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Abby L

Adult acne and relationships

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Hi everyone: I'm 48, yep 48, that's no typo and have lousy skin. I was one of those late bloomers who thought he was lucky becasue I didn't get any acne until I was out of high school, started about 20 years old and has never stopped. Every day play connect the dots on my face, 30 years of this and no sign of getting better. I've tried the regime, helps a little, still have tremendous amounts of oil, huge pores, etc, we all know the dance. I really wish I could add some old sagely advice, everything turns out great in the end, etc, but it might not. Knowing this, just try and be productive, we all know people notice, they talk about our skin when we're not there, but don't let this take away your life, you have to fight through it. I'm not talking about that earlier jerk with his obnoxious post, but I'm trying to encourage you even though you might have this garbage your whole life. I guess I wanted to tell you all to keep fighting, keep encouraging each other, this post is great, and go out and do something great with your life, even when you want to wear a bag over you head, LOL. This stuff sucks, but it's not a death sentence, even though I sometimes feels like it is. Be a great friend, find people who will love you even with this junk, believe me it's hard, I've been single almost my whole adult life and I attibute a lot of it to this junk, but I've got great friends. You know maybe that's ok, great family, great friends, that's not a bad life. So hang in there everybody, it's the holidays and if anybody knows any secrets for an old acne sufferer, I'm all ears. Take care everyone

Jim

Jim, have you tried accutnane? If not, you should think about it and talk about it. You're never too old. I'm in my 50s and doing my third course. Each of the two previous bought me about 10-12 years, well worth it. No permanent side effects.

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I'm 23 and have never had a bf, date, nothing. I recently reconnected with an old crush. He's interested, I'm interested, but I have been putting off meeting him because I'm so embarrassed by my acne and red marks. I'm afraid he'll take one look at my bumpy, flaky skin and take off running.

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I'm 23 and have never had a bf, date, nothing. I recently reconnected with an old crush. He's interested, I'm interested, but I have been putting off meeting him because I'm so embarrassed by my acne and red marks. I'm afraid he'll take one look at my bumpy, flaky skin and take off running.

What have you done for it? Have you seen a specialist and tried antibiotics, prescription topicals, accutane? Any of that stuff? It can really work!

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I thought i'd add my bit here.

I'm 22, and throughout high school I didn't have ANY acne. At age 18 I started getting really bad breakouts, and here I am 4 years later, still fighting it.

I have only had one boyfriend, when I was about 16, but that lasted only a month. I haven't since had a boyfriend, and I haven't even kissed a guy.

I'm so afraid of letting anyone get that close to kiss me. Plus, I wear makeup to cover my acne and i'm horrified at the thought of a guy seeing my "natural" face. I do a good job of concealing it (even to the point where people tell me I have great skin), but if they really knew that underneath is a red, pimply mess.... :cry:

Acne has ruined the last few years. All of my friends have long-term boyfriends, and I really want to date but the acne is really getting me down.

I've been on BC for 2 months and i'm on my 3rd month right now. My acne has actually worsened, but i've heard that it sometimes gets worse before it gets better. *fingers crossed*

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I'm 23 and have never had a bf, date, nothing. I recently reconnected with an old crush. He's interested, I'm interested, but I have been putting off meeting him because I'm so embarrassed by my acne and red marks. I'm afraid he'll take one look at my bumpy, flaky skin and take off running.

What have you done for it? Have you seen a specialist and tried antibiotics, prescription topicals, accutane? Any of that stuff? It can really work!

I've only tried drugstore topicals. I have other issues that have resulted in a fear of any type of doctors so it will be difficult to get myself to one.

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I am in my late 20's and have had acne since I was about 12 or 13. I've tried just about every drug and over the counter remedy there is, and finally my skin has been fairly clear for the past few months, although lately I have been breaking out again, which pisses me off. ANYWAY, so I have a new boyfriend (first one in a LOONGG time) who is always telling me I am beautiful and he'll just stare at me sometimes and say it is because he likes looking at me. So how is this a problem? I am just so self-conscious, because I think, "how can he possibly think that about ME? How can he not see all those red marks and that big welt on my cheek?"

And it is causing some friction between us- I think it really bugs him that I can't just believe him when he says things like that, and I am TRYING to, but after so many years of acne and low self-esteem, it's easier said than done. And I am constantly afraid that if these recent breakouts get worse (I am wondering if it is either hormone changes or a reaction to his stubble?) he is going to get grossed out and break up with me. :(

I always thought my life would be just perfect if my skin would clear up and I would meet a great guy, but it turns out the emotional effects of acne are still there.....

