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FrankieBGirl

What's my acne gonna do today, Napoleon??

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Ok..Ok.. Technically I shouldn't even post this yet. Technically.. I'm not on Accutane....But Whatever...I will end up on it.

The acne started in September during the first of many hurricanes that hit South Florida where I call home. Our power was off for 3 days, and the humidity was awful. The lights came on, and low and behold- I had a couple zits. Wtf, right? I figured.. Eh it's from all the stress, humidity, chaos... Whatever. Well, a month later on my birthday- I had the most awful breakout of my life. A bunch of cysts on my chin, that were "connected" and massive..and just.. UGLY. Needless to say, my birthday wasn't how I pictured it to be.. but I had fun anyway.

Months passed, I kept thinking.. it wil go away. January comes, and I finally see my Doctor. She gives me Retin- A Micro and Estrostep birth control pill. Well, holy...shit. I broke out beyond recognition. My skin is still showing the war wounds of that breakout.

I went to a derm soon after, and got on Doxycycline antibiotic. I haven't had a real clear day since September. I don't quite know what to think, or what to do about all of this. Part of me feels my acne is hormonal... perhaps it is, but how do you tell? I mean yeah, It gets worse around my period.. but it gets worse all month long. I track it week by week, and each week I break out..it starts to heal, i break out... etc. I want accutane.. and that is the point I'm at right now.

I spent most of last night crying over my skin. It is so painful right now. It hurts to touch it, to lay down, to wash my face. It just..hurts. It also looks awful and make up doesn't really work anymore. The cysts get so big that it's kind of like :::who are you trying to fool here?::: Massive bumps covered in make up. Ick. It feels even worse because I work in the beauty industry, so looking like I look- really doesn't make you feel too confident. It's hard to face people, especially people I've known for a few years that knew me before I had acne... And I know they are looking at it. It's the most awful feeling in the world.

Anyway.. My next derm appt is coming up... So I will report back on what happens.. But, I want to look into Accutane because I just can't live like this anymore- In hiding. Trapped behind my face. I used to be so different, and it's really scary to see yourself become a shell of the person you used to be. Co-workers notice it, friends, family... I'm not happy. So yeah.. I need some major changes. Hopefully it'll work out for me, like it's worked for alot of people.

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Hey whats up? Good luck on the tane. I'm sure it will work for us...keep us updated!

And by the way...that title is a bit goofy...haha. but oh well. cya

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LOL Oh I know it's goofy- that's why I wrote it. It's mainly because my acne changes so much, that I literally change my mood with it every few days. So, I felt it was appropriate.

Yeah, hopefully I will get on Accutane soon. I think it will at least get things under control. There's a cyst I have right now that seriously feels like a small animal crawling around under my skin... And if that's not gross enough in itself, I don't know what is. It just.. Hurts. Grrrr!

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haha...ya that was a funny description. make sure not to mess with it. i'm positive that i've had those things like 20 times worse than you. so i like to consider myself an experienced cyst professional cool.gif . lol. well, you'll make it through this tane or not, but i'm sure you'll get it and it will work. everyone's crapacne is unpredictable and stupid. wasn't acne the worse invention by God ever? oh well, i know there has to be some sort of just reasoning behind this-or maybe it's just another one of those inexplicable cruelties that exist. well, i'm not sure what i'm talking about anymore so i'll cya later! eusa_drool.gif

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good luck with your progress! I know what you mean about your face hurting, i have that right now it sucks beyond belief rolleyes.gif

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God is toying with our emotions. I'm sure of it. *looks up at the sky* That's right, I'm talking to you, sir.

I try not to mess with my skin, but it is pretty much inevitable that I make myself worse. So, you are completely right- You have to leave these things alone. I mean, thank GOD *yeah, you AGAIN* for make-up because without it.. I don't think I'd leave the house. I used to never wear make up, though- So it sucks to have to put so much on now.

goshidiot- I love your name. LOL As you can tell, I'm a huge Napoleon fan. But yeah, I hope you feel better. When your face hurts.. Yeah it's definately time for an intervention. lol

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hi Frankieb

i like your sense of humour. smile.gif

i feel your pain about the cysts. they hurt but the emotional discomfort (lack of confidence and what not) is worse. my bf used to humour me and was always like 'what cyst? i dont see anything'. his attemps to make me feel better. doubt.gif

i just started tane a few days ago. and i'm really worried about the initial breakout and the potential for side effects. i've actually been grinding my teeth at night from worry.

good luck with your tane treatment. keep us updated. smile.gif

~Amy

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LOL hey shiney- Thanks! I'm silly, what can I say? Haha.

