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In love with my best friend...

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Heres the deal, i met a girl earlier this semester in one of my classes and from the first second we saw each other, we both took notice.

She always caught me peeking at her and i always saw her peek at me during class. Eventually (after lots of misses and cowarding out) we had a few conversations about little things like 'whats the homework?' or what other classes we are taking. We slowly began to build a relationship.

I also found out she had a boyfriend and this really hurt me big time because i thought this girl could be my first girlfriend. But i decided to enjoy myself and just stay friends with her. I even became a part of her usual friends group, it was always her friend (who she also met in this same class) and her and me, the three of us.

Over the semester we got closer and closer and we both found ourselves flirting quite a bit. But the weird thing was that even though we were friends we didnt always act like it, we could be so cold and mean to each other for no apparent reason. I found myself avoiding her because of my acne and she avoided me because she had a boyfriend and probably didnt want to get too close to me.

But still, we spent crazy amounts of time together, after every class was over we would met at our usual study place and we would be there together for hours. There were times when we got together and we would say NOTHING to each other and it was always really weird to be a part of.

She has FLAWLESS skin and i have terrible skin and i feel very uncomfortable with her sometimes because when i talk to her she looks RIGHT at me and i cant take it sometimes. One day i walked up to her and she said 'you look different..' and i put my head down right away and she said 'you have less pimples' and i felt so uncomfortable because she was looking at my skin and she didnt see the terrible breakout that i got on the other side of my face because she only saw me from an angle. I think if i didnt have this acne i would be alot closer to her than i am now.

I found myself falling in love with her and it only got worse and worse. But the very worst had to be when we were done flirting or whatever and we would be sitting at the computers at school and she would turn away from me (after flirting by talking to me in a certain way or grabbing my knee when she spoke or asking if i think shes beautiful) she would go to her e-mail and start talking to her boyfriend and telling him how much she loves him. It was driving me insane! Why would she does this infront of me, didnt she know it would hurt me?

Also our parents got to know each other because she stopped off at my house once to pick up some homework and she met my mom and apparently our moms both work in the same skin care business and they started becoming friends.

The friendship thing continued and so did the flirt and boyfriend thing. I really was loosing it cause i felt used whenever i was with her. So i decided to put it to an end.

She asked me to be in her class over the summer and two in the fall and i agreed to it. It was set that we would be spending alot more time together but i began to question myself about wanting to continue with this. And what my motivations were. Should i stay with her so much when i am only hurting myself by being with her and she apparently loves her boyfriend so much and i have already fallen in love with her? She has even joked around about dumping her boyfriend cause she isnt happy with him but i feel she is only saying that to play with me and she doesnt really mean that.

I sent her an e-mail yesterday and i told her that i decided not to take any classes with her because i dont think it would be a very good idea and that maybe we should say goodbye for a while because its really hard for me to be friends with someone im attracted to. And how its hard for a straight guy whos 20 yrs old to be only friends with a beautiful girl like herself. I sent it and i havent spoken to her since and probably wont for a while.

Im already having regrets and i want to be friends with her again but ive already let her know that i like her and i think it might have ruined our friendship. Did i do the right thing? Im scared to run into her at school because i fear she read her e-mail. I did leave my phone number so if she wanted to contact me, she could. So the ball is now in her court in a way.

Anyone else in love with your best friend? How are you dealing with it? I think i messed up my situation by actually letting her know that i like her when she has this boyfriend. What do you think?

I really had to get this off my chest because its been the only thing im thinking about lately (along with my acne of course) and i wanted some opinions from my friends here at the good ol Acne.org message board.

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You may very well be able to control the situation to assure you're friends in the aftermath.

It is advised that you do speak to her in person and overcome your shyness, though.

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thanks for the advise!

Today was the last day of school though so i wont see her for about 3 weeks when summer classes start.

I am still signed up for the class with her but i was thinking i will drop it before it even starts, but i am thinking of just taking it with her because it could be a good time but im worried it will be a bit awkward in class know that she knows what i feel.

Im hoping in 3 weeks my acne will be completely gone because i wont be able to comfront her with the way i look now. Last time she saw me, i had a few acne and one or two cyst but now its all over the place because i took some whey protein and i ate the wrong kind of oatmeal which caused me to breakout badly.

If my acne is just as bad still, i probably wont so up to class. Right now, its all depending on my acne.

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yeh man, u did the right thing mate... fkn u don't wanna sit around and be teased and shit and when she knows u like her and she sits there talking about how much she likes her boyfriend. I mean it has nothing to do with acne but yeh... don't take it. what u did is liek true and who knows, she might break up with her boyfriend coz like she really likes u and only realised it till she lost u (that's pulling at straws a bit but meh).

