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Abby L

Adult acne and relationships

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so once i started breaking out, i didnt want to see him as much and i would only schedule meetings at night, so that my acne would be less apparent.. it worked for a while but my skin got WORSE.. part of the reason for that was because i was trying to find a remedy that would make my acne go away ASAP. and if the product didnt deliver within 3 days, i would switch to something else.. it was crazy

I can totally relate! I've been using so many different things on my face lately because of some recent flare ups. My skin is so oily and I've been breaking out in places where I usually don't. The truth is that I usually do notice a change in my skin after three days on a product, but I have to have a little more faith in the research and the idea that it takes weeks to really see a true effect. I'm going to the dermatologist this week for the first time in years and hopefully she'll be able to give me something that I can stick to. Your post made me feel a lot better though!

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yeahh!! i remember i had a huge zit on the left side of my face. so what i would do is only face the right side of my face toward him.. hahaha isnt that rediculous? and i wouldnt look him directly in the eye.. he noticed and asked me "why dont you wanna look at me?? am i that ugly?" and in my head i was thinking.. no way!! im the hideous one. so maybe he really didnt notice anything bad about my face? but yeah.. i hate acne!

i really havent talked about acne with my bf.. we've only been together for like 3.5 months. when we got together, my skin was clear, but now its the worst its ever been.. i dont think hes ever had acne his whole life, he has like perfectly clear skin.. so i feel really self conscious about my face when im with him. im not too sure if he'd understand my situation.. one time i just wanted to say "ive been breaking out for some reason, i dont know why" just so that it would be out in the open and instead of trying to avoid it. but i never really brought it up.. im just too scared to, and plus i really dont know if he knows im hiding out because of my acne..

i keep getting new spots everyday, i really dont know what to do anymore..

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OH NO!

I met this guy at a party over the weekend and we hit it off really well and we ended up exchanging numbers. At the party it was really dark inside with candle light so I don't think he could have seen my acne that much. Well, a couple of days later I went to watch his street hockey game in the afternoon, so I'm sure he must have noticed my acne then, but after the game we went to his place to have dinner and we ended up kissing. By the end of the night, my make-up was rubbed off and I looked like a monster. I'm healing from a horrible severe breakout and have a shit load of red marks on my face as well as several active spots. My problem is he is coming over after work tonight and I'm so self conscious that he's going to see my skin close up. I'm terrifed right now. We both work in the film industry and I know he has a lot of friends who are models. Literally, beautiful models with gorgeous skin, and here I am with zits and red marks all over my face. I feel like crying. Do I bring it up? Do I keep quiet and keep running to the bathroom to retouch my make-up? I don't know how to handle this. :wall: HELP!

Sunnygirl, what happened? I hope you had a nice time on your date. You said he saw you before with your makeup rubbed off, so perhaps he likes you for you and isn't concerned about the state of your skin. I hope so!

*Shifting gears slightly*

My skin certainly gets me down. Once I'm dating someone, I'm fine. My past BFs have all been very understanding. However, years can go between BFs. I don't find it very easy to find men who can get past my acne, even though I'm in relatively good shape, well-educated, have a good job, travel, keep up with current events, make people laugh, and am able to maintain strong friendships. I think I'm great GF material and don't see why so few men seem to be able to see that. I know, I know . . . . it's worth it to wait for the good ones. My questions is why do they seem to be so few and far between? As I get older the gaps between BFs seem to get larger. Sigh.

I've been dealing with acne since I was about 14. I'm 35 now and am beginning to wonder if I'll ever get married and start a family. It's been 3 years since my last real boyfriend.

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I'm 36 and have real bad cystic acne and scars. I can tell you all that I've been with my current GF for 17 years I have two wonderfull kids (that I watch with an eagle eye, just in case they start breaking out) and life is pretty darn good.

So go out there and embrasse life and as for the ignorants that stare or make comments, screw them, who need them. Trust me, there is someone out there for all of you no mater how bad you think you look like some one will find you attractive.

Go out there and live and tell the world that you are happy, if they don't like it, tell them to kiss you a$$ ! LOL!

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Hi

How many of you are single at the moment and do you find your acne makes it difficult for you to interact with people or meet new people?

I am 28 and often feel I let this problem hold me back.

What are your views? For those in relationship, does your acne affect it at all?

