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thebignosebandit

Do You Ever Worry About Never Getting Married?

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Do you ever worry that your acne and the pain and social discomfort that acne has caused you will never allow you to meet and fall in love with someone and get married?

In my own situation, acne has made me socially retarted. I'm serious. I may not have as much acne as I once had, but the social damages still remain. Sometimes, i think people judge me by the way i look. My self confidence is crushed. Whenever i see a girl im interested, my first thoughts are "she probably thinks im repulsive." Even when girls say i'm cute, or attractive, or even when friends tell me that so and so is interested in me, the first the thing that comes to mind is "once she sees me up close, or once she wakes up next to me the morning after and sees my face up close she will lose all the those feelings and i wont be cute anymore" so i'd rather not approach her, that way i'll always be cute in her mind and i wont ruin it by getting close to her.....i know thats pathetic.

To top off my physical insecurities, i'm such a shy, socially retarded guy, that i have absolutely no personality whenever im around girls. I start sweating, having no ability to start a conversation, im just hopeless.

How am i ever going to meet someone with all these things going on in my life? My biggest fear is being 40 years old, living in a tiny apartment by myself, with nothing to show for my life. I so badly want to meet someone special for me but i can't find the confidence in me to overcome my social retardation. I do not want to grow up only to become some miserable middle aged failure who hates his job.

I am going to college, a really good college, UC San Diego, and i should be in my 'prime', but i'm still not getting any poon tang. Even if a girl thinks im attractive, i lack the confidence in myself to even think that i am slightly interesting enough for a girl to even call me back..........I guess im just a boring, unintersting, low confident, miserable guy in whats suppose to be the best years of my life.

Ideally, i wish i could just wakeup one day and forget about my self conciousness and act normally around people and meet my potential wifey and live a happy life. But everyday is the same, no progress, i'm stuck in a bubble that repeats itself everyday. The highlight of my weekend was watching the playoffs, thats how pathetic things are. Well, im off to bed while the rest of my peers at UC San Diego are probably out having the time of their freaking lives.......

Who's with me?!!!??

P.S Any girls who are interested in a shy, quiet, no confidence, no personality, can't start a conversation guy, i'm the man of your dreams, let me know if you'd be interested in a acquintance of some sort!

PEACE

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I recommend finding a girl that is out of your league and just be nice to her. Make it clear you aren't trying to hit on her and just want to be friends. It will seem really hard because once you get to know her you might want a relationship, but just accept that it's not going to happen and you'll be better for it. Alot of girls love having guy friends who aren't going to hit on them. Chances are you might make an idiot out of yourself sometimes, but that's part of life. In time you'll get more used to just being around her and it's a groundwork that'll make you more comfortable around other girls in the future.

Additionally, I highly recommend, like I always do, to start working out. It'll make you feel alot better about yourself AND make you more attractive. The sense of progress you get from working out is amazing. Sure the highlight of your day still may be watching the playoffs, but you know that next month you're going to look a little better than you did this month. It gives you hope for the future, or at least it does me. Don't worry if you feel awkward or embarassed in the gym, I assure you no one is actually looking at you funny, it just feels like it. The internet is a great source of info for figuring out what you need to do to get your body in shape. Remember too that diet is just as important as lifting.

Lastly remember that you are young, you still have your whole life ahead of you. Chances are your acne will fade in a few years, and when it does you don't want to look back and regret all the opportunities you wasted because you were too depressed over acne. This doesn't mean you should regret not going out and partying, that is your own choice and I don't push anyone to do so because the fact is it's just not that enjoyable when you have acne. But you should do your best to get good grades and improve yourself in any other ways you can, or else when the acne clears up you may find you have no life left to enjoy.

j

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Dude, I feel the exact same way you do. My friends tell me all the time that girls they know think I am cute or whatever. But I always disregard them because I assume they saw me in good lighting or from far away. Or just think I am hot cause of my body. It kills me. I don’t see myself being secure enough to be able to be up close and personal with a girl where she can examine everything on my face. Every once in a while I’ll have a fun night with a girl, maybe hook up or whatever, but I never really bother to pursue her any further. I guess there are a lot of girls out there who are pissed because I tell them I will call them but never do. I rather never see them again and let them think that I am some hot guy who is just an asshole than to call them a few days later and have them see me in a different light/sober and remove all doubt. I know eventually if I do want to take it to another level I’ll have to spend time with her away from a dark room. LOL. Like take her out to lunch in a well lit area, or outside in the brutal sun. The main reason I can’t maintain a relationship and fear I never will is because I am not comfortable/confident enough to look a girl in the eye longer than 3 seconds. Whenever I see a movie or something were a couple just stares at each other for a long period of time I get sick. I can’t see myself doing that to anyone. Except of course if the lighting is ok and the girl is drunk enough. So I guess I’ll get married when I have enough money to where a girl doesn’t give two shits as to what I look like, or I find a girl that is more insecure than me. Or maybe a blind girl. Who knows?

