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real maverick

How you act is more important than how you look

The way in which we act, influences another persons response, far greater than the way we look.

A problem I see is that, a lot of people, including myself from time to time, act differently depending on how they look, if they wake up and look fantastic, they feel fantastic, they walk out of the door with their heads held high and greet the world with confidence and smiles.

IF they wake up, and they believe their skin looks crap, they feel crap, and they walk out with their heads bowed, and afraid to look anybody in the eye for the rest of the day, avoid social interaction as much as possible.

This huge change in behaviour, will, without a doubt, have a huge impact on how others treat us and respond to us, trust me on this one, on those days you have bad skin, and experience people treating you differently, it will be because of your change in behaviour.

Here is a little story for you guys, I had a girl in my class, she wasn't the most visually attractive girl in class, she also had mild sometimes moderate acne, but she believed she was beautiful, she had so much confidence, she nor nobody else in the class ever mentioned her spots, she was extremely popular, confident and always had a smile on her face, as well as a bf on her arm.

If she had let her acne get to her, as much of some of you do, I bet my life, that she wouldn't have been nearly as popular and happy as she was.

I know it's hard, to not let it get to you, I'm certainly guilty of this at times, but we're still the same people, whether we wake up with a few spots or perfectly clear skin, and as long as we act the same, people will respond to us in the same way, it is you as a package, that people are looking at, not just your skin.

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Guest Tenshi

awww.. :wub:

wouldn't it be nice if we were all this way? it's possible..

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Hehe.. Funny that this thread was posted today, coz I had a really "up" day today. Usually I walk around college feeling pretty average because I feel ugly, social interaction is often more like a dull painful stretch of nothingness than fun. Btw I know I don't have any noticeable acne anymore, but I still feel damn ugly.

Maybe it was the large mocca I drank, but I was freakin' hypo and the real me came out and damn its fun saying all the shit you normally think but dont say. :)

Wheeeeeee! It was like being drunk, only, not!

Too bad you can't help how you feel, I mean really, how can you force a mood? It makes me wonder whether some of us are genetically sadder than others.

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Too bad you can't help how you feel, I mean really, how can you force a mood? It makes me wonder whether some of us are genetically sadder than others.

What do you think you do, when you focus on all the bad things? you force a mood, a bad one it may be, but you're forcing it.

Try the opposite, focus on all the good things in your life, take a moment to think of those things that you perhaps take for granted, family, friends, health etc.

The things you think about, are what control your mood, because some focus so much on their skin and feel bad about it, it's like a habit, it becomes the natural way to be, but by forcing other more positive thoughts, this can be changed in time.

Scenario 1: Close your eyes and think about waking up with crystal clear skin, you look amazing, your hair is styled great, your shoulders are held back and you have a BIG smile on your face, talking to people is so much easier, it's fun, now worries......... bliss...

Scenario 2: Now close your eyes again, imagine going to school, and your acne has never looked worse, you r skin is what you consider a total mess, imagine having to talk to the hottest guy/girl in school, again make the picture as vivid as possible.

What you'll notice, is that you'll feel differently, emotionally and probably physically, on both scenarios, I was gob smacked when I discovered how I can control my moods and emotions rather than them always controlling me.

It takes practice, but it's worth it :)

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That is very well said, Maverick and I believe most people on here realize these factors, but sometimes have difficult time alterng their behavior toward a more favorable reality (including myself). However, it is often good to simply be reminded and at the end of the day, maybe that will make a difference.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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that was very nice maverick. its encouraging ... and it's true. i've been noticing this with different people (acne or no acne) and yeah, the way you look doesn't even matter that much compared to the way you "carry yourself". personally, i'm trying to work on that. anyway, that was a good read!

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Well it seems you and I differ Maverick.. My mind grinds away constantly and I find it really hard to control my thoughts. I could never force a mood, because even if I tried to think positively there'd always be a little voice telling me I'm lying to myself.

I'm genuinely as I am, unaltered in mind, every day until I die.

