rather having to put bp on every day. I put it on in the evening only, and there is no way i would be able to put bp on then go and lie down beside by gf with it slapped all over my face. Does anyone else feel the same way?

I just dont like being lonely and Its nice to have someone there for you when no one else is. I dont mind bp on my face because once it dries you cant notice it anyways. I have been asked out in the past but rejected them cuz the first girl broke up with her bf just to go out with me and I dont get down like that and the otha one I just was to shy I guess. :wacko: We are still young though so things might turn out good in the end.

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Having adult acne makes me feel real unsecure about myself..My boyfriend however, doesnt seem to mind but i feel ugly and sometimes i feel like he doest love me...

This is how I feel. I had pretty clear skin when I started dating my boyfriend but after about 1/2 a year I started breaking out again and have since then for the last 2 years. My boyfriend says he doesn't care or mind or really see anything and I know he can relate to acne b/c he used to have some as a teenager, very similar to mine actually, and he gets an occassional one here and there but nothing really. I tell him the reason he doesn't really see much is b/c of makeup but that they are there and they do get me feeling down. He always just tries to make me happy and say that they will heal and go away and that he thinks I'm still beautiful. He is really supportive and understanding about it all but there are days I think I feel ugly and he shouldnt' have to see that or something and it makes me feel insecure which I don't often feel around him anymore except for when breaking out really bad.

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I have had acne for 20 years and it has never affected my relationships.

My face is the only part of my body affected by acne. I have mild to moderate acne and I get large papules and pustules on occassion.

My husband is very supportive of my woes with acne. Although he always wants me to squeeze zits (which I never do - except little whiteheads) and jokes that I have an 'acne boyfriend' cause I'm always online here :lol:

Acne has never stopped me from doing anything, especially meeting new people. That said, if I didn't have makeup to cover spots and reddness I would probably feel different.

I'm a true believer of personality outweighing looks.

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I'm 30 and married - I've been depressed about my CHIN LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING OUT OF STAR TREK for the past few weeks, but my husband and I joke about it.

[RANT]

Outside of the house though, is a different story. I'm working from home (thank God I'm able to do that) a couple of days a week now. I go into the office in the morning, and by noon my INFLAMED, CYSTIC CHIN is itching and throbbing as if living things were crawling beneath my epidermis.

People are stopping by my officle (office cubicle) to ask why I'm calling in to all my meetings instead of going to the conference room, and are shocked when I turn around. THEN COME THE ENDLESS UNWANTED SUGGESTIONS THAT ALL MY CUBE NEIGHNORS CAN HEAR: "Wow. Have you tried antibiotics?" "That warrants Some accutane, hon!" "You should lay off dairy and gluten" (doing that - thanks, shithead)... I could go on.

Today a high-ranking co-worker stopped by and interrupted my tasty lunch glop of rice cereal with brown rice protein added. I can't even imagine what kind of troll I looked like hiding away from people. So much fun trying to act normal when you feel like PEOPLE CAN ACTUALLY SEE YOUR CYSTS GROWING WHILE YOU CONVERSE.

MY THE HAMMER OF THOR, MY LEFT BIG TOE FOR A FRIGGIN' DOOR!

I go home for lunch and end up staying so that I can keep an aspirin poultice on the fugger.

[/RANT]

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It totally holds me back from relationships!!!!! I will not go out when I look disgusting like I do now... It makes me really sad because I am 29 and should be going out and having fun. I was on Diane 35 for about 3 years and it worked great, but of course stopped working a few months ago. I am about ready to lose it- I can't take much more of this crappy skin. I am also really moody because I am so depressed about it. It really does suck and I am so jealous of people with perfect skin who do not have these issues at all... I am really hoping that somthing will help and soon so I can enjoy life again!!!!!!

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It totally holds me back from relationships!!!!! I will not go out when I look disgusting like I do now... It makes me really sad because I am 29 and should be going out and having fun. I was on Diane 35 for about 3 years and it worked great, but of course stopped working a few months ago. I am about ready to lose it- I can't take much more of this crappy skin. I am also really moody because I am so depressed about it. It really does suck and I am so jealous of people with perfect skin who do not have these issues at all... I am really hoping that somthing will help and soon so I can enjoy life again!!!!!!

Hey Plainjane!

