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poohman

If your life was great, would you obsess over scars?

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I ask this out of curiousity....

I know a lot of people here might say the reason their life isn't going so great is BECAUSE of their scars. The scars are THE reason their life is as it is and thats why they come to this board.... for solutions. I've definitely felt this way.

Others will say I love my life (career, relationships, etc.) I just find my scarring to be unacceptable, so I am determined to do something about it.

I've been thinking about this because for me, I didn't use to obsess over my scars or start doing REAL research into how to correct the problem until my life seemed to become, well, lame.

For me I think the biggest factor is the opposite sex. I used to date alot, usually had a girlfriend, or real prospects for one... women always seemed to be pretty interested in me - I was really lucky and fortunate when it came to the opposite sex. I also had confidence about what I could do with my life career wise, etc. And all this time I had pretty bad scarring, but it didn't stop me from being happy and hopefull...

Eventually I realized a few years had passed and I hadn't done any dating. At first I figured this had more to do with my situation in life than my scarring - out of college, your circle of freinds moves on and away, etc.

But this "dry spell" with the opposite sex just kept going on and on... This is when I freaked out about my scarring and decided the acne scarring was responsible for my situation, and that if I removed that problem, things would fall into place again.

Time will tell if this is so, or if I can even correct the problem to an acceptable degree. The thing is, years back, my life was going reasonably well, so I didn't see my scars as a big problem. I wish I could get back to that attitude because I know my face will never be perfect again.

So for you guys/gals on this board, why are you here? Why are your scars such a problem? Are they an excuse for all the problems in you life, or do you think they are THE problem?

I don't think I know the answer for my own situaltion, but I'm curious about everyones take on it.

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I have acne scars, none rolling, just little brown spots. I probably have 5 spots I want to get rid of. I am very pleased with my life. I am happy with my friends, couldn't ask for better ones. I know they won't judge me because the apperance of my face. I like my lifestyle, I'm 19 and I'm in college. But the thing is that my scars do bug me, I try to treat them everyday, I look in the mirror constantly for improvements. When my face was clear about two weeks ago I still studied my face for signs of acne. I am much happier when I don't have to worry about my scars/acne. But I'm very subconscious about it. I wish I could have a clear face like everyone else. I stress about my face all the time. But the thing is, my face isn't all that bad. I have one pimple I would like to get rid of, and you can't even see most of scars unless your up close. But I do want them to go away. I tend to hiberate if I feel my face doesn't look good. I guess I'm one of those overachievers who doesn't anything less than perfection.

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hey, thats an interesting post...

Personally I tend to blame things (similar to you) on my skin. I think that i am flawed and therefore somehow damaged goods when it comes to relationships.

I think the main thing here is when something doesn`t go our way, be it relationship , career etc we tend to analyse what possibly could have caused this thing to wrong... and needless to say in my mind I would have to say my biggest negative point is my scars and they get the blame; especially if i can`t find anything else.

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I actually have a really great life. I have a wonderful (and handsome) husband - he really is an absolute gem; we are looking for a home to buy (presently we live in a beautiful apartment complex) and are planning to start a family soon; I have the cutest dog in the world; I am thin and I don't seem to gain weight (I eat whatever whenever); I am completely healthy (as far as I know); I have traveled extensively, learned another language, I have a good career (lawyer) and I just started with a new firm and I am very excited about it... I do have some problems - crushing student loan debt, in-laws make me a little nuts at times and my own family is very problematic. But generally I almost "have it all".... and yet I OBSESS over my scarring (which really isn't as bad a could be). I hate the fact that the first thing that everyone sees of me is damaged. I can't help it - it's the part of me that I show the world and it's damaged... it is/was devastating to me.

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but these boards have actually helped me alot... I didn't know anyone felt the same desperation, depression, ect. over scarring and/or acne that I did. I know on these boards some posters say "oh it's no big deal EVERYONE has scarring" but NONE of my friends have scarring or acne. NONE. So I never talk with them about it and I started to feel very isolated. And I drive my husband a little mad with my obsessing over it and I don't want to burden him too much as he hates to see me upset and depressed. So at times it's been a real comfort and support to come here. and I feel like I am doing something to proactvely treat the problem (even if it's just getting some ideas here, getting comfort or giving it)

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I wouldn't consider my life lame either. For me scars have been an issue since I have had them, they just come to the forefront sometimes and then sometimes they seem less important. I can be moody, so that can vary quite a bit. I also have a husband & we are happy, so I know that's not the issue with me. For me, it would be easier to not have the scarring because people generally judge others by their appearance. So basically people have to know me in order to accept me which makes me less friendly in turn.

