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Abby L

Adult acne and relationships

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Hi

How many of you are single at the moment and do you find your acne makes it difficult for you to interact with people or meet new people?

I am 28 and often feel I let this problem hold me back.

What are your views? For those in relationship, does your acne affect it at all?

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

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I'm almost 25 and i can't begin to tell you how it ruins your self confidence. This past half year my skin has been at its worst and sometimes i just want to cry! (actually today i did) its so frustrating cause i try everything and nothing seems to help long term and it makes me crazy. right now the right side of my face looks way better than the left. but i still have all these red spots on my face which take forever to go away. ive been dealing with this for so long and i keep wondering if one day ill be pretty and wont have to worry about this or is this my fate? i know im blabbing but today was a bad day (face-wise) i'm not the type that can just shake it off either. i can get into such an awful mood from this acne that i dont want to talk to anyone or see anyone and then it becomes this horrible cycle. i wish i would just find something that worked for me. any suggestions?

tali

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

i have this problem too. can i ask you - does it affect your intimacy with him? i mean, having a face full of zits doesn't exactly make me feel attractive and when i feel like this i don't want to be intimate with my husband. he gets upset and doesn't understand why i can't get over it. i don't know what to do anymore.

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

i have this problem too. can i ask you - does it affect your intimacy with him? i mean, having a face full of zits doesn't exactly make me feel attractive and when i feel like this i don't want to be intimate with my husband. he gets upset and doesn't understand why i can't get over it. i don't know what to do anymore.

I know when I was breaking out last summer, it totally ruined my sex life w/my hubby. I know at time it probably annoyed the crap out of him to have me say no so much, but really, who feels sexy when the sides of your chin have huge, painful boils on them??? Not I, that's for sure.

Since getting clear on 'tane (and switching to Yasmin BCP), I cannot even stress how much better things are between my husband and I in terms of intimacy. The scary thing is that I feel that this will be short lived, and that my acne will end up returning. I know I shouldn't worry too much, but I've been in situations before where I thought I had my acne nipped in the bud, only to start breaking out again down the line. I'm 27, so it's not as if I'll be growing out of this any time soon, but here's to eternal hope, right?

I hope you can find something that works for you, because I remember how awful it was to want to be intimate w/my husband, but pulled back because I just felt so hideous. It's not a fun feeling at all.

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Definatly does. It basically governs when i go out or not. If my face is pretty clear, ill go out at the weekends, if ive got a few bad spots, ill stay in.

Ive got a date this weekend, with a girl ive fancied for ages. My face is 99% clear, i just hope i don't get any this week. Im already nervous, lol.

Im 22, btw. Acne does suck. especially when going out and trying to meet someone. People who say it doesn't matter are lying. I certanly wuldn't want to see a girl with loads of acne.

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Acne destroyed my marriage, due to my depression and my inability to go out when feeling bad!

Rebuilding it all now, cept the marriage, that is DOA!

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Having adult acne makes me feel real unsecure about myself..My boyfriend however, doesnt seem to mind but i feel ugly and sometimes i feel like he doest love me...

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Me and my SO were talking about this very thing the other day. While they don't bother her now, she did admit that if I was as bad when we met as I was last winter when I flared up, It would have made it more difficult for her. She is very understanding now though, even though she has probably had two zits in her life. She pokes fun at me from time to time and calls my cystic acne "aliens". She'll say things like "That's quite an alien you have growing there". We laugh and it is ok. I've learned to live with it and I'm not self conscious anymore. If I asked her to stop poking fun at me she would. I find trivializing it helpful when dealing with it and joking is a part of that. To ignore it in our conversations somehow seems wrong when it is happening and relevant in my life.

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It definitely affects it a lot! I got involved with my ex-boyfriend when my skin was calm...I think I would have stayed away if it had been flaring up. I have avoided people even if they were showing an interest because I felt bad about my skin. I've skipped social engagements, etc...even now I have mostly scars and it makes me feel unconfident. I feel a little better though if I'm wearing makeup.

