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i don't know what to do anymore. since december i have had a fit of severe crying/depressive days, usually just one a month but now it's becoming more frequent. i've been doing what my derm wanted me to, using the tazorac and what not and it is just not getting any better. i see her tomorrow, i want something that works. i hate feeling like this and i certainly hate getting up an hour and half before i need to leave the house to give myself ample time to get ready each day. i hate using make-up and i hate worrying about what i look like under every light. i don't like looking in people's eyes and constantly wondering if they can see everything. i hate how this is affecting my social life, i have no friends - i don't want to have sex with my husband because i don't feel attractive or i'm afraid of messing up my make-up. and every depressive moment comes at the worst time. the first one was a few days before our wedding, the next christmas day, no it's his birthday. i don't want to be this person, but i don't know how to change it. i can't just suddenly stop wearing make-up and be ok with it. people don't understand that you can't just stop doing what you have trained yourself to do for so many years. i just want to give up right now. what's the point of living if i can't enjoy it and am making the ones who love me angry all the time because i won't participate in life because i won't leave the house. i hate myself right now.

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Jimmy Valvanno said "never give up, never ever give up" (right before he died of cancer). If he never gave up and he knew he was dying then I hope you don't give up either hun. I've wanted to give up many times and been through hell and back. The truth is that you will get better and your husband must think your beautiful no matter what. If I was your husband I might be thinking their was something wrong with me if you didn't want to have sex with me. I know sex isn't the answer to this, but I do suggest relaxing and talking to ur husband about how ur feeling.

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i do talk to him and he gets mad at me because i am not dealing with my problem. he thinks i should just ignore the acne and live my life, but i can't. i can't i can't i can't. i know that word can mean the same as i won't but i just can't get myself to ignore my skin and i surely will not go outside and live life looking the way i do. i've been like this since i was 14 and he met me when i tried to kill myself when i was 15. when i was 17 i didn't leave the house for 6 months and now at 24 i feel myself falling back into the same patterns. i can't seem to make it stop. everyone around me has such beautiful skin and they have such open and friendly personalities and here i am consumed with this problem. i feel like an idiot because i am constantly hiding behind my hair - i won't let myself look people in the eye because i think if they see my eyes they will see what is on my skin. i don't even want my husband to look at me - i am constantly hiding under covers and turning lights off. in the last 10 years i have gone outside willingly without make-up once.

so i do talk to him, but he gets angry because i refuse to change. granted he doesn't know how deeply this is hurting me right now and i don't want to tell him because like someone says when a drug addict says they want to get clean for the 100th time "i've heard this all before".

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what kind of treatments have you tried and how long have you been on your current regimen?

it is hard to just forget about your acne and its impossible to completly forget about it. you can have a f**k it attitude and go out but thats hard too. sounds like your husband loves ya a lot and wants you to enjoy life with him. ya can't give up on yourself not over acne

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i've tried a lot of things. right now the derm has me on tazorac and i've been using that for 12 weeks. i'm supposed to see changes by now and i haven't. i moved my apt from the 10th to tomorrow because i can't live like this. i can't hide anymore. and i know he wants me to enjoy life with him, he constantly wants me to go bike riding with him but i won't because my make-up with come off and i don't want anyone to see me without it. he wants me to be active and enjoy the things he likes but again i'm afraid of being exposed. he does love me and if it wasn't for him i wouldn't even try anymore but i just don't know what to do.

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how bad is your acne? Is it severe? Can you please post a pic? Everyone is beautiful in one way or another.

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it is moderate. and no i won't post a picture. i can't bring myself to show anyone what i look like not to mention the fact that i don't have my camera so i couldn't take a picture right now if i wanted to. besides, it doesn't matter how bad someone else things my skin looks its how bad i think it looks that matters.

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it is moderate. and no i won't post a picture. i can't bring myself to show anyone what i look like not to mention the fact that i don't have my camera so i couldn't take a picture right now if i wanted to. besides, it doesn't matter how bad someone else things my skin looks its how bad i think it looks that matters.

hmm ok. Compliments always make me feel better. We are our worst critics when it comes to our skin problems. Try not letting it get to you.