I can totally relate to you. I turn 29 in a few weeks and I am so depressed and moody about my skin, I feel like I've become a totally different person. I am angry and jealous of other people and just not myself. Acne affects every single aspect of my life, especially relationships. Even though I'm dating a great guy who tell me ALL the time I'm beautiful, I feel guilty that he has to date a girl with such awful skin and that it takes me so long to get ready, and half the time I don't even want to go out at all because of my skin. Sorry to hear about Diane 35 suddenly not working. How frustrating! I started taking Spironolactone about a 3 weeks ago and am still totally broken out but am trying to be patient. THis is literally my last resort as I've tried everything else. (I started breaking out when I was 11)....anyway, good luck to you and let's hope that by the time we're 30 we will have started living full lives again and can feel good about our skin!

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Thanks for this thread guys it was comforting. This might sound stupid but i am grateful for acne. I am quite religious and feel like having acne stopped me from straying from my belief. I cancelled so many dates with so many guys because of my face and i remained a virgin until i met my husband at 21. I am really happy about that because i honestly could not have been that strong if i had a clear face. My husband is great, i dont feel the need to wear make up in front of him and he always tells me i am beautiful even if i have bad acne. He comforts me even more when i have a breakout, i am 27 now and we have 2 lovely boys. Happy to say acne does not run my life anymore. I have learned so much from acne.org on how to control it. Thanks all of you, and God bless you all.

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I underachieved in almost every area of my life due to acne. That is a quick way of summing it up. I often wonder what life would have been like without it and where I would have ended up.

If your acne is causing you problems then get back to your derm and get help. Life is too precious to waste.

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

Ahhh, I finally figured out how to quote! Anyway, I feel your pain. I haven't had a date in years. I'm 33, soon to be 34. I'm sure no man will ever want me because of my stupid skin. My friends say its not that bad, but I think if that's true then why doesn't anyone ask me out? I'm not overweight, I dress well enough, don't smell . . . and I'm a nice person! I'm sure my confidence has a lot to do with it. But its a catch 22. My lack of confidence makes it hard to get a date; my lack of dates makes it hard to feel confident. My skin looked pretty good when I was dating my last boyfriend. We broke up because I had to move across the country for a job. The stress made my skin a mess. No dates. No confidence. It's basically all acne all the time. My derm doesn't help. The regimin he put me on makes my skin bumpy, although the old red spots are fading. Grrrrr.

I always thought if I had a husband or boyfriend who said nice things about my looks I wouldn't be so depressed. But I guess that's not true. :cry:

I see you're on emu oil to reduce the scarring. You may want to ask the derm if it's possible that is to blame for the bumps and see if they can recommend an alternative. Like cocoa-butter, I'm unsure if it's comedogenic or not.

As for me, yeah acne fucked up my life as a teen: but as an adult I've cleared up and come to realize that I'm ugly as sin even with perfect skin, so I don't really take it all that seriously anymore. I've gone months without medication just because I was tired of smearing all that crap on my face.

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I just read this whole thread and it makes me feel worse, because I'm a guy. Almost all of the female posters here already have boyfriends or husbands despite their acne. That's great for all of you gals. On the other hand, almost all of the male posters here don't have a wife or girlfriend because of their acne. Which gender is really more shallow? :shifty:

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Acne destroyed my marriage, due to my depression and my inability to go out when feeling bad!

Rebuilding it all now, cept the marriage, that is DOA!

I can defintely understand the insecurity issue. It's even harder when you go out with how you're with, and you see someone else with a clear complection. My thing has been going around my ex's friends and family. It's like they wonder why they picked a female acne.

Blue

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

Ahhh, I finally figured out how to quote! Anyway, I feel your pain. I haven't had a date in years. I'm 33, soon to be 34. I'm sure no man will ever want me because of my stupid skin. My friends say its not that bad, but I think if that's true then why doesn't anyone ask me out? I'm not overweight, I dress well enough, don't smell . . . and I'm a nice person! I'm sure my confidence has a lot to do with it. But its a catch 22. My lack of confidence makes it hard to get a date; my lack of dates makes it hard to feel confident. My skin looked pretty good when I was dating my last boyfriend. We broke up because I had to move across the country for a job. The stress made my skin a mess. No dates. No confidence. It's basically all acne all the time. My derm doesn't help. The regimin he put me on makes my skin bumpy, although the old red spots are fading. Grrrrr.