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I'm 23 and have never had a bf, date, nothing. I recently reconnected with an old crush. He's interested, I'm interested, but I have been putting off meeting him because I'm so embarrassed by my acne and red marks. I'm afraid he'll take one look at my bumpy, flaky skin and take off running.

If he won't like you cause of the acne, you're better off finding some one a little more understanding. I'm a guy and I can tell you I'm not that shallow.

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i think a lot of men dont understand acne. im having a time with my face now, although not as bad as its been for the past few months or so..my dad doesnt understand why it bothers me i guess. he is like "she looks at it all the time". in other words..if you dont look at it , it will go away or its not there. wtf??? that is ridiculous. i dont think people understand acne until they have it. recently this guy ive talked with online wants me to go out, but i keep holding back because my face is breaking out and im embarassed to meet. i actually was honest and told him but he acts kind of dense like he has no clue what im going through...so yeah it definitly affects relationships. i hate to miss out on something good in life because of freaking zits. :snooty:

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I've decided that the best thing to do is to get a couple of drinks in me and ride the wave. Normally lets me forget about a break-out and enjoy a night out. Going to work is more difficult. And I'd say acne did ruin the relationship most important to me because I'd often times not want to be seen by her friends. Acne really does turn you bipolar. If it's a good day, I want to live it to the fullest-- party and get laid. If it's a bad day, I won't leave the house.

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well, i'm 28 and i've had acne since i was about 19 or 20. before that i had perfect skin, and strangers would often compliment me on what beautiful skin i had. well, that all went downhill. i started getting huge cysts, mostly on my chin. then they started migrating all over my face. i've had 4 serious relationships since i started breaking out. most of my boyfriends were very supportive.

one of my ex's told me that i gave him acne. he started breaking out in cysts on his chin, and he said it was all my fault and that i gave him acne. i was so mortified and thought that i actually had given him acne. this, among other things, caused us to break up. he made me feel so horrible about myself. he started pointing out my "bad skin" to other people and made jokes about it. i really couldn't take it anymore. a couple years after we broke up, i moved away. we started talking again and became friends. he was still breaking out and told me that he realized it wasn't my fault. we're still friends and now share tips on face washes, products, etc. how ironic...

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well, i'm 28 and i've had acne since i was about 19 or 20. before that i had perfect skin, and strangers would often compliment me on what beautiful skin i had. well, that all went downhill. i started getting huge cysts, mostly on my chin. then they started migrating all over my face. i've had 4 serious relationships since i started breaking out. most of my boyfriends were very supportive.

one of my ex's told me that i gave him acne. he started breaking out in cysts on his chin, and he said it was all my fault and that i gave him acne. i was so mortified and thought that i actually had given him acne. this, among other things, caused us to break up. he made me feel so horrible about myself. he started pointing out my "bad skin" to other people and made jokes about it. i really couldn't take it anymore. a couple years after we broke up, i moved away. we started talking again and became friends. he was still breaking out and told me that he realized it wasn't my fault. we're still friends and now share tips on face washes, products, etc. how ironic...

That's terrible.. that he would blame his skin problems on you :(

But I'm sometimes paranoid about that too.. and it makes me feel so horrible. My boyfriend has always had PERFECT skin. I mean absolutely beautiful skin-- girls (and guy-friends sometimes) would always say how nice his skin is to me (that would make me feel like crap about my own..)-- all the while, I would be all broken out and w/ acne scars :(. Anyway, we've been going out for about a year now-- but I've known him for like 6-7 years... and now, I see that he breaks out from time to time and his complexion is not absolutely perfect anymore (but it's still really good-- and to-die-for for us acne-sufferers).. and I wonder sometimes if it has to do w/ my bad skin.. haha.. :( But I think what it is, is just that I see him so much now and so I really do see that sometimes he has his 'not-so-good' days too.. we're all human =P

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lol this is funny. In HS my acne was pretty mild for the most part and I had a couple "serious boyfriends" One of them one time made a comment that he never got ANY zits until He was around me and then he got some and his sister was saying the same thing about her boyfriend at the time that had acne. I know she broke out on her own after that boyfriend.. It didnt really make me mad he wasn't that mean about it (suprisingly because he was a serious butthole most of the time) and I was not self concious of my skin back then.

It wasnt till about 2 years after HS that my acne got quite a bit worse. During that time I dated quite a few guys and had a couple relationships. When my acne was at its absolute worst I met my now fiance.. So I think it is safe to say that people are better at looking past acne than we are of ourselves. My fiance now get zits and sometimes bad. he has pretty oily skin. I dated guys with perfect skin too.

