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rockifier

Rockin' the tane.

well i finally got my tane.

i'll give u guys more details about it but i'm really bummed right now so i'll talk about my story later.

EDIT on August 9, 2005 @ 11:00am

About me: 19 years young / chinese / long term relationship (for now)

Skin: oily skin / mild to moderate acne + 1 rare severe breakout (for 2-3 years) / mild to moderate scarring / enlarged pores

Effects: social anxiety / lacking self-confidence / crying outbursts / lost 1 co-op credit / obsessed with mirrors

Counter Effects: volleyball, basketball, great friends and family, singing, music, HER cry.gif

Old Meds: Erythromycin + Clindoxyl Gel (2-3 weeks) --> Proactiv 3-Step System (1.5 years) --> Differin + Clindamycin + Tetracycline (1 month)

Accutane: 60 mg / take after 1 meal daily / 5 months / INSURED!

Essentials: SpectroJel / Cetaphil SPF 15 / Blistex SPF 15 / Moisturel / Secaris / Cortate

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omg. this feeling is so much worse than what i feel about my acne...

i'd rather have severe acne than to be without her.

plz god, don't let this end. cry.gif

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Eh, I'm sorry you're feeling low.

I don't know what to say except that love cannot be forced. I don't know enough to tell you what went wrong, apart from the fact that it's all up to her now, really. Give her time to figure things out for herself. I hope she'll come through and that everything would be alright.

Take care and best wishes.

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I was gonna say, "Tell me about it!" but I figure you got it worse than I did. If it's any consolation, autumn's 'almost' here. At least the KFC ads make you think so. "Maple leaf! AHHH!!!" Sorry, that was distasteful. redface.gif

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sorry guys, but half of this log is probably gonna be about my girl problems. and the other half will be for my tane advanture.

we're still together, but we're hanging on a thread. i can't do anything to change her mind about me not being the one, but i'm gonan do what i should have done and not take her for granted. i hope she'll see i'm putting in a lot of effort for this to work, unlike in the past.

Day 1

no side effects. so far i'm just using spectrojel as a cleanser. i haven't used a moisturizer yet.

i played volleyball and spiked the shit out of the ball like i said i would. my anger is out and i feel better. hopefully i can sleep now! i haven't slept in 36 hours.

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I've read that it's a good idea for people to start moisturizing from Day 1 of Accutane, before waiting for your skin to be very dry and flaking crazy.

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yea i know. things happen for a reason.

cheers to a fuking brutal summer.

fuk you summer 2005.

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that's the thing i think she's the one...so i'm gonna try my best until i think otherwise.

aite. i'll get a moisturizer tmrw. and some lip balm

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(spoken)

Girl you know we belong together

I have no time for you to be playing

With my heart like this

You’ll be mine forever baby, you just see

(verse)

We belong together

And you that I’m right

Why do you play with my head,

Hy do you play with my mind?

Said we’d be forever

Said it’d never die

How could you love me and leave me

And never say good-bye?

Girl I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight

Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry

Pain in my head oh I’d rather be dead

Spinnin’ around and around

Chorus:

Although we’ve come to the end of the road

Still I can’t let you go

It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Come to the end of the road

Still I can’t let you go

It’s unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you

Girl, I know you really love me,

You just don’t realize

You’ve never been there before

It’s only your first time

Maybe I’ll forgive you, hmm

Maybe you’ll try

We should be happy together

Forever, you and i

Girl, you love me again like you loved me before

This time I want you to love me much more

This time instead just come to my bed

And baby just don’t let me, don’t let me down

Chorus

(spoken)

Girl I’m here for you

All those times of night when you just hurt me

And just run out with that other fella

Baby I knew about it, I just didn’t care

You just don’t understand how much I love you do you?

