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Skin looks radically different in different lighting

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In sommer 2017, I started to develop moderate/severe acne in my face - it slowly impacted my life more and more, as the days went by. I contacted a dermatologist and was put on accutane. My acne was not really cyst or nodular, but rather just persistent regular teenage-acne, I'd say it was a 7/10, overall. Fortunately, the accutane cleared my acne and I'm still clear to this day.

Tadadadam, BUT - the acne/pimples in itself, wasn't really all that, it was primarily the dark hyperpigmentation, red marks and overall discolouration I got, that made me sad. As a habit I started to check my skin constantly, in different mirrors, with different lighting.. It made me so confused, and still does, because my skin can look drastically worse/better depending on the lighting. 


The only few people that I actually talk to, regarding my anxiety/hate/frustration/etc. towards my skin, tells me that my skin looks great. And it's not the typical ''Your dont have acne anymore, so it's fine''. I genuinely force them to look up close at my skin, and point out what they see, and they still say my skin is nice, smooth, and even. The only thing they pick out, is the stuff I've picked at within 48 hours (which I dont really care about). 

What confuses me is; Obviously I get happy when they tell me this, but it just contradicts pure logic, that I can go out in the bathroom and look in the mirror, and see tons of flaws and discolouration, on my face. I know that certain lighting and mirrors can impact your looks, but I feel like this is too drastic. I can go from thinking that my skin is almost flawless, to thinking I have 20-30 dark marks and red marks on my cheeks, and alongside that a huge pile of anxiety, negativity and discomfort turns up. My skin has more or less completely taken over and my mood is now 100% controlled by the current opinion I have of my skin. Worth to note; My skin typically looks way better on camera, then in the mirrors. 

I really only look at my skin in two mirrors; the one at home and the one at my workplace. Both these mirrors/rooms are lit up with yellowish lighting and the lighting is placed just above the mirror in both rooms. What's really weird is that if I look up close (so close that when I breathe it fogs the mirror), my skin actually looks really good, even and I can hardly see any flaws, but when I take a step back and look at my skin from a regular distance, it all of a sudden becomes much more uneven, dark and red marks starts to appear radically more obvious and my general skin tone just looks awful. 

I was thinking that this could have something to do with the placement of the light source. When the light source is placed right above the mirror, and my head/skin is paralleled placed to it, it gives a more even lighting and experience of my skin, when I'm standing up close to the mirror. 


I've added a few pics to give you a visual idea of the matter.

1st photo is from december 2017, when I started accutane and my skin was at it's worst state.

2nd, 3rd and 4th photo is recent photos, taken in natural light, where my skin looks nice and evenly toned. 

5th picture is taken in my bathroom at home, where it just looks completely different and way more discoloured, scarred, etc. 


Can someone help me out with some sort of technical explanation to this? I'm a very logical person, so it's hard for me to look at my skin IN NORMAL DISTANCE, see a bunch of flaws and then go out of the room and think ''those are not obvious, those are not there. Nobody can see them'' - as this is what I've been told by others. I've never received a comment on my skin in the last year or so, and everyone I ask about it, tells me my skin looks great. Ughhh the confusion. 







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