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GrayEagle

Thinking about quitting life because of scars and pain but I cannot be so selfish

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This is my final phase when I can not go any further. I decided to write how the fucking scars destroyed my whole life and I don't know how to fix it. I have a perfect boyfriend, he really loves me and I told him about my thoughts - he is my last shining star in this world but I can't bother him every day with this stuff.
I do not know how to sum it up in the beginning, I've had my health under puberty. Diets, obesity, anorexia - all these impact me. Until then, I had the smoothest most delicate skin. I didn't have to wash my face for three days, going under the tents for a week without makeup - I had hardly ever used face-cream. Then came university and my acne rolled across my face. Three years of pain, crying, ugliness and hiding my face under my hair have affected me in mentally a lot. Now acne is gone, but the scars left.
All day my face burning. I've had red deep scars on my cheeks that still hurts, some brown spots and few pimples. My day starts by waking up and start thinking when I  to wondering if I have a new scar or if my old scars have are larger or more redness. After the courage to look into the mirror (without turning the light on), I will decide whether I will be strong enough to do my hobbies or work or text my friends or If I rather kill myself and turn off my social apps, phone, and wish that everyone will forget me.
I was wondering how life would be beautiful if I could enjoy
all nights with my boyfriend, taken him to some cities in Europe and stay there for a weekend without calculating when and what of the cream or makeup I need. Enjoy events with friends (most of them I've lost already) or don't be afraid of going to the bathroom where the mirrors are, take my family to the sea or some beautiful trips, play tennis, go skiing, go swimming.

I have hard work in sense of thinking, and I  instead of paying attention I'm thinking about my reflection with the wholes on my cheeks and rednesses on the computer, phone, spoons...

I have tried laser, acid fills, needle sticking, advice from youtube channels, I've tried all expensive cosmetics that exist and promise a miracle, I have 4 dermatologists and everyone saying me something else. All this process ruined my skin totally. Especially the peroxide that have helped me with cystic acne but caused my skin thinner and super sensitive forever. New blood test-result indicate that I have very low estrogen and MAYBE that information could help doctors and my “burning face” will go away but scars not - I know

I used to be so beautiful, sexy, so good, helped everyone, ...I have changed - I am mean, angry and wish that everyone with perfect skin will die - I am a monster. I am so exhausted by the whole day thinking about my skin and creating embarrassing excuses so I don't have to go out.

I live only for my sibling and the parents and I want to secure them in the future. But where I find the power to still continue all next days. I know what a silly problem - everyone has problems, someone doesn't have the leg, someone doesn't have a family - I know, shame on me but don't blame me. I've just needed to figure out how to get used to it - probably.

Is there anyone who was fighting with similar and has some advice on how to continue and stay like a winner?

Thanks little fighter

Edited by GrayEagle

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You're not alone.

just know it. That's why this website is a blessing.


I'm 24, acne scars deeply disfigured me for life . It ruined everything : I isolated myself from all my friends, I dropped college in my 5th year because I couldn't deal with all the other students (with perfect skins for almost every single one of them). Indeed , I couldn't relate with anybody being extraverted, happy...

Because the more I'm surrounded with happy people the more I wanted to kill myself. (I still hate being stuck with people who want me to do stuff I can't do anymore, like going to chase girls in nightclubs)

What's sad is that I used to be handsome , but instead I accepted the idea of being single for my whole life.

But, there is positivity in this sadness :

It drove me to decide to never work in a regular job and to decide to earn money with more creative ideas.

That's why I'm learning programming, because there are many ways to earn money with it.

So, it prevented me from chosing a regular job, which I would have done if I didn't have my problem. This path would probably have made me miserable, like it's the case for lots (if not most) of people with perfect skins, working as employees.


So, my advice would be : try to use your pain to see the things it gave you.

Your life changed, but there may be positivity in this change, even though there is a lot of pain
 

Edited by mickidepaname

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Hello, little fighter
thank you so much for your answer.
I know, its really sucks when we're young and totally depressed by life and quotes "you should enjoy all party, events, traveling, holidays, fuck-whatever".
I've been the programmer too but still, I had have to work in the office - and my colleagues still creating some teambuilding and I hadn't known what to say. I have a new job but still, have to go to the office but it is a little much better.

I really try our advice. I am also talented in music instruments or painting but I can't find any inspiration and motivation why I have to paint my pain, angry - