Jump to content
Acne.org
Search In
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
j.l.r.m.

College Accutane Log

Recommended Posts

Hey, be happy you're doing something about it and that at the end of this treatment you'll be completely clear. I'm nearly 3 months into my treatment, and its been definitely up and down, but I kept picking myself up by saying to myself it'll get better. Its much worse havin an breakout when you're not on the tane cause it feels like its never gonna end, and that ur acne will never go away. Best of luck and enjoy NYC, u deserve it!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks, dude. Well the trip was okay and not at the same time. I felt really ugly and my friends actually made fun of my looks; I know it was just a joke but it wasn't funny really. For example:

Girl: ****(my name), are you Korean?

Friend: Are you kidding? Do you know how good looking Korean guys are?

With friends like that, who needs enemies! Also I got picked up by this girl, which made me feel a little better, but then my "friends" said "oh it's because of your sunglasses" and laughed meanly.

Then when I looked really upset one of them started on this lecture about "looking past physical appearances":

Friend: It doesn't matter if you look bad, it's what's inside that counts.

This from a guy with flawless skin and shit. I know it's true, but what the hell? It doesn't matter if I look bad? FUCK IT MATTERS TO ME! I HATE EVERYONE AND I HOPE I DIE!!!!!!!!! :wall:

DAY 32

Skin sucks. That's all. Nothing's changed. Sucky sucky sucky sucky sucky skin. I'm so tired. Maybe I'll stop posting for a while and lay of the shit. This stuff is taking its toll on me. I'm really tired actually of even trying to look human, I think I'll just let my life rot away for a while.

Link to post
Share on other sites

LOL nerd69.. this is funny to read cause I went through the same exact shit the past three months. I still am actually ;)

I'm starting month 4 on accutane (out of 4 :cry: ). My face looks much better than it did when I started, but it still looks bad. I'm 19 and in college too. I'm getting more accustomed to these weekend nights alone in my dorm room.

Here's to hoping it all works out in the end

Link to post
Share on other sites

DAY 34

Today I went to see my derm and he prescribed me a 10 day course of antibiotics (not doxycycline, something else that won't interfere with accutane) and upped my dose to 60mgs. I want to go even higher. I want to get rid of this shit.

I think my skin is looking the worst it's ever been. The thing is it just slowly got worse and worse so I didn't really notice, but now I do and I feel so lost and hopeless.

I saw my skin in a spotlight at H&M in NYC and I wanted to die. Just die. Apart from the pimples I think I have horrible rolling scars which look horrible. Indentations. There's just no hope with things like that.

Whatever shall I do.

Link to post
Share on other sites

hey dude,

i can definitely relate to wot ur saying man.

i started my first year at uni like 4 years ago wen i was 18 and basically my acne controlled my social life, it really sucked.

i was outbreaking like hell at one point, and becasue of this i didnt wanna b seen by neone, not even my parents, and wen ever my m8s asked me if i wanted to go out and party i wud alwasy make up some lame excuse and dodge it at all costs. i basically sat in my room and was online 24/7 for like 4 months jus surfing the net and playin online games no jk whilst i only went to 5% of classes! the rare time i went out, i wud hate goin to brightly lighted clubs (when the club is closing i hate it wen they flash the bright lights on ewwww) i failed 3 out of my 4 classes in the first semester and this promptly woke me up 2 the real world.

after that i tried to not let my acne get me down but it still did, and soon after i was in the same mode as i was in the first semester, depressed and down. i spoke to my parents bout it but they jus thought iw as silly and i worrying bout such a small thing, but i hated the way my face looked :(

so after having not even a social life in my first year of uni, i cna now say that your not missing much to begin with as all the freshmans r hoes, as now im in my final year in uni, i am having the time of my life, probably better off than if i was starting fresh again...

so ye dude jus keep ur head up and dun let shit get u down cause wen shit gets u down, ur the only one to get rid of the shit :D

hope this helps dude...

laterz

Link to post
Share on other sites

yeah THAT is exactly what I'm feeling right now. People are like "hey let's go get lunch" and I'm like... no... I have to walk in the bright sunlight.... and then sit with people in close proximity at the lunch table... and try to be happy... :( and then they'll be like "let's go to NYC" and I'll think "no, I look horrible" and when I do go I look in the mirror and I'm just thinking FUCK THAT UGLY MUG.

