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Abby L

Adult acne and relationships

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I haven't been on any acne sites in a long time, and I just found this one. It's been so encouraging to me to read these posts, and i look so forward to reading more! Sometimes it seems like everyone out there has perfect skin except me.

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I'm 23 and I've been in a relationship for 4 years. My gf is amazing, and doesn't seem to mind the acne, which is more or less -moderately bad-. Painfully, it keeps me from being as social or outgoing as I would like to be. There is nothing quite so depressing as being the pizzaface in a group of clear skinned professionals.

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Yes, that is right! Acne and acne scars have definitely caused my social life to be almost zero. In fact it affected my studies very badly as i just didnt have the concentration for my studies. (well that happened 10 years ago)

Anyway i am so sad that i have been dealt with such a "disease"...it is so unfair :cry:

Although i have kept my outbreaks under control but what is left are all those acne marks and scars and it is so hard for any guy to be attracted to my appearance simply because guys are so visual..

Wonder when i can ever get attached :(

Hi

How many of you are single at the moment and do you find your acne makes it difficult for you to interact with people or meet new people?

I am 28 and often feel I let this problem hold me back.

What are your views? For those in relationship, does your acne affect it at all?

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Hello! I have to try that Elegant Minerals place too! I never heard of them. Thanks for the suggestion!

I like to try different foundations so when I saw that LureBeauty.com was having that special for only like 1 or 2 bucks (I forget what i spent but it was less than 3 dollars to try like 8 shades). I figured I would try, but i have tried so many things, lol i feel like all I do is spend money on covering up! But i was so glad to find a shade from them that actually covered everything up.

i will check out that other site right now!

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My boyfriend has been very supportive and sweet about the whole thing. When I get a major pimple brewing I have caught him staring at it which gets me upset. He does get frustrated when I spend a half hour or longer in the bathroom zapping a hundred zits with my Zeno or when I start bawling my eyes out in bed (which has been happening a lot lately).

When we met my skin was clear. I had mild pimples around the time of my period. Ever since I got pregnant it seems like my acne has gotten worse and worse and worse.

I have my first dr.'s appointment in less than three hours... hopefully they can help me.

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My boyfriend has been very supportive and sweet about the whole thing. When I get a major pimple brewing I have caught him staring at it which gets me upset. He does get frustrated when I spend a half hour or longer in the bathroom zapping a hundred zits with my Zeno or when I start bawling my eyes out in bed (which has been happening a lot lately).

When we met my skin was clear. I had mild pimples around the time of my period. Ever since I got pregnant it seems like my acne has gotten worse and worse and worse.

I have my first dr.'s appointment in less than three hours... hopefully they can help me.

Im glad to hear ur bf is very supportive. keep up with the zeno i love that thing and even though it says not use on old ones i still use it bc it makes them go away faster than what i would usually see before i had my zeno. Good luck with the doctor today

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I haven't been on any acne sites in a long time, and I just found this one. It's been so encouraging to me to read these posts, and i look so forward to reading more! Sometimes it seems like everyone out there has perfect skin except me.

i know how u feel i go to college and it seems like everbody there has clear skin but me and im wondering what do they do? they come in still in pajamas and hair pulled back with perfect skin and im like why cant i do the same? instead i wake up early applying makeup and doing my whole face regimen and i feel like everyone i walk by is looking at me. and although i dont have much i hope the new stuff im buying will help with the change in makeup and with the jojoba oil i just bought.

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genetics

from my experience in college the diet of most college students isn't exactly stellar in terms of fruits, vegetables, sources of omega 3, good sources of protein, sugar consumption, etc.

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When I have a big cyst, I stay far away from my boyfriend. I hide at home and find it hard to go to work, it makes my life hell and I want to cry whenever this happens. I feel so alone and ugly and feel the need to hide...=(

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Wow, I can relate to so many of you. I'm almost 40, female and single for life due to this awful stuff. Between the cysts and the scars, I can't go out in public without heavy foundation makeup on and then people stare at me and they probably think I look like Tammy Faye Bakker, but I'd rather look like her than have people see my horrible skin. I also have rosacea and melasma patches on my forehead, (from using OTC products to try and get rid of pimples), talk about cra**y genes. I can't imagine being close enough to anyone to let him see me without my makeup on, so that means no dates and no relationships unless someone comes up with a miracle cure for this cr*p.

I guess the only consolation is that I'll never have kids and pass this cr*p on...

Best wishes to all the other single acne sufferers from bookyone :)

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Wow, I can relate to so many of you. I'm almost 40, female and single for life due to this awful stuff. Between the cysts and the scars, I can't go out in public without heavy foundation makeup on and then people stare at me and they probably think I look like Tammy Faye Bakker, but I'd rather look like her than have people see my horrible skin. I also have rosacea and melasma patches on my forehead, (from using OTC products to try and get rid of pimples), talk about cra**y genes. I can't imagine being close enough to anyone to let him see me without my makeup on, so that means no dates and no relationships unless someone comes up with a miracle cure for this cr*p.