And anyway, there aren't that many positives to focus on for me, my good moods spring purely from a lack of introspective thought. Ignorance is bliss holds true for me, because I can't be blissful without keeping my mind busy with other crap, thus the reason we have "escapism". :D

Really tho you should try to ignore the last paragraph there coz I already seem to have a tendency to make threads about me without even trying.. Lala.

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Guest Gentle~Rain

"Where the mind goes, the man follows"

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this is totally correct. making it work is the hard part. who has suggestions on how to not focus on the bad and bring out the good? i know this sounds basic, but i could use some pointers!

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Guest Gentle~Rain

I like your sig Gentle~Rain ;)

I like yours too!

:wub:

this is totally correct. making it work is the hard part. who has suggestions on how to not focus on the bad and bring out the good? i know this sounds basic, but i could use some pointers!

This will sounds totally corny- but fake it!!! Put a smile on your face even if you don't want to. Think "this is a good day" even if you don't believe it...speak positive things to yourself...."My skin isn't so bad today" "I look good today" "My hair looks good" "I have cute feet" Heck anything.

Seek out good things...bake cookies!!! Even smells can have an uplifting effect- cookies remind me of happy times, Mom, love...you get the idea :D

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I like your sig Gentle~Rain ;)

I like yours too!

:wub:

this is totally correct. making it work is the hard part. who has suggestions on how to not focus on the bad and bring out the good? i know this sounds basic, but i could use some pointers!

This will sounds totally corny- but fake it!!! Put a smile on your face even if you don't want to. Think "this is a good day" even if you don't believe it...speak positive things to yourself...."My skin isn't so bad today" "I look good today" "My hair looks good" "I have cute feet" Heck anything.

Seek out good things...bake cookies!!! Even smells can have an uplifting effect- cookies remind me of happy times, Mom, love...you get the idea :D

yeah i'm so bad at faking it when it comes to my looks. thats one place where i'm uber critical. i just dont want to be delusional. i really want to be hot, not faking it. but i guess you gotta be realistic. i'll give it a shot and let you know how it goes.

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Ok, you want some pointers on how to make yourself feel good?

Lets start of with a little background, if you think about your loved ones suffering, how do you feel? bad right? You think about winning the lotto, you feel a little better? at least not as bad as when you're thinking about the prior scenario. Your thoughts do effect your feelings, and your beliefs effect your thoughts, all of you is interconnected.

If you believed having spots was attractive, you'd feel quite good about having spots, as it stands, I suspect you have a belief similar to 'Spots make me unattractive' right?

If you spend most of your day, focusing on bad things, how do you think you'll feel? bad of course?

What many don't realise, is that it's possible to create a state of mind, you dont need to experience it for real, to take on the associated emotions, let me give you an example that you'll be familiar with, lets suppose you settle down at the end of the night to jerk off, you need to create a state of mind, this one we will call 'aroused', you do this by thinking of hot boys/girls/sex/whatever floats your boat, so you see, you're more than capable of doing it.

Why acting positive doesn't work? This is simply because your mind will win over logic every time, you know logically that its dumb, but still you let it control your life. Lets take for example a woman in the UK with a fear of spiders, she knows logically that it cannot hurt her, kill her, its so tiny and defenceless and yet she is still petrified of them, this is because the pictures in her mind, defy logic, EVERY TIME!.

This is why the pictures (thoughts) in your mind are so important, if you focus on images of going to school and people staring at your face, then you're going to feel shit right? I think you're getting the jist of this.

Your self image, is based on what you BELIEVE you are, not what you ACTUALLY are, and what you BELIEVE you are, is created from all these pictures and thoughts in your head, so if you're always making up the worst case scenario, it's likely you have quite a low self image.

In turn your self image will effect how you act, so the more crappy images and scenarios you create, the more you focus on the negative things about yourself, the worse you'll feel, the more you'll lower your self image and its like a big vicious circle, because your self image is low, you think negatively, so you feel worse.