Even when people compliment me on my looks I just keep thinking "that's because you haven't noticed my ugly skin yet, wait till you get closer" and that just does it in.

I screwed up my French orals because I was so self conscious about my skin and there was practically a spot light shining on my face which was honestly the worst thing ever.

I don't have any pictures of me from college because I'm so horrified by cameras and my parents don't even know what's going on with my college life.

I hate meeting new people because my face looks like something exploded.

It's like this nightmare I can't seem to wake up from. I just want to be able to wake up and not dread looking at my face in the mirror... to walk in the sunshine... go for lunch without feeling gross... socialize.... BE NORMAL. What's it like to be normal? I dunno, pleasant?

Dude I hope you're right about things getting better. If I'm going to spend four years alone in my room I will literally jump out of the window.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Its day 45 for me and i'm doing 80mg/day. I know exactly how you feel, I actually recently dropped my classes cause I have been skipping too many classes because of embarrassment of my acne. All day long I just sit home and when I do go out its only at the gym. My face is just breaking out horribly. I dont remember why its taking so long to clear up. This is my 4th course.

1st course: 6 months 60mg

2nd course: 6 months 60mg

3rd course: 2 months 80mg (cleared up in like 2 weeks so thats why i stopped, BAD idea)

4th course: 6 months 80mg

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey I've been reading your Accutane log for a few days now and I feel the same way you do about a lot of things you wrote. I also tend to stay inside to avoid people and sunlight (I HATE the sun) when my skin is shitty. It was pretty bad for the past few months since I sweat a lot at my job. I finally got on Accutane a month ago and now my skin is starting to clear up. My face looks alright but the back of my neck is breaking out and it looks even crappier cuz of all the scars there.

Anyway just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and give you support or something. Hopefully the Accutane will end our acne so all we have to deal with is our scars.

And that one dude is right: Don't get all depressed cuz you can't stand how you look at the moment. Just look forward to the day that this shit is all over.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow ... reading this is really bringing back painful memories. I had bad skin in college, too, and NO idea how to cope with it ... no accutane back then! I had a two-bit dermatologist who believed in benzoyl peroxide and more benzoyl peroxide. All the nasty stuff did was make my skin flaky and over-dry. So then I had zits popping out of flaky skin ... ugh.

Anyway, I have a little practical advice for while you wait for the Accutane to work. Maybe you know all this stuff already, but here goes!

1) Don't use a BP-based cleanser. Use something very gentle and anti-bacterial.

2) Washcloths and towels collect bacteria very quickly. Change them all the time, or use disposables.

3) EXFOLIATE! Twice a day! Don't skip it!

4) Use a very gentle oil-free moisturizer (preferably with SPF). If your skin gets too dry or sun-damaged it can react by getting bumpy and/or producing even MORE oil.

5) Spot treat with Neosporin cream (not ointment).

6) Use a sulphur mask a few times a week, if you can. It calms things down.

7) Treat your scars and red marks with "Scar Less" from JMM Medical (available online) and Murad's "age spot and pigment lightening gel" (at sephora.com and other sites). Probably no point trying these until the worst of your breakout period is over.

8) Take your vitamins, eat lots of fruit and veggies, drink lots of water and green tea, try to avoid sugary foods.

9) Go to class. It's SO MUCH worse if you don't.

10) You gotta get outside yourself a little. Go out with your friends and have a few laughs. Don't try to hook up or flirt or whatever while you aren't feeling great about your looks ... just show up and hang out and be mellow and friendly. Lurking in your room is not going to make you feel better. If you don't feel like being with your peers, try doing a few hours of volunteer work each week ... something you can feel good about, like helping people who are WAY worse off than you are.

Acne is not forever.

