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<rant>

Anyone else have this 'problem'?

I got pretty damn depressed because of my acne about a year ago, after being for a few years depressed cause of my lackluster social life. Instead of just trying to be as nice as I can to others to make myself feel better, I'm just a giant asshole to some people. Especially people who are, let's say, not as intelligent as others. I mean, I just can't take it! If you think you can go to the sun at night, you should be shot*!

My first tactic was to not say anything. This pretty much did nothing good; I can never start conversations anymore and just feel like a huge loser sometimes. Plus, I'm a little too serious for my own good, which is a turnoff for most of the fun loving teenagers I know. Then, I thought, I'll just be nice to everyone! That's always good! This, however, proves troublesome, because I still can't start conversations without sounding like a tool, or just an idiot. So people still won't know the fruits of your inner labor because of your inability to communicate like a decent human being should.

Then, I went back to being an asshole. It's just easier, really; and girls don't seem to mind it as much as they should. Call me sexist, which is not my intent, I love women, but it's almost like they like to be made fun of sometimes. The same girl that did the *above quote seems like she acts stupid cause it's 'cute' or 'funny,'

which sort of makes me think that I'm not too far off on this.

Later, though, something dawned on me. If you keep yourself busy, you don't have free time! And if you don't have free time, you can't mope around all day! It's a win win, and I wholeheartedly suggest getting a job, or even better, playing sports. Having the piss taken out of you 6 out of 7 days of the week is a surprisingly rewarding experience, and is a nice stop-gap solution for trying to improve your live; you won't cure depression, but it'll give you more opportunities to go out, have fun, or in my case, just keep yourself occupied.

So, enough rambling, and back to acne. Acne sucks. It really does. It has no reason to exist, and it's potentially altered my life for the worse. Despite it being not as bad as it used to be (Red marks are still in force, but it looks much better than it used too, more like red fleckles than anything), it's still hard to just bring up your self-confidence.

This, is the hardest thing to do. I have NO self-confidence. I really hate getting 'compliments' because they always seem sarcastic. Especially from my mom/sister. It's nice how they're trying to cheer me up, but come on! I'm looking to attract girls my age; only their compliments will make me feel better. Looks are probably the worst thing to ever worry about, too. I'm 6'1, and a measely 145 lbs, so I just feel like a fuckin' ghost walking through hallways, streets, corridors, passages, sidewalks, and anything else you walk on. And with having acne on top of it, it just makes you seem like a fantastic catch, doesn't it? Plus, my selection at my school isn't too amazing; we have some good looking girls, don't get me wrong, but I just can't relate to a lot of them. I listen to indie/punk/metal music that girls hate, watch shows that they don't get, play a sport with a total bias against it here in the states, and am actually interested in politics. They're looking for a abercrombie wearin', football playin' rich kid most of the time. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, though, girls I like have called me attractive once or twice. I don't know whether they were serious or just making fun of me, though.

Which all comes back to self confidence. With acne, it's amazingly hard to have. The moral of the story is: Even when you stop being totally obsessed with acne, it's repercussions are still heard miles away. I'm going to have to spend a lot of time meeting new people, honing my social skills, before I can be self-confident again. But rather than mope around, I think you need to try changing things up a bit, even if it seems hard. When looking in the mirror is a pain, it's seems almost impossible to deal; but thats the worst it gets. Keep yourself occupied, somehow, and you'll be fine. Personally, watch comedies. My personal favorites are Arrested Development and classic Simpsons. It makes you feel a lot better.

Oh yeah, and if anyone is wondering who this happyflowers is that keeps on typing and typing and typing, here is a picture. It's blurry and you can't tell I have acne, but you can see why I'm not that confident in the looks department.

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Yup. Been there done that. Got a bit clearer, now have redmarks. fuck it. I started talking to my awesome friends again. they are the best. today I said Hi to everyone I knew, they even stopped me n said hi. higged chicks. convos etc. I did sometimes got a bit selfconcious face to face but who cares! fuck.

i used to be all quiet and serious. didnt wanna be seen. i felt everything that i worked so hard (socially) went down hill. not anymore. fuck it. im not letting it get me down. people have it like mad worse than me (now I only have redmarks, but im white, lol) and they party n get chicks etc. they have fun. why shouldnt i?

I was just like you kid.

and your pic isnt bad, but the lighthing is VERY dim, makes anyone look like a stud, lol.

Yes im still obsessed, and yes I hate ppl with perfect skin...but I have clear skin b4 I got a bad breakout from my chinstrap during the season, and then everything went down hill.

but OH WELL. SHIT HAPPENS.

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you look alot...like..mybrother....

im close to considering you are him....

well anyway you have no reason to be 'not that confident in the looks department'!!!!!!!!

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i think i'v decided that your not my brother you're actually is long lost twin :D

hehe. maybe! where are you guys from?

and actually, this is a better representation of what my face looks like, but still, the camera doesn't show the redness.

over used words: yeah, man! yeah. shit does happen. but clean your shoes and you'll be fine, if a bit smelly.

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yep...i can definately relate to what you said. my self-confidence hasn't been the same since things got bad, which was late '04. i started accutane about 10 months ago and finished in september.

the confidence is slowly coming back now that i am pretty much clear. i have some red marks, which you can see in my pictures in my album.

good luck, my friend.

just know that you're not the only one...

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u look like over used words :)

dont worry, u can start changin from now on!, otay, i know its really hard, cause ive been there, but u can start with lil things, like stop bitchin everywhere, dont say bad things to ppl, try to participate in class, like when the teacher asks something, study in the evenin so u can have better grades, pay attention, try lil things and then ull see u'll change :D

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You happyflowers.. jk but yeah, I know a guy exactly like you who I have almost fought on several occasions. fkin know it alls...

Excepting it is half the battle, now change and you're good.

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Are you seriously 145lbs?

yeah. It's quite noticeable when I wear sleeveless shirts/t-shirts cause my arms are so girly :razz:. I used to lift but I can't really afford it; with new sports fees being 165.00 i may get a membership included....

Nik_of_Time: Yeah, thats why people stopped talkin' to me, cause I'd always correct em and shit. Never got close to a fight though. I'm too much of a coward for that stuff.

Music_fan04: how easy was it for you to get 'tane? I tried to get it early on, but my derm was dead-set against it.

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i think i'v decided that your not my brother you're actually is long lost twin :D

hehe. maybe! where are you guys from?

and actually, this is a better representation of what my face looks like, but still, the camera doesn't show the redness.

over used words: yeah, man! yeah. shit does happen. but clean your shoes and you'll be fine, if a bit smelly.

I'm from england :)

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it wasn't that hard at all for me to get the stuff. my derm gave me a choice between accutane and another medication that was less risky, and i chose the accutane.

i can't tell you what to do to get the stuff...you just might have to wait for your derm to come around...

good luck

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