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Kaida

Face the tiger on the path and it dissapears?

Hope I've posted this in the right forum, it's more of a emotional idea rather than support. But I figured it could go here in any case.

I overheard a conversation recently, and these people were talking about how 'what you fear, you attract'. And if you 'face the tiger on the path it dissapears'. I think I must have heard the phrases a thousand times before when I was younger, but I guess coz at the time I was stressing over my acne, as is usual these days, it really hit me like a tonne of bricks on this occasion. And the two ideas just sorta came together.

So i kept thinking about it, and i've sat here this afternoon asking myself what could I possibly be afraid of that would create (or 'attract' as the the phrase puts it) this mess on my face? And the answer I got was absoloutley laughable. I'm afraid of being good looking. And as nutty as that sounds, it's true. I am afraid of being good looking.

I got out my trusty journal (i find it much easier to come to terms with things when I write them down) and started writing a list of things, that I know deep down I'm afraid of. It shocked me at how much the list made sense when I took a good look at the shape my life is in.

Anyway staying on topic (the mess on my face :lol2:) I had to ask myself why the heck would I be afraid of being good looking? The list of answers that i came up with are too long to post here but a few of them were along the lines of, 'well, what if a guy thinks I'm nice looking and then he meets me and thinks I'm boring' or 'what if he wants more of a relationship than I can give', others included 'what if I'm no good in bed' and 'if I'm good looking people will have expectations of me that I'm not able to meet, e.g. being confident, smart, interesting etc,'.

People have surprisingly low expectations of you when you face in covered in red spots, instead they look at you as being inferior, and therefore not up to whatever situation is present. It's almost a relief for a shy person. Almost.

Alot of the answers led me straight to my other fears, It's amazing how they seem to overlap and intertwine and create this web, that really defines the way I live my life. E.g. fear of being good looking crossed with, fear of intimacy, crossed with, fear of not having enough money, crossed with fear of not being smart enough, crossed with fear of not being interesting, and so on, and so on. And It's funnny that I never have to actually face up to these situations, because I have the perfect scapegoat. Acne.

All I have to say to my mum, I don't wanna go out to a party coz I'm embarressed about my face and she just sighs and say 'ok', and that's the end of discussion. Whereas when I was an early teen with these same fears I had to argue with her for hours when she wanted me to go sleep over with my friends house, and I was simply too shy (AKA too scared), and I eventually she'd win coz I couldn't come up with any excuses (actually it was my friend's very cute older brother that I was shy of :lol2: ).

I remeber praying so hard for a good excuse not to go over, and I prayed so hard that I actually got it. Yep you guessed it. The mess on my face. It was the perfect excuse. And it still is, even today.

This is turning into a pretty long post so i'll start to wrap things up and make my point. After a suffering from acne all these years I finally know why i have it. This bother relieves and terrifies me. I'm relieved coz i have an answer. I'm terrified coz the answer is not in a pill, or any other quick fix method to be found.

The only way I'm gonna beat this is to get past all my other fears. Name them, face them, understand them and be brave enough to move past them. It's sounds alot like hard work and it's gonna be a 24 hour job, but i now know that 'God didn't do this to me' and I can stop asking 'why me?'. I'm not gonna play the victim anymore. I understand now that I've done this to myself and that it's time to both face up that and deal with it.

Sorry for the long post, and thankyou to anyone who actually manage to read the whole thing. It's been an emotional afternoon and I really needed to just vent my feelings out into the great void.

I'm gonna work hard from now on, and be responsible for my own thoughts a feelings. I hope that everyone here can find there own way to clear skin. whatever path you choose good luck and thanks again for reading.

Peace out. :dance:

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ha neat concept! I think it works for people that are overweight

people just look at them a certain way wether its pitty for them or that they are inferior or whatever but the moment they lose the weight to 'normal' standards other stereotypes start to sourround them so the extra weight is a comfort and barrier from the superficials of society!

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i think it's a great idea but i really don't think it's gonna affect how your skin looks... it's gonna affect how the people are seeing you now... you'll look more confident.. but that's all... you'll still be affected inside of you....

That's what I think....

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i think it's a great idea but i really don't think it's gonna affect how your skin looks... it's gonna affect how the people are seeing you now... you'll look more confident.. but that's all... you'll still be affected inside of you....

That's what I think....

I understand what you mean, but I think if I get to the root of these emotional problems, then I'll start taking better care of myself.

I mean I 'know' technically how I can improve my skin. I've seen clearly the effect different food have on my skin, but never done anything about it, just kept eating them. I know that excercising, drinking water, eating healthy, and certain supplements etc. these thing will help my skin enormously, but if I don't have the motivation then I won't do them. I've never done these thing or have only done them half-heartedly and I really feel it's because of the reasons I discussed in the first post.