Yes it does but my low self esteem and learning disability makes it even hard for me to interact with people. My head isnt screwed on tight! I already replied to this thread :doh:

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I agree that it does affect relationships or at least having the confidence to get into one or meet someone. I am almost 25 and am sick to death of this problem. I dont understand why i am still dealing with this problem after 13 years. I recently had a blood test for allergies and milk and eggs came up. I have stopped eating both products for weeks and have noticed a big difference. It still isnt perfect but the redness went away and it started improving a lot! Besides that i have been drinking loads of water and eating healthy in general. Well yesterday i had a food that contained egg white (i didnt know until later) and today i can completely see the effects. The redness has returned (especially to one side of my face) and i am all broken out again. I cannot believe how allergies can affect acne this much but i am definitely a believer in it. I am still considering going on accutane to help with it so i really hope it works. This has just been a nightmare to live with and hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. Also, i saw a few comments saying negative things about bare minerals. I use this everyday, has anyone had bad experiences with it? Thanks!

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Hiya. I find it impossible to get close to anyone now. If a guy looks at me, I try to cover parts of my face with my hand, pretend I'm itching my face of rubbing my nose or something, so they won't see my acne! And then failing that, I turn away. Add this to the nervous laugh I get when people talk to me and the constant moving around so that they don't get chance to stare at my face of zits for too long, and you're presented with a weird freak! So if my acne doesn't put guys off, my bizarre behaviour will! I can't win, but I can't help trying to hide my acne the way I do. Its a vicious circle. <sigh> :cry:

:doh: I know exactly how you feel. I do the same, not just with guys, but everyone. I try not to make eye contact, because I don't want to see them looking at my face and wondering what in the world happend to me. It is now it the so-called healing stage, but that isn't good either. Now it is so dry and peeling I look like I've been in a fire or something. I am older than some on this board and I definitely don't want to trade acne for dry wrinkled skin but can't seem to win. Get rid of one and take on the other. I am constantly tryiing to hide parts of my face with my hair or even wearing high neck clothes so you don't see the difference between the skin on my face and the skin on my neck. Yes...it is bizarre behaviour and I do feel like a FREAK! What a "club" we're in.

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Me and my SO were talking about this very thing the other day. While they don't bother her now, she did admit that if I was as bad when we met as I was last winter when I flared up, It would have made it more difficult for her. She is very understanding now though, even though she has probably had two zits in her life. She pokes fun at me from time to time and calls my cystic acne "aliens". She'll say things like "That's quite an alien you have growing there". We laugh and it is ok. I've learned to live with it and I'm not self conscious anymore. If I asked her to stop poking fun at me she would. I find trivializing it helpful when dealing with it and joking is a part of that. To ignore it in our conversations somehow seems wrong when it is happening and relevant in my life.

Great post! :clap:

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So my ex -- the one who I think of as the fish who got away -- is coming to visit me. He hasn't seen me in almost a year. I'm very nervous, and hoping that he wants to make some sort of grand gesture. Of course, my skin has decided to conspire against my confidence. (And, of course, this guy has perfect skin.) He knows about my acne and has seen it in all kinds of stages. Still, I wanted to look pretty for his visit. Instead I'm sitting here with five giant pimples on my face! Four of them are like the 12, 3, 6, and 9 of a clock and the other (an ugly cyst that looks like it's moved in) is on my neck. I haven't broken out this bad (and in such an odd configuration) in quite some time.

Well, just venting really. I'm crossing my fingers this mess will calm down by next week. So far my usual tricks seem powerless against these ugly things. :-(

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i'm not really surprised at those with clear skin

it is human nature to take anything beneficial for granted, especially clear skin in the superficial western society driven by the media and pop culture

if i had naturally (good genetics) clear skin i would probably become the same way and start eating crap again

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Im 24 and now married. I know with my cystic acne on my back that im highly embarassed about it. I hate my wife seeing me naked. it affects our sex life as im in pain from my back.

If i was single id be a hermit.

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OK mostly because of this thread I finally went without makeup in front of my bf in the daylight. For the first time in 11 months. As terrifying as it was, it was so freeing.

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im recovering from my recent breakout of nods and just the fact that those spots are there like makes me hesitant for sure to start dating till its gone.

Do i care what people think in general? nope

But i do like to hold up a good first impression for potential wifeys. :think:

lates.

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This is quite a long thread that has been going for quite a long time!

I relate to so much of it, it's so nice to read even though it hurts to know that everyone has had to feel the way I do!!

My ex used to get upset when he would try to touch my face lovingly and I'd pull away. And now that I'm single when I'm at the bar or somewhere chatting with people, I find myself putting my hand over my chin where my active zits and red marks are (so many of them I think I look like a monkey with this round red area around my mouth) ... or wearing my hair down to cover the sides of my face ...

I'm 24, BTW.

