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overtheworst

What Do Other People See?

When I had acne, I had it REALLY bad... but it's pretty much gone now. I'm left with a fair bunch of scars which I'm told are pretty mild... the thing is, I feel like my experience with acne has left me overly critical of my own appearance, and I get the impression I'll never be happy with how I look and constantly wish it could improve.

The thing is, I now have to wonder what people see when they look at me... when I look in certain mirrors (all down to the lighting in the room really) I feel very confident about myself and think I look great... but then I look in others and notice all the imperfections with my face. I suppose the fact that my skin problems aren't particularly visible in certain lighting (I'm not talking about darkness... just particular lighting) must mean they don't stand out hugely... but I wonder to what extent people see my scars when they look at me. Anyone else feel like this?

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When I had acne, I had it REALLY bad... but it's pretty much gone now. I'm left with a fair bunch of scars which I'm told are pretty mild... the thing is, I feel like my experience with acne has left me overly critical of my own appearance, and I get the impression I'll never be happy with how I look and constantly wish it could improve.

The thing is, I now have to wonder what people see when they look at me... when I look in certain mirrors (all down to the lighting in the room really) I feel very confident about myself and think I look great... but then I look in others and notice all the imperfections with my face. I suppose the fact that my skin problems aren't particularly visible in certain lighting (I'm not talking about darkness... just particular lighting) must mean they don't stand out hugely... but I wonder to what extent people see my scars when they look at me. Anyone else feel like this?

Always! To the point of distraction! My husband told his best friend that I was going to a docotr in New Jersey today. His friend was like "Is everything ok???" (We live in CT). My husband told him I was going about my acne scars. And his friend said "Huh. I don't think of your wife as having acne scars..."

Are you kidding me? How can he NOT see them? My younger brother said the same thing when I told him I needed to finally do something about them. And I swear I'm not making up the part about me having scars!

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When I had acne, I had it REALLY bad... but it's pretty much gone now. I'm left with a fair bunch of scars which I'm told are pretty mild... the thing is, I feel like my experience with acne has left me overly critical of my own appearance, and I get the impression I'll never be happy with how I look and constantly wish it could improve.

The thing is, I now have to wonder what people see when they look at me... when I look in certain mirrors (all down to the lighting in the room really) I feel very confident about myself and think I look great... but then I look in others and notice all the imperfections with my face. I suppose the fact that my skin problems aren't particularly visible in certain lighting (I'm not talking about darkness... just particular lighting) must mean they don't stand out hugely... but I wonder to what extent people see my scars when they look at me. Anyone else feel like this?

Wow its weird cause im having the exact same thoughts.. Basically I used some new product and burnt my face + caused a big breakout and it totally freaked me out.. I mean i got a big red scab on my face but the thing is IM THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICES IT! I went to my doctor and hes like "if you didn't tell me I wouldnt have noticed".. all my friends are like.. "yah it looks a bit red but I didn't notice till you told me".. im like thats total bullcrap but then I started looking in the mirror but not directly at it.. and guess what, its hard to notice.. if you look RIGHT at your imperfections your gonna be totally obsessed with them and whenever you look in the mirror thats the first thing you will ever look at. That being said, try looking in the mirror at others things.. look into your eyes (like most OTHER people who talk to you) and do NOT look at any zits/red marks. Its hard but Im starting to understand what my friends are talking about.

The problem with my skin is going away now that im not pouring weird acids on it but im left with another problem, im losing my hair (very slowly) and im 24.. For someone who has issues about being insecure thats the LAST thing I need. Maybe I should just learn how to deal with it, in the end it might be more helpful then gobbling more pills and trying to reverse something I have little control over.

And I totally understand about the lighting.. In soft yellow light I look quite good but outside or in a bright white light the redness stands out quite a bit.. one thing I know doesnt help.. being reclusive and shy about it because whats worse someone with a few zits or someone who doesn't even look at you when your talking to them?

