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campfitnfun

Angry, depressed, acne, boys, sex, and no make-up

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Weird combination. But let me explain.

Angry

Because I went to the dermatologist today.  I went in there with hope and came out with no hope.  He diagnosed me with rosacea a year and a half ago, but someone said on this forum tahat maybe i was mis-diagnosed.  I went out and bought pro-activ (stupid me) and i've been using it for a week and don't see any results.  My dermatologist always prescribes like six different things to use and they work.  But I have to use the rosanil cleanser (prescription),elidel (prescription), rosula gel or lotion (prescription), and retin-A (prescription) + 2 pills (and you guessed it, prescription)  Well when I do all this, it works.  My skin is clear.  Great.  Yay.  The problem is that I don't get many pills to begin with so when I'm out I can refill them once and then I'm out.  I don't get another set of pills until I see the doc again.  So  I usually use the other stuff without the pills which means my skin is clear but gets alittle bit of break out.  It's a really shitty visious cycle.  No doctor = no pills.  No pills = no clear skin.  So the solution?  Go see the doctor like once a month (expensive) so I can get the prescription for the pills (expensive).  Well, I just stopped everything like two monthws ago.  And bought pro-activ.  Saw the doc today, told him I stopped everything cuz i wasn't seeing results,  too embarrassed to tell him that I am using pro-activ.  Found out the last time I was on acutane was in 2000 when my rosacea started.  Found out that the derm I was seeing at the time didn't even give me enough acutane to run its course.  I think I was on it for two months.  This was my second time to take it tho, I was on it when I was seventeen, so maybe he thought that I didn't need to take it as long or whatever.  Got mad because if he had told me backthen that the problem was rosacea, I would have taken things a bit more seriously and been more persistent in trying to clear my skin.  So years go by.  No clear skin.  I decided it was time to see a new derm.  Met him in december of 2003 and he broke the news to me.  Met with him today, told him I wasn't on anything.  he gav e me like six new things to try.  So I asked if I could just take retin-A micro and see if it worked.  He said without any pills or anything else?  I said yea.  he said, no won't work.  He wrote a prescription for retin-A micro anyway.  Then he went on to say that in the near future i WOULD PROBABLY HAVE TO BE PUT ON ACUTANe again and we would sit down and talk about it.  Then he said, he couldn't promise me that i would be cleared up for two months or two years.  He said that when people get older and they have acne, 4 out of 5 people grow out of it and one has it forever.  This is a huge reality check for me because last time i was in his office he implied that I would have it forever.  It is a sad reality check.  But I really don't have any hope now.  I know it is mostly genietic for me.  i consider my acne as moderate to severe.  I shouldn't be throwing a pity party right now but i think everyone on this site can understand why i am.  So I asked my mom if she had acne at 24 when i got home.  She said , "yea, I have it now"  This made me so furious because that is a bullshit lie.  She may have scars all over her face FROM acne and wrinkles all over her face FROM smoking but I'm not asking her if she has wrinkles or scars.  I'm asking her if she has the red inflamed cysts that are all over my cheeks and jaw and if they hurt and if they never go away.  She's not dealing with looking for a mate right now.  She'ls not starting a new career.  I'm so mad that she still takes the time to focus ojn herself and her needs instead of mine. She obviously doesn't get it.

Depressed

Because I will probably have this forever.  I feel like crying yall.  I feel like screaming like a little baby.  I will be 80 years old with acne.  How lovely is that.  Someone ran a poll last nite asking if we'd rather have clear skin or a million dollars.  I chose the money right?  Because money can buy clear skin and then some.  But someone said that if they had the choice,  poof and acne gone forever, they would choose that and I agree now.  Money isn't everything.  it doeswn't buy happiness or clear skin.  Or it buys clear skin with trial and error.  Hell, I would probably spend on all the million just trying to find a cure and ending up with acne in the end.  So if I could redo my vote, it would be the clear skin.  And I think if everyone in here really thought about it, they'd pick the clear skin too.

Acne

I have acne and will probably have it forever.  What's new?

Boys

The only guy I will let see me without make-up is my ex-boyfriend.  We were together for two years and off and on for a year.  Any other guy?  yOU BETTER BELIVE WHen I see him the make-up is on and if he takes me home it is still on when we make out, have sex, and go to bed.  When I wake up, if the make up is on, great.  If not, I get up before he does and I go put it on, so he doesn't see my ugly face.  No guy or hook up would want me if they saw the real acne me.  Let's be real yall.  What's on the inside is what matters is bullshit.  At least in the beginning of a relationship it is all about looks.  Sorry everybody, I am so insecure and shallow that I believe it.  I don't like the way acne looks on men.  I have dated a guy with acne before and actually fell in love with him but i guess i changed and became superficial like everyone else.  I don't know what I'm trying to say except that I don't think any logical guy wqould want me if he saw who i really was.  I would have to date him for a year with make-up before he could actually really know.  I am that insecure about my acne.

