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Feeling sucidal, no hope, stuck, trapped

I dont know what to do with the scars on my face. I been hiding at home. People around me wouldn't understand so i don't bother explaining to them too. No point trying to explain to them, they will just try to give you a third person point of view advice like, its nothing or that they also have some scars. Then they would point to me their scars. Like hello, theirs is 1-2 small scars. So it shows that even with only a few scars they already mind it so much, what about people like me with more scars.

I know there are treaments for scars out there. The problem is i couldn't touch any of those. I blame it on accutane and the doctor who prescribe it to me and myself too. Whatever aha, exfoliators, peels, lasers, anything that can improve scars  will give me more new scars. Its been more than 6 months since i took the last dose of accutane. But the dumb me without knowing, took some green supplements high in vit a. Now even mild exfoliators also give me new scars. i don't even know will my skin be back to normal to where it doesn't scar easily anymore. Does anyone know?

I hate accutane and the doctor who prescribe it to me. Before accutane, my skin are just few pimples, not acne type. Why did he even prescribe it to me, because thats just his protocol. i don't trust doctors now. All they know is theory from books and from other patients who have the same symptoms. If you have certain symptoms that most patients don't have, they think you are talking nonsense. From what i have read in this forum on people who took this drug and their side effects, and none of the doctors believe their side effects. Its our own body own face, we know ourselves better. Screwed doctors, all they care is money, they don't bother with your health. They only give drugs to suppress the symptoms not the cure to the root of problems.

I so wish i can turn back time, i wouldn't touch accutane at all. Then i wouldn't have all these scars. Now i don't even know if my skin can be back to its normal state . From what i have read about people who took accutane, no one have the same problem as me. Everyone skin seem normal, except thin skin, pain or symptoms in the body. No one has this scarring problem like me. I have a few other symptoms too,like sun allergy, sinus allergies, more hair growth in body. I didn't know they are cause by accutane it at first, until i read theres acuutane takers who have these symptoms too. Thats why i hate accutane so much!


Anyway im so stress, been crying alot, feeling suicidal. Additional to the problem is people around me don't understand and add more stress to me, and going through all these alone. No help in the internet no matter how i search for my this weird condition of scarring. 

I even search in the internet on methods to die. But even dying is as difficult as healing my scars. I know people will find it stupid to die because of scars on face. Until i read some of the posts here, then i realise im not the only one to feel suicidal because of scars/acne on face. Because we are humans, and looks is so important nowadays in this society. So its stressful when we have to face people with scars on our face. I know some people say that, people doesn't care about the scars on your face. Of course they don't care, cause its not on their face. But somehow they will judge you on your appearance without saying it. Its a human nature. Only people who gone through the same problems can understand. Acne and scarring is so underrated in the society when they are ones that could make people depressed, isolated themselves or feeling suicidal. Because its common or wont cause death, people see it as nothing. Before i have scars or acne, i see people with them as nothing too. Until i had them...

I really miss the times where i can just step out of my house confidently, without having to cover up anything on my face. I so wish i can turn back time, if not just let me die. The thing is i don't even have the courage to die. To be honest, i find people who dare to commit suicide are brave. I didn't dare to commit suicide though, thats why i feel so trapped in this life. Im envious of people who have scars and can still treat them, i couldn't. I don't know how to go on with my life until the scars on my face are gone, or at least improvised.

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I am so sorry you are feeling like this. I hope you find hope somehow. We have all been wishing and hoping to just be  "normal " again. If you need to stay inside, stay inside. Find support online or on the phone. Reach out to your family, you might be surprised at the support you get.

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I hear you, it's really hard sometimes.  Please call 1-800-273-8255 to talk with professionals about your feelings of suicide.  I have called them, it helps!  You need to get help right away if you are feeling suicidal.  Please call now!!

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