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Guider

Momma... just killed a man

Pulled my trigger now he's dead

This is from my journal, and I'm too lazy and mad to edit it, so bear with me

Yay, it's 21:37 now and I just spent the last....30 minutes arguing with my mum. She came home and asked me if the landlord person had been, and I told her she had. Then she said like, "I am getting rid of the internet, you're not having it" Then she proceeded to take the broadband modem and go to her room

I followed her and we stood there screaming at each other for 30 minutes... Her telling me how I've fucked up my life, how I'm going nowhere, how I'm still letting Jill fuck up my life, how I'm stupid, how I spend 24 hours on the internet and I'm inconsiderate, and I don't care about anybody and nobody matters to me, and the internet is my lifeline, and I don't let her in or speak to her, and how I'm running up the bills

And me telling her that Mark is ruining her fucking life, and she had a kid when she was fucking 15 for god sake, and nobody in our family is as intelligent or great as me and nobody had done anything like what I have, and everybody at my age had done something incredbily stupid.

I told her that I won't let her into my life because she hasn't been a part of my life for 14 years, and we never speak, and we've never been able to and we probably never will. and that she will never be a part of my life.

I know I hurt her, because she gave up at the end, and I will regret it later, but at the moment I just wantt o fucking stab myself and her because I'm sooo fucking angry. Can you see how fabulous my typing is, even though I'm angry and suicidal? God I'm good... And I can be witty to.. Not many people can say that

And apparently in two weeks we will have no internet... And soon we will have nowhere to live... Isn't that great?

The contract with the internet supplier ends in two weeks, and if I want the internet I will have to get a job and buy it myself, and pay some of the electric and pay some of the phone bill. how many 16 year olds that haven't even finished school yet, have to pay for everything themselves and do everything themselves?

My mum has been GREAT lately, for the past few weeks. And today she has been a complete and utte rbitch

I was happy yesterday, surprisingly. My mum was being nice, we had a nice meal, I beat her at pool and we chatted. I didn't look like complete utter shit like I do today.

I broke out today, I fucked up my sleeping pattern, my mum is being a bitch, my dad and sisters have wanted me to go around for weeks, I fucked up by GCSE's and I have no job and no girlfriend

Woo, how depressing is that journal entry?

Anyway... I've lived with my dad for about 9 years, and I've never been close to my mum, or any of my family, and I've never spoken to my mum about anything.

*sigh* I feel like shit right now, and I'm trying my best not to wreck the house and hit everything. What am I supposed to do?

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Guest OnlyJoe

the interent is a terrible thing anyway... why wont it let me sleep? why?

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thats bad man, I hope some goodluck comes your way.

good writing by the way

Polka

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Guest Zitro

I'm deeply sorry for all that has happened to you. I'm sure you are a nice man and show the friendliness, wit, and compassion outside of this site too, you don't deserve all that.

Hope everything turns down alright in the future.

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Guest Keeley

cry.gif sorry to hear mate. u have my details if you ever need to talk!

joe- damn the internet... I need to sleep! lol!

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Guest OnlyJoe

Keeley where did you get that post count from all of a sudden shock.gif

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Guest Keeley

eusa_hand.gif ashley....

joe eusa_pray.gif please dont ban me eusa_angel.gif

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Guest OnlyJoe

for the billionth time i cant ban people smile.gif

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Guest Keeley

I know... only Dan and Joel can! cool.gif But I really wanted to use eusa_pray.gif smilie! lol

lol.gif

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i'm sorry things are rough right now guider. cry.gif

if you ever need to talk or anything...

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I'm so sorry...my mum and I went through a rough patch when I was 15 too...blame it on exams? Hormones? At that point, I don't think I cared. And right now I'm feeling ****ing pissed for no good reason. I just wanna beat up on something - kinda like belong to a fight club all of my own. But yeah, kudos to you if you can get through this. And if you want to talk, PM me.

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Oh Hon!

First off *HUGS*

I'm sorry, I don't have any solutions for you though sad.gif If you have to do it on your own, I'm sure you'll be able - you're far too smart no to. I moved out when I was 15 - It was rough, but I survived. You know how to get a hold of me eusa_angel.gif

extra *HUGS*

L

XXOO

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Guest Shjaker

Aw Ash cry.gif

Im sorry, BUT at least I can say I can relate. Some days me and my mom are just peachy, and others we stop talking to each other and it can go on for days.

Cheer up smile.gif And my mom has threatened to take away the internet so many times my head is spinning! Spinning, Ash, spinning!!!! Talk her out of it! tongue.gif

And Im sure that comment about Jill was a hard blow. You should tell her nicely not to punch in your personal life like that. It's none of her business between you and Jill.

Happy Hanukkah! biggrin.gif

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*HUGS*.......wait a mintue we're men, what am i doing......

Seriously Guider, the way you wrote, i really felt for your situation, i cant honestly say i know how you feel. Well actually my mom and i get into fights EVERY WEEK, i torture her with terrible comments on stuff shes done in the past and we literally cuss each other out (she doesnt know this but i really hate her sometimes because i feel she past me this acne shit) and we leave the room and dont speak for a good day, and she is left crying. But it always comes back together and we are nice again. She is currently seeing counselling because of me and my suicide threats.

In your situation, things are a bit different, and i really am sorry things are going that way for you. I honestly dont know what to say but i am very sure things will get better. You know sometimes i wish i became more independent earlier in life, i feel so spoiled at times and i am SO emmbarrassed about it. It looks like you have a chance to be a man very early in your life, something i admire. Im here for support Guider.

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