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thanks for the thought but compliments usually don't work. i've somehow trained my brain to ignore everything positive and have been focusing compulsively on the negative things since i was about 9 years old.

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Hi Haley, Its a tough situation, but there are a few things I owuld like to know..

1) Realistically, is your acne realy noticeable? The case being that pretty much everyone with acne see's it as a lot more severe then it usually is.

2) Are there any times when you forget about your acne, and if so, when is it?

3) How long have you had the acne problem?

4) Have you discussed your feeling swith your derm or doctor? They might be willing to give you a stronger medication if they know how much it is affecting your life.

You sound like you put yourself under a huge amount of pressure. It really sounds like you're digging yourself an emotional hole, you really got to try and overcome this, though I know it is hard. Your husband should be more supportive, you should also confide in a close friend if you have any.

good luck.

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i do talk to him and he gets mad at me because i am not dealing with my problem. he thinks i should just ignore the acne and live my life, but i can't. i can't i can't i can't. i know that word can mean the same as i won't but i just can't get myself to ignore my skin and i surely will not go outside and live life looking the way i do. i've been like this since i was 14 and he met me when i tried to kill myself when i was 15. when i was 17 i didn't leave the house for 6 months and now at 24 i feel myself falling back into the same patterns. i can't seem to make it stop. everyone around me has such beautiful skin and they have such open and friendly personalities and here i am consumed with this problem. i feel like an idiot because i am constantly hiding behind my hair - i won't let myself look people in the eye because i think if they see my eyes they will see what is on my skin. i don't even want my husband to look at me - i am constantly hiding under covers and turning lights off. in the last 10 years i have gone outside willingly without make-up once.

so i do talk to him, but he gets angry because i refuse to change. granted he doesn't know how deeply this is hurting me right now and i don't want to tell him because like someone says when a drug addict says they want to get clean for the 100th time "i've heard this all before".

I feel for you, but it seems that your problems are way too deep and wont be resolved by just getting rid of acne (although that would help greatly). Are you on any anti-depressants? Maybe you should consider seeing a psychologist? Just my two cents anyway. Out of curiosity, since you mentioned you hate to go without make-up, do you let your husband see you without make-up? Hang in there, I wish you the very best. :comfort:

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1) Realistically, is your acne realy noticeable? The case being that pretty much everyone with acne see's it as a lot more severe then it usually is.

yes it is noticeable.

2) Are there any times when you forget about your acne, and if so, when is it?

no i never forget about it, i even have dreams about it. every time i go somewhere the first thought is my skin. i've gotten into car accidents because i was looking in the mirror trying to make sure my skin looked good. i think about it all the time.

3) How long have you had the acne problem?

i have had consistantly bad skin since i was 15 but i started breaking out at 11.

4) Have you discussed your feeling swith your derm or doctor? They might be willing to give you a stronger medication if they know how much it is affecting your life.

she already know that it affects me. when i went to see her for the first time i had to give her a list of all the drugs i've been on and when you mention paxil, zoloft, prozac..etc, little explanation is needed. i see her tomorrow though and i'm going to try and not wear make-up this time so she can see what i am upset about.

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Don't ever give up. If there's one good thing about acne, it's that it is a treatable condition, so you should never lose hope of defeating it. Keep working with your derm, and keep a positive outlook. You will find a treatment that works for you.

As Raleigh said, you obviously have some issues that go beyond acne. You need to get some counseling, and your husband should go with you, since it sounds like he doesn't remotely understand what you're going through.

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i was on paxil for 7 years and it didn't help. i've also taken prozac, zoloft and a few others. counseling doesn't really help either. did that too.

i was on accutane when i was 17. it was the best thing i've ever done and it was also the happiest i've ever been. but the acne came back about 5 months later.

i've got the derm apt. this morning and i'm going to go see what she says. i doubt she will give me accutane but maybe up the tazorac to .1 and an anti-biotic to go with it?

thanks for all the kind words. it's just hard and i have days where i just wallow in self pity and then i hate myself for being that way. i don't know how to change it, i've been doing it for so long and it's so embarrasing to talk about you know? i'd much rather just not have this problem and unfortunately there are only 2 ways to go about it - either stop caring (which i haven't been able to do) or get clear (another one i haven't been able to do).

oh and yes, my husband has seen me without make-up and my doc will today too along with everyone in the waiting room, hopefully it will be empty. i am super anxious about this apt because i am going without wearing my security blanket. i can do this though right?