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

Ahhh, I finally figured out how to quote! Anyway, I feel your pain. I haven't had a date in years. I'm 33, soon to be 34. I'm sure no man will ever want me because of my stupid skin. My friends say its not that bad, but I think if that's true then why doesn't anyone ask me out? I'm not overweight, I dress well enough, don't smell . . . and I'm a nice person! I'm sure my confidence has a lot to do with it. But its a catch 22. My lack of confidence makes it hard to get a date; my lack of dates makes it hard to feel confident. My skin looked pretty good when I was dating my last boyfriend. We broke up because I had to move across the country for a job. The stress made my skin a mess. No dates. No confidence. It's basically all acne all the time. My derm doesn't help. The regimin he put me on makes my skin bumpy, although the old red spots are fading. Grrrrr.

I always thought if I had a husband or boyfriend who said nice things about my looks I wouldn't be so depressed. But I guess that's not true. :cry:

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I know exactly what you mean!

The other day I met one of my neighbors (a cutie). He asked if I lived alone and was single-- I would think that maybe he liked me but how could he-- my skin is disgusting right now! I was up on my balcony and he was down below, so I hate to think of his disappointment when he runs into me on the street and gets a closeup shot of my skin. I just wish I didn't have to be ashamed of my face all the time.

Acne is so frustrating! I mean, I'm 28 years old and I've had bad skin since I was 15. I hate to think that I'll never get that "peak" so many women get to enjoy-- the period in between pimples and wrinkles. I am already debating whether I should moisturize to help minimize the wrinkles I am starting to get at the cost of maybe aggravating my acne, or skip the moisturizers and just be wrinkly but perhaps less pimply.

<Sigh>. Just needed to vent!

J

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My hubby thinks it's "all in my head". I know he is only saying this to make me feel better, and so I'll stop forking over $300 for vbeams several times year. It totally hurts my self confidence. For a long time, I would only get intimate with him with the lights off. Now my skin is almost completely clear, but I have red marks to deal with. That's why I love bars so much! I'll go out to drinks with my girlfriend, and with the makeup and dim lighting, my face looks flawless. It makes me so sad!

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The effects of having acne was a factor in driving my relationship apart...it wasnt the only reason but was definitely a major player

Now that i am single i find it near impossible to get close to anyone...i tend to avoid women that i am attracted to in case they notice my skin

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Hiya. I find it impossible to get close to anyone now. If a guy looks at me, I try to cover parts of my face with my hand, pretend I'm itching my face of rubbing my nose or something, so they won't see my acne! And then failing that, I turn away. Add this to the nervous laugh I get when people talk to me and the constant moving around so that they don't get chance to stare at my face of zits for too long, and you're presented with a weird freak! So if my acne doesn't put guys off, my bizarre behaviour will! I can't win, but I can't help trying to hide my acne the way I do. Its a vicious circle. <sigh> :cry:

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My husband says he doesn't see anything wrong with my face, but he is just being nice. I know this because he sometimes stares at zits. I know that he gets frustrated when I bitch about acne. He told me that "if I just don't do anything at all, it will go away". He doesn't understand acne because he doesn't have to deal with it.

i have this problem too. can i ask you - does it affect your intimacy with him? i mean, having a face full of zits doesn't exactly make me feel attractive and when i feel like this i don't want to be intimate with my husband. he gets upset and doesn't understand why i can't get over it. i don't know what to do anymore.

Gosh Haleystar, you sound so much like me. I am 33 yrs old and acne has caused me a lot of pain and problems with my husband. Everytime my acne is bad there is no sex in my house until i clear. My husband gets so mad at me, but i cann't help it. Right now i'm doing better because i stopped drinking coffee which i think was contributing to my cystic acne.

