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Vandergraf

Need some conversational help

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I'm currently in grade 11 of highschool right now (and Vandergraf is just some stupid name I made up). I've been on the regimen for a couple of months now and it's a lot better. Still lots of scarring, redness and stuff but after about 4 years with acne, I can mostly forget it and know that anyone who judges you on a little acne isn't worth your attention. I've been trying to become more sociable again and get friends now (I left my old friends behind since they've become shallow idiots) but I have a big problem. I have trouble starting/keeping up conversations with people. This was a problem I had before I got acne, got worse when I had acne and is somewhat better now that I have less acne. I can keep a good amount of eye contact with people but when I talk to people, my head just goes blank at times and I end up talking about boring stuff (usually more talk about grades or something), crappy jokes or just say nothing and then they think I'm ignoring them or talk to someone else. My life is pretty boring also so I don't have any good stories to tell either. I listen in on other people's conversations and they have so much to say and so much fun :( . I've never been really socialable but I hope to change that.

So, can anyone help me with some conversation tips?

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Get yourself busy and make some interests... Sport is great, gym is great, even games/cars might be allright to talk about with guys to make some new friends. You can only talk about things you spend time on and think about. It will just come naturally as you get to know more people you will find there is more to say in general conversation.

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I'm currently in grade 11 of highschool right now (and Vandergraf is just some stupid name I made up). I've been on the regimen for a couple of months now and it's a lot better. Still lots of scarring, redness and stuff but after about 4 years with acne, I can mostly forget it and know that anyone who judges you on a little acne isn't worth your attention. I've been trying to become more sociable again and get friends now (I left my old friends behind since they've become shallow idiots) but I have a big problem. I have trouble starting/keeping up conversations with people. This was a problem I had before I got acne, got worse when I had acne and is somewhat better now that I have less acne. I can keep a good amount of eye contact with people but when I talk to people, my head just goes blank at times and I end up talking about boring stuff (usually more talk about grades or something), crappy jokes or just say nothing and then they think I'm ignoring them or talk to someone else. My life is pretty boring also so I don't have any good stories to tell either. I listen in on other people's conversations and they have so much to say and so much fun :( . I've never been really socialable but I hope to change that.

So, can anyone help me with some conversation tips?

Hey, I totally know how you feel. When my acne was bad I would feel awkward talking to people because I felt unattractive and like they were just looking at my face. I still kind of feel that way because my acne isn't gone, but I've mostly gotten over it and don't have many problems talking to people.

As far as advice for you, all I can say is just be yourself and try not to worry too much about what other people are thinking. I think you'll be able to grow and get better at social situations pretty soon. Sorry I couldn't help more, just wanted to tell you I definitely know what you mean.

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No, don't ever start a conversation.

Just act really bemused, detached and aloof. And say really strange things out of the blue. Keep up the strong eye contact; I mean, really bore into people until they can no longer stand it and they flinch uncomfortably. Then just smile.

Walk really slowly, and talk even more slowly. Lazily. Cock your head to one side when you talk, too.

Every once in a while explode into a violent rage. Beat someone up or destroy something in full view of other people. But always smile.

And put a wad of socks down your pants. It's such a cliche that people won't suspect someone would actually do it.

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Yeah, I totally understand how you feel.. most of my acne is gone, but i still have some red marks on my cheeks.. and sometimes i get really shy and dont know what to say when im around people i dont really know very well. i am sure there are many things that you can talk about because as people say, the shyest people are the ones that have the most to say.. good luck and hope your skin clears up as well. :D

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If your face is badly scarred, you are not going to be sociable. You'll never be the center of attention at any event unless people are picking on you. I know because my face is scarred.

The only thing you can do is embrace that people don't like you.

No, don't ever start a conversation.

Just act really bemused, detached and aloof. And say really strange things out of the blue. Keep up the strong eye contact; I mean, really bore into people until they can no longer stand it and they flinch uncomfortably. Then just smile.

Walk really slowly, and talk even more slowly. Lazily. Cock your head to one side when you talk, too.

Every once in a while explode into a violent rage. Beat someone up or destroy something in full view of other people. But always smile.

And put a wad of socks down your pants. It's such a cliche that people won't suspect someone would actually do it.

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No, don't ever start a conversation.

Just act really bemused, detached and aloof. And say really strange things out of the blue. Keep up the strong eye contact; I mean, really bore into people until they can no longer stand it and they flinch uncomfortably. Then just smile.

Walk really slowly, and talk even more slowly. Lazily. Cock your head to one side when you talk, too.

Every once in a while explode into a violent rage. Beat someone up or destroy something in full view of other people. But always smile.

And put a wad of socks down your pants. It's such a cliche that people won't suspect someone would actually do it.

LMAO!