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i don't know what to do anymore. since december i have had a fit of severe crying/depressive days, usually just one a month but now it's becoming more frequent. i've been doing what my derm wanted me to, using the tazorac and what not and it is just not getting any better. i see her tomorrow, i want something that works. i hate feeling like this and i certainly hate getting up an hour and half before i need to leave the house to give myself ample time to get ready each day. i hate using make-up and i hate worrying about what i look like under every light. i don't like looking in people's eyes and constantly wondering if they can see everything. i hate how this is affecting my social life, i have no friends - i don't want to have sex with my husband because i don't feel attractive or i'm afraid of messing up my make-up. and every depressive moment comes at the worst time. the first one was a few days before our wedding, the next christmas day, no it's his birthday. i don't want to be this person, but i don't know how to change it. i can't just suddenly stop wearing make-up and be ok with it. people don't understand that you can't just stop doing what you have trained yourself to do for so many years. i just want to give up right now. what's the point of living if i can't enjoy it and am making the ones who love me angry all the time because i won't participate in life because i won't leave the house. i hate myself right now.

:comfort:

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i was on paxil for 7 years and it didn't help. i've also taken prozac, zoloft and a few others. counseling doesn't really help either. did that too.

i was on accutane when i was 17. it was the best thing i've ever done and it was also the happiest i've ever been. but the acne came back about 5 months later.

i've got the derm apt. this morning and i'm going to go see what she says. i doubt she will give me accutane but maybe up the tazorac to .1 and an anti-biotic to go with it?

thanks for all the kind words. it's just hard and i have days where i just wallow in self pity and then i hate myself for being that way. i don't know how to change it, i've been doing it for so long and it's so embarrasing to talk about you know? i'd much rather just not have this problem and unfortunately there are only 2 ways to go about it - either stop caring (which i haven't been able to do) or get clear (another one i haven't been able to do).

oh and yes, my husband has seen me without make-up and my doc will today too along with everyone in the waiting room, hopefully it will be empty. i am super anxious about this apt because i am going without wearing my security blanket. i can do this though right?

Yes you can- probably by now, you already have. Good luck!

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haley please post a picture so we can see what ur skin looks like and maybe help you like ur derm can't. if you post a picture i will post the absolutely worst picture of me with acne and we can be embarassed together if ur afriad of that . :)

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i started a gallery. you guys are going to say that it's not that bad but to me it's bad. i know i am probably way overreacting but i've had this crap ass view of myself since i was little and it's so deep rooted that it's hard to move past it especially when everyone around me has such perfect skin.

seriously, please don't bash me because you think it's not that bad. it doesn't matter what one person thinks - it's what i think that matters.

oh and i blacked out my eyes, again - fear of running into people i might know.

god, i am so lame.

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haley please post a picture so we can see what ur skin looks like and maybe help you like ur derm can't. if you post a picture i will post the absolutely worst picture of me with acne and we can be embarassed together if ur afriad of that . :)

oh and no need to post the worst picture of yourself. i don't want other people to be embarrassed too.

[attachmentid=4030]

[attachmentid=4032] here is the left side

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most of the time my make-up covers it, i'm just so sick of having to do that everyday before i leave the house. i want skin like other people i see - clear. i RARELY see people with bad skin anymore, not even teenagers around here have bad skin. it's really disqusting to think one of the few who still gets acne. what's agrivating me is that there are people on here who have better looking skin then i do and get accutane - how is that possible? my derm won't do that, not even if i beg for it.

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I will be so honest and say that bp will help you immensely, my skin is liek that without using bp. Honestly I can see you cleared up within a month using bp. :)

does benzaclin count as bp? i'm on that now.

so it's benzaclin in the am and tazorac .1 at night. with mino 100mg a day.

i've used over the counter bp for a LONG time and it never worked. what makes you think it will work now?

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My dermatologist had me on that Zoderm. What a joke. I just wash my face with water and after an initial breakout, it's never been clearer. How's that for giving up?

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