I completely, 100% agree with you. Yes, they physically hurt- but that lack of confidence knowing this huge thing is on your face... yeah, that's 10 times worse.

It's really hard to face people, ya know? And no one who has clear skin could ever understand that. But that is sooo sweet (about your bf)!! I find it extremely hard to date right now, because I just don't want anyone touching my face or looking at me that close, ya know what I mean?

Well, I'm really proud of you for starting tane! I know how you feel, the initial breakout horrorfies me. haha, I'm sure I'll be grinding my teeth, too. I'm a nervous wreck about my appointment coming up. It's weird because I'm not even sure if my derm will prescribe it for me since the laws are becoming alot more strict it seems. I definately suffer from cystic acne that has so far, been unresponsive to birth control pills, benzoyl peroxide, antibiotics, and retin-a micro. So, yeah.. I don't know really what else they could give me. Topicals really suck, and antibiotics.. well, you can't stay on them forever. The biggest thing that I'm worried about with accutane is just the side effects. I think I could handle an initial breakout if it meant that I would have a few (or forever, would be better) years of clear skin. I really would just like these cysts to stop, actually. I could handle having a couple small zits here and there..Honestly, I wouldnt love that- But I can handle it. However, cysts.. I cannot handle anymore. They get SO HUGE and it's embarassing. It feels like that's what people see when they look at me, not my face.. which I used to feel so confident about. Now, I try to hide away, covering my face with my hair.. feeling horrible about myself,etc.

Keep me updated with your progress! Feel free to write in my log anytime. My log is sort of...pre-mature, but hey- I want to log my progress and have a place to write my thoughts. Good luck, girly!

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whens your appointment? im always nervous about my appointments too. i hope everything goes well.

it looks like my initial breakout has begun. nothing too serious. i have a small breakout on my cheek (which is odd because im used to only breaking out in my t-zone). i hope this isnt just the tip of the iceberg!!

as for side effects, last time i was on tane i had the typical dryness, and i wonder if my eye sight is worsened, but cant really tell it's so subtle, and i gained a few pounds (12 lbs!). but the weight gain could have been caused by my love of eating and my couch potato life style. im trying to lose it but havent had any luck so far (i've been excercising for an average 4 hrs per week for 10 weeks). ive never had a weight problem before this. another weird thing is that i used to drink a ton of water before tane. i was somewhat thirsty all the time, and now i'm not. maybe it fixed some that was wrong with me? i dunno.

i just wanted to add: another thing about acne is that its so variable. how knows what you're going to look like a month from now, 2 months from now? i have a wedding to go to in july and im hoping i'll look half decent cause of the tane, but really, who knows? i wish clear-skinned people had this stress. wink.gif

best wishes!

~Amy

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haha, the funny thing about when i went to the derm and got put on roaccutane i had forgotten about it until like a couple of days before. Coz i looked at my mates face and it was clear as and i remembered he went on it and had like ultra bad acne before that... So yeh, accutane is awesome x 10.

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Shiney- Well, my appt is set for the 16th *for some reason I kept saying the 15th, but I am correcting myself.. its the 16th* But I am trying to get something before that.

Losing weight is tough, I have the opposite problem though. Gaining weight is pretty hard in itself. I basically eat whatever and never gain an ounce.. then randomly I'll notice I weigh 2 lbs more or something.. like in a year. It's ridiculous but I don't really mind because I have nice curves, and I carry the weight that I do have, quite well. I get told to model all the time and Im like "Yeah But did ya catch my acne!?!?"

Oh god.. The words initial breakout might be 2 of the most horrorfying words ever. lol, I mean seriously.. How horrible is the wait? Then when you start getting it.. it's like Will I survive this? Ugh. Good luck, girly- I hope it is clear for the wedding!

Aeman- Accutane definately is amazing stuff. It's powerful, scary..and kind of weird- But it seems to work beautifully. It's so weird to see some of the before and after pictures.. like someone covered in acne is suddenly clearer than someone who never had "acne".

And my update for today...Im gonna do it "telephone style", Ready...*whispers in your ear* My skin still sucks, pass it on.