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I haven't visited this site in a long time but as I'm reading your posts, it makes me sad that this thing called acne has hindered relationships and caused you all so much pain. I understand as I'm 35 but still have the acne - that's why people think I look young because I look like a teenager with acne. While I agree that using humour can help, I think that no matter what, it hurts. People can say that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but those are the people with perfect skin, body and lives. This society places so much emphasis on looks that it would be hard not to be depressed about having acne. That said, we are adults and our skin isn't all that we are....I'm sure that, whether you're married or single, that your positive qualities outweigh the disadvantages of acne. If others can't see that then they're not worth it. The main thing is that you see it in yourselves. Ever notice that if you meet someone who is not as physically attractive as Brad Pitt but as you get to know them and like them, they become more attractive? It's the person inside, not your skin. My grandma used to greet me with, not a "hi how are you?" but with a "what's all that crap on your face?" I finally got the nerve to say, "what's all those wrinkles on yours and where'd you put your teeth?" Everyone has crosses to bear - I'm not trying to put a religious slant on this, believe me - and I'm not undermining acne's impact on your lives, but I suppose we have to accept that we have it and love ourselves in spite of it.

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its so sad to read these stories of peoples lives being affected to such an extent but i can totally see where you're all coming from. it seems so unfair that so many happy healthy people can be made to feel like some kind of freak and feel the need to avoid certain situations or to always feel the need to cover that part of your face or turn away a bit when talking to people (i guess we've all been there).

my type of acne is restricted to large isolated spots but they pop up pretty frequently on my jawline and seem caused purely by stress. and i feel they have affected my life in a big way.. when they are there i just want to be ignored.. shaving is a nightmare if they are in full swing, but a beard just looks sooo wrong on me its not an option (actually i lost a job once for coming to work unshaven too many times- but i couldnt shave cos i had too many zits!)

as far as relationships go.. dont even go there. i feel ugly when this shit is on my face and i am not the most outgoing person at the best of times so i tend to put myself thru a kind of self imposed exile when i have acne (most of the time).. it worries me that i dont seem to be growing out of it, one day i hope itll be ok and i really hope that is before im an old man.

damn just thinking about this is making me depressed - which gives me acne... <sigh> :confused:

and your quite right flipgirl.. no-one else probly even cares (if they really notice anyway) but when its on your face its soo hard not to be affected by it, but your right we should just deal with it and live our lives in spite of it. ironically that kind of mindset would most likely stop the stress and clear it all up anyway :D i'm not sure if many of us will ever find out tho..

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I stopped shaving for about 7 years to hide some of the acne on my face....i even bought this thing that kinda shave's you but leaves about 2 days stubble on your face...i was lucky that i didnt need to be clean shaven for my job or i would got the bullet also

As flipgirl says, learning to "love ourselfs" with or without acne is the mindset we all need to tap into as hard as it might be...i am definitely going down this road cos the drugs dont work, they just make me worse but i know i'll see my face again :whistle:

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its so sad to read these stories of peoples lives being affected to such an extent but i can totally see where you're all coming from. it seems so unfair that so many happy healthy people can be made to feel like some kind of freak and feel the need to avoid certain situations or to always feel the need to cover that part of your face or turn away a bit when talking to people (i guess we've all been there).

my type of acne is restricted to large isolated spots but they pop up pretty frequently on my jawline and seem caused purely by stress. and i feel they have affected my life in a big way.. when they are there i just want to be ignored.. shaving is a nightmare if they are in full swing, but a beard just looks sooo wrong on me its not an option (actually i lost a job once for coming to work unshaven too many times- but i couldnt shave cos i had too many zits!)

as far as relationships go.. dont even go there. i feel ugly when this shit is on my face and i am not the most outgoing person at the best of times so i tend to put myself thru a kind of self imposed exile when i have acne (most of the time).. it worries me that i dont seem to be growing out of it, one day i hope itll be ok and i really hope that is before im an old man.

damn just thinking about this is making me depressed - which gives me acne... <sigh> :confused:

and your quite right flipgirl.. no-one else probly even cares (if they really notice anyway) but when its on your face its soo hard not to be affected by it, but your right we should just deal with it and live our lives in spite of it. ironically that kind of mindset would most likely stop the stress and clear it all up anyway :D i'm not sure if many of us will ever find out tho..