I always thought if I had a husband or boyfriend who said nice things about my looks I wouldn't be so depressed. But I guess that's not true. :cry:

I'm glad you got that whole quote thing down! :surprised: I totally agree with you on the catch 22 thing about the dates and the confidence. What people don't realize (well... in my case anyway) that we have suffered from acne for years. This isn't something that we want, and we are trying anything that make sense to us in order to get rid of this, but acne is not a one-size fit all scnerio. I think it takes a lot of time and patients and money to find the specific prevention regimen for an individual's pacticular case of acne. Until my acne clears up I guess my confidence level will neve be where it should be.

Blue

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I know exactly what you mean!

The other day I met one of my neighbors (a cutie). He asked if I lived alone and was single-- I would think that maybe he liked me but how could he-- my skin is disgusting right now! I was up on my balcony and he was down below, so I hate to think of his disappointment when he runs into me on the street and gets a closeup shot of my skin. I just wish I didn't have to be ashamed of my face all the time.

Acne is so frustrating! I mean, I'm 28 years old and I've had bad skin since I was 15. I hate to think that I'll never get that "peak" so many women get to enjoy-- the period in between pimples and wrinkles. I am already debating whether I should moisturize to help minimize the wrinkles I am starting to get at the cost of maybe aggravating my acne, or skip the moisturizers and just be wrinkly but perhaps less pimply.

<Sigh>. Just needed to vent!

J

You go head and vent... Get it all out!!! I can really relate on how so attrative you can be in dim lighting or far away, but when they get up close it's like they're kind of making a decsion if they want to pursue you or not.

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Well, the bad thing about acne is that it starts at those age range where we need to be really physically looking good :( and it usually ends at those times where we are already old. I'm 29 and still got some bad acne :(.. Never had a girlfriend coz of this disease.

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I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2 years. My face was nearly flawless when I first started going out with my boyfriend but earlier ths spring it just erupted and I felt so self conscious. I hated him seeing me like that because I felt so ugly. My boyfriend couldn't have been more supportive though. He was there for me all the time when I would break down because I was just so frustrated. Although it was hard letting him see me like that I don't know what I would have done without him!

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I had a good cry last night partly because of my acne. When I when in high school it was moderate and it seemed to get better around 17, now I'm almost 21 and it's the worst it has ever been. My boyfriend was so supportive though I think because he had bad acne when he was younger. I just have horrible self-esteem right now because of it which makes it hard to feel confident in a relationship. When we first started dating I was 17 and I had a perfect body and nice skin.

Thank god his love for me is more then skin deep.

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My relationship with my high school girlfriend was completely destroyed when we went to college because my skin went crazy again. I was off accutane for about 2 years when I started college. I just couldn't get motivated to be social most of the time because of the way I looked. we ended up growing apart and eventually breaking up because of my anti social behavior. I don't blame her or anything because there is no way anyone that doesn't have to deal with this could understand what I was going through. i couldn't really explain that going to parties and stuff with a bunch of nasty, superficial, and drunk college girls was not the most appealing activity for a male severe acne sufferer. I mean my god I was mortified. Drunk college girls can say the nastiest shit when they are wasted to completely normal folks... imagine how they would treat me. that was the kind of the shit I used to think about. After the split I went about 2 years without sex or a relationship because I was just to embarrassed to even get the nerve to talk to women. Its not that I'm scared of women or have trouble talking to them... but I just figured if I couldn't even stand to look at my self in the mirror, then what the hell kind of woman would want to hook up with me. So i took accutane again after college when I was about 23. I was clear again for about another year. So surprise surprise, as soon as my face is clear I ended up getting a girlfriend. I'm actually a pretty fun and social guy when my face isn't a god damn science experiment ya know. We are still together and we actually live together now after dating for a little over a year. Enter the problem again. The acne is back (Im 25 now, gonna be 26 in November) in full force. I mean my face is a wreck right now. I have no problem going back on accutane except that ignorant senator and his witch hunt has made it a huge pain for us to get the drug. Anyways, my current girlfriend used to have pretty bad acne but is completely clear now. Sometimes I really lash out at her though because of something she does that really gets on my nerves. She is always saying stuff like "you look so sexy" or "you look real nice today" on days when I'm having especially bad skin days. I know she is doing it because she thinks it will make me feel better. But being patronized makes me feel worse. Then she always wants to have sex and asks why I don't want too. I know that doesn't sound like a problem. But like many of the other posters mentioned... I don't really feel all that sexy most of the times these days. I just feel like she should know what my problem is and just back off and not make me have to talk about it or spell it all the time. It's a real shame because I think the acne is ruining another relationship for me and once again it isn't really anyone's fault but the damn bacteria that won't leave me alone. I know It's not her fault because I can't reasonably expect her to read my and know how I want her to treat me all the time. And it's not my fault because no one can reasonably be or should be expected to explain their feelings and how their disease is affecting all aspects of their life at all times. its a really messed up disease. do you ever just want to punch an insurance co or dr that tries to tell you it's a cosmetic issue? cosmetic my ass... severe acne is one of the most severe mental health and general well being disabilities out there. it effects a person psycologically and sociologically.