I just joined this message board, and I have to say that it feels so good to realize that there are other people that feel the same way I do. I'm 27, and I have had acne since I was about 12 or 13. I can totally relate to pulling away/hiding my face around my boyfriend. Even when I have make-up on (which is pretty much every single day), I get so uncomfortable when he touches my face, because even if it looks not too bad, all I can think about is how all of the bumps must feel to him...of course he has never once said anything bad about my skin (we've been dating 2 years), but still it makes me uncomfortable for him to be too close to me when my skin is acting up. Acne just affects everything in my life; my relationships, my self-confidence, my job...One of the worst parts for me has always been people (especially doctors) who say "you're acne isn't really that bad." Hello, it takes me 20 minutes to apply my makeup so that I look decent! Take a look at my skin without make-up and then tell me my skin is good. The good news is that I finally have a doctor that seems to understand how frustrating my acne is. After trying pretty much everything, I finally have a prescription for accutane. It feels like I struck gold. I am so hopeful that it will work and I can finally feel good about my skin!

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I believe we feel just like how we look. IE - if we have tons of active acne, we feel less than human. When we're clear, we feel fabulous and have the courage to 'conquer the world.'

I've gone from having the occassional zit to having severe acne on every inch of my face. It sure hurt my confidence level and made me go into hybernation for almost 2 years.

I'm currently clearing up and as I look back on the past 3 years of pure vanity horror, I can definitely see that my confidence is slowly building back up, but it sure hasn't been an easy journey. When I look back on pictures from the on-set of my breakouts I can hardly believe how I was able to make it this far. I never imagined acne could happen to me. And for me, acne was actually probably the best thing to happen to help me wake up from destroying my entire life.

Instead of letting acne ruin my life, I turned this disaster into a positive learning experience. Because of acne, I've gone from not caring if I lived or died - to wanting to live to be able to make a difference in many, many lives around the world.

In response to this threat about being single ... it sure helps to have the encouragement and support from someone who loves you from the inside out. Because of my Sweetheart, I'm able to keep jumping over major life hurdles even if my face isn't exactly how I remember it to be. Hopefully with the help of DKR, I'll be able to get back my glowing vanity!

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OK mostly because of this thread I finally went without makeup in front of my bf in the daylight. For the first time in 11 months. As terrifying as it was, it was so freeing.

:clap: :clap:

well done! Such a positive move!

Ugh Im having such a bad breakout at the minute. Normally I dont care about the boyf seeing me without make up but my skin is really rotten right now... Ive been avoiding seeing him which is so silly because I love spending time wtih him... :wall:

damn feckin acne ruining everything.

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Ha! I just someone's reply who said they haven't shaved in ages so that their beard will hide their acne. I wish I was a guy so that I could do that too, life would be so much easie! Acne affects all of my relationship in that I HATE it when a guy gets close to me or God forbid, touches my face. My current boyfriend is ALWAYS touching my face and I feel bad having to squirm away from him or making up an excuse to get up and do something else. He has never seen me without makeup on, which is a large feat seeing that we live together. I usually wait for him to go to bed and turn the lights off so I can go wash my face and sneak in later. Last night I laid in bed crying because I am so sick and tired of living like this. I'm 28 and have had acne since I was 10 and lately it has been the worst it's been in years. I'm about to try Spironolactone, because I am thinking at my age, it might be hormonally based. Anyone tried this? I am a little worried to start because when I was young I had a sulfa allergy. Has anyone had an allergic reaction to Spiro??

Ha! I just someone's reply who said they haven't shaved in ages so that their beard will hide their acne. I wish I was a guy so that I could do that too, life would be so much easie! Acne affects all of my relationship in that I HATE it when a guy gets close to me or God forbid, touches my face. My current boyfriend is ALWAYS touching my face and I feel bad having to squirm away from him or making up an excuse to get up and do something else. He has never seen me without makeup on, which is a large feat seeing that we live together. I usually wait for him to go to bed and turn the lights off so I can go wash my face and sneak in later. Last night I laid in bed crying because I am so sick and tired of living like this. I'm 28 and have had acne since I was 10 and lately it has been the worst it's been in years. I'm about to try Spironolactone, because I am thinking at my age, it might be hormonally based. Anyone tried this? I am a little worried to start because when I was young I had a sulfa allergy. Has anyone had an allergic reaction to Spiro??

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for those of you girls who are with someone at the moment.....

i encourage you to unmask the makeup, and just walk up to your guy and ask him what he thinks. a good discussion can be very liberating.

and some of you wish you were like us guys who can grow beards... hah!!

I'll tell you, i wish i could wear makeup like a girl..... and hide these spots.

The only good aspect of being a guy is that having some acne is ok. The scars actually make us look a little more tough and intimidating. we can scare people with the ugliness. :)

As a zit sufferer, I easily notice other people with acne. I am also more ok with a girl having acne because i understand what zits are like.

speaking of which..... do all of you feel less shy around people who have moderately bad skin?

