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MudMan

A Story Of A Man Without Any Tea

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Good day.

Its very good to see you all healthy and happy... and that nobody is dead, come inside and take a seat. Have you lost weight?

Tea? Coffee? A biscuit perhaps?

It is I, 'MudMan' broadcasting from a top secret location here in Finsbury Park. I have come to spread a little joy, much like the way 'utterly butterly' would grace the crust a fresh crumpet on a cold English morning. I have some information I would like to share, and I hope you all (as loyal acne.org members) refuse to think any less of me.

It all started at 7:00 am on Monday morning. All began well, I showered, and I got dressed and made my way downstairs. I reached for the kettle and began to boil; I lavished the bottom of my mug with 'PG-Tips' tea and 'Sliver Spoon' sugar before beginning the brewing process. As I watched the water turn from clear to a dark brown I went to inspect the fridge for the vital ingredient.

My friends, the fridge was milk-less.

Now, Im a sensible man... a man of very few pleasures but milk in my tea is all i ask. Take away my biscuits, even the sugar, but for the love of god not the milk. I could have spent all day pondering the strange disappearance of this creamy liquid, but I had other priorities. The tea was getting cold and I was yet to add any form of dairy to the mix.

I checked everywhere, behind the eggs... next to the lettuce; my only conclusion was my milk had miraculously ended up in the crusted pocket of a £50 prostitue in the red light district of Soho, London.

Why the fudge is this prostitute enjoying my milk without my consent?! Was she? I dont know... maybe the prostitute part was constructed completely in my head. We shall never know the truth.

Anyway, this short and very confusing story brings me to my point, when is it appropriate to do or say bad things? I had lost my bloody milk and not so much of a 'Bugger' has left my lips.

The other day I was subjected to the pain and agony of a TV program named 'The Osbornes' a show in which the words 'Fuck' and 'Douche bag' generally occur.

This slightly angers me, why was this dysfunctional family washing there dirty linen in public? Was this supposed to be funny? Muttering anything from 'bollocks' upwards has usually negative repercussions. They are worth $200,000,000 and they act like they have the world on their shoulders, I'm the one without any milk!

Thanks for listening, MudMan.

Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment.

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Last night, my fiance pulled out a gallon of milk that had somehow escaped my "let's clean out the fridge" attention.

Stamp date on it said "Sell by 1/13".

I really hope it was 2006.

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Thats because you cant read.

I suggest you all fuck off back to mcdonalds before you start having withdrawal symptoms.

Yeeeehawww!

Oh dearest ..milk challenged, attention seeking MudMan..by your unsettling display of crotchety intolerance..it looks as though you have figured out the appropriate time to say those "bad things".. :lol: ....Hot Damn! ..Good for you!

Last night, my fiance pulled out a gallon of milk that had somehow escaped my "let's clean out the fridge" attention.

Stamp date on it said "Sell by 1/13".

I really hope it was 2006.

Mmmm...cottage cheese.. :cool:

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Guest Grow_To_Overthrow

Have you considered buying a Dairy Cow? That way you'd have a constant milk supply, you could even milk it straight into your tea-cup.

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Thats because you cant read.

I suggest you fuck off back to mcdonalds before you start having withdrawal symptoms.

Yeeeehawww!

whats wrong with mcdonalds...its tasty...bah bah bah bah im lovin it!

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Thats because you cant read.

I suggest you fuck off back to mcdonalds before you start having withdrawal symptoms.

Yeeeehawww!

I read it.

I love all-things British.

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Guest Gentle~Rain

Get a can of condensed milk ( NOT the sweetened thick stuff) or a box of powdered milk and stash them in the pantry- then you'll never be with out ;) Both will last for years and in a pinch ( and mixed in to something like tea) you'll never know the difference !!! I adore milk and Honey in my tea. Sometimes with a dash of cinnamon or nutmeg.

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Sir MudMan seems to have mysteriously disappeared into the cold dark twilight...perhaps he is out foraging for a spot of Mooooooo.....?? ;) ..do let us know if you are successfull...cheerio!

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Here have a cookie...

IPB Image

Oh wait I forgot! Can't have cookies without milk!

IPB Image

Now you have cookies AND milk!!! I figure, if you're busy eating, you'll have less time to take away the time that we wouldn't be spending on you.

:wavey: Good day, dear sir.

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Oh dearest ..milk challenged, attention seeking MudMan..by your unsettling display of crotchety intolerance..it looks as though you have figured out the appropriate time to say those "bad things".. :lol: ....Hot Damn! ..Good for you!

Lets not confuse typing with speaking ;)

Anyway, I managed to buy some milk... and whilst i was in the shop i treated myself to a bag of walkers crisps, or as some of our cultured cousins call them 'lays chips'

They were of the Prawn Cocktail variety.

Thank you and god speed

- MudMan.

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Thats because you cant read.

I suggest you fuck off back to mcdonalds before you start having withdrawal symptoms.

Yeeeehawww!

So, from a man without tea to a fouled-mouth teenager? Milk, it does do your body good!

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