sorry for the novel...

im having a rough day and needed to vent

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My husband does not mind at all. I don't wear any makeup to cover it up because I don't want it to get worse and I think it makes it look worse (just my humble opinion). He always tells me how beautiful I am even when I am broken out. I do not feel insecure, but I think it's because he's always reassuring me. I am very blessed to have someone that looks deeper than my skin. Good Luck you guys!

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To be honest, I don't think its affected my love life greatly. I have to admit that I've never had severe disfiguring acne, so I know it would probably be different in that case -- but I regard mine as any other physical flaw. Some people have flat chests, overweight bodies, bad hair, unattractive facial features...I have moderate acne. No one's perfect.

At one point when my acne got bad after moving to a new climate and starting college (I was 18-19 at the time, and my puberty acne had completely cleared up years before, so it was really disappointing), I would sometimes stay in my apartment instead of going out to the grocery store or something else I needed to do because I didn't feel like going through the effort (mostly makeup) it required for me to be presentable. I just moved to another new climate to transfer schools, and my acne flared up again, and the difference in my motivation and mindset just shows that the acne itself isn't a factor. This year I have friends and I enjoy my schoolwork, and I haven't stayed home from anything because of acne. I even go to class without makeup a lot -- having a fully covered face isn't so important that it trumps sleeping an extra 15 minutes or getting to class on time anymore. It's not the quality of my skin that makes a difference -- it's the quality of my life, and if that happens to be really bad, I'll care more about my bad skin. Freshman year, even if I'd had perfect skin, I still would have had no friends and been depressed and stayed home a lot. This year, even when my skin is bad, I don't avoid going in public because of it.

I've never had difficulty getting dates, really. I've been to beach events, with no makeup and pasty surfer/lifeguard sunscreen caked on my face, around girls who have great skin and/or wear full makeup to the beach, and had no trouble getting my fair share of attention or getting asked out. And I don't have ginormo boobs that distract anyone who sees me in a bikini from noticing my face, either. Sometimes it weirds me out when people flirt with me while I'm not in any makeup with messy hair, because I'm thinking "What do you want with me, I'm obviously not attractive right now" but I just have to remember that other people aren't judging me as harshly as I am (and that sometimes, guys will see you as more laid back and less intimidating if you're not in makeup so it can work in your favor). It's all in the attitude, honestly -- it's not about lacking flaws (i.e. not having acne), it's about accentuating your good features and being charismatic.

The only way it's affected my relationship with my current boyfriend is with BCP. The first time I was on them, my skin was great -- actually, it was like I didn't have acne at all. I started experiencing zero sex drive, and went off them, and my sex drive returned, along with my acne -- with a vengeance. It kept getting worse rather than better as my hormones balanced out, so I'm now back on them. He thinks that the BCP caused my low sex drive (I did mention to him that it could be a cause), but looking back, there were so many outside factors present at the time (relationship issues, unrelated sexual issues, school stress) that it could easily have been one of those and had nothing or little to do with my BCP. I decided it was worth it to me to go back on Yasmin to try to get rid of the nastiness on my face, he wasn't happy about that. But, he's not the one who has to live in my face, and he's also a male which means he pays less attention to facial details so of course some bumps on my jawline aren't going to seem like a big deal to him. He's kind of confused and upset that I would risk our sex life for my own benefits, but it's my body, and I've decided it's worth the risk to me to get rid of the acne and horrible PMS cramps (not to mention the risk of pregnancy since condoms are only 87% effective). I wouldn't even call it a problem, because I haven't had any sexual side effects so far. If I hadn't told him I was taking BCP, it wouldn't be an issue at all -- it's only how he feels about my decision that has been a problem at all (and not that big of one).

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It's affected me greatly :(...I'm not saying I'm a player or anything, but I will say that alot more girls were checking me out before my acne. I've lost confidence in myself, and I'm sure that is also attributing to the lack of dates lately. Not much I can do because unlike girls guys can't wear makeup :(

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