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do you ever notice yourself checking out other peoples faces to look for flaws?

and if you do see some, do you stare at them yourself? then you compare it to yourself-- and you think god if he has that little flaw then what must people think of me?

well most people without scars don't even do that unless they to have a similar underlying insecurity. if you never had acne or a problem with you skin, you wouldn't have this obsession with skin and so you wouldn't put much thought into anothers skin.

when most people look at you, they usually look into your eyes. very rearely do people stare at a part of your face for that long. it's awkard and unnatural.

and if they do see scars it might not be as repulisve to them as it is to you b/c they didn't battle with it.

i had a freind who had bad teeth growing up. he would always say comments like, "did you see that persons teeth, they were terrrible." and i would never even notice. i never had a problem with my teeth. never had braces. it was never my concern, so i didn't notice, and if did it wasn't this god awful thing to me. i was always like, "so what."

you look at your scars, and probably even scars on other people, with a really bad taste in your mouth. that changes the way you see the scars. so you can't imagine someone looking at your face and not seeing the ruin that you see.

bottom line no one sees it as bad as you do.

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I agree olbarn, my husband has bad teeth and will notice that on other people, where I will always notice the skin, it is crazy! I think people with insecurities do notice the details more, but when it comes down to it, I don't want to fix myself for other people, but really just myself. I have come to accept some flaws on my face over time and have decided they are ok with me. They might bother other people, but to me they are fine and that's all I care about. Still I have two larger scars that get in the way of me applying my blush and I just wish they could go. Lighting does make a huge difference with scars too, it is not our imagination that we look bad in certain lights, we REALLY do! My own sister said yeah she noticed my scar in sunlight on one side of my face but didn't really see the one's on the other side of my face because of the angle. however, indoors, the other side looks worse to me. Also putting too much concealer on your scars really highlights them!

Overall, I think the more we can accept ourselves with some flaws the healthier we will be, because striving for perfection will be a life-long endeavor, it will never happen and just rob us of joy. I think having scars have taught me some good lessons!

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i have a double whammy....i finally got rid of my acne and of course now i have scarring.....somedays i think its not that bad..somedays i think i look like a burn victim...but on top of that when i was little i developed an infection that put me in the hospital and caused a very high fever, so high that it actually burned me on the inside...the only real side effect that i still have from that is that it burned the enamel on my teeth....of course i already had my baby teeth and my front teeth hadnt come in yet so everything was fine for a few years after the incident..none of us had any idea it was coming but when my adult front teeth came in they were burned....very noticeably (i think). so in my mind if they aren't staring at my face they are definitely staring at my teeth....blah...one thing after another lol

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do you ever notice yourself checking out other peoples faces to look for flaws?

and if you do see some, do you stare at them yourself? then you compare it to yourself-- and you think god if he has that little flaw then what must people think of me?

well most people without scars don't even do that unless they to have a similar underlying insecurity. if you never had acne or a problem with you skin, you wouldn't have this obsession with skin and so you wouldn't put much thought into anothers skin.

when most people look at you, they usually look into your eyes. very rearely do people stare at a part of your face for that long. it's awkard and unnatural.

and if they do see scars it might not be as repulisve to them as it is to you b/c they didn't battle with it.

i had a freind who had bad teeth growing up. he would always say comments like, "did you see that persons teeth, they were terrrible." and i would never even notice. i never had a problem with my teeth. never had braces. it was never my concern, so i didn't notice, and if did it wasn't this god awful thing to me. i was always like, "so what."

you look at your scars, and probably even scars on other people, with a really bad taste in your mouth. that changes the way you see the scars. so you can't imagine someone looking at your face and not seeing the ruin that you see.

bottom line no one sees it as bad as you do.

You hit the nail on the head!!! Take care, RuPerki :cool:

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chi~chi,

That is wild about your teeth, never heard of burned teeth from a fever. I bet you would be a good candidate for veneers! They aren't as much as braces from what I've heard. My husband needs braces, but really doesn't want to fork out the money for it, pluse he is already 36 and has lived awhile with his teeth already. He doesn't let it get him down too much, but has a good attitude about most things in life.