I’m here for you

I’m not out to go out and cheat on you all night

Just like you did baby but that’s all right

Hey, I love you anyway

And I’m still gonna be here for you ’till my dying day baby

Right now, I’m just in so much pain baby

Coz you just won’t come back to me

Will you? just come back to me

(lonely)

Yes baby my heart is lonely

(lonely)

My heart hurts baby

(lonely)

Yes I feel pain too

Baby please

This time instead just come to my bed

And baby just don’t let me go

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Some people live for the fortune

Some people live just for the fame

Some people live for the power, yeah

Some people live just to play the game

Some people think that the physical things

Define what’s within

And I’ve been there before

But that life’s a bore

So full of the superficial

Some people want it all

But I don’t want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain’t got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you, Yeah

Some people search for a fountain

Promises forever young

Some people need three dozen roses

And that’s the only way to prove you love 'em

Hand me the world on a silver platter

And what good would it be

no one to share

no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all

But I don’t want nothing at all

If it aint you baby

If I ain’t got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you, you, you

Some people want it all

but I don't want nothing at all

If it ain't you baby

If I ain’t got you baby

Some people want diamond rings

Some just want everything

But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you, yeah

If I aint got you with me baby

oh so nothing in this whole

wide world dont mean a thing

If I aint got you with me baby

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Day 2

No side effects yet. i know it's too early to tell if it's working or not.

i went shopping for a moisturizer but i didn't find one that i really felt was suitable.

is blistex a good lip ointment for you when you're on accutane?

and does anyone have any recommendations for a good moisturizer?

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my blistex wasn't clear and kept getting caught under my peeling lips and made em all white and stuff... i use like the original chapstick... i rkn it is good but some people don't. blistex seemed like it was dry aswell when u put it on and chapstick feels wet and nice.

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i'm still very self-conscious about my skin, but i'm starting to be more social now. my skin hasn't improved or anything, but i guess it's bcuz of my girl problems. playing volleyball, basketball and going to church will keep me from thinking about her utnil i finally see her on the 19th. i don't have a religion so i'll give christianity a chance right now. right now, i'm only going to get her out of my mind, there could be another plus to this. man, i'm tired from b-ball. i'm outtt

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i'm still very self-conscious about my skin, but i'm starting to be more social now. my skin hasn't improved or anything, but i guess it's bcuz of my girl problems. playing volleyball, basketball and going to church will keep me from thinking about her utnil i finally see her on the 19th. i don't have a religion so i'll give christianity a chance right now. i'm only going to church to get her out of my mind, but i could end up believing in a certain god fianlly, so that could be more beneifcial. anyways, i'm tired from ball. i'm outtt

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Day 4

lately, i've been getting bad diharrea and i just had an unexpected nosebleed. i didn't knkow these side effects would come so soon or is it just a coincidence? i have eaten mixed up foods over the past food days...anyways, i bought a cetaphil facial moisturizer spf 15. my skin hasn't dried up but i bought it just in case it comes up unexpectedly like my nosebleeding.

today i went to surprise my gf working and i was hoping that we would eat, chill and talk afterwards, but then she goes and tells me that she's going to a guy's house to watch a movie. sad.gif they're not alone. it's a group thing, but it still bothered me. she kept on asking if i was mad and i said no. but then later on in the day, i said yes i was mad but i understood what she wanted to do....i guess. plus, her hamster died last night so i guess she needed to chill with other people besides our group. if you guys dont' know, we've been dealing for at least 3 years so her friends are my friends and my friends are her friends. she met new ppl from work. oh wellz...

i'm not too upset anymore in general. i'm starting to cope well with my gf and even with my face. i'm starting to not care anymore even though i just started taking accutane. i feel like there's more things to life than these 2 things i've been so worried about. i'm really hungry so i'm gonna get mcdonalds....bye!

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Day 6

man, even though it's hard to get any scars around that area, pimples between the nose and the mouth are the worst! that's my ultra oily area so once i see a bump there, it will be inflamed after a couple of hours.

i'm gettting mega dry lips right now yet my skin is fine. it still has the same oilness though. i started accutane having like 1-2 pimples....it's just that my face is covered with marks and oil which provoked my derm to give me the tane.

spent the entire day at church and with church ppl. it felt really different since this is the first tiem for me going to church. i'm not a christian.....yet. i'm giving it a chance even though i'm going there for the wrong reasons right now...i just don't wanna think about my girl... cry.gif

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Day 8

this was the first day i used a facial moisturizer EVER!

i'm using cetaphil spf 15 on my face in the morning only.

my lips are starting to annoy me with its dryness. i put on blistex like once a day now.

no noticable intial breakout yet. thank god!

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Keep it up, all pain is temporary, look to the future and focus yourself onto something constructive like excelling in school for behind every genius usually something tragic has happened to fuel their motivation!

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