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yeh man, u did the right thing mate... fkn u don't wanna sit around and be teased and shit and when she knows u like her and she sits there talking about how much she likes her boyfriend.  I mean it has nothing to do with acne but yeh... don't take it.  what u did is liek true and who knows, she might break up with her boyfriend coz like she really likes u and only realised it till she lost u (that's pulling at straws a bit but meh).

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Guest Shjaker

They say if you love something let it go. And if it comes back that's how you know

^_^

I am so wise. And have rhyming skills toboot

I would've usually said something incredibly long about personal experiences and metaphorical bullshit, but I thought the above summed it up well.

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Hey,,u sound exactly like me

Last summer I went on a hockey tour to Australia with the school

Thers this girl hu id wanted to no for ages...well she startin talkin to me on the tour, mainly because i was mates with her boyfriend, but it was a start. Neway on the tour she broke up with her bf...didnt really think about it at the time.

My acne was terrible about a week into the tour...the worst its ever been. But i didnt really notice it,,,but i could feel it and i no she could see it.

It was my birthday on tour,,she and her m8 gave me a card...she actually bought one and didnt just sign the big one like every1 else.

So i spent the rest of the tour thinkin about her and wot i would say to her the next time i saw her later in the day.

She told me she was doing the same subject as me which only 3 other pepl wer doin next term...

And so we got back to England and the summer passed...i txt her a few times about exam results and tried to get her back with her ex boyfriend,,,but he had hurt her

On the first day of skool i discovered she had got a new boyfriend (got back together with an ex-ex boyfriend)

It was then i realised i felt somethin more than id felt b4...it wasnt just a crush...

She confided in me alot of stuff...her mum had died of cancer a few months b4 and this guy (not ex bf) had lied to her about having cancer, she hated him. But she forgave him...coz she is the nicest person i have ever met.

My acne held me back,,,sometimes id forget about it and talk and laugh like normal but sometimes it really got to me and id be quiet and shed notice and ask others wot was wrong...

She always looks str8 in my eyes and i cant hack that...i hav to look away knowing wot she is seeing....it doesnt help that i had to sit next to her nearly everyday

Then something happened with her current bf after about 5 or 6 months...im not entirely sure coz i didnt want to ask..but i think she cheated on him...

She asked me wot she should do and i gave her advice...now she is with another bf...but he leaves for university after the summer...probably meaning she is single again

It is unlikely that she is continuing the subject with just 4 of us and im dropping the other subject im in her class with so wot do i do??

My acne is still prity bad,,but slowly getting better...

I dont think she likes me as more than a friend,,,but i always think about her

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great post man.... i think you did the right thing. she obviously knows what shes doing to you. why would you continue coping with that? i mean, you're already coping with the problems of acne... you wouldn't want more loads on your back. hope it all goes well. biggrin.gif

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hey jaime66, YOU sound exactly like me! No seriously, we have had similar experiences.

Well, i JUST got out of school (last day) and i rushed home, hoping for an e-mail reply from her because i knew for sure she saw it today cause i saw her go to the computer lab (she didnt see me and i tried to avoid her because i still look a little terrible with my current acne) so when i got home, i booted up the good ol computer, logged on hotmail and NOTHING! No new messages. Honestly im really hurt....i opened up myself to her and i really did let her know how i felt and she didnt even respond.

Its gonna be so awkward whenever i see her again, i kinda think i messed up a good friendship here but like i said, it was killing me to see her talk so much about her boyfriend and then come running to me for help or to flirt.

jaime66, that part at the end of your post where you said she doesnt see you more than a friend thing, i can REALLY relate to. I mentioned earlier that i have another friend that i used to be in love with (big time) but i understood that she doesnt see me that way and because i stayed in contact with her, she really is my best friend now. I have a super hot friend! Anyway, today was the last day i will see her for another 4 months! So sad. But we are really close and she said we'd keep in touch.

Its sucks that i blew away a good friendship with the other one because i know for sure that if i do see her again or take that class with her and try to be friends again, things will still never be the same. You see, she never actually TOLD me she likes me, she hinted at it and i always hinted that i liked her but now that she knows for sure that i like her, things are way different now. What if i scared her away?

As of right now, i feel like i lost a friend. On the bright side, i have 3 weeks to make myself look presentable (this damn acne) and if i see her again and she likes what she sees, hopfully she can come running back. Do you guys know if 3 weeks is enough time for all of my acne to go away? I have lots of cyst and redmarks.