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well i guess my life is fucked up due to so many scars i have 3 HUGE chicken pox scars so fucking horrible and in the worsts spots EVER and fucking scars all over my jawlines and chin and shit fuck im so fucked up i never had a girlfriend since grade 8 never even kissed a girl and im in grade 12 now.. im so fucked up cant even talk to girls my face is a fucking mess what a shit life and im not afraid to fucking die cuz life is hell

if u cant even get a girl...cuz girls are like the best thing ever id like to just have a girlfriend to hang out with and do everything with but my life is fucked up

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Interesting posts - well its nice to hear that everyone's so happy! Except the last post.

Seems the "happy" despite scars people are those that are content with their opposite sex relationships.... married, dating, etc. (Though I'm sure there's more to it than just that.)

I think I'm just in a nasty little cycle of diminishing self confidence, thanks to the scarring.

The only thing to do is to press on...

I am feeling ok about my progress right now, and I feel that even if I hit a wall as far continued improvement, at least I tried all I could. I couldn't say that before....

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Hey liferuined,

Is your acne cleared up and the scars your only problem? If thats the case, hang in there, there are good treatments, and better ones coming. Your a young guy and and my advice to you is to do plenty of research, save up your money, have realistic expectations and then start solving your problem. Sometimes I feel like I waited to long to start solving mine.

And remember the scars are probably only half the problem, the other half is how you let them affect you. If you work on the half you can control (for free, immediately) imagine how well off you'll be when you see substantial improvement on the external level. You'll be better off all around because of this experience. This is what I'm trying to do for myself and its really hard and thats why I believe it will be worth it.

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I understand what you are saying, I think everyone will look at superficial things when they have nothing more important to do. Actually, my life is pretty good, I am married, it's just the scars are reminders of the acne and plus being a girl I am a bit vain. Really, I am happier now with the scars than I was with the acne because the acne was so uncontrollable and made me miserable, the scars aren't the worst, yet I still see them and am reminded. I think I am a bit of a perfectionist too and life things in order, I feel the scars gotta go.

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I personally feel like I have a fantastic life with a wonderful husband, a smart, precious son who makes his mama proud... :) , loyal, solid friends, and a church home that is the best I've ever found in being a Christian for 15 years. The leadership are the most dedicated servants I've ever seen and make everyone feel so loved and cherished.

I think that while I want my scars to improve and I am bound and determined to do just that, I have never let them hinder me, and I dont think I'm "obsessed" to any real degree.

I always tend to focus on how bad I could look, vs. "sheesh, life sucks, and I really look horrible". I mean....come on! What about people who have HORRIBLE burns on their face? Or what about people who've been disfigured.

I guess I see the half full glass instead of the half empty glass. And with so many treatment options now, I genuinely feel hopeful. I honestly feel blessed, and never have lacked attention from men. I'm almost 39 and most people think I'm 32 or so. I try to stay out of the sun and watch my weight. I am self-conscious about my skin and scars.....don't misunderstand me. And I'm a woman on a mission. I will find relief and get these scars taken care of no matter what!!!!!

I think my outlook is pretty healthy. I'm not going to let scars ruin my life.

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Hello everyone. This is a very unique post and I feel like I should contribute to it and give some of my thoughts!

I mainly wanted to get rid of my acne and acne scars because of the attraction of the opposite sex. The 'chicks' often do not like to talk to losers (in this case could be the outcast, acne, scars, or what have you). Oh and sorry about the loser part, I was called a loser by a girl that I liked because of my major breakouts. Anyway! I really felt that my scars were the problem to me not being able to talk to girls in a normal attitude. I used to confront females as if I was hiding something from the police and I didn't want them to find out. But what really got my attention is that the only reason some of the girls, the ones that didn't care about acne and thought that it was just a phase, liked me (the bone structures of my face). Some of them came up and asked me out a couple times and tried to start a conversation. When I felt like nothing, I would just look at them and say something stupid and look away. I found out that they WOULD have went out with me if I had just kept the conversation going ](*,) ! (she went out with someone with acne and scars all over his face (and she's really...hmm..HOT!!!)) :)/

What I am trying to say is that people with acne or acne scars tend to think that everyone sees them as nothing (since you see yourself as nothing). Some people might really like you, and if you don't really say anything to them or act really shy, then they won't get to know your personality and start not to like you.