So, the answer? break this circle, I'll post up a VERY basic exercise in a moment and follow it, tell me how it altered the way you feel.

Exercise 1:

Take yourself off to a quiet room, close your eyes and imagine looking at another you, acne free, looking as lovely as can be, shoulders held back, head high, big smile, take a few minutes to watch this other you walk about school, speaking to people, notice how easy they find it, notice how confident they are. Now imagine looking at this other you in the eye, and then stepping inside this other you, feel how good it feels to be acne free, how it feels to have this new found confidence and happiness, in this new body, imagine walking about school, see how much better it is? how easy life could be.

Exercises like this, slowly help to change your self image, in time you start to act and feel more like this beautiful you, and the saddest part is, you're already that beautiful person, just bursting to get out, you just need to know how.

I am short on time, but I'll post back later with more ideas, I can't go in to too much depth at the moment, but please ask questions, I'm happy to answer.

Until later, have fun playing with your minds :)

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If you look like shit, no matter what behaviour you exhibit, it won't make you attractive. At least not physically.

Of course people will be more receptive to you if you act cordial, thats common sense.

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If you look like shit, no matter what behaviour you exhibit, it won't make you attractive. At least not physically.

Of course people will be more receptive to you if you act cordial, thats common sense.

If you like like shit, then yes. But usually people don't look like shit, so attractive behavior (whatever that is) will make you more attractive for sure.

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If you look like shit, no matter what behaviour you exhibit, it won't make you attractive. At least not physically.

Of course people will be more receptive to you if you act cordial, thats common sense.

If you like like shit, then yes. But usually people don't look like shit, so attractive behavior (whatever that is) will make you more attractive for sure.

Happy, funny people are ALWAYS attractive.

Drink more caffeine, Beejay!

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Happy, funny people are ALWAYS attractive.
Here Here! I agree 100%.

Even if a guy is drop dead sexy it doesn't mean I'll have any more interest in him. If he's a dead beat, pig, or something similar then you can forget about it. If you look decent and are very sweet and kind then you'd win my heart with flying colours.
Exactly, very good example. :)

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Guest Tenshi

have u walked past a shop mirror and really noticed you're walk, posture and overall presentation? usually i avoid these things but yesterday i noticed..as soon as i looked in it, i put my shoulders back..put my posture upright and walked with a strut..lol i never noticed how hunched my shoulders were..from now on im going to take more notice of my outward appearance..it really made a difference..it put a kick in my step..

It's also true that if someone is at least decent..there's nothing more attractive then seeing that person having fun and smiling.. i read this in a book somewhere.. if u look at Danny Devito.. he's not down on himself..he decided to become an actor. and ppl like him because of his wit, humour and his ability to like himself.. he is attractive. and yes, physically he is not..but that just seems so secondary.. i really beleive attitude and fun stand out that much more..

Sometimes i too, think i have a chemical imbalance...but is it really that? or is it just not trying hard enough? life is never going to run smoothly..but our attitudes can turn a negative into a positive.

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Watch Jose Mourinho the chelsea manager he has this down to a fine art, on the bench, on the sidelines, on the tv interviews

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Good topic.

Although no matter how I act people treat me the same.. which basically seems to ignore me.

I try to smile more and junk like that but nobody notices... but I guess that could be cause I sit in the back of the class :P

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

You're sticking to your guns on this theory hey Maverick! :D

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That is very well said, Maverick and I believe most people on here realize these factors, but sometimes have difficult time alterng their behavior toward a more favorable reality (including myself). However, it is often good to simply be reminded and at the end of the day, maybe that will make a difference.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

hey 'opportunity' i just wana tell ya that ur looking v cute in the pic ,,,, u really have acne ?

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Especially the excerise. Isnt that some sort of NLP?

It is NLP, well spotted, it's very basic, but I don't want to post anything too advanced up, as it's usually best to have a practitioner present for those.

You can always make yourself feel good, better than always relying on others to make you feel good, though thats nice too. :)

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