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So it's really about looks after all?

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I was just checking my e-mail on MSN when I ran into this little section:

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3. You’ll know it when you see it. A recent study at the University of Pennsylvania reveals that regardless of what people say they are looking for in a dating situation, they don’t need a lot of time with or information about a person to tell if they’re interested. Single people’s behavior suggests that individuals know “it” (a person who appeals to them) when they see it—almost instantly.

Lead researcher Robert Kurzban and his colleagues studied data from 10,000+ daters. They found that men and women assessed potential compatibility within moments of meeting, using primarily visual cues such as age, height, and attractiveness. Says Kurzban, “Somewhat surprisingly, factors that you might think would be really important to people — like religion, education, and income — played very little roles in their choices.”

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I really want to believe that people aren't just attracted to looks alone, but I've always had this gut feeling that it simply isn't true. I hope my antibiotic and topical solution works. :confused:

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What they say is true, we all asssess a person visually before we get to know who they really are. BUT think about it-- alot more goes into the attractiveness of a person than what they look like. I know this doesn't sound like it makes sense but think about it. People who are sad or angry looking are never as attractive as those happy people. Beauty within shows without, even initially. That inner light shines through.

When I feel overly-consious about my acne sometimes I pull my long hair in front of my face. Think of how much worse that must look than if I were just to hold my head up, look someone straight in the eye and smile!

If you ever meet a shy, sad person, what do you notice about them first? How attractive they are or how sad they are? Think about that when judging how yourself and most people are initially attracted to someone!

The study is right, physical attraction is an initial magnet for people. But where we may be wrong about is what really constitutes physical attraction. ;)

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Guest Tenshi

looks will always be a first impression...attraction is because of physical attraction...but that is just level 1.

level 2. Can u hold onto that person, do u have anything in common with them? Make each other feel good?

level 3. You become attracted to them no matter how they look..

but of course looks matter..we all know this..that's why we are here right? it's just not what it's all about, that's all..

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Ok...but think about it, how can you be with someone if your not attracted to them physically?

So different looks appeal to different people, it's not saying that you have to be sterio typed as good looking, just that on a date it will work if you're attracted to eachother.

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Looks will open the door, but personality keeps it open...or something.

If you're attracted to someone, it means that you'll at least take the chance to get to know them if the situation presents itself. If you're not attracted to them, then you won't.

Tenshi, you say level one is being physically attracted to someone, then level two is initial personality traits, then level three is being attracted no matter their appearance? Well if the person has already got past level one (physical attractiveness) then isn't level three bullshit, considering they must be attractive to you to get that far. :think:

I guess what this study shows is that being generally attractive means you have more choice with regards to potential partners, as a greater percentage will find you attractive enough to want to get to know you.

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Demonic-Charmed, are you intellectually impaired? No offence, you just seem absent minded.

Ok I understand that they should look deeper then appearance but if your not attracted to someone physically that would be a pretty bad relationship.

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Guest Tenshi

Looks will open the door, but personality keeps it open...or something.

If you're attracted to someone, it means that you'll at least take the chance to get to know them if the situation presents itself. If you're not attracted to them, then you won't.

Tenshi, you say level one is being physically attracted to someone, then level two is initial personality traits, then level three is being attracted no matter their appearance? Well if the person has already got past level one (physical attractiveness) then isn't level three bullshit, considering they must be attractive to you to get that far. :think:

I guess what this study shows is that being generally attractive means you have more choice with regards to potential partners, as a greater percentage will find you attractive enough to want to get to know you.

u are right in a way..because why lie? this is a superficial world.. all i can think of is 1 example when i met a guy..it's true i wasn't instantly attracted to him physically..i mean nobody is that ugly that u can't find something appealing right?..but it can be something as simple as a smile or their voice that is attractive..i know that once i got to know him, i found things attractive about him that nobody else saw about him... sometimes it's not all about what u see..but how they present themselves...i think at the end of the day if u weigh the 2 up, id rather meet someone who i wasn't attracted too instantly and get to know his personality first..say as a friend...and then have something special that may last a long time then meet a good looking guy who i thought was sexy at first and then find out he was a dud.

But like i said, at first i may not see it but then their personality will make them physically good looking if that makes any sense..but it is a shame that many ppl miss out on what could be something great bcause they dismissed them so quickly.. many girls i know ended up with a guy they never thought they would be with..u just have to give ppl a chance..but if i was not attracted at all to a guy..as in a old, pot bellied, bald guy i probably wouldn't give him a chance..its true... maybe for men its different..but for me, if there is at least a chemistry or something there..id warm to him, good looking or not..as u get older i think u realise this..