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heyy there! I really hope your derm decides to put you on accutane. I know exactly how you feel, along with tons of other people Im sure. It really sucks, and there are days when ive missed school and just stayed in bed because of it. It makes it even worse that I also used to have clear skin, up until my senior year (this year). I went on accutane about 6 weeks ago, and i just hit my initial breakout eusa_wall.gif (which by the way was one of my biggest concerns!!!) Let me tell you one thing though, if you have delt with your acne for a while, you will be able to deal with the initial breakout. I really hope everything goes well for you ill be checking your log to see how youre doing!!

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Hey caligirl- Thanks so much for the reply!

Yeah, It really starts to take a toll on you mentally and physically for awhile. Especially, like you said, you haven't really had acne until this certain point. And then it becomes this weird situation because you were FINE before it happened, and now you avoid things.. ya know what i mean? I mean, I used to go out after work and never thought twice about my skin. Now..it's a concern even after just putting my make up on.. cuz i know it doesn't look good.

Anyway.. I hope your skin responds well to the Accutane. I'm sure it will, though. What kind of acne do you usually get? It's not like I have severe acne all over, I just get these big cysts, and its awful.

Yeah the initial breakout is horrorfying to think about, but I'm sure that once it's over with..you're like.. Ok that wasnt TOO bad. How is your skin in terms of breakouts/clarity now? Or are you smack dab in the middle of the breakout? It will clear soon, hun- don't worry about it. Just think.. after this, it'll be GONE! It's a going away party for your breakouts!

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Well..the huge cyst on my cheek is drying up and looks like an awful, dried up cyst. Beyond that.. I'm still pretty broken out, but somehow it looks sort of..clearer. I guess its because they seem to all be drying up and flat..as opposed to raised, huge bumps all over. But this never lasts long.. I already have two small cysts forming to take the place of the ones that are healing. Its a horrible cycle that needs to end.

Anyway.. I have to say, I did exceptionally well this week at work and have some extra money..so I am going to splurge on a shopping trip this weekend to cheer myself up.

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So, just when i think im all good to go- a wrench gets thrown into my progress.

The past few days have been alright..it seemed like everything that was bothering me started to dry up and was easily covered with make up. Now, I have a couple of cysts forming, and my right cheek has alot of little red dots on it.. like inflamed pores or something. What the frickin' hell is going on... this is why i named my log what i named it.. cuz my acne is so unpredictable.

so i'm back to being depressed about my skin, waiting to see what happens during these next few days... I usually erupt all over within a small period of time, and then suffer with it throughout the month. So fun..... yeah right.

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Hmmm... No. LOL That sounds like a really detailed plan.. And Let's face it- I'm lazy. No, Just kidding..

So today is pretty wack. I have this small zit on my nose.. it can cover with make up pretty well but it's driving me up a wall. I never break out on my nose..so what gives?

Also, I was supposed to go to the derm on the 16th.. No one called to confirm, so I thought.. I'll call to make sure. Well, it was cancelled due to the fact that my derm left to do cosmetic facial something-or other. So, I rescheduled for June 6th at 7:45 with another lady there. She's supposed to be one of the better ones for acne, and a friend of mine went to her and liked her. (we all know the horrendous issue that occured last time I went to a diff derm from a friend's reccomendation..so I'm not getting my hopes up lol)

Anyway.. Yeah, so thats about all. Still breaking out.. Seems hopeless.. Yesterday my skin was better...today it's not so great. What the hell ever, acne- You suck.

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hey shineygal..

my boyfriend is really sweet like that too..I get cysts and mess around with them causing it to look way worse (you think I"d learn!) but my boyfriend is always really sweet about it saying 'it's just a mark it'll go away'. But I do agree with all of you that it really effects your self confidence. When people look at me I try to look somewhere else because I don't want to see them staring at my skin. It makes me depressed..I'm otherwise a happy person but when there is a huge spot on my skin it's really hard to be 100% happy which sucks because I really don't want to be shallow about it I know looks aren't everything. Just so frustrating when I look in the mirror and it's all I see...I"m sure that other people don't concentrate on it but I think that they do because it's all that's on my mind! Anyway..I'm farily new here...been reading alot but this is only my second post. I hope that everything works out and we can all start feeling a bit better!

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So, I went on my shopping spree and splurged on some bath and body products. I figure.. if I get on accutane, I can use these because they are really moisturizing and effective.. but if I don't.. they are still yummy scented and fun to use. It's a win win situation.