One thing I noticed before when going to the grocery store, is I was going to take note of anyone who looked at my skin funny. I went without any makeup on at all. It was not pretty. However, I wanted to sort of live out my fear of this and see what happened. Well, actually people are so busy and into their own life and problems no one at all really noticed me. People generally just don't care how others look they care about themselves. I know the times I have made a big deal out of my skin to my family, they will talk more about it, notice it more, I've made it an issue. If I just pretend I don't care and have confidence it isn't so important. However, it does matter to me, but I don't want to let on to my family anymore, because it just doesn't help.

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tricia...i talked to my dentist a couple of months ago and he said veneers might be an option for me but we would have to sit down and have a consultation about it....so im putting it off until after hurricane season has started (i have no idea why this makes sense to me lol)...thanks for the input tho..i dont blame your hubby about the braces...i wouldnt want to do them either as an adult...

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Yeah, somehow many people seem to not notice that I have acne scarring. My girlfriend didn't even realize I did until I told her I was seeking to get them removed. She noticed that my facial contouring was uneven, but she had no clue what it was from. It's certainly never seemed to bother anybody other than me. Interestingly, I also managed to find six scars on her forehead that she had never even realized she had. She has no idea what they're from (she's never had acne and only very mild chicken pox) and continues to insist they're not even there, although I can see them clearly. I wonder sometimes if constantly staring at tiny imperfections on my own face has allowed me to develop some superhuman ability to see tiny details that a normal person doesn't.

All I have to say is look at Seal. The dude has worse scars than any of us (he had an autoimmune disease as a kid that ate his skin), yet he's been with some of the hottest women in the world and he's been at the top of the billboard charts from time to time. Other decent looking celebrities with facial scarring include Peter Sarsgaard, Greg Germann, Keanu Reeves, and James Woods. I think I look as good as any of them (in fact, I used to get compared to Keanu a lot in high school, though I never saw it myself). The actors that actually look bad, like Danny Trejo, Bob Davi, or Edward James Olmos, are all guys that have fairly ugly faces to begin with.

Heck, I'm starting to notice chicken pox scars on everyone now thanks to this site helping me obsess and see facial imperfections everywhere. The guy that plays Lucian in Underworld has his forehead covered in them, and I'd honestly never noticed before, even though I'd seen the movie four or five times before. Something gives me the feeling that, unless the scars are really bad or clustered right around your features, people probably don't even notice them. I'm sure people consistently notice the long scar that follows the contour of my worry-line between my eyebrows (which was mostly caused by slamming my face into a faucet when I sneezed while washing my face - that hurt), but other than that, it really just looks like small ripples unless the lighting is parallel to them or you're really right up on top of me. Well, and I'm sure they notice the big one on the top of my forehead from tripping into the edge of a door (as you are no doubt figuring out, I have scars from just about everything, not just acne). Either way, I still think I'm better looking overall than 80-90% of the guys in any given room I might walk into. Why the hell should I get hung up over one imperfection? Aside from the scars, my skin looks terrific, and almost always has.

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It's not scars for me, it's red marks. I have tons of them. I always think it's really bad, but truthfully, I know that no one really cares THAT much. That is, most of the people I meet don't care. I am sure that random strangers might be more inclined to take notice, but anyone that actually TALKS with me quickly doesn't care.

As for SEAL, he's engaged to Heidi Klum. 'nuff said.

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yea but SEAL the singer didnt get his scars from acne or did he?

scars arent embarassing as long as it is not from acne, weird isnt it? well atleast for guys.

like if you guys had a scar on the face from a knife fight, im sure you wouldnt be as critical.