I guess the only consolation is that I'll never have kids and pass this cr*p on...

Best wishes to all the other single acne sufferers from bookyone :)

yea, my new friend has asked to see me with no make up on after i discussed my skin problem with him. im not ready for it yet but i kinda feel like im deceiving him by not letting him see the real me. should i just let him see?

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That's totally up to you. If you trust him, then why not. Personally, I think it would be better to show him, you'll probably find a huge weight will be lifted of your shoulder and feel less awkward around him. It will probably also make your friendship stronger :).

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i know how all you guys feel...

but because i'm so paranoid about making my face worse ( i have dermatitis too so i'm sensitive to makeup) i wear foundation once a week... however, i feel so pretty when I do coz i get looks from a lot of people.

at work, they know how my skin looks and i'm pass this wear makeup everday coz you know if they see the real you and still like what they see, then you know they like you for you. i met my boyfriend when i had the worse acne in my life ( it was moderate at the time) , but still all work out. I guess we have to flaunt our other assets.. like you guys prolly have a great smile or a great body.. work that out.

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Hi timmytim,

Sorry I depressed you, but it's the truth. I think it's harder for women with acne though as everyone expects women to have perfect skin, whereas most gals will forgive a guy for having some pimples or scars here and there. All the stupid skin ads on TV seem to focus exclusively on women, ladies get rid of your wrinkles, ladies, you should have smooth clear skin, etc., etc., personally, I find this very depressing. I don't watch TV much because of the ads, although that may be a good thing in some ways as it gives me more time for reading and writing, both of which I enjoy greatly and both of which are better brain building activities anyhow.

Brownskin, I agree with rocdamike, if he truly cares for you, he will like you regardless of your skin problems. Of course it's up to you, but if it were me I'd show him the real me and then if he ran off I'd figure he wasn't worth much. Good luck.

Best wishes from bookyone :)

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Hi timmytim,

Sorry I depressed you, but it's the truth. I think it's harder for women with acne though as everyone expects women to have perfect skin, whereas most gals will forgive a guy for having some pimples or scars here and there. All the stupid skin ads on TV seem to focus exclusively on women, ladies get rid of your wrinkles, ladies, you should have smooth clear skin, etc., etc., personally, I find this very depressing. I don't watch TV much because of the ads, although that may be a good thing in some ways as it gives me more time for reading and writing, both of which I enjoy greatly and both of which are better brain building activities anyhow.

Brownskin, I agree with rocdamike, if he truly cares for you, he will like you regardless of your skin problems. Of course it's up to you, but if it were me I'd show him the real me and then if he ran off I'd figure he wasn't worth much. Good luck.

Best wishes from bookyone :)

I have to agree with you on this one. When i look at famous men, there are a ton out there who have bad skin who people still find to be attractive. Seal, Lawrence Fishburn, and even Brad Pitt seem to have some scaring due to acne yet they are still gorgeous by our standards. If you see a pic of a dude and he has large pores and oily skin, you don't really notice it too much (at least i don't).

Most commercials trying to sell anti-wrinkle products and acne related products are for women...when have you ever seen a commercial that has a man worried about wrinkles? Plus it seems that we are making women worried about wrinkles as such a young age (25 years old and worried about wrinkles?? dear god! 25 is young!).

At 24 i have lived with skin problems my whole life, amongst other physical issues that i have with myself. I can truly say that it has affected any relationships i have had or even potential relationships as i tend to shy away from someone, especially if they are quite superficial. I am lucky that i don't have a major problem anymore with inflamatory acne but i have large pores and blackheads that i have a hard time with. I think a lot of my issues stem from body dysmorphia since i seem to be the only one that notices these things.

And i have to sy the media does not help. I have recently starting to do research on photo retouching and by looking at the before and after pics, i am greatly upset by what i have found. While i ahve to admit that at university i hate it when i see girls with perfect skin, i know that up close they aren't as perfect as we think. But the pictures that i have found are just distrubing...no one really looks like that!

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hi,

it's ok! i'm depressed enough anyway!

yeh it's traditionally been worse for girls. i'd say it still is.

however, things are changing a bit. more and more men are suffering from low self esteem related to body image, eating disorders and related mental problems.

personally i feel under massive pressure to look good. maybe i'm just vain. i'd say i may even have mental problems related to poor body image and low self esteem now. trying to look better, or just decent, totally dominates my life in fact. not just having crap skin, but my body and hair also dominates my thoughts every day!

so i'm not disagreeing with you. just thought i'd point out that some boys now are just as effected as girls.

tim

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Hi Tim,

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a hard time with appearance related issues. Not to pry, but have you considered that you may have BDD? I was diagnosed with BDD last year and while I haven't been officially "cured," it does help to explain how my acne and other issues can so affect my life and my mood to the point that I was practically housebound until very recently, whereas my friends and associates who also have their appearance related issues (weight, hair, teeth, etc.) have been able to get over themselves to some extent and get on with their lives while I had been unable to do so.