Honestly after what just happened, i feel really relieved. Im mean, i used to rush to school EVERY morning, just to see her. I rushed out of class to 'run into' her just to say goodbye for the day. I spend a whole lot of my time thinking about her, about what shes thinking and what im gonna say next time we meet and i think its really coming to an end. I know that once school starts again, those old feeling will return but it feels like 'we' are over and im really relieved. She put me through hell and im really not kidding about that, some days i left school devastated because of what i was doing to myself. But really, i cant believe i still want to take that class with her, i kinda want the torture to continue in a weird way...

Anyway, thanks everyone, for the support and letting me know i did the right thing, you're all great.

Oh and Quantum, great quote, cause its so fuck'n true. Hopfully my 'love' will come back.

Hey guys, dont let me stop you, keep those similar situations coming like jaime66 did...

damn, it would be so awesome if over the summer she dumps her boyfriend and i get my first girlfriend once school starts! You know what? I really think im gonna go see her when class starts and if she pulls that same stuff with me and leads me on again, while she still has a boyfriend, i will know for sure its over, or maybe i shouldnt....oh i think too much!

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a couple things for both J66 and NVS.

first off I think you're both lucky to have feelings like that at all, fuck knows that died for me sometime ago, dunno exactly when, but I don't feel more then a vague interest on a sexual level anymore, everything else wandered away.

secondly, as somebody on these boards already posted, check around the filesharing networks for a book called double-your-dating, if you give a shit about that sort of thing, its quite helpful.

but just a couple of comments on if she's not answering your emails, if you opened up too much she could just be a bit freaked out, think how you'd feel, just try to chill out a bit, and not act too stalkerly.

I've been there a couple times, from both sides, and its always a bit awkward all round, think about how much time do you spend thinking about the ones who left you wondering , I bet its a good bit more then those you are sure about how they feel.

so leave em wondering,

back off some, be a bit distant, don't just disapeer and be creepy though. and maybe start something casual with another person, nothing motivates like jealousy.

who knows, maybe she just wants to be friends, if you can handle being just friends, do it.

personally, what she was doing sounds like what some friends do, they are just naturally touchy feely and like to push it a bit, just in a casual way. tell her to back off if its hurting you because you think it means more.

aside from the rather confused advice, good luck with whatever you decide to do.

and I think both of your interests are missing out on some truly great people, you guys both sound like good people.

can always PM me if you can't find the book, I think it might be hiding in my HD somewhere still.

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Hey this other girl i was good mates with for a few months actually felt more for me and that freaked me out and its not like it was...so thts why i dont want 2 tell my best friend girl incase it goes bad

Thanks for the comments thou,,

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I fell in love with my best friend last umm... October. I think :S It was really hard, as I even got off with a random disgusting minging guy (well I didn't excactly get off but he did doubt.gif)

My best friend and I got drunk after he came out to my other friends... and well one thing led to another. He made a move on me confused.gif But we didn't do anything because I said that I didn't want to. It was more of just a grope, and I was sober enough to realise that I'd rather have him as a friend than anything more. I'd never thought about him like that...

Then over the next three months I started to think about what could happen. Slowly it all built up and it began to show that I was in love with him... So I confronted him about it, and he told me he didn't feel the same and he didn't want a relationship. He didn't know why he came on to me. It just happened :S

Well :S the way I got over him was to get off with random guy A. Plus the fact that I'm not actually physically attracted to my best friend; despite him having perfect skin... But we remained friends, and he's still my best friend... He has a big belly, and it's not very nice. Lol.

I think the best way is to actually tell your friend how you are feeling. Don't tell us; tell her.

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Happens all the time, ive got alot of female friends and to be honest, i could see myself with most of them.

Just dont make a move, unless it feels right

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She sounds like she might be an attention whore...its never a good idea to fall for someone who plays "games" like flirting with you one second and then turning around and emailing how much she "loves" her boyfriend...

I know its hard because you obviously have developed feelings for her but I don't think its a good idea to continue being her friend...i think she likes the idea of being a flirt and loves the attention you give her but unfortunately it may never go beyond this

Save yourself many needless sufferings and move on...plenty of girls out there!

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Yep exactly what I thought Mikyl36, have you ever thought that she may not actually fancy you back?

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your story sounds AWFULLY familiar to me ( you know what I mean? )

Well I say Summer holidays are arriving right? Sometimes by being apart from someone you learn more about your feelings for that person.