I really have a strong feeling aout this, If I change my feelings about these things (by facing and dealing with them), I can then change my thoughts and subsequently my action also will change.

anyways wish me luck yeah?

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I understand what you mean, but I think if I get to the root of these emotional problems, then I'll start taking better care of myself.

I mean I 'know' technically how I can improve my skin. I've seen clearly the effect different food have on my skin, but never done anything about it, just kept eating them. I know that excercising, drinking water, eating healthy, and certain supplements etc. these thing will help my skin enormously, but if I don't have the motivation then I won't do them. I've never done these thing or have only done them half-heartedly and I really feel it's because of the reasons I discussed in the first post.

I really have a strong feeling aout this, If I change my feelings about these things (by facing and dealing with them), I can then change my thoughts and subsequently my action also will change.

anyways wish me luck yeah?

I understand what you mean... when i'm dedicated to something.. i'm doing the best i can to acheive that thing.... same with eating well... doing exercices... try it... it cant be harmful.... good luck...

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I don't quite understand the logic here. If you attract what you fear, then if you were afraid of being good-looking, you would become good-looking? If you're afraid of acne, you'd get acne. I'm not sure how the "attract what you fear" rule means that your acne is borne out of a fear of being good-looking.

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Guest tenshigirl25

that is me exactly..always using my acne as an excuse..and the truth is im not a confident person and im scared that even if i have clear skin nothing will change. i guess i feel ashamed that after all these years i havent been motivated enough to really beat it either. although now i am on accutane i see some hope for the future..actually ive seen something like this on dr phil or something..of course clar skin is going to make us happy because physically when we get looked at or told we are pretty it makes us feel good. but if we dont beleive it then we are still going to be using our face as a mask. sorry for the dr phil references but he did say something like there is no reality only perception.

i think for me, just to go out with no makup 1 day and have everything showing..that makes me stronger..but we are so afraid of what other people think of us..we need to start being true to ourselves..oh..and another quote i heard from a movie i just watched..get busy living or get busy dying..im gonna try to get motivated too..thanks for the post kaida..

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i understand completely the message of this post.

When i was clear for 2 weeks when on accutane, nothing changed except that i had no acne excuse anymore. thats why i have sorta learned to live with mild acne. moderately severe acne can still make you feel unworthy thoght

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Hi Kaida,

I think the idea and intention behind your post were really great.

Congratulations on wanting to better things for yourself, and good luck!

It's hard for many of us sometimes...

We don't like feeling sad or limited, and yet we almost grow accustomed to it and allow that state of mind and emotion to become a part of who we are. It's almost like, even though we do not like it, we find contentment in it and are afraid to lose it, because it has grown familiar. The downfall is that it is easy to fall deeper and deeper into the negativity. It seems we also feel we do not deserve to be happy sometimes, for different reasons. It is sometimes easier to remain a victim rather than facing failure based on our own actions.

I think many things make us feel protected to an extent, and safe. It's true that when we say clear skin (or anything else) prevents us from doing things, it may be one factor, for sure, but if it were gone, many of us would likely still feel stuck for another reason. When stripped of all those things, we are left to face our fears and our own responsibility.

We need to work on ourselves before anything else, otherwise our joy will always depend upon something, and we will allow so many things to determine how we feel, who we are, and rob us of the sense of control and responsibility we actually have in our lives.

Wanting to get at the root of something is so important. It takes a lot of courage and strength, because it is sometimes so difficult to work through, sometimes as much or more than the lows we have felt as a result, but it is what can bring rewarding results. However, I think rather than focusing too much on the difficulties (though we have to to an extent), we need to focus on what to change to improve our situations.

In regards to acne, why can't I go out without concealer? Partly because somehow my bare skin affects how I feel (in reality it is only me who affects how I feel), but mostly because I worry about others and their thoughts. It makes me feel vulnerable, and when my skin is bad, I don't feel as confident, but it's all because of my own thoughts about it. I admire those who still manage to go out with their skin far from perfect. Even with my concelaer, you still see my imperfections, but somehow, it makes me feel safer.

I have said I wish I could be one of those people who can wash and go, and not have to spend time on my skin putting things on it or applying make-up. It is not the acne stopping me. It is me. I am afraid.

I'm sorry if what I wrote is not very well expressed.

This is something small compared to other things myself and others may be afraid of.

Kaida, I really appreciated your honesty about the things you fear. Thank you for sharing, and don't worry about the length.

:angel:

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It may be that I'm high, but this post really made sense to me.

lol, I don't even bother to read posts like this. Too long. If I read it, I can't use my brain for the next hour. And if I can't use my brain, then I can't take time to write replies like this. Damn, I'm deranged.

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