My skin is EH. It'll probably continue to be EH til I go to the derm on June 6th.. and then when I leave the derm, it'll probably still continue to be EH. So, that's refreshing.

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Well damn, I haven't written in awhile. Things have been pretty good, I have to say.. Up until like, Saturday Night. I noticed a possible zit forming on my nose (I had a really small one a couple weeks ago that bugged me, but this felt like it was gonna be a doozy) So, I drowned my nose in benzoyl peroxide and neosporin and NOW... Now, I have a bunch of tiny,tiny red dots all over my nose.. I guess I aggrivated each and every pore and they are all pissed at me. Awesome.

So, Tonight at 7:45 I go to a new derm. I have now visited 3 different derms. Interesting. I hope she is nice, because the 2nd one I went to was a total bitch. She basically told me that she wouldn't give me accutane, even though it would clear my acne up really well, she just wasn't going to give it to me right now. Instead we could inject all 7 cysts I had and see what happens.

Needless to say, I will not be seeing her again. This time, though- My skin is pretty much better than it's been in awhile. I have about *counts* 5 cysts scattered around my face. A few hurt.. and then theres a few red marks, and Ive got some dried up cysts that I can cover with make up. Basically I look and feel like cocka, so if she doesn't help me- I might drive off a bridge. I honestly can't deal with acne anymore. Especially since I had a couple good weeks where I was living my life again, and going out- having fun.. shopping, doing normal things. Now I am breaking out again and becoming a hermit. I'm not the hermit type, so this sucks.

Acne- Piss OFF!

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i hope your derm appointment goes well. keep us updated.

i know the feeling of wanting to drive off a bridge. acne is so frustrating.

hang in there!

~Amy

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LoL Bloodcries.. I am so serious! I don't think it really has anything to do with it in reality.. But I had alot going on at that time, and it just so happened to occur right when the hurricanes hit.

But, I'm so serious.. The power came back on, I looked at myself..and was like OMG? Isn't that awful? I don't blame the hurricanes at all, but it was really, really weird to have the power come on and I was a different person or something. I thought it would go away, though- and it has not.

ANYWAY!!!!!!

So...Tonight, I went to the third dermatologist. Let me say.. I loved her! Finally! She and I and her assistant talked for like 35 minutes..maybe more. We were the last appt, and I think I pissed the office staff off because they had to stay late. lol

Well, I didn't get accutane... And Surprisingly, I'm ok about it. She really made me feel better about myself. She completely understood where I was coming from, and why my acne bothers me so much. She and her assistant both thought I looked great, and skin shouldn't even bother me because I have alot going for me besides that.. and she was like, "I thought your skin looked great... I didn't realize you were here for acne.. I looked at your chart, and was like.. doxycycline? for what?" So that was sweet of them to humor me.

So, she said she is very stringent about who she gives accutane to. Which is smart..because I think it is given out freely, and it shouldn't be. However, I don't want the option to not be open to me at all..because eventually I will have to stop taking antibiotics, and eventually..topicals wear off. Ya know? Which, surprisingly again, she agreed with!!!! The other idiot derm I went to (who made me cry) told me I could stay on doxy for years and it's not harmful to my health. This derm told me she wants me off of them in 6 months at the latest. That is awesome. She also admitted that the acne could come back, and she will address that if it happens...but sometimes, in rare cases it doesn't come back due to birth control pills or the topicals the person is using.

She also gave me samples of retin-a micro .1% which is stronger than what I am using right now. I'm going to alternate it with the .04% every other night to ease my skin into it. I hope I dont get another initial breakout from it.. but maybe my skin needs a swift kick in the pants from something stronger to make it stop breaking out.

I definately love retin-a micro, and would use it forever if possible. It makes my skin texture really nice.. But I still have acne, so that's the only downfall. So if the .1% kicks it up a notch, maybe thatll take care of the breakouts. I hope that this helps... I go back in 3 months, of course, for a follow up. Hopefully I will have no acne and won't need accutane or anything else. We will see, I guess.

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I'm glad it went well and you seem to feel good about it. I know sometimes you just want someone to listen to you and not just treat you like cattle they are herding through. I'm glad you found someone. Thanks for posting in my journal and I already wrote back to you there so i won't double the comments. But I wish you the best of luck!!!

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