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will205

Do you know anyone with scars?

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I know this guy who has scarring all over his face and mild acne as well. I do stuff with him occassionally like go to the movies. I don't know why i do stuff with him i don't like him that much. Maybe i feel his pain and understand what he goes through. Maybe i feel sorry for him and by spending time with him i am being a better person. I feel more self conscious being around him and he wears tracksuit pants and other daggy clothes and sometimes his hair is messy and sticks up. It's like he doesn't care how he looks in public. I hear what he went through as a teenager and the docs not treating his acne right and it sickens me. Now he has unfortunately paid the price for this neglect. He had horrible cystic acne which used to bleed and the docs put him on minimyocin and no topicals. He uses clindamycin now but the damage has been done and his face remains a constant reddish pale color. I see all his scars under the lights and then i think of mine. I told him to visit this forum, but i don't think he comes here. He might even read this post and know that it is him that i am talking about. I really hope not for both our sakes.

Does anyone else hang out with people who have scars.

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I don't know Will, if you don't like hanging out with him, why bother? It's not about the skin thing, but it sounds like being with him brings you down. The people we surround ourselves with are a reflection of who we are at the moment...meaning how we perceive ourselves. I don't believe in befriending someone out of pity. If you want to help someone out, that's one thing. But friendship should be based on really good things like trust, commonality, fun, humour, respect etc. I think when your self esteem raises you may find yourself in company that suits you better, yes?

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Well said LAET :evil: I totally agree.

None of my friends have acne or scarring - in fact, most of my friends I would class as above-average looks, a couple of them could be models. What keeps us together though are shared interests and mutual understanding - I talk openly to them about my scarring, they often ask me how my treatments are going. It's kind of interesting - I have scarring, but even though they don't have any physical problems, I know that they have been through other emotional turmoil in their lives.

Acne scarring is NOT the only problem in the world - in fact, I am extremely grateful that all I have is acne scarring.

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hmm maya sometimes I question that you are a moderator. Some of the most compassionate people on this forum you seem to censure (Ben). Then I see some people clearly screaming out for help and you ignore them. ARE you a moderator or not?

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Yes, my aunt and my uncle on my mother's side both have acne scarring. It doesn't seem to bother either of them, but I've not discussed it with them as I know what a touchy subject it can be. I mean, I wouldn't want someone coming up to me and asking me how I felt about having scars on my face.

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Woa Jacob,

I have to speak up in Maya's defense. (not that she needs anyone to speak on her behalf) I don't think your comment was very accurate. Maya really does a great job of moderating, sharing information, obtaining info on all different aspects of scarring. I don't think any one person can hit the mark each time with advice. Well maybe Ann Landers or something, but they get paid to, and they have lots of time to seek answers. Will didn't strike me as screaming out for help. I think he was doing more of a personal inventory and seeking affirmation for his feelings. As for Ben, I didn't understand your comment about compassion. Ben has made some of the most offensive comments ever on this forum; especially in the lounge. Well that's my 2 cents (give or take) worth.

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so if this scarred guy wants to be friends with u..ur gonna tell him to fuck off??? what are u trying to say

we know he has a low self esteem

doesnt mean he can make u have a low self esteem

and some of these guys have good personalitsys

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You have every right to your opinion, of course but I also feel that Maya does an excellent job as moderator. People can't be perfect of course, but I am sure that Maya is doing the best she can. If you go back and read her many posts I think you might realize that.

I don't really want to say anything negative about Ben cause that wouldn't be cool.

In any case, attacking people here might not be a great idea.

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ben was one of the few people to take time to respond to my post..maybe some of you dont like the manner in which he responds..but he has a big heart.

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That's true Jacob. I guess I was speaking in general.

Thank you for pointing that out to me Tamara. It wasn't right of me to say something negative about Ben. Sometimes I need a kick in the pants too. I apologize for my comment Ben.

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I didn't mean to offend anyone so i am sorry if i did.