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also acne scarring all depends on the persons attitude and by that i mean. the way you carry yourself, the way your present yourself, not the way you look.flawless skin is a bit issue in the commercial world, but i would assume most of us like in reality?

what im trying to say is, lets say you notice somebody out in public and you see them with noticeable acne scarring. and what makes it more noticeable is that most of the time, they themself seems uncomfortable in their own skin. so if your not comfortable with yourself, how can other people be?

so my advice along with the many treatments you guys are going through, dont slack off on the rest of your body. stay fit, stay presentable, stay outgoing, stay positive, run up to people in public, self conscience is 100% mental.

and not to be mean or disrespectful. but what about ugly people? i seen plenty of gremlins with beautiful relationship partners.

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This is one of the most frustrating aspects of acne scarring. In my bathroom light, in most lights my face is fine BUT there is this section in the library, where I swear, I look like a monster! I have no clue where these scars came from!

And as others have said, people say all the time "what scars?"

Hello! :wall: They are there; I see them!

I don't know; it's very depressing!

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this is off subject, but i just have to say i'm not sure how i feel about putting thought into celebrity skin. i always hear people mention Seal's skin (not just in this thread), and thery're like, "see sometimes it doesn't matter if you have scars..." i don't mean to be negative, but don't confuse seal getting hiedi as validation for yourself.

i know this is just pointing out the obvious, but if you are world famous it is sooooo different! people are already mesmerized by you before they even meet you.

if Seal wasn't talented and famous, those scars would prevent him from getting the baglady down the street! even if Seal was just a normal, wealthy, well-to-do everyday indiviual, who had alot going for him, (you know-- say a doctor or lawyer, but not famous), he would still have a great deal of trouble finding everyday women. famous people play by such different rules.

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I totally understand. On one of my first dates with my husband he told me he once thought about being a derm. This just came up in normal conversation about career goals and I thought "OH NO! He's looking at my skin thinking I need to do something drastic." I JUST told him this a few days ago (we've been married almost nine years) and he had no idea what I was talking about. He assured me he didn't mean anything at all by the comment and in fact he thinks I'm a little crazy.

But Chrissy I can't belive that your husband was talking to his friend about your acne scars! I can't even say the words acne scars to my husband. I say texture, or facial, or proceedure, or flaw but NEVER acne scars. YIKES.

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

When I had acne, I had it REALLY bad... but it's pretty much gone now. I'm left with a fair bunch of scars which I'm told are pretty mild... the thing is, I feel like my experience with acne has left me overly critical of my own appearance, and I get the impression I'll never be happy with how I look and constantly wish it could improve.

The thing is, I now have to wonder what people see when they look at me... when I look in certain mirrors (all down to the lighting in the room really) I feel very confident about myself and think I look great... but then I look in others and notice all the imperfections with my face. I suppose the fact that my skin problems aren't particularly visible in certain lighting (I'm not talking about darkness... just particular lighting) must mean they don't stand out hugely... but I wonder to what extent people see my scars when they look at me. Anyone else feel like this?

Always! To the point of distraction! My husband told his best friend that I was going to a docotr in New Jersey today. His friend was like "Is everything ok???" (We live in CT). My husband told him I was going about my acne scars. And his friend said "Huh. I don't think of your wife as having acne scars..."

Are you kidding me? How can he NOT see them? My younger brother said the same thing when I told him I needed to finally do something about them. And I swear I'm not making up the part about me having scars!

Don't listen to those voices Chrissy.

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if Seal wasn't talented and famous, those scars would prevent him from getting the baglady down the street! even if Seal was just a normal, wealthy, well-to-do everyday indiviual, who had alot going for him, (you know-- say a doctor or lawyer, but not famous), he would still have a great deal of trouble finding everyday women. famous people play by such different rules.

but think about this...

why would record labels take a gamble on a man who could sing but have scarring on his face like SEAL?

people fell in love with him along with his scars, its not about what you look like it's your abilities in life man. if your always self conscience and hiding yourself because of scars. then you will definitely never make it anywhere in life.

my advice seriously...stay alive.