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You should find someone who does not care about acne. They are really out there. I have had PERFECT FLAWLESS BABY SKINNED friends, who would have gone out with me, when I had severe acne. I asked one of them, why she would cause of my acne, and she said it really does not take anything from me cause I have my eyes, personality, hair, etc. Aw I miss her. She moved to another state. Anyway, they are really out there. You need to have a good personality though, try to work on that. Maybe finding a friend who is opened, and happy, and sweet will bring you out of your emotional shell. Maybe dabbing on some make-up will help too.

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Yeah when people compliment me, I think that they are either joking or being sarcastic...

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Guest Zitro

I think your most probable relationship is to find a girl who's very nice, be friend with her, and eventually you'll feel love for each other and will result in a very strong unbreakable loving relationship.

Its also probably the best kind of relationship, with no lust at all, since you met as friends and would love each other because of personality and connection.

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yeah it is defianatly possible i have been out with blokes with acne (they havent realised i have it for quite a while lol.gif) I think once you build your confidence and realise that its not so bad you will suddenly see that it really doesn't matter to alot of girls.

As for getting to know them - just talk to them you have to learn to crawl before you walk. As long as you are not creepy (eyes down their top etc) i am sure most would like to get to know (from your posts you seem to be able to have a laugh) once you get in and become friends with a few girls, dont just fall for the first one let her introduce you to some of her mates just have fun really none of this i want to marry you stuff you will scare them (well it would scare me anyhow) just relax and it will all come together in the end

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Guest Zitro

ADVICE : never rush in relationships.

ADVICE : Never wait too much in relationships either.

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ADVICE : never rush in relationships.

ADVICE : Never wait too much in relationships either.

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Guest Zitro
Good advise.

My suggestion is the same as one of the posters above, work out. When you feel confident about your body, it affects your self esteem. I too, because of acne, become socially.. um.. lame (dunno the right word). I once had a relationship but I -never- felt secure about it because of the acne. In the end, it killed the relationship.

Dont worry too much about your acne when finding partners. Once you have a partner, dont feel insecure  eusa_whistle.gif

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Turnergirl : yeah, its true that some strong relationship can be strong when rushed, but sometimes, they may break apart.

Example : asking to move in with your lover in the 3rd week or propose on the second month.

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Im new to this site but I cant see why your acne would hold you back from being married. Im currently on accutane ut before I was on it I didnt let that hold me back fromhavin a social life or dating.

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Additionally, I highly recommend, like I always do, to start working out. It'll make you feel alot better about yourself AND make you more attractive. The sense of progress you get from working out is amazing. Sure the highlight of your day still may be watching the playoffs, but you know that next month you're going to look a little better than you did this month. It gives you hope for the future, or at least it does me. Don't worry if you feel awkward or embarassed in the gym, I assure you no one is actually looking at you funny, it just feels like it. The internet is a great source of info for figuring out what you need to do to get your body in shape. Remember too that diet is just as important as lifting.

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Thanks for all the helpful comments guys.

I actually did go out last night, right after i made that post one girl i have sorta been talking to called me about going to a club. So i go right. Anyways i'm there and its dark so the settings for me anyways are on the uppity. Anyways i say what the hell and go up to the first girl i see dancing by herself and try to start dancing with her. This girl says "no no no". Im like WTF!? Are you serious!? Being as god damn sensitive i am, when i finally get the courage to venture out to a dance club and actually approach a gal i get shot down! my first try! so then im just screwed for the rest of the night. The girl i went with, thinks im cute ive heard, but personally she isn't my type, i think she's ok, but if i were to hookup with her it would be wrong because i really have no feelings for her like that and it would just be like heartless sex, like humping a tree.

anyways im dancing with her pissed off about getting shot down. Then i see that same girl still dancing by herself, and i see 2 other guys attempt to dance with her, with the same response from her, "no non no". Then i looked at those guys and told myself, "hey, those guys arent much different me, they arent hideous looking, maybe its not me afterall?"

anyways after the night is done we head back to my apartment. I didnt expect this but the girl that i came with, instead of dropping me off, asked if she could use my bathroom........so anyways she comes up to my room, and her other friends that came with us start looking at me funny, like something is about to happen.