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My skin is clear now and I only have a couple minor scars. Even though I've been clear a few months I am still regaining my self confidence cause I struggled with acne for a while it would go away and come back! Anyway even though I am clear I still feel more comfortable around other people with acne cause I know other people with acne are more understanding!! I also think a lot of people that have acne are some of the nicest people you'll ever meet! People with acne are much less likely to be superficial and judge people by what they look like. I feel uncomfortable around flawless people and conceited people that think they're better then everyone else cause they look like what society says is attractive. I'm not saying I hate those people but I myself never judge people by what they look like and to me it's just messed up that better looking people get treated better and get more in life, even if they are not nice caring people they still get treated better!!!

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I was blessed with a perfect skin until when I bought a kitten. First I got mild acne and then moderate. I wasn't even sure until one day my ex-girlfriend took her away (she liked the cat so much that she wanted to keep her for a while).

Then my skin started to get clear again after she took the cat. My EX noticed and told me that she thought that I am/was allergic to cats, so she thought that it would be better to keep away from the cat. I couldn't believe it. I thought the acne kicked in because mom had acne problems most of her life... but at the same time I was in doubt because the acne started a bit late... I was 26 (I'm 27 now).

So, simply, I didn't want to admit it and told her that there's no way that I would let that sweet and cute cat anywhere out of my home. I raised the cat when she was like 1 month old. I had very good memories with her, so it was hard to let her go. Since that day, My EX started to b!tch about it and how the mild acne will effect my skin day after day. I was skeptical... very skeptical to the point whenever we go out, she would look around at any guy/girl's face with mild, moderate or severe acne to make an example of them to me. She would say; "look at this guy/girl's face! Would you really like to live or look like them?"

I was like "WTF!!" It's not like they chose to have that disease on their faces. And it wasn't polite of her to say that. Mom struggled with acne, I was hurt by what she said. Not to mention my EX had mild acne AND some breakouts before (because of the periods, maybe) and I never said a word. I used to kiss her hard and hug her tight and say very nice things about her whenever she got acne. I didn't want her to feel down and shut herself from me or her friends. I had to be supportive. Anyway, she started to say unpleasant things about people with acne everyday... just to make me get rid of the cat.

So one day, when she pointed at a guy with acne, she started to babble and say the same BS. So, I got pissed and told her to keep her mouth shut. I used to always call her BTBWW whenever I got angry. And she always wondered what it meant. Anyway, when I told her to keep her mouth shut, she blew me with every awful word in the dictionary. I really couldn't even say anything back. I went home, took the cell, sent her a short message; "BTBWW means Big Time B!tch World Wide... and we're through!"

Also the guy she pointed at looked better than her, with acne. Actually, I noticed that 75% of the people with acne problems are either pretty or well-shaped (body). Most of them eat healthy and exercise. But that's not always the case. A friend of mine has severe acne. He lies, cheats, smells awful, 0% manners and straight out ugly. In short, a human form of vermin. Anyway, mom heard about the whole thing and wanted to keep the cat (I know she doesn't want me to feel what she felt) and told me that I'm always welcome to come and see the cat whenever I can. Heh! So much for allergy...

Sorry for the long post. I just had to get this off my chest. Also, sorry for the engrish... it's not my first, nor my second language. Pardon me.

P.S. My nicknames are always random. Don't pay attention. :P

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I feel the same way about afraid to date or dont like to go into public because of acne.

I am 18 almost 19 years old and never have had a girl because of self esteem. I have

tried many things to try & get clear but nothing kept me clear. I want to experiment love but at the same time dont because I feel like im not attractive. I wish someone would invent a miracle acne medicine that works for everyone & every type of acne because I always have to worry about my acne and wish I could be normal without being called a girl by people just because i spend more time in the bathroom trying to maintain this disease.

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Im 27.

Never had a proper girlfriend because acne holds me back. Whenever i got a date, id worry my acne would get worse and id stay away from a girl because i wouldnt want acne around her.

When ive been acne clear for a while, all my self esteem comes back. But if i have any acne i get very consious of it and back away from anything like that.

Sucks, because before i had acne, i pretty much would ask girls out without a worry.

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Im 27.

Never had a proper girlfriend because acne holds me back. Whenever i got a date, id worry my acne would get worse and id stay away from a girl because i wouldnt want acne around her.

When ive been acne clear for a while, all my self esteem comes back. But if i have any acne i get very consious of it and back away from anything like that.

Sucks, because before i had acne, i pretty much would ask girls out without a worry.

makes you just wish for makeup to cover up. huh.......

as a guy, i need some cover-up that matches my skin color and is unnoticeable.

I once went to a photography studio, and they painted my whole face cuz they couldn't find a matching shade to cover my marks.

they guys on TV have a shitload of makeup on i think....

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