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Looks are definitely a factor, but everyone has their own idea of what's physically attractive. Some people don't mind acne. And once you get to know the person, it's their personality that counts. I understand Tenshi's idea of the 'level 3'; what about the cases were people become handicapped during the relationship? Or get some kind of disease? There was that guy with the fungus that left a hole in his face- his wife stood by him. By the time you get to that point, you're with that person because you care more about who they are than what they look like (obviously acknowledging the initial physical attraction).

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Because this thread is about the same thing again, I'll quote myself:

Appearance is important. There is no doubt about it. When you see someone new, their looks is all you know about them. But then, it gets tricky.

I've met a lot of hot girls who turned out to be stupid bitches (for me) and a lot of not that hot girls that turned out to be just great.

Personally, girl's personality is more important than her looks. But at the same time, I wouldn't go out with a girl that I find ugly (fat ones, for example) no matter what great personality she has.

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Guest Hi   Im Bitter

Looks will open the door, but personality keeps it open...or something.

You mean, good looks will open the door, but acne will keep it closed. You are what you look like. People can judge your personality by your appearance.

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There's a quote from a movie I like very much that fits this topic.

A man who suffered a stroke is confiding in a friend that he's worried girls won't want to sleep with him because he's half paralyzed. His friend responds -

"Guess what? Some of them won't. So you'll just have to find the ones that will."

So, I say - guess what? Some people WILL judge you purely on your acne.

That just means you'll have to find the ones that don't.

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Looks will open the door, but personality keeps it open...or something.

You mean, good looks will open the door, but acne will keep it closed. You are what you look like. People can judge your personality by your appearance.

I'm not sure that it's all about 'good looks' I'm 43 and pretty astute when it comes to relationships and attraction. Partly because both my sister and I got quite a lot of attention in our youths and partly because I have always been intrigued by the concept of attraction... the whys and hows of it all....

About my sis and I. There is no good reason we were deemed that desirable. Seriously. We both have big noses, we dealt with acne in our youth (even now), our mom MADE our clothes for years! ug. In our favor, we did have nice hair and were slender. HOWEVER.... what seemed to interest the most men was that we were HAPPY, enthusiastic, passionate, intelligent, and HONEST. If we liked you, we let you know, if we didn't we were at least polite but there was no game playing or stupid stuff like that.

Attraction? I honestly believe it is a list of personal items unique to you, that you incorporated into your 'perfect partner' in your mind. And when you see one of these traits, you know it.

Over the years, I had serious relationships with a short, dark haired actor with brown eyes, a big, blond, blued eyed wrestler, a 6'2" black haired, green eyed poet, and then married a short, blond, blued eyed farm boy who made a living with his hands. So, common threads? I don't quite know, but I knew it when I saw it.

With my husband, he has a way of standing, leaning against a counter or of sitting back in a chair that makes my heart go pitta pat! Is he as gorgeous as the poet? No. As athletic as the wrestler? No. As passionate as the actor? Well, ok, I'll give him that one! lol I don't know, they were all so different and yet some little movement or the shape of the hands, or a sideways smile and I 'recognized' this man, and not that one, as being one of the ones for me!

If perfect skin in on a woman's 'list' then no, you might not be the man for her, but if her list includes a man who looks her in the eye when she's talking or who is funny or whose eyes are shaped just so... then you might just be the one! Attraction is the tiny little things that make up YOU and fit into her list! (By the way, the poet had a brother whose WALK drove me to distraction! LOL)

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Guest Hi   Im Bitter

Looks will open the door, but personality keeps it open...or something.

You mean, good looks will open the door, but acne will keep it closed. You are what you look like. People can judge your personality by your appearance.

I'm not sure that it's all about 'good looks' I'm 43 and pretty astute when it comes to relationships and attraction. Partly because both my sister and I got quite a lot of attention in our youths and partly because I have always been intrigued by the concept of attraction... the whys and hows of it all....

About my sis and I. There is no good reason we were deemed that desirable. Seriously. We both have big noses, we dealt with acne in our youth (even now), our mom MADE our clothes for years! ug. In our favor, we did have nice hair and were slender. HOWEVER.... what seemed to interest the most men was that we were HAPPY, enthusiastic, passionate, intelligent, and HONEST. If we liked you, we let you know, if we didn't we were at least polite but there was no game playing or stupid stuff like that.

