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Langdoi737

Don't let scars ruin your social life!

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Like most of you, I have and still am suffering from acne and its scars (I'm allergic to BP and so I just use aloe vera to soothe my pimples=P). I remember those days when girls used to tell me they thought I was cute and when my friends would be jealous of my clear face. Now whenever I look into the mirror I just see myself as some ugly guy in hopes that eventually my scars will fade. However, even though I have acne scars I have still been able to date pretty girls. I even pointed it out to one of the girls I dated, and they didn't even care at all. I'm single right now and am hesitant about meeting more girls still, but I mean there's much more to life than just dwelling over such things. I'll admit my scars probably aren't as bad as some others (I'll post pictures sometime), but the bottom line is scars don't matter as much as everyone thinks. Just remember that looks can only take you so far into a relationship, and the key to a successful relationship is personality.

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agreed but most teenage girls don't give a dam about a guys personality... if you can find me a girl aged 16+ who'd accept me for who I am call me!!!

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"but the bottom line is scars don't matter as much as everyone thinks. "

I think that is true of minor scarring, but you have to realise that there is a point at which scarring is so bad that no amount of personality matters, especially for younger women.

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but the bottom line is scars don't matter as much as everyone thinks

Why the funny looks from people then or am i paranoid and you are here at this forum so you must be bothered by them.

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"but the bottom line is scars don't matter as much as everyone thinks. "

I think that is true of minor scarring, but you have to realise that there is a point at which scarring is so bad that no amount of personality matters, especially for younger women.

yeah i mean of course we're taught with stuff like "if a person truly loves you look wont matter" and all that generic clinche stuff. but fact is we dont live in no damn walt disney brady bunch world. in this world, looks matters. i mean there MAY be someone out there that doesnt care about looks, but 99.9% of all people do.

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I appreciate some people are just trying to make everyone feel better and give us a positive outlook, but telling us how minor your scars are and how great your life is with your good looking partner doesn't really help. Truly the only thing that keeps me going is the fact that new treatments are being developed and there is always hope.

However, if I could only get 70-80% improvement ever then I would be able work out a way to deal with it mentally and could carry on. I'm not so sure I could face the rest of my life with only 40-50% improvement knowing the pain and misery its already caused me, even when I've tried to be confident and think positively.

We should try to be strong, but comments like 'scars don't matter' are just plain absurd.

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I agree with the majority of posters here!

We all can believe what we need to to make ourselves feel better but the truth of the matter is that there are many clear skins with great personalities (of course not all) and if truth be told the fact that they have clear skin only will assist their personalities even more due to their greater confidence,whereas persons with scars generally have a more inhibited personality due to hiding their true selves behind a veil of paranoia (where are your pictures Maya? ....ah yes too shy! My point is made). Sorry to use you as an example but I did read one of your posts that conveyed you dealt well with your scars but here amongst others with scars you are still too shy (it's ok I understand).

Of course you get a small minority that can overcome this but I think it is highly accurate to say that the vasty majority know that they are overlooked by many due to theor appearance and I refer to heavy scarred individuals and not minor ones.

When people stare at you they are not thinking WOW, what a great personality lurks beneath there! They are thinking more along the lines of pity, or relief it's not them and of course a lot of the time they use your're scarring as a stepping stone to have some fun which in turn makes them foolishly feel empowered.

It's always been the way and it will always be that way because that my friends is the human condition.

All the propping up and cliches and words of encouragement are wasted really to those who know of such truths because when the cold light of day is upon them then all those words mean not a damn thing when the looks of curiousity and analysis scan you're scars!

We live in hope that there will be hope and that is why we are all here hoping one thread whether it be words or new treatments will bring us that elusive comfort.

U

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Not yet crappyskin. I was intending to buy a better digicam to show the progress of my skin healing from CO2 as the one I've got at the moment is too low res and makes my scars look rounded off.

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omg!, antz, your as fine as! and from the pictures you sent me I cant really see any scarring! I dont get what you're worrying about!

I cant imagine any guy not finding you attractive, even with scarring (not that I saw any).

--CS

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Ã? aggre with alot of you here, having scars isn't a plus even if your a great person benieth. Sure makeing friends isn't hard ... only takes a while longer somehow. Atleast thats what i have noticed.