Personally, I feel that many people don't even think about your acne. Some peopl ejust shrug and say, "Who cares", although there are others that tease you about it; when you get teased don't take the teasing or their keep teasing you.

ALL in ALL; It's not the scars that are killing you (and your life), it's just your own mind! Think positive and live life happily.

~somuchsolittle~

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I need some advice from someone!~

I've been liking this one girl at school for a long time. I didn't know (and still not sure) if she is interested in me as I am to her. We have a class together this year; at first she would not even talk to me but to everyone else in the class, but she does glance over at me for a second (maybe she is looking at my scars :)). Now, she is actually interested in what my dreams/goals are, how I am doing in the class, and how I do this and that. Normally when girls talk to me, their eyes just wander around my face for 2 minutes or so, but this one person that I like just looks at me directly in the eye! 8-[ I don't know, should I ask her out since I really like her, I liked her for 2 years by the way!!! O:)

But the only thing that is stopping me from asking her are her friends. She has some guy friends that are the really 'cool' people of the school. these 'cool' people use to tease me about my acne and I just took ALL the teasing, now I avoid them (don't know why, my mind just tell me to get away from them).

What should I do?

Thanks.

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Hey everyone on this thread is pretty optimistic, thats great!

I think my assumption was that a lot of the people who frequent these boards assume (falsely) that everything will be perfect when/if there scars go away, but apparently everyone is perfectly happy as it is, and their scars are just a minor nuisance. (Keeping in mind this isn't a valid sample of the "afflicted population" and the degree to which your scars negatively afftect you life is likely related to the severity of the scarring...)

But I think this thread has helped me to better distinguish between what is an acceptable level of frustration/misery over my scarring and what is actually ME making the situation into something it doesn't need to be.

Thanks for your input to everyone who posted.

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I am elated for everyone who has been able to achieve true happiness, but for me life has been one big compromise for the past 35 years due to acne, and what I consider to be severe acne scarring. I have compromised on a career, on a spouse, and on my goals and objectives. I know I am not the person that I would have been if I had not had acne. I also firmly believe that I am viewed differently by society because I have acne scars.

Now that I am getting older and I feel my scars look worse than they ever have. In spite of all the money I've spent on treatments, I find it a constant struggle to maintain even an ounce of self esteem and happiness. It doesn't matter that I am married, I have 2 great boys, I have a well paying job, I am doing OK financially, and I have my health, because what I don't have and never will have is the true me. I should be counting my blessings but instead I would trade it all for clear, smooth skin.

I see many women around me that have everything I have except acne scars. I see how people respond to them when the make suggestions at meetings, or need help with problems. Then I look at myself and see how the same people respond to me. Even though I know I am a good person just like them, I can't help but feel an inferiority. Its like having acne scars makes me dumber, and less worthy in other peoples eyes. It may be my imagination, but I really don't think so. It wouldn't happen over and over again if it were just my imagination.

I have decided that since I look like Quasimoto, it is better to accept it and play the role of Quasimoto. It just doesn't work to look like Quasimoto and try to play the prince, or in my case the princess.

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I have decided that since I look like Quasimoto, it is better to accept it and play the role of  Quasimoto.  It just doesn't work to look like Quasimoto and try to play the prince, or in my case the princess.

That's the attitude I've taken too. Not my first choice, but it's what I've been given.

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I do obsess over my scars and it is the single worst part of my life without question. I am very happy otherwise. I have a wonderful, good looking husband, beautiful kids and good friends. My scars still inhibit me from being all that I want to be. I do realize that I allow myself to be held back because of that. When I had acne, my life wasn't so great, and I know stress brought on more acne. It sucks now that things are good, I haven't gotten rid of the scars. Sometimes I wonder how much of it is in your head. About being able to get rid of scars I mean. Take Cancer victims for instance. Some go through chemo or other procedures and become Cancer free and never get it again. Yet others have it return. Whether your Cancer returns has everlything to do with your belief system IMO, so I wonder if it's like that with acne scars. I reallly, really want to get rid of them, but wonder if there is some subconscious belief I am unaware of which is inhibiting me. Hmmmm, maybe I will try hypnosis, that has just occured to me!!!