Attraction? I honestly believe it is a list of personal items unique to you, that you incorporated into your 'perfect partner' in your mind. And when you see one of these traits, you know it.

Over the years, I had serious relationships with a short, dark haired actor with brown eyes, a big, blond, blued eyed wrestler, a 6'2" black haired, green eyed poet, and then married a short, blond, blued eyed farm boy who made a living with his hands. So, common threads? I don't quite know, but I knew it when I saw it.

With my husband, he has a way of standing, leaning against a counter or of sitting back in a chair that makes my heart go pitta pat! Is he as gorgeous as the poet? No. As athletic as the wrestler? No. As passionate as the actor? Well, ok, I'll give him that one! lol I don't know, they were all so different and yet some little movement or the shape of the hands, or a sideways smile and I 'recognized' this man, and not that one, as being one of the ones for me!

If perfect skin in on a woman's 'list' then no, you might not be the man for her, but if her list includes a man who looks her in the eye when she's talking or who is funny or whose eyes are shaped just so... then you might just be the one! Attraction is the tiny little things that make up YOU and fit into her list! (By the way, the poet had a brother whose WALK drove me to distraction! LOL)

So all I need to do is change my walk, my posture, and start leaning against counters? Already do. Still no luck.

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So all I need to do is change my walk, my posture, and start leaning against counters? Already do. Still no luck.

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Guest Tenshi

Sadly no, that would only do it for me (and I'm way too old for you :angel: )

But YOUR walk, or hands or eyes or the way you laugh is on SOME girl's list... TRUST me, the differences in tastes are amazing! I have a friend who has been married twice and had a very long relationship in school. All three had one tooth that overlapped just a little on the side... hmmm... she had no idea WHY that was appealing to her but clearly, it's on her list!

I used to love going to the bar with one of my friends because all the guys she thought were hot were just UGGO to me! lol So we never competed!

Lucky you though, WOMEN are more likely to change their opinion on a man's looks based on his behavior or a glimpse into his soul then men are.... someone PLEASE explain to me why the most ORDINARY of men will set his sights on some exotic beauty??????

Did you ever see "City Slickers" with Billy Crystal? Cute movie. He has a friend. Kind of a dork. Screws up his whole life. He's nothing special to look at either. On the trail, there's a women. She doesn't think twice about him until one night at the campfire he talks about watching sports with his father and how it was important to him that when he was a teen they could still do that together when they couldn't agree on anything else. Suddenly, she actually SEES him. Not his looks or how desparately screwed up his life has been but that he has more inside him. THAT is how women see men. Yes, outside first but let us see something GOOD and TRUE and HONEST inside, and you could look like a Jabba the Hut and a LOVING woman will see beyond that!

Just to add, yes there are women like that. My husband has a good friend who was horribly, horribly burned. He has no nose and no ears. But he has a new wife and and a son who looks just like him (so they say, because I have no idea what he used to look like) all I know is he's the funniest, sweetest guy and we're all happy for him!

Good luck to you, but holy smokes, can we PLEASE see something kind, funny, loving, or sweet from inside you????? I'd even take something basic like What are your interests? Certainly SOMETHING is exciting and fun to you! :wall:

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Looks play a huge role in meeting the opposite sex, that is why we are all here figuring out ways to get rid of acne ~~~

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I think it goes both ways. I've heard co-workers of mine that judge completely on looks and never dig deeper, but then again, they have shitty relationships.

There's never a right or wrong answer to these questions, because everyone is different..not everything is for everybody..

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Good-looking people will always attract a lot of attention from the opposite sex.

However, will good-looking people have successful realationships......NO! :ermm:

Just look at Hollywood......lot'sa gorgeous people gettting divorced, breaking-up, cheating on each other, or becoming "serial daters".

But you know what.....looks are not everything....but I sure feel better with clear skin. :razz:

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I have had ugly pimples for 12 years... and had not one freind who was FEMALE... let alone a girlfreind...

So I can honestly tell you looks are everything...

But who cares, Im gonna burn females to death in hell... then IM going to restore their body and BURN THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... torture them... hate them.

Sorry.

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Guest Tenshi

I have had ugly pimples for 12 years... and had not one freind who was FEMALE... let alone a girlfreind...

So I can honestly tell you looks are everything...

But who cares, Im gonna burn females to death in hell... then IM going to restore their body and BURN THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN... torture them... hate them.

Sorry.

well its taken u this long to approach Alexia..i get the feeling u never made the effort to make female friends..its understandable but well, what do u want me to say after reading that^^^

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