sex

Question that doesn't concern acne watsoever.  I am in love with this guy.  God please forgive me for writing this but I am in love with this guy and it all started in Biology 101.  He sat next to me that semester and flirted with me like CRAZY.  I thought whatever.  It was flattering and an ego boost and fun to flirt in biology but he knew I had a boyfriend at the time and that it wouldn't go anywhere.  Two years later and me and my boyfriend broke up.  So my friend sees biology guy and is like "who the hell is that he's hot?"  I told her and she somehow convinced me to give him my number.  So I did.  For a year, yall, me and this guy go back and forth.  We have never hung out in public (His idea, not mine) but we do make out a lot and i wanted to sleep with him but for some crazy strange reason i held back.  I discovered that i liked him too much to just sleep with him and i told him.  He's told me before that he likes me a lot too but he's confused now, doesn't know lwhat he wants, blah, blah ,blah.  If anyone should be confused it's me cuz i'm at a weird spot in my life right now,  i just graduated college, i'm back in my parents house after living away fromm them in six years, i'm trying to start a career and i'm dealing with a lot of emotions/sex/body changes and I have horrible acne.  I understand where this dude is coming from, he's young, scared of commiting to a full time relationship, just wants to have casual sex because he's young, and he isn't too sure that college is the thing for him.  So we have had many hot encounters and I mean so hot.  So hot that I broke up with my boyfriend ovwer this.  When we were broke up the first time, I gave biology boy my number.  But me and boyfriend go t back together five months later, and I still saw biology boy.  I felt really bad and guilty for cheating on someone and not telling him, that's just wrong, and I had these strong feelings for someone else.  So i told boyfriend the truth, let him go.  Somewhere along the way I fell in love with bbiology boy.  My friends think i am stupid for still talking to him.  He plays games, and won't call me for a month and then out of the blue he calls, making me so happy again.  And dumb me always welcomes him with open arms and makes out with him and every now and then he will say we will go out on a date in public but then we don't and i get depressed and hurt and emotional.  I would just drop this yall if it was some regular old guy but I can't because I know i love him and i know that if he gave me a chance it would work.  I know that saying if it's meant to be it will happen but I also know that persistence is a lways a good quality to have and as long as he still calls me every now and then, I'm gonna still hold on.

Question is:  he always never ever has a condem on him when we're together.  And he refuses to do it without one which makes me like him even more because most guys will just try and go without.  Well I don't carry condemson me so in "the moment" he will say 'let me go to the store, it will just take a minute.' But I always say no.  I think because if we do have sex thaqt that will be it.  it will be a one time deal.  he won't call me or even call to hook up or have sex or whatever.  That'll be it, I will nev er see him again.  So do I risk having a sex buddy because I'm thinking about giving in because I'm 24 and I won't be able to have a random sex buddy when I'm 35?  Or should I just keep not putting it out?  He says he really respects me for not just going around and sleeping with him.  Well, he said that one time when we were dressed, LOL!  But when it's hot and heavy, both of us want sex.  But I'm in love with him.  Could a sex buddy turn into a relationship?  Or would it turn into a one time deal?  God, I would really hate that!

No Make-up

I'm really saving this one for some other time.  I'm sure yall are tired of reading (I don't like reading long posts, sorry guys!)  But writing is my passion, it'ws what i do, it will turn into a profession for me some way or another.  When I was 8 or 10 I was writing books.  100 page college ruled notebooks just filled with novels and stories and idea, my friends thought i was crazy.  They didn't seem to understand how a kid could write so much.  But it's what i do.  lOOK FOR MY NAME GUYS.  i'M GONNA BE A REAL FAMOUS WRITER SOMEDAY... OKAY OKAY  sorry  LOL.  I hope someone reads this and responds because responses are nice and cool, etc.  Okay, I'm doing it again.  I'm gone for real this time

campfitnfun

my most honest advice to you would have to be for you to consume lots of eggs, eat eggs at a steady pace though, pour koolaid slowly into mini glass.

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if you had a clear skinned bf who developed acne during ur relationship, would you stop loving him?

Not if we had been together in a long term relationship and I was in love with him.

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my most honest advice to you would have to be for you to consume lots of eggs, eat eggs at a steady pace though, pour koolaid slowly into mini glass.

Huh? lol

If that's your solution searchingforthesolution, I just might take it!

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that biology dude: casual is casual as long as you can keep it casual wink.gif

Was gonna make it casual but decided not to the other nite after i talked to him. He's a jerk and a loser and not worth my time. (Also not worth a piece of this a** , in my humble opinion.)

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Hi, I can understand where you're coming from when you say you don't want to date someone with acne.

I've come to the point where i hate acne so much that i do hate it to see on someone else 's face. There was a time where i never even paid attention to people's acne , but now it feels like it's the main thing i'm looking at people's face now, it 's sad. I 'm not sure if i could date a girl with sever acne either, I feel that i've turned very shallow and superficial cry.gif .I hate how i've turned out cuz of acne.

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Hi, I can understand where you're coming from when you say you don't want to date someone with acne.

I've come to the point where i hate acne so much that i do hate it to see on someone else 's face.  There was a time where i never even paid attention to people's acne , but now it feels like it's the main thing i'm looking at people's face now, it 's sad. I 'm not sure if i could date a girl with sever acne either, I feel  that i've turned very shallow and superficial  cry.gif .I hate how i've turned out cuz of acne.

I'm glad u can see what i'm saying. I feel very shallow about it too. But wat's weird is that if someone has acne, but has a good personality, it's really easy to look pass the acne and see the person instead. I work with a girl who has mild acne and she doesn't wear make-up. She's really cute and nice and always smiling. So I don't even notice the acne on her face really. I guess her personality covers the acne up smile.gif

But I was mostly venting in that post and extremely frusterated that day so I kinda let myiself go. I'm not one to judge a person so quickly and i also don't point out bad physical traits in ppl. If anything I try to look for the good in ppl. Everybody's got something beautiful about them. I guess thru my eyes I just like to see things aesthetically.

smile.gif

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