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Acnescargone

Late onset adult acne - scarring - suicidal.

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Hey Everyone, 

 

So I’ve posted about my constipation related acne and the resulting acne scarring previously. 
 

unfortunately, things, ie my emotional well-being, have taken a turn for the worse since then and I figured posting on here - with people suffering with similar struggles may help/ be therapeutic. 
 

To summarize my story, I basically went through most of my life -  up to the age of 26 - with only the occasional whitehead that I was quite successfully managing with topical non-prescription Benzoyl Peroxide. 
 

Around the age of 27, I started seeing these large bumps on my face that I continued to try remedying using Benzoyl Peroxide. Mind you, these would only pop-up occasionally and nothing, atleast to myself, seemed alarming. I would also go through long periods where’d I’d literally have no breakout(s) at all. 
 

At around 31 years of age, I again started seeing these large breakouts/ bumps on my face - this time multiple at once - and eventually figured out these were cysts. I regularly worked-out (weight training) and thus consumed Whey Protein on a regular basis (twice daily) for close to a decade. Trying the process of food elimination, and through research, I moved on to a hydrolyzed form of Whey Protein that seemed to bring my acne back in control. 
 

Multiple months went by, and I would continue to have the occasional cystic acne breakout. I did not think much of it, and figured it may be due to the more intense workouts I was doing at gym. 
 

I was seemingly doing everything the way I should’ve been except wear sunscreen (I live in a humid city in Africa and it wouldn’t take long for it to get greasy as soon as I was out walking under the harsh sun - which was everyday for 30-40 minutes at minimum). I had a balanced diet, drank lots of water, avoided refined sugars, played team sports once a week etc... 

Over the year, even when I did not have a single breakout of my face, my skin just didn’t seem right. It felt overly sensitive to the sun and inflamed (literally red). I could tell something wasn’t right but couldn’t tell what it quite was. And so, for the first time in my life, at 32, I visited a dermatologist. This was sometime in August of 2017, she assessed my skin using a computer, and said all looked fine and in-fact even complimented my skin. Around the start of November, I started seeing multiple - nothing like I’d ever gotten previously - cysts spread-out all over my forehead. Alarmed, I revisited the Derm and on this occasion she recommended a light chemical peel to help with the acne and clear out my pores. As I presumed, this only made things worse and by the start of December 2017 I was back in her office desperately seeking a quick solution for the 2 cysts I now had on either side of my face.  
 

I was insistent, and she seemed to reluctantly agree to giving me a steroid shot. Though she initially claimed she had run out of 10mg Triamcinolone and only had 40mg (for other issues). She then mentioned she had just recalled that she had some left over from a previous procedure (and murmured Botox). Both these shots left my cysts looking more pigmented and bruised than what I initially came in with and took month and months to clear. They also left deep indents and as I later on discovered - scarring. 
 

I thereafter travelled to the US on a business trip and my acne only got worse and worse. About a couple of weeks later, I developed piles/ hemorrhoids, and that’s when it finally struck me. I had for months been passing pallet stool. Believe it or not, being young, I never paid any attention to my bowel movements and assumed constipation meant not being able to “go”’at all. So as long as I was “going” even with it being pallet stool - I never thought much of it. I quickly saw a correlation between my constipation and unexplained acne. I started diligently eating more and more fruits and vegetables along with water but nothing seemed to helped. Out of sorts, I resorted to seeing a gastroenterologist, here in Africa, and he prescribed psyllium husks. My system completely cleared out almost instantly, and not since then I haven’t had cystic acne - not a single one. 
 

I am now left with unfortunate scarring. Though my scarring is quite superficial - almost every single cyst I ever got result in a scar (some took me years to even notice). I have gotten the following done, granted not from scar specialists - 

 

4 seatings of RF Infini (Dubai) 

2 subscision procedures (Africa) 

2   Hyaluronic Acid 

1 E- Matrix 

6 months of Tretinoin 

 

Though, admittedly, I have seen improvement. It’s not been significant. I would categorize my scarring as superficial and moderate on one of the areas where I was injected by the Derm.

 

It’s been 1 year since my last treatment and now emotional state has now gotten worse than where I started off. 
 

I gradually stopped socializing, playing sports, attending weddings etc..and 3 years on, for the last couple of months, have been struggling to even get out of bed.  I haven’t left the house in 2 weeks and have now started therapy. 
 

I have this deep sense of regret about not having done enough and the poor advise I was given by my dermatologist over multiple sessions. She never once warned me about the likelihood of scarring.  
 

I also must mention that I would self-prescribed antibiotics for constant sore-throat. They would keep recurring and I would struggle to shake them off with natural remedies for days and days. I think this was likely the cause of my constipation though I only did this twice a year at most and would always finish the entire course. 
 

Having never really struggled with mental issues growing up, I saw this struggle as a weakness and I was shy to admit to my struggles. I only recently had a mental breakdown and came clean to my finally. Though they had noticed some of these personality changes - they mentioned that they had linked these changes to my migraines (I suspect the constipation had caused these too). 
 

That said, I now find myself in a complete state of hopefulness and worse than where I actually started off. 
 

I just can’t seem to come to terms with these scars? I was and am willing to do anything I possibly can. What now? What next? I am seriously considering suicide. 
 

I am generally a level headed and matured person but at 35, this struggle seems embarrassing and almost childish. 
 

My apologies for the elaborate post but few truly understand my struggle. 
 

 

 
 

 

 


 

 

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