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To those who want to play the role of Quasimono because they think they have to lead a compromised life because of acne scars, I feel very sad for you. Your only real disability is in your head, why not decide to lead a great life in spite of acne scarring?? Would that be too hard?? It is possible because there are tons of people with acne scars that do live GREAT lives. So the decision is up to you. From now on don't compromise, demand respect from people because you are important and make them see that. I'm sure children do not run in horror from you, don't get even older and have to look back on your life and say "Wow I compromised everything I wanted because of how I FELT about my acne scars"

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It all depends on how bad and disfiguring your scarring is, as to the quality of your life. I ignore people making comments as much as possible, but over time it wears you down and makes you miserable. I was never obsessed with my scars when I first had them, it took several months of people making fun of me and giving me looks until I found it difficult to cope mentally.

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Anyone find it the LEAST bit ironic that all these people in this thread keep saying how looks shouldn't/don't matter... then in the very next message, someone tells us all about their "good-looking husband". :)

I'm not trying to insult anyone's post. Human beings are very superficial animals. It's in our nature and we just have to accept it. Like it or not, scars are gonna hold us back in our dealings with other people. We just have to play the hand we're dealt, and try all of the scar treatments we can. I don't think I'm being negative here, just realistic.

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I think Allisons advice is true for all things that go wrong in life, whether scars or some other problem. But it's simplistic.

I agree with Antz... it all depends on how severe your scarring is.

We can't see each other here, except those who choose to post their pictures, so we don't really know who has what severity.

For example, if Allison's condition were severe, and Notmyfaults condition were minor, than Allisons comments to her might be an inspirational wake up call to someone who is busy feeling sorry for themselves.

But if it were the reverse - if Allisons condition were minor and Notmyfaults condition is severe, than Allison's comments about "feeling sad" for her come across as condescending and self-righteous.

You need to walk in someone's shoes... we need to empathize with people and help them find solutions, not tell them they shouldn't feel a certain way.

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The fact is that I did suffer from scarring before. I still do now, just a little bit. Just be patient with your recovery. I used to stress about my acne and scars all the time. Now I try not to think about them because the recovery process just takes longer. When you stop thinking about them so much I swear the scars are gone before you know it. I treated mine with Vitamin C Serum and Lactic Acid. After that I try to enjoy my day. I know it can be hard, but I swear you'll live so much happier. I'm very much anticipating a full recovery very soon.

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I probably came off sounding harsh, but I am just mad at the world bringing us down, not really the victims of acne. When I had active acne I let it ruin too many years for me and now that I have some scarring and will most likely never look the way I want, I just think to hell with it I am going to be happy. I think it is a decision to be happy, if you let other people influence your happiness you will never really be content. Maybe some of you are younger here too and perhaps age makes me realize this stuff. I'm only 28 but I know there are alot of young teens that visit here too. I just want to say if we never do get our scars treated properly and they don't go away, there are other options besides killing ourselves or being miserable.

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Fascinating topic.

To the man with no legs, walking is all that is required to be happy, or so he thinks.

To the vain, perfect appearance is all that is required to be happy, or so she thinks.

I look at it this way, I have the following going for me:

A nice car

A hot gf

A decent job

Food

Decent clothes

An OK place to live

Now, all my needs, and a few wants are satisfied, but alas, my face is not perfect!

Woe is me! Yeah, I would be happier with perfect complexion, but hell, compared to 95% of the rest of the world, I live like a freaking king. With all things considered, my life is pretty damned spiffy. So yeah, if I could have clear skin for a reasonable price(reasonable amounts of my time and money), I'll keep trying. If not, no big deal.

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I would say that my scars are moderate to severe (I've never seen anyone in person with scars as bad as mine) and some people do look at me oddly. It is extremely difficult at times, I don't deny that. It hurts to be judged soley by appearance.

I try to think of all the good things about myself and remember how good I have it in many ways. My skin is not perfect, not even close, nor will it ever be. But I know that I am a good person, I have skills that I feel good about and I have a handful (not a huge amount) of people whom I love and know love me. I have to remember that the people who give me strange looks don't know me and what they think of me truly doesn't matter if I don't let it get to me. I could sit down and think about it all day but I choose not to and focus on things that I can do something about. I can't change how others perceive me. I can tell you this - I really wouldn't want someone in my life who is so shallow that they can't get past the indentations in the surface of my skin. Maybe in a way I am protected from being "friends" with people who are really a**holes!

I know how hard this is, truly I do. We have to stick together and be there for each other during these rough times we are having. I try to post when I am feeling my most upbeat. This way, worst case scenario, when I am down I can come and read my own posts and cheer myself up! :-

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