Here is more information on BDD if you're interested:

http://www.bddcentral.com/mainpage.htm

http://www.ncpamd.com/body_dysmorphic_disorder.htm

I also belong to a private forum of BDD sufferers worldwide. The url is:

http://bddboards.proboards104.com/index.cgi

If you'd like, you can post in the Introductions area and/or e mail the administrator, EW, to ask about joining, (he's a great guy who is suffering from BDD). You can mention me, bookyone, if you want, I'm one of the more prolific members on the board.

Good luck and best wishes from bookyone :)

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hi,

it's ok! i'm depressed enough anyway!

yeh it's traditionally been worse for girls. i'd say it still is.

however, things are changing a bit. more and more men are suffering from low self esteem related to body image, eating disorders and related mental problems.

personally i feel under massive pressure to look good. maybe i'm just vain. i'd say i may even have mental problems related to poor body image and low self esteem now. trying to look better, or just decent, totally dominates my life in fact. not just having crap skin, but my body and hair also dominates my thoughts every day!

so i'm not disagreeing with you. just thought i'd point out that some boys now are just as effected as girls.

tim

You are quite right tim, i should have mentioned that men and boys are increasingly becoming more and more affected by their bodies as well. There has been a growth in problems such as biggerexia or muscle dysmorphia where men look in the mirror and see a small meak wimp when in fact they are quite built. Because of this, we are seeing more and more men using steroids or prescribing to unhealthy obsessions with their bodies.

And i don't think you are vain at all for worrying about how you look. It is quite normal for anyone to worry about their appearance and if you didn't worry in the slightest bit i would say there is something wrong :P. I think when looks become the only thing we think about (which i am sure a lot of us here find has already happened) does it become a problem.

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I was married for 5 years and it all fell apart - I blame acne and scarring for a lot of it, as he was a very social person and I never wanted to go out with him and his friends because I felt so self-conscious of my scarring - I never told him why as I NEVER talk about my skin to anyone, except derms, so I guess he just saw me as anti-social and used to get really pissed off with me and would just go out without me and I guess that was one of the things that pushed us apart. The final nail in my confidence coffin was when his best friend said "Did you have acne? and said something about my scarring while motioning to the side of his face (but meaning mine)" I just said "Yeah" and then "But I don't want to talk about that", we were both drinking so I just said it in a drunken way and changed the subject. Then I went upstairs and cried my eyes out. That was the first time (oh except for an ex boyfriends mother) that anyone had mentioned my scars. From then on I had something against him and was always terrified that he would say something again, hence even more avoidance of my husbands group of friends. We have been separated for 5 years now and I am only just accepting that I have to move on (we have been together on and off, but haven't lived together again) but I am TERRIFIED of meeting someone else. I do have a pretty face and good body and guys do check me out, but I always think "Oh wait until they see me up close" I can't imagine letting someone get close to me and I dread some new guy asking me about my skin. I CANNOT talk about it, I have a psychological block where that subject is concerned.

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I'm afraid I have to admit that acne has a major part to do with why I'm 25 this year, single, and still battling self-esteem problems. I've suffered from acne, ranging from moderate to really bad, all the way from puberty till NOW.

On top of acne (which is a big enough problem as it is), I'm a naturally reserved (and sensitive, might I add) and reticent person. And because I'm so terribly insecure about my face, I shy away from guys. Sadly enough, I have a feeling that many of these men around me genuinely don't care all that much about these zits on me, but you know, I'm the one who can't get over my own imperfections.

Right now, I'm trying my best to overcome my insecurities, with a mild degree of success, but at the same time, I still hope that my face be totally clear one day. It won't make me an instant beauty, but I know for sure it'll be a boost to my confidence.

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OH NO!

I met this guy at a party over the weekend and we hit it off really well and we ended up exchanging numbers. At the party it was really dark inside with candle light so I don't think he could have seen my acne that much. Well, a couple of days later I went to watch his street hockey game in the afternoon, so I'm sure he must have noticed my acne then, but after the game we went to his place to have dinner and we ended up kissing. By the end of the night, my make-up was rubbed off and I looked like a monster. I'm healing from a horrible severe breakout and have a shit load of red marks on my face as well as several active spots. My problem is he is coming over after work tonight and I'm so self conscious that he's going to see my skin close up. I'm terrifed right now. We both work in the film industry and I know he has a lot of friends who are models. Literally, beautiful models with gorgeous skin, and here I am with zits and red marks all over my face. I feel like crying. Do I bring it up? Do I keep quiet and keep running to the bathroom to retouch my make-up? I don't know how to handle this. :wall: HELP!