The best way to break the ice is to make others laugh, it kinda makes them see you as a person ... "Laughter is the best medicin"

Hey Antz ..... now i got a bit curious over the pics you sent Crappyskin, by the sound of things your scars aren't that as bad as you've said .... are you gonna post them in the gallery???

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Thanks for the compliment but the pictures don't really do justice as the res and image quality are so poor. The other photo was strategically lit so you couldn't see my scarring. I have multitudes of deep picks and boxcars that give me an odd appearance in normal light. They have improved since having CO2 but are still noticeable.

I'll do some shots when I get a better digicam and post them in the gallery section. I was thinking of doing a couple of shots every 2 months or so.

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i was talking to this girl the other day about acne scars .. i asked her if she would go out with a guy with scars... and she said yes because emotional scars are relationship killers, physical ones aren`t.... to which i replied yes, but physical scars make you emotionally scarred.. she didn`t really have an answer to that...

Besides, in order to have a relationship to show someone your personality there must be an initial attraction on some level... but attraction isn`t always physical i suppose.... i just had a big coffee and my fingers are itching!

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I'm seeing this guy who obviously had severe acne at some point in his life because he has tons of scars all over his cheeks and temples. Seriously, when the light hits him a certain way, all you can see are the scars on his face and nothing else. The point is that I really like him because he's very confident and doesn't let the scars bother him. He smiles, laughs, talks, and enjoys time with his friends. He's got such a wonderful personality and is so smart and funny. I'd rather spend time with him than a clear faced person with no personality or character. True, there are people out there that can't work past someone's physical appearance, but too bad for these people...they aren't finding what truly matters when it comes to a person. (and you don't want to attract people who are that superficial anyway) The way you look is just the way the tissues and the bones formed in your face...nothing more. It says nothing about your character, about your interests, about your heart. You are more than your face. I know it hurts when someone judges you for the way you look, but you should rise above that hurt and find confidence and acceptance with yourself the way you are. That kind of confidence and comfort with yourself is very obvious to other people. If you're shy and feel insecure or "not good enough" because of the scars, then that's how people are going to treat you. Bottom-line: Try hard to have confidence in yourself and don't let the way you look control how you feel about yourself. You are so much more than the way you look!! You have so much more to offer!!

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I dislike when someone says, don't let scars ruin your social life or they aren't as important as you make them. Don't tell that to me, tell that to all the guys who don't give me the time of day, ask me out, or even look at me anymore, since my scarring! I used to get asked out all the time, and flirted with before my scarring, so what else could it be? I'm not letting it ruin my social life,, the shallow human race is! :D

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I agree Scarfacewoman

I used to pick up men quite easily and was hit on all the time. Now, since the scarring I don't even get a second glance from the male of the species.

It has pretty much ruined my confidence in myself and I just don't go out at all anymore. I used to lead quite a vibrant life - now I just prefer to stay home and surf the Net where my face doesn't bloody matter.

It's all well and good to say that people should see past their scarring and try and garner some confidence, but when you can see people's eyes crawling over your scarred face as you talk to them it just reminds you at every turn why you don't have any confidence.

I'm glad that your current boyfriend is different, whoever mentioned that they had a boyfriend with severe scarring - but unfortunately his attitude is not as infectious as the depression that comes along with a face full of scars.

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Yeah, but do you want those kinds of guys asking you out anyway? They're superficial and not worth your time if they can't see that a person's worth is not based on what the outside looks like. I mean, I totally understand what you mean because I got asked out all the time before I got my acne last year, and now a lot of guys don't even look at me or just glance and turn around because they see the zits and are turned off. But, in a way, it's kind of helpful to me because it automatically weeds out the guys who only care about looks and helps me focus on and see who is really worth my time and interest.

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Yeah, but do you want those kinds of guys asking you out anyway?  They're superficial and not worth your time if they can't see that a person's worth is not based on what the outside looks like.  I mean, I totally understand what you mean because I got asked out all the time before I got my acne last year, and now a lot of guys don't even look at me or just glance and turn around because they see the zits and are turned off.  But, in a way, it's kind of helpful to me because it automatically weeds out the guys who only care about looks and helps me focus on and see who is really worth my time and interest.