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if Seal wasn't talented and famous, those scars would prevent him from getting the baglady down the street! even if Seal was just a normal, wealthy, well-to-do everyday indiviual, who had alot going for him, (you know-- say a doctor or lawyer, but not famous), he would still have a great deal of trouble finding everyday women. famous people play by such different rules.

but think about this...

why would record labels take a gamble on a man who could sing but have scarring on his face like SEAL?

people fell in love with him along with his scars, its not about what you look like it's your abilities in life man. if your always self conscience and hiding yourself because of scars. then you will definitely never make it anywhere in life.

my advice seriously...stay alive.

No kidding. I can guarantee just about all of you that almost nobody cares about your scars except you. Hell, I never even had a girlfriend until after I had acne scars. Before that, I had nearly perfect skin my entire life (I only had acne for about seven months or so), but I was antisocial and awkward. I was attractive, and girls often did ask me out, but I always told them no because I was insecure and afraid of dating.

I still think I'm attractive, even though I don't have the perfect face I used to have, and I have no trouble with women now because I've grown up. I'm confident, charismatic, out-going, I sing well, I smile a lot and am generally expressive, I'm a great speaker in front of crowds or in class (I even used to be a peformer at Disneyland), and that's what matters. Nobody except my mother has ever once mentioned the fact that I have facial scarring (and she only mentioned how well they healed after initially looking terrible right after I came off of accutane). I've seen plenty of pictures and videos of myself, and I look perfectly normal in all of them.

When people think of me, I can say for certain that they aren't thinking about my face. My girlfriend even told me that one reason she probably never thought about it or took much notice was that my personality is so overflowing that it dominates everything else. The only reason anyone would fixate on your face is if 1) you're a model or actor, or 2) you're so insecure and shy that you hang your head down and never speak, so there's nothing else for them to associate with you but your face. Honestly, what women wouldn't kill to have a date with Dane Cook or Bill Murray? Both guys are hilarious with great personalities, and both also have worse acne scars than I do. It has nothing to do with them being celebrities, either. Women like funny guys with great personalities, period.

Of course, I say all of this as a man. I imagine it must be a lot worse for a woman with bad skin. Don't half of you live in England, though? Everyone in England has bad teeth and bad skin. I had to grow up in Los Angeles, with two sisters that modelled and a mother that still looks like she's 25 even though she's really twice that.

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People notice flaws first.

Don't delude yourselves.

Society, as a whole, is disgusted by scars left from acne.

Reality check time.

Seal is worth over 25 million dollars. Don't delude yourselves into thinking a poor man who looked like him would land a supermodel.

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Im so glad that someone else mentioned this.

Ive even started applying my make up by my back sliding glass door so that I make sure to apply it in the worst light possible for me. If I apply it in my bathroom which has flourscent lights it never looks right. If I apply it in my bedroom, its so dim it seems to hide everything and I cant see any flaws in my skin. When I sit by the door and the sunlight I see all these flaws and it drives me insane.

My skin is finally going back to what it used to be. But, has anyone ever had the problem with looking in your car mirrors and thinking its the worst lighting in the entire world.

I remember when I first noticed that I was having a problem with not feeling like I look right in certain lights or what not it was when I looked at my face after just getting in the car. I wear bright red lipstick and apply it in the car *shrug* i dont know why I just keep it in the car. I lifted the mirror to apply it and just ran back in the house and removed all of my make up only to reapply it again because I felt horrible.

I bring it up to my brother and ask him and he says he cant tell any difference, my friends havent said a word to me. I have made my self a promise that if my skin ever returns back to what it once was, ill never wear make up again. I really took having perfect skin forgranted.

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People notice flaws first.

Don't delude yourselves.

Society, as a whole, is disgusted by scars left from acne.

Reality check time.

Seal is worth over 25 million dollars. Don't delude yourselves into thinking a poor man who looked like him would land a supermodel.