So we are in my apartment, she goes to the bathroom, im in my room, then she enters my room and starts talking about her grandpa and how he just died. she just go really emotional on me. (we were pretty drunk by the way.) Anyways she was leaning on me, and kind of started hugging me and all of a sudden her hand was sorta down the side of my pants.......

I just freaked out. Believe me i want to have sex too, i was drunk, im 20 years old, im straight, and heres a girl grabbing a hold of my member, this doesnt happen that often, especially after i had been so depressed during the weekend. And the ONLY THING that i could think of was me talking off my shirt, her seeing my hideous back acne, and us waking up the morning after with my oily face looking trashed with all my acne. How superficial, and self centered is that!? After about 2 or3 minutes of me just sitting there not saying anything she said "this is weird" and that she had to go.

After she left the funny thing is i felt relieved, but shortly after i realized how much of pussy i was. I realized i suffer from some severely abnormal social disorder. I'm afraid of letting people get too close to me. Im definately not gay, im definately not a sexual, im just effed up in the head. I think i need to see a psychiatrist. This isnt the first time this has happened in the past month. A couple weeks ago i was at another friends house watching a movie, just me and her, and nothing happened, i went home, we felt wierd after never really talked again.

To top it off, im starting to feel like old friends that used to hang out with me dont really care about hanging out with me. Maybe because im boring at parties and i dont say much but they didnt return my call last night, this is a really good friend of mind too. All these girls probably all think im either gay, weird, or a complete dumbass.

About working out, i'm naturally very skinny. So if i ever lifted weight i would end up looking like that freak John Bastow, have like a skinny neck and skinny frame with huge unatural looking muscles. Ya working out would be great in that it would kill time and motivate me to do something about myself all the while looking better. Im thinkin about doing 100 pushups a day, 200 situps a day, and run for 20 minutes a day. What do you guys think?

Thanks for all the other replies. I try to open myself up, i really do, but the second i do i get stiff (not penis). I freeze and draw a blank when i need to say something a normal person needs to say. Like if a girl said "Hey Kev how was your calculus class?" I'd reply stuttering 10 seconds late "good i really liked it" which is some complete BS i hate that class and the professor but i dont know how to make that into a joke or make it funny on the spot. I can do it with my buddies sometimes, but the sight of an attractive girl who smells beautiful who i feel is judging me just makes me socially retarded.

Things need to change for me, i need to los my UC San Diego virginity. I'm starting to itch for it, but im way too scared to take the plunge. Should i join a club. What are some good ice breakers? How should one perceive women so that they dont seem so "big and scary" anymore. And when a girl makes advances like that, what do you say? Do you say anything at all or do you just start taking off your clothes? And what about body acne? I dont have any acne on my face anymore but if your having sex and she is feeling on your back what are you suppose to do with all the bumps on your back? Leave my shirt on?

Thanks

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About working out, i'm naturally very skinny. So if i ever lifted weight i would end up looking like that freak John Bastow, have like a skinny neck and skinny frame with huge unatural looking muscles. Ya working out would be great in that it would kill time and motivate me to do something about myself all the while looking better. Im thinkin about doing 100 pushups a day, 200 situps a day, and run for 20 minutes a day. What do you guys think?

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Tell her she's beautiful, girls always want to hear that.  And I think you'd be surprised at how many guys in college have acne on their back, I doubt the girl will have a problem with it.

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wow those pics with the skinny to bad ass are pretty inspiring. Do you have any good work out plans to start off with? Or better yet what are some good websites to get a good understanding on how to build? Honestly, all i want is maybe a body like bruce lee, not as cut and defined as him of course, but you know, not big and bulky like some weight lifters.

ya i guess im going a little overkill with the bacne, i do see a lot of other guys with it.

well i gotta go study for midterms, thank you all for your encouragement, i am definately looking towards this week with new hopes and ideas.

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Guest Amy Lee
Who's with me?!!!??

P.S Any girls who are interested in a shy, quiet, no confidence, no personality, can't start a conversation guy, i'm the man of your dreams, let me know if you'd be interested in a acquintance of some sort!

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