Like someone said earlier, thats all nice and good, that you only want someone who likes you for you, your personality etc. But if they don't ask you out in the first place , due to your scarring, how can they know what kind of person you are?

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Yeah, you want someone to like you for you, but you also want that person to be a good, kind person, too. And a good, kind person wouldn't refuse to ask someone out because of scars. So, why would you even want to give someone like that a chance when you know he's superficial to begin with?

So, if he doesn't ask you out because you have scars, then that's just fine because you don't have to waste your time sharing your personality with them. They're not worth it.

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For what its worth... I was just at a bar with my friends and this girl I used to talk to called me saying she heared I was there and she was gonna stop by...

well I went in the bathroom, hated the way I looked and left - she just called me asking where I was and I lied and said I felt ill...

LIFE IS ONE TOUGH F'ING GAME SOMETIMES!!! :D

I had my first of 6 smoothbeam treatments last monday - im gonna have 6 total... I wish I had money so I could just do something... I wish this never happened to me... I wish I didnt spend my whole life being told how "cute" I am etc... then maybe I wouldn't be so vain and this wouldnt bother me so much...

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Franky - I've had the exact same situations happen to me buddy.... All my friends tell me my scars are nothing, and that chicks don't even notice them.... but I gotta tell ya, they still kill me. I hate them, and I hate the opportunities I've lost because of them.

Life is one tough f***ing game sometimes.... and sometimes it doesnt play fair! [-(

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Hey, I agree with Kristiana, attitude really does make one attractive, and maybe at first the gal won't be drawn to someone with scars but once getting to know you true love will surface if it is met to be. There's a couple at my church and the guy has really bad scarring and his wife looks like Miss America, seriously. She is the sweetest person and they are the nicest couple. I admire people who don't let their scars ruin their life. I am just as self-conscious as the next person about my minor scarring however I know it is my hang up and people are going to like me for my personality and attitude not my skin. Maybe those that can't find friends or dates just show their negative attitude on their sleeve, which is understandable, however others with scars and even atrocious acne that have good attitudes are having all the fun. I wouldn't stop trying to find a cure however just don't be miserable in the meantime, and you don't need to be Mr and miss popularity to be happy, just some solid friends--Alli

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Hey, I agree with Kristiana, attitude really does make one attractive, and maybe at first the gal won't be drawn to someone with scars but once getting to know you true love will surface if it is met to be.  There's a couple at my church and the guy has really bad scarring and his wife looks like Miss America, seriously.  She is the sweetest person and they are the nicest couple.  I admire people who don't let their scars ruin their life.  I am just as self-conscious as the next person about my minor scarring however I

friends--Alli

Well not to toot my own horn, but i have a great personality, i smile all the time, laugh, joke, a great sense of humor, etc, so i should have a boyfriend right? NO CAUSE I HAVE SCARS!

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All things being equal, I prefer clear skins too.

I would like to think that most people do not judge me by my scars and have a decent enough attitude to be able to see through the superficial. I guess that is not always the case though.

Strangely enough, I am more likely to get the strange 'oh look at her scars' look from females, men seem to notice it less. Maybe it's becasue women (with or without scarring/acne) are generally more observant/vain.. maybe.

Anyway, I started going out with a really good looking guy a few weeks ago :D/ - from the look of his face, I guess he probably never had acne in his whole life - his skin is perfect.

.... some people will always judge you on your looks.. some won't.

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I dislike when someone says, don't let scars ruin your social life or they aren't as important as you make them. Don't tell that to me, tell that to all the guys who don't give me the time of day, ask me out, or even look at me anymore, since my scarring! I used to get asked out all the time, and flirted with before my scarring, so what else could it be?  I'm not letting it ruin my social life,, the shallow human race is! :D

the thing is... EVERYONE is like that. i mean you'd pick brad pitt over danny devito ANY day of the week... no matter how great a personality danny devito may have... and same with me

i'd pick jessica alba over 99% of all other women on earth any day of the week.. no matter how great their personality is. thats just how the world is... people that say "looks doesnt matter, its all about personality" are liars.

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