Yes I know I'm a complete idiot. Basically, I had severe cystic acne as an anorexic teen...went on my first course of Accutane at the end of 17 and it cleared up my acne pretty fast and nicely. As soon as I got off it I was getting mild acne so my dermatologist put me on another course... I did the course and my skin cleared up again. 3 months after stopping mild acne came back...dealt with that for a few months..got appendicitis where I eat pretty much nothing for 2 weeks...my acne looked as good as it did on Accutane at this time and that's when I realized that diet could be related to acne and I was ecstatically excited... for 2 YEARS I was dairy/gluten/wheat free and my acne was very very mild at worst ( A lot of you wouldn't even consider it acne ).

Then I got stupid and greedy and because I'm into bodybuilding I was interested in a "Safer" alternative drug to steroids called SARMS (LGD4033 to be specific) which were like a series of drugs designed for chemo patients to retain muscle whilst undergoing treatment...the only side effect from the very few studies there was and thousands of anecdotal evidence online and from friends was testosterone suppression while you're on them and then your testosterone levels return to normal after you come off them! A normal cycle is like 3 months and I did 2 weeks and had to come off because for the first time in 2 years I was having painful angry spots IMMEDIATELY the day I started the drugs...but because I'm stupid I still did 2 weeks of the stuff hoping it'd go away. Not only did it bring my acne back but my hair has thinned SOOOO much where it just feels like straw in my hand and lacks any sort of volume and grip it had before. I never once changed my clear skin diet at any point. NOTE: I did panic towards the very end of the 2 weeks and took 10mg of AccutaneI had lying around for 2 days (I doubt this had any effect)

3 months now since I threw the shit away and I'm still breaking out and my hair is still thin af. I haven't been to the gym consistently in months because I hate people I know seeing my shit skin. The irony, right? I need help. I've lost all motivation to do anything. I'm really not hesitant to go back on Accutane because I know it affects my hair and what's the F-ing point when it'll just come back when I'm off it? I hate regressing. I was in a really good place where I was happy but I got greedy and took things for granted.

I have a doctor's appointment to get my bloods checked on Mondayand I don't even know what to ask him to check for....testosterone? I definitely don't have low testosterone because my libido is perfectly fine. So frustrated and my life feels dark like it did when I was 17 with no friends sitting in my room covered in acne. FML.