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Take a picture of her boyfriend in a comprosing situation lol.gif Seriously, I say be more aggressive. Ask her if she really likes her boyfriend? Ask her, who's spend or willing to spend more time with her, him or you. Who's the guy that's been caring for her and bringing her food? What does he have that you don't? Okay, that last one was a big overboard, but you get the point. Basically, make it known that you've been caring for her more than he is, but do it in a light-hearted manner.

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She sounds like she might be an attention whore...its never a good idea to fall for someone who plays "games" like flirting with you one second and then turning around and emailing how much she "loves" her boyfriend...

I know its hard because you obviously have developed feelings for her but I don't think its a good idea to continue being her friend...i think she likes the idea of being a flirt and loves the attention you give her but unfortunately it may never go beyond this

Save yourself many needless sufferings and move on...plenty of girls out there!

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as far as her becoming less attracted to you over time, that could also be that you were just very friendly, and now she seems you as a friend, when you bring food for people and care for them, they often become less attracted since you then aren't a challenge or exciting.

one of the nicest guys I knows is exactly like that, he brings food to girls, does tons of stuff for them, and is always super nice to them, if rather forward about it, and most of them are just either uncomfortable with it, or assume he's just friendly rather then interested in them.

some people are just naturally comfortable flirting with everyone, odds are if they do it with everyone they are just accustomed to being that way, but a break is probably a good thing, and a suggestion for on your break, if you find yourself thinking of her is just to acknowledge that you were thinking of her to yourself, but then push it out of your mind, if you get too caught up in thinking about her you won't move on nearly as easy.

but good luck with whatever you decide to do!

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Dude I totally relate- my stories a bit different and hideously complicated and often painful- it might even make you feel better about yours- but here goes:

Lat year, my first year at a new University, I met a girl ('A') and we plunged straight into a relationship. She was OK, pretty, friendly, willing etc but there was no real spark between us and after about 3 or 4 months I realised she wasn't really the one.

It does get more interesting...

Me and her had another 'couple' for best friends, my neighbour 'B' in halls and his girlfriend 'C', who he met around the same time as I met 'A'. The four of us were inseperable for ages and things were fine for the best part of a year; I had terrible skin and pitiful self-esteem for most of it though which is probably why I stayed with 'A' for so long.

Anyway, the next semester started; 'A' and 'C' moved in together and I moved in with 'B'. A couple of months in, things with 'A' became boring, strained and painful and we had a very messy break-up. 'B' and 'C' were also having problems with her so 'C' moved out into a different house. 'C' was really supportive for ages; she knew what I was going through and we began to spend a lot of time together; she confided in me about things she hadn't told 'B' and we began to become dangerously close to the point of emotional infidelity. 'B' and 'C's relationship wasn't working anyway and they decided to take a break for a while. During this time I'd had sex with 'C's sister and two of her friends- I thought it was typical rebound style but realised eventually that it was just a means of channeling my desires for her through people close to her.

One night I went round to 'C's house after 'B' had fallen asleep and we stayed up talking for hours together. I began to realise just how strong my feelings were for her and we ended up having sex. She broke up with 'B' the next day (remember, I'm living with him) and it happened many many more times afterwards without anybody finding out. I knew it was wrong but I couldn't control it and I didn't want to tell 'B' because it would cause far more problems than it would solve.

To make things even more complicated however, 'C's new flatmate 'D' told me she had feelings for me as well. After having no attention at all for most of my life from girls, it was becoming too much to handle.

Eventually things settled into a routine; me and 'C' still see each other, we're still best friends and we still have a (secret) physical relationship. 'B' found another girlfriend far more suited to him and we're still friends. But obviously I can never persue a proper relationship with 'C' (unwritten law) and recenty I began seeing another girl 'E' who I've become very close to and doesn't have the same complications attached. My head is totally screwed up as to where the hell I go from here.

Easy solution mate: stay away from women.

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we're still best friends and we still have a (secret) physical relationship.

Easy solution mate: stay away from women.

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So how did it end up? Did she reply to the email?

I, and probably a 1000 different males have the same problem, only I haven't made a move yet. I am really interested what she will say, and whether she will want to stay friends with you.

It is a bit ironic, isn't it, when a guy appreciates a girl more than as a sex object, he is afraid to ask her out because he might lose the friendship, and hence he has no success with proper women, only with sex objects, and then we end up being shovinistic pigs...

If only girls would want to be friends with us even if we tell them that we like them, because, the truth is, we do... and chances are that they know it... but until we officially make a move, we have friendship, and then we don't...

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