Look, I don't know what to tell all of you people that insist on being self-conscious and miserable. I've had acne scars for the last 8 years, and I haven't had the slightest problem getting women to be attracted to me, fall for me, tattoo my name on their backs, and even marry me (didn't work out, but still). Not all of them were all that hot, but some were. My current girlfriend, that I've been with two years now, is gorgeous. Maybe some of you are just ugly, or have scars on the level of Bob Davi or Edward James Olmos. I'm sorry for you, but not all of us are in that boat. A lot of acne scars are shallow, small, and not that bad. If you're not physically repulsive or simply a boor or an asshole, then there is nothing keeping you from having a perfectly good life, even a perfectly good love-life, but yourself. Jesus, even if you are physically repulsive in some respects, you can still get hot chicks. My best friend, who doesn't have acne scars, but it is one disgusting dude that showers about once a month, has half of his teeth rotted out from some disease he had as a kid, that my girlfriend can't stand because she thinks he's completely disgusting, always has supermodel quality girlfriends. I have absolutely no idea how he does it. Frankly, he isn't even that nice. Nonetheless, he does it. If you're honestly just looking for the approval of hot chicks, it doesn't seem to me like it's all that hard to get it. Maybe it's just easier in California because there's more of them.

Ah hell, don't mind me. Just go back to believing that society finds you disgusting. Maybe they do. The only people that have ever found me disgusting were sexual prudes and religious fanatics, and it had nothing to do with any scars I have.

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i agree with the guy above me, you people are pretty much hopeless.

let me ask you SEAL was probably born with 25 million tapped to his belly right? thats why people love him?

but obviously you dont see what im saying, so for those of you that want to be miserable, go ahead, matter of fact go kill yourself.

:boohoo:

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People notice flaws first.

Don't delude yourselves.

Society, as a whole, is disgusted by scars left from acne.

Reality check time.

Seal is worth over 25 million dollars. Don't delude yourselves into thinking a poor man who looked like him would land a supermodel.

Look, I don't know what to tell all of you people that insist on being self-conscious and miserable. I've had acne scars for the last 8 years, and I haven't had the slightest problem getting women to be attracted to me, fall for me, tattoo my name on their backs, and even marry me (didn't work out, but still). Not all of them were all that hot, but some were. My current girlfriend, that I've been with two years now, is gorgeous. Maybe some of you are just ugly, or have scars on the level of Bob Davi or Edward James Olmos. I'm sorry for you, but not all of us are in that boat. A lot of acne scars are shallow, small, and not that bad. If you're not physically repulsive or simply a boor or an asshole, then there is nothing keeping you from having a perfectly good life, even a perfectly good love-life, but yourself. Jesus, even if you are physically repulsive in some respects, you can still get hot chicks. My best friend, who doesn't have acne scars, but it is one disgusting dude that showers about once a month, has half of his teeth rotted out from some disease he had as a kid, that my girlfriend can't stand because she thinks he's completely disgusting, always has supermodel quality girlfriends. I have absolutely no idea how he does it. Frankly, he isn't even that nice. Nonetheless, he does it. If you're honestly just looking for the approval of hot chicks, it doesn't seem to me like it's all that hard to get it. Maybe it's just easier in California because there's more of them.

Ah hell, don't mind me. Just go back to believing that society finds you disgusting. Maybe they do. The only people that have ever found me disgusting were sexual prudes and religious fanatics, and it had nothing to do with any scars I have.

I'm obviously not talking about someone like you; a person with no facial scarring at all. You have scarring on your forehead, but the rest of your skin is completely smooth.

One question, though...

If your small amount of scarring doesn't bother you, why are you here on this site? You obviously think about it. It obviously has some bearing on your life. I'm about 6'1 190 pounds, and for that very reason, I don't visit websites for overweight people. Get my drift?

You're self-conscious and you're too afraid to admit it.

i agree with the guy above me, you people are pretty much hopeless.

let me ask you SEAL was probably born with 25 million tapped to his belly right? thats why people love him?

but obviously you dont see what im saying, so for those of you that want to be miserable, go ahead, matter of fact go kill yourself.

:boohoo:

Seal didn't make money because of how he looked. He made it in spite of how he looked.

If he wasn't rich, women would be repulsed by him.

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