I think tv/movies are the number one thing to go to when you start to blank out, or better yet just ask a lot of questions because people love talking about themselves.

Very good and practical advice.

If your face is badly scarred, you are not going to be sociable. You'll never be the center of attention at any event unless people are picking on you. I know because my face is scarred.

The only thing you can do is embrace that people don't like you.

No, don't ever start a conversation.

Just act really bemused, detached and aloof. And say really strange things out of the blue. Keep up the strong eye contact; I mean, really bore into people until they can no longer stand it and they flinch uncomfortably. Then just smile.

Walk really slowly, and talk even more slowly. Lazily. Cock your head to one side when you talk, too.

Every once in a while explode into a violent rage. Beat someone up or destroy something in full view of other people. But always smile.

And put a wad of socks down your pants. It's such a cliche that people won't suspect someone would actually do it.

I honestly believe that's a great option. All of it.

Don't listen to Sickening. He doesn't have a clue. His social ineptness is of his own making.

Who wants to be the center of attention anyway? :rolleyes:

Sick: Did you ever stop to think that people hate you because of your attitude? Please don't answer, it is a rhetorical question and something for you to let marinate.

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Yes Sassy, all the social butterflies have severe acne and scarring. They're always just so happy to be alive. Heh.

Denial is like crack to some people. I will say, though, denial is the only way 90% of people survive. If they actually faced the reality of their situation, they couldn't cope.

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On behalf of everyone here at acne.org

SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about you. Please die now.

You're so emotional for a male.

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On behalf of everyone here at acne.org

SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about you. Please die now.

You're so emotional for a male.

Hey..didn't you kill yourself over the internet? Wern't you the one who FOUND God? Aren't you the one who takes shitty pictures of yourself and yet, still looks ugly?

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Aww Justin, why are you avoiding the question?

Weren't you the one who killed yourself on this forum? Why would you do such a thing? Were you THAT depressed and needed attention THAT badly?

Nuff' said.

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Oh hey I know what you mean...

I always listen to other people... not because I want to, but that's the only thing I can do. With my schoolmates, I can only talk to them about school related stuff. Outside that.. none.

People tell me they dont mind my company since I dont complain much... true enough. But nobody ever tell they enjoy my company :(

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On behalf of everyone here at acne.org

SHUT THE FUCK UP. Nobody cares about you. Please die now.

You're so emotional for a male.

Aren't you the one who takes shitty pictures of yourself and yet, still looks ugly?

Now now, there's no need to tease someone about their physical appearance here. :naughty:

But I agree, Sickening - get a hold of yourself and stop putting everyone down just because you can't 'cope'!

If your face is badly scarred, you are not going to be sociable. You'll never be the center of attention at any event unless people are picking on you. I know because my face is scarred.

The only thing you can do is embrace that people don't like you.

There's nothing stopping you (ok, maybe not you specifically) from being sociable with acne scars. Sure, you may not be the pick of the crop and have girls swarming over you left, right and centre, but who cares about that fancy stuff. Just live life to the fullest that you possibly can. I, for one, wouldn't ever want to be popular or the centre of attention.

You say you know this because your face is scarred, but in fact, you don't know shit. Just because you suffer from a myriad of disorders that apparently make you unsociable, doesn't mean the next scarred acne sufferer will experience the same psychological effects that you have. Stop carrying your experiences onto others and treating it as if it were a fact.

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wow, er... umm thanks. I pretty much already know all those tips but it's always nice to hear people with the same problems you have.

Btw, having faggots around like thatguy16 and Sickening around is nice since they make you feel superior mentally :D

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Hey Vandergraf,

It's normal not to feel comfortable with small talk...it's a skill you have to learn. It comes easier for some, and late high school/college is usually when people learn it.

A few pointers. People love to talk about themselves: ask someone their opinion about a sports or other event; at a party, ask how they know the host (that one works well), or just introduce yourself & ask them their name! It gets easier, I promise. The important thing is to be yourself, and listen.

You might also want to check out some Dale Carnegie books.

And remember, frequently OTHER people don't feel comfortable around groups of people they don't know, and it's a relief to have someone talk to them!

Good luck!

p.s. you say your life is pretty boring, but I bet you have hobbies & interests & such...so pursue them, and go to events related to them...and you'll instantly have something in common with the others in attendance. From your post, you sound like an articulate person, so give yourself a break & have a little confidence!

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People do love to talk about themselves, but eventually there's only so much to say, and they are going to want to know about you.

I had the same problems when I was your age, and still struggle. But let me tell you, the best advice really is to get involved in what you love to do, and live your life. You gotta let the fear go of what you look like/sound like/act like. Face the reality that at some point in time, we all say something stupid, have days where we aren't looking so hot, offend someone, or just generally are an ass. It happens, and it's called BEING HUMAN. Relax and try to enjoy yourself.

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