I think its safe to say that it is safe and healthy for us to focus on what really matters and acne does not matter. its ok to pursue making it better but we should try to see that there is much worse and people who really love you love you for ALOT more than your skin and looks. NOT everyone but the only people worth being involved with are those who know what matters.

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I've decided that the best thing to do is to get a couple of drinks in me and ride the wave. Normally lets me forget about a break-out and enjoy a night out. Going to work is more difficult. And I'd say acne did ruin the relationship most important to me because I'd often times not want to be seen by her friends. Acne really does turn you bipolar. If it's a good day, I want to live it to the fullest-- party and get laid. If it's a bad day, I won't leave the house.

LOL..Story of my life from college on!

It's really amazing how much acne affects a persons mental state. It wasn't until a good friend of mine basically told me that his best friend didn't want to date me and that it could have been because of my skin, that I started obsessing. I never thought it was that bad. And looking back at pictures before he made that revelation, it really wasn't that bad. But from that day on, thoughts and concern over my skin have completely dominated my life. And it has gotten a heck of a lot worse since then. I am really a social person, and I don't like saying no to social events, so I often take the "get drunk early" approach so I don't think about it. But there are definitely months when I don't go anywhere other than to work and back home just because I don't want anyone to see me.

My family doesn't understand my mood swings, and the few friends that I am honest with in telling why I don't want to go out try to drag me out anyway. The worst is when they have pressed me to go out, and then halfway through the evening someone makes some random comment about someone else who has bad skin, like I don't know they don't say the same things about me when I'm not there. Or when they try to act like they understand because they get one little bump once every 7 years.

Okay, I really went on an off-topic rant, but your brief post really reminded me of a lot. I told my sister last week that there is a very good chance that I need professional mental help. And I was really half serious...

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I've decided that the best thing to do is to get a couple of drinks in me and ride the wave. Normally lets me forget about a break-out and enjoy a night out. Going to work is more difficult. And I'd say acne did ruin the relationship most important to me because I'd often times not want to be seen by her friends. Acne really does turn you bipolar. If it's a good day, I want to live it to the fullest-- party and get laid. If it's a bad day, I won't leave the house.

LOL..Story of my life from college on!

It's really amazing how much acne affects a persons mental state. It wasn't until a good friend of mine basically told me that his best friend didn't want to date me abd that it could have been because of my skin, that I started obsessing. I never thought it was that bad. And looking back at pictures before he made that revelation, it really wasn't that bad. But from that day on, thoughts and concern over my skin have completely dominated my life. And it had gotten a heck of a lot worse since then. I am really a social person, and I don't like saying not to social events, so I often take the "get drunk early" approach so I don't think about it. But there are definitely months when I don't go anywhere other than to work and back home just because I don't want anyone to see me.

My family doesn't understand my mood swings, and the few friends that I am honest with in telling why I don't want to go out try to drag me out anyway. The worst is when they have pressed me to go out, and then halfway through the evening someone makes some random comment about someone else who has bad skin, like I don't know they don't say the same things about me when I'm not there. Or when they try to act like they understand because they get one little bump once every 7 years.

Okay, I really went on an off-topic rant, but your brief post really reminded me of a lot. I told my sister last week that there is a very good chance that I need professional mental help. And I was really half serious...

I pretty much was going to re-write the first two paragraphs you wrote. I feel the same way and do the same thing. However, I am keeping my head up and looking forward to accutane if my current antibiotics dont work. Just gotta move on despite the heartache...as for mental help...same thing happened last week with my parents/brother...strange.

As for other comments. I hate it when clear faced people 'stare' us down. Maybe its imaginary in my head, but I want to get even one day...

I am debating whether I should do a video blog for the next 3-5 months. I hope to get clear and gain 25 lbs. Might be interesting to record it and see the progression and share the experience.

peace...yeah a little optimistic right now...better get some shut eye.

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Guest Locked In Grace

I'm actually enjoying the single, one night stand type of thing these days. Mainly because i feel so great when people have no idea that acne is something which really effected me. I don't feel like some dud that way.

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Interesting observation about acne causing polar moods. I'm 23. When I'm lucky, there's about a week every month where my face is at a point where I have the confidence to pursue women. I take full advantage of this time period, and find myself incredibly confident when it comes to women (borderline manipulative, maybe). I'd prefer to form a relationship but ultimately my face goes to shit and I really have a tough time. I'm still capable of putting on a friendly face and I'm sure that people don't actually notice a difference, but I have that overwhelming feeling inside that I just want to be in my cave, so to speak. I've tried still seeing people when I'm not looking too swell, but find that I drive myself crazy worrying over whether or not my face looks like shit. Man, I love acne.