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my skin is pretty managable at times.. but there are times when it goes crazy on me..

1) When i start up school (college) i guess the stress makes me breakout

2) When i start eating unhealthy food.. ie dairy, sodium, alcohol

3) When i start to date someone..

So my skin was pretty managable during the winter, i barely had any breakouts.. i was invited to a new years eve party, and i met this guy there and we totally hit it off. things were going great for the first couple of weeks. all of a sudden, i let myself go and i started to break out.. i started going to school and ate out a lot with him as well, which didnt help my skin. partying and drinking didnt help either.

i think part of the reason i would break out was because he had stubbles, and it would irritate my skin when we would kiss.. and also i noticed when i spent the night at his place, i would break out more often, maybe because im not used to the environment..

so once i started breaking out, i didnt want to see him as much and i would only schedule meetings at night, so that my acne would be less apparent.. it worked for a while but my skin got WORSE.. part of the reason for that was because i was trying to find a remedy that would make my acne go away ASAP. and if the product didnt deliver within 3 days, i would switch to something else.. it was crazy

so my acne was at its worse and so i would make up excuses and it got so bad that i didnt see him for a whole month.. i wonder what he thought about that?

i started re-evaluating my life and i wanted to find a REAL solution to the problem besides throwing a bunch of chemicals on my face..

i noticed when i wasnt in a relationship, i had a lot of time to focus on myself, and improving myself.. so when i would work out, that would relieve my stress.. i obtained a great body and as that was happening, my skin followed with it.

i stopped using so many chemicals on my face.. using that many chemicals only makes it worse because youre not givign your face anytime to heal.. i was putting so much stress on my skin that the only way it new how to react was to produce more oil and get all irritated. when you put a lot of stuff on your face, your face freaks out and produces more oil. so i started thinking to myself, i need to treat my skin with respect. i cut down the amount of products i used and tried to follow dan's regiment.. it was working okay, but it left my skin REALLY dry.. and also i heard benzoyl peroxide was an oxidizing agent, so i knew that wasnt healthy for my skin.. so i switched to an almost all natural regiment. i would wash my face with a baby brush (exfoliate) with purpose gentle cleanser.. supposedly the cleanser is as gentle as water, and has a neutral pH. then after i would put on jojoba oil as a moisturizer mixed with aloe vera, and put on tea tree oil for spot treatments of blemishes..

i started eating more healthy and STOPPED drinking.. and also ive been doing a deep body cleansing to detox my colon, liver, and kidneys.. within your body, you have so many toxins built up that it makes your body unstable and your body doesnt function as well as it should.. even (if) it didnt help my acne, it gave me more energy and made me a lot more healthier.

my skin is not as red anymore and my blemishes are healing pretty quickly.. im spose to see my bf this sunday, but i still have a bit of acne.. not as bad as before though. but still, i have this mentality that he has to see me as perfect.. i wanna be perfect you know? i dont want him to see me any other way..

the way i see it, this acne problem is just another test god is putting me through, to see if i can handle it.. its gonna knock you down sometimes, but if you let it keep you down.. youre going to be defeated. everyone has a different solution to their acne problems, but what worked for me was being an overall healthy person, which in turn helped me with my depression. and as i was getting healthier, my skin followed with it as well.

my close friend also started breaking out recently.. and we have this thing where we're on a skin care bootcamp.. hahahaha i know it sounds a little lame, but knowing someone is going through the same thing you are, and knowing you can joke about it with them.. it really helps. when we see soemone with really nice skin, we get really jealous and laugh about it.. but both of us are definitely improving. we're a lot more gentle with our skin and we use less product.. dont wanna suffocate your face you know? :) hope this helps.. ill check back to see what you guys think.

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jessee I know exactly what you mean. It seems that whenever I start school, I break out. When I start dating someone, I break out. And if they happen to coincide, its a nightmare.

Even though I know that my face doesnt have to be flawless for my boyfriend to love me, its still embarassing for me to go without makeup.

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This is quite a long thread that has been going for quite a long time!

I relate to so much of it, it's so nice to read even though it hurts to know that everyone has had to feel the way I do!!

My ex used to get upset when he would try to touch my face lovingly and I'd pull away. And now that I'm single when I'm at the bar or somewhere chatting with people, I find myself putting my hand over my chin where my active zits and red marks are (so many of them I think I look like a monkey with this round red area around my mouth) ... or wearing my hair down to cover the sides of my face ...

I'm 24, BTW.

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