Q

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hitman: you had 4 courses of accutane? man, that's a lot. So I guess there's every chance this round of Accutane won't clear me up significantly in the long run. Damn. The thing that keeps me sane is thinking this is THE test, the cross I just have to bear until my acne goes away forever. I can't stand going out and it seems like everyone in college has hooked up, no kidding all my friends are all in relationships and when I go out with them it breaks up into couples and I'm always walking by myself. The worst thing is I hate how whiny I sound and how much pity I have for myself, I don't remember myself being like this until this outbreak and I don't like the person I've become.

I never was the super-popular, outgoing kid, but I always felt good enough about myself and was content just doing my thing and hanging around with a few friends I felt comfortable with. I would have been content doing my own thing and being real, why was that taken away from me? That puts to rest the idea of karma.

Welder: thanks. I know people on this board all need the support they can get. Ironically that was why I even started this log, so hopefully someone else would relate to it... but it seems that I have become consumed by my own problems. Crap. And sure someday acne is going to end, but I need to live in the present... I'm tired of waiting for the future, it makes you feel like your life is just passing you by, do you know what I mean? My youth is slowly draining away and all I can say of it was that I spent it waiting for it to be over....

Queen: I love green tea! And you're right about the volunteer work, maybe I should do that. Like I said, I don't like the person I've become because I realized I'm just all caught up in my skin these days. I need to step out of this crap.

I came up with a brilliant plan yesterday. I'll wait until Accutane clears my skin up, then I'll cover my marks wiith makeup and become a gay escort in NYC until I get enough money to make my face perfect. Sounds brilliant!

Just kidding. :rolleyes:

DAY 36

I wonder if my skin will ever get better, even though I know it will eventually I hope. I wonder how you can still get pimples when your skin isn't oily? I don't even keep track of my pimples anymore, I just get these cysts that pop up and then subside leaving huge red marks behind.

Link to post
Share on other sites

DAY 37

I can't believe it, but my acne has gotten even worse. Today I have two new huge cysts on my left cheek and one on my right, in addition to the mess my face was previously. I feel like my face is starting to rot. There are these horrible ads in the NYC subway that say "if hepatitis was affecting your face you'd do something about it" and I feel like my face IS rotting away and I can't do anything about it.

I feel so helpless!

Fall break is over, everyone returned to classes today looking fresh and glowing. I on the other hand... let's not even go there. I think some of my classmates / tutors are actually shocked at how bad I look all of a sudden, this face has just self-destructed. I saw the look on their faces and how they were glancing at my screwed up face.

Without a doubt I am looking the worst I've ever looked. And without a doubt my face is one of the most screwed up on campus.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, it really cant be that bad. As soon as you start talking yourself down you get into a viscious circle. It took a great someone on this forum to get me out of it when it happened to me and I really appreciate them for it.

Stop looking at your imperfections and concentrate on bringing out what shines in you!!!!

V ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh, it really cant be that bad. As soon as you start talking yourself down you get into a viscious circle. It took a great someone on this forum to get me out of it when it happened to me and I really appreciate them for it.

Stop looking at your imperfections and concentrate on bringing out what shines in you!!!!

V ;)

totally agree wit u there, try not to let ur skin bother u wen u socialise cause even the slightest movement of eye contact of the person u r tlakin to will freak u out. try not to think bout it and try enjoy life m8, lifes to short for acne!!

i know u probably hate being in public and shit but socialising and being happy will overcome ur depression of acne!!

take care dude!!!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Today I got kinda rejected by someone I thought was cute, funny thing is I didn't think she was cute until someone said "you two would be a good match", and I didn't even tell her she was cute, someone else told her I thought she was cute, so. Whatever. It sounds stupid and teeny but... life sucks, I hate my life, I hate myself, I hate my skin, I can't face the world. I know I'm ugly, does everything in my life have to rub it in?

Face is ugly. Additionally I have a pimple ON MY CHEST. Yuck. I don't usually get pimples on my chest but now I'm getting them from time to time.

It's disgusting.