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im just after reading this thread (not totally, I skimmed, supposed to be doing college work!) and its the absolutely pits the way our whole mood depends on how our face is. i know it makes sense because thats what we present to the world but its sooo frustrating.

I was actually going out with someone when my acne was at its worst (when I was about 20) and my make up was never far out of reach the whole time. It seem so silly now but I used to reach for the compact even after he would kiss me, I just didnt want to him to see my horrible spotty face. Anytime we'd be together even if I was just over at his house watching tv if he left me alone for a second the mirror would be out to see was I still covered up. I must have seemed really vain but in truth I was just so self conscious.

Im actually pretty much clear at the mo but my current boyfriend has bad skin, I dunno if its actually acne because it only affects the parts of his face where he shaves and no where else. Funny thing is I dont care. I dont even notice it most the time. It not like I sympathise with him over it and as such 'put up with it', I genuinely dont even give it a second thought.

So remember that folks - if a person really likes you they wont even see the spots, they'll see you!!

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Yep, I can relate to everyone here. Fortunately, I'm in a relationship right now.

Dating was always the roughest because I can cover quite a lot of it up. So...What do I do? Do I wait, do I go through the crushing embaressment and just tell him about it..? Invite him over, & let him see me natural?

I've had guys head for the hills after seeing my real face. I have a love hate relationship with makeup.

I had a couple real bad experiences with sex due to waking up in the morning with my face more exposed than the night before. I even got dumped once because he fell asleep and I snuck out and went home in the middle of the night!

After that, I made sure they knew about my problem first. I had to. :(

I'm a very humble person today for having this problem all these years. To me everyone has some beauty unless they show me they're ugly inside.

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Having acne can actually persuade someone that likes you/or even someone you like to come and talk to you. It gives the second party more comfort if he/she thinks that them too have personal physical weaknesses.

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hello,

never had a gf and im 25 now! acne is totally to blame. had bad acne from 13 - 22 and moderate from then till now. got no confidence at all as a result. now i have depression as well.

so yeh lifes that bad!

tim

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Acne has changed almost everything in my life for the worse. I got it in my teenage years, and it hit hard. After I started noticing people acting differently around me, i began feeling like some sort of monster. I literally withdrew from all social interaction, unable to feel any confidence in myself. At 16 I was in a relationship with someone I still love to this day (Im 21 now), but I havent had the guts to see them face to face in over 5 years. I have kind of turned into this miserable, cynical mess. I guess my skin has turned me into a more bitter, perpetually lonely person. I know that the people who knew me years ago would just feel sorry for me if they saw me now, and I dont want to be that pathetic person that used to be good looking. I dont know if I'll ever be able to be in a relationship if I cant do something about my acne.

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I have kind of turned into this miserable, cynical mess. I guess my skin has turned me into a more bitter, perpetually lonely person.

snap.

this point i totally relate to.

tim

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im 22 an have had acne since i was about 15, ive only had one girlfriend, that was over 2 years ago now. Acne has bin a major factor in my lack of confidence around women and the fact i dont really go out means i never meet anyone making it almost impossible to find anyone!

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Acne has bin a major factor in my lack of confidence around women and the fact i dont really go out means i never meet anyone making it almost impossible to find anyone!

snap again.

i may try internet dating.

tim

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I'm 28 and I've had acne since I was 13, i became depressed around 17/18 but with a little help from my friends I got through it :boohoo: . I've had always had a good sense of humour and I began to use my wit to distract from my face, my theory being if they're laughing with me then they won't be laughing at me (ie my skin). It really helped build my confidence because I became quite popular because I could make people laugh, it certainly made me stand out from the the other girls and hence have been lucky enough to have attracted a few boyfriends (with the help of cleverly applied makeup), however, I would only take my makeup off in front of my boyf once the lights had been swiched off at night so that he couldn't see the horror that was my skin......It was hard to live like that, having to wear makeup 24/7 whenever I was in a relationship but since my last long-term boyf made me feel so special and beautiful I don't worry so much about my skin and i can still attract attention without loads of makeup....as a very wise friend once told me...."you can be stunning and unattractive or average looking (with spots) and ooze sex appeal, the choice is yours, if you don't 'feel it' you won't 'be it' regardless of what you look like"..... and that motto has definately worked for me..........(also the regimen that I've recently started using has worked a miracle and completely cleared up my skin, so now I'm unstoppable!!!! :dance: )

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