Just want to add something to what Maya said. I would never talk about acne scarring to people with clear skin. They just wouldn't understand and they have no right to know about something so personal. Besides my scarring is not bad enough and they would think i was crazy. Secondly i heard you say once that you laugh to clients or friends about your scarring. I think you are belittling your self and making light of something that has caused you so much pain is just downright hypocritical. You might not say acne scars have caused you pain, but i know they do. Why else would you be here and i have read many of your posts.

I just wanted to get that of my chest. I don't mean to offend but i think making your self the butt of jokes or talking about your scarring as though it is the latest fashion is just wrong in my eyes.

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Jacob4foot7 - Thanks for your vote of confidence.

I had to censure some of Ben's posts quite simply because they were offensive. I don't think Ben himself is offensive but I do think that he often types without forethought and it has caused some upset on this board.

You say that I am ignoring people who are screaming out for help - really? Do you think I am meant to answer every post? I have helped where I can, and where I can't, will leave it for other posters to answer. You would be surprised at how many Private messages I receive daily, I am inundated with them but I answer them all anyway.

Let me tell you what my role of moderator entails:

1. To delete offensive posts (and in this, I have used my own judgement and not deleted most of the offensive posts but edited them instead)

2. To move non-relevant posts to a suitable board

These were the instructions given to me by Dan who owns this site. I did not contact Dan and beg to be moderator. He asked me because he saw that I posted regularly.

I am just an ordinary poster with some knowledge of a few scar treatment methods (mainly skin needling and acid peels) I am here to get my scars treated just like you and everyone else here. A moderator is not meant to be here as an adviser.

What are your expectations of a moderator? I feel you believe that I am meant to be more than I am! I do this with no financial or other gain to myself except to keep this forum a little tidy and to help other posters if I can. When I give an opinion - it is just that - my opinion. I am in no way perfect, just a human being, with scarring and a little active acne. In fact, moderating this board takes up quite a lot of my spare time - I am a single mum with 2 kids and I work 4 days a week.

LAET and Oursfan- I appreciate your comments. Thank you. I do the best I can but appreciate that I am not always right.

Will205 - I talk to my friends with clear skin about acne scarring because I know they genuinely care about me. I meet all my friends at a personal level because that's what makes us friends. If I didn't talk about it, then our friendships would feel superficial to me .... and they DO understand - you don't have to have had the same problem to empathise with others. Yes, it's personal but it's no more embarrasing to talk about than someone with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) or rape trauma.

Maybe you and me just come from a different place - I find humour a great release - I joke about it all because it makes me feel better. Would you prefer for me to start a thread called "Maya is suicidal and has no life because of her scarring"? Do you want me to feel bad just because you do? That's not fair - When I think of my scarring, I find it more of an irritaion than some psycholgical ordeal that is stopping me living my life the way I want to. I am also deeply spiritual in my outlook on life and believe that my scarring has made me a better person because I never judge people by their looks now. I was very superficial when I was younger and this has taught me a great life lesson. I have learnt that lesson now and want to get rid of the scarring becasue it no longer teaches me anything.

I work as a complementary therapist/holistic counsellor dealing with emotional issues - and I am used to hearing all sorts of horror stories - abuse issues, stress, anxiety, depression, cancer victims etc.. some of the issues my clients have far exceed my own personal stuff. Maybe it's because I am in daily contact with people who are in some way worse off than me that I can make light of my own problems.

I am not going to apologise for who I am and the way I think. Everyone has a right to their opinion on this board as long as it's not offensive.

You didn't offend me and I hope I have not offended you - but I hope you now understand my perspective a little better.

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part of the reason i feel so nasty is that almost none of my friends have acne scars, no one in my family has acne scars, in fact... outta everyone i know in the whole damn world, only like 4 suffers from acne and only like 1 others have scars, and none of them are even as bad as mines....

i mean yeah of course i see guys with scars and acne every now and the on the streets... but in terms of everyone i know and talk to, they all got clear skin. dang

sigh

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scartissue, I can relate...In fact, I dont' know one person with facial scars...The only time I see people with conditions like mine is when i go to the dermatologist. However the flipside to all this is that my scars have made me such a better person. Although it can be hard to accept, everything does happen for a reason.

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