When will this all end?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't get seasonal depression; if anything I feel better when fall comes around. I love the cold and the dark. Anyways, today is

DAY 40

Day 40 and I am looking the worst I have ever looked. I'm going to stop using emu oil, I don't think it's helping very much. Skin is disgusting, 1 new whitehead but lots of old cysts, red marks, scars and rough texture. There's this one cyst which is hard and swollen and itchy, it is so disgusting and it itches like hell. I don't dare exfoliate or spot treat or anything I just leave my skin alone these days. But it's just going to hell.

I'm really miserable, I'm going off to go cry (so what if I'm a guy). I can't handle this shit.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey nerd, just had a read over your log, i really feel for you cos i know exactly what you are going through. Today I went to a lecture, came home and just started crying and couldn't go back in. I've taken quite a few days off because of this. Everyone's being quite supportive, and the best advice I've had so far is, "think of it this way, imagine you went up to someone who had one arm and one leg missing, in a wheelchair, and said i wan't to die because of my acne...imagine what they would say". I know it's cruel comparing like that, but it's true, you, i, and everyone on these forums could have so much worse things to worry about.

That's not to say I don't get upset, depressed, and feel like curling up in to a ball and hiding away forever. So i am sorry if i sound hypacritical. Please tho, i know what it's like, and i feel like everyones looking at me, and i'll be truthful, sometimes they are, but most of the time they are not, theres the odd few who are so narrow minded to look at your skin and think whatever they want to think. Most will think nothing, not even give a second glance, it just seems like they are, believe me. :)

I'm on my third week of Roaccutane, and I seem to be going through a second breakout :doh:

Sometimes i really feel like why me, but the thing is, this is the last three to four months both u and i will ever have to look in the mirror and see that ugly monster staring back. These are gonna be tough weeks coming up, but the thing is, it really could be so much worse. I think staying in is probably the worse thing you can do, I find that staying in, although nice to hide away, makes you analyse your skin more, it makes you get more depressed. Going out with friends and trying to forget about problems is the best way, even if it means going out for an hour or so then just coming back for an early night.

I can understand if you don't wish to take my advice, as I am kinda being hypacritical, but the thing is, i know how to make myself feel better, and I thought it best to share these things with you. I really hope things look up for you soon, my thoughts are with you, you do seem to be going through a rough patch, but please, chin up, and if someone looks at you funny, so what, don't care what they think, it doesn't matter. But most of all, don't be worried about crying cos i know personally it makes me feel better after.

Hope things get better for you soon. Best of luck. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

dude the sun is shining in scotland :D

i think the best way is to try not think bout ur face and try keep busy....

try foning friends or mabye sum sports u may like?

take it easy dude, il b reading on...

Link to post
Share on other sites

onetoomany: thanks dude. Where I am it is absolutely FREEZING but I love the cold :)

furby: You're right, absolutely. I always tell myself that I hate the person I've become because of this shit! I never used to be hung up about ANYTHING and now... and I like to think that I don't judge people by their appearances, but these days I find myself comparing my skin to everyone else's. What happened to me? And of all people, why me? Acne's not making me a better person inside, it's just making me superficial and shitty.

I must stop whining!

Today I was at the gym, these days I find myself going less and less because damn the mirrors there are huge and the lighting is unflattering. And while everyone else looks radiant and glowing after a workout, I look radioactive. :rolleyes: Of course I finished up my sets as quickly as I could and got out of there. Oh and when I shower in my dorm, I wait until late at night when there's nobody in the toilets so nobody gets to see my red yucky skin after my hot shower. It's actually kinda funny how retarted I've become! I've become neurotic! :dance:

DAY 41

Skin is crap, VERY red and irritated though I give it nothing but tender care. One good thing though is the old active pimples are drying up although they are incredibly red. Hopefully no more decide to appear and then I'll be over the breakout.

Link to post
Share on other sites

DAY 42

I thought my skin might be taking a turn for the better but I have a horrible thing coming up on my chin on the left side. I am pissed off again. My skin is flaky so why are there pimples? If there's no oil how can pimples appear? What the hell is wrong with my skin? Why is it such a fucking mess?

I want to wake up from this nightmare. :wall:

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Personalized Advice Quiz - All of Acne.org in just a few minutes


×