its so sad to read these stories of peoples lives being affected to such an extent but i can totally see where you're all coming from. it seems so unfair that so many happy healthy people can be made to feel like some kind of freak and feel the need to avoid certain situations or to always feel the need to cover that part of your face or turn away a bit when talking to people (i guess we've all been there).

my type of acne is restricted to large isolated spots but they pop up pretty frequently on my jawline and seem caused purely by stress. and i feel they have affected my life in a big way.. when they are there i just want to be ignored.. shaving is a nightmare if they are in full swing, but a beard just looks sooo wrong on me its not an option (actually i lost a job once for coming to work unshaven too many times- but i couldnt shave cos i had too many zits!)

as far as relationships go.. dont even go there. i feel ugly when this shit is on my face and i am not the most outgoing person at the best of times so i tend to put myself thru a kind of self imposed exile when i have acne (most of the time).. it worries me that i dont seem to be growing out of it, one day i hope itll be ok and i really hope that is before im an old man.

damn just thinking about this is making me depressed - which gives me acne... <sigh> :confused:

and your quite right flipgirl.. no-one else probly even cares (if they really notice anyway) but when its on your face its soo hard not to be affected by it, but your right we should just deal with it and live our lives in spite of it. ironically that kind of mindset would most likely stop the stress and clear it all up anyway :D i'm not sure if many of us will ever find out tho..

Oops I forgot to add my reply....anyway, I like your regimen Rodd, but I think I would add ice cream to your cake and another bout of sex before and after the TV and then rinse and repeat.....maybe that would help the acne thing!! it's all in the release! ;)

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I am 22, will be 23 this summer. I have very very mild skin issues and this year has been the worse in my life. I just think I look awful. And I use to model!!!!

I have not gone out of my house in two months because I feel so bad about myself. I want to be pretty and while my acne is very very mild and I only have a problem with scars not active acne (I think I get like maybe one zit every two weeks) If I could only just get rid of these scars, my skin would be perfectly flawless. But once some scars go away I always get new zits then those form scars and so on. This year it has never stopped. I have no clue what is wrong with me because bad skin does NOT run in my family.

It is hurting my social life because I no longer have friends in my home city. I am lonely, depressed, being single is killing me and I want to model again. :wall:

Shoot, I really dont have any relationships at all because of this and my constant complaining about it to my mother is hurting our relationship. :cry:

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damn just thinking about this is making me depressed - which gives me acne... <sigh> :confused:

So true! I've been hiding in my house since Friday . . . couldn't get myself to work that day because I'm so humiliated by how yucky my face looks right now.

Anyway, this thread makes me think of that old 70s song about feeling unattractive. I forget what its called or who sings it, but I'm sure some of you remember it: "I learned the truth at 17 that love was meant for beauty queens and high school girls with clear skin smiles who marry young and then retire . . . [it goes on and eventually gets to the part that always made me tear up] and those of us with ravaged faces, lacking in the social graces, desperatly remained at home, inventing lovers on the phone who called to say come dance with me . . . ."

Of course, we all deserve love. But that song really gets to me anyway.

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Janus Ian - "At Seventeen"

Yea, I simutaneously loved and hated that song. If you know what I mean.

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I'm 22 and my acne started flaring up a few months ago. All through out high school my skin was decent, and now all of a sudden my skin is having a freak out. I don't have a lot of active acne (i have about 3 right now), but I have a lot of redness that won't go away. It lingers forever and it totally affects the way I interact with people. I just don't feel the same and there are days when I have to force myself outside. Right now I have a boyfriend and I have no idea how he feels about my skin, but it definitely makes me feel uncomfortable. I know there are worse things to worry about but this really takes a toll on my self-esteem.

Despite all this I am very optimistic that my face will calm down soon I just need to be patient...but you still have those days where you gotta cry/vent/get upset or whatever, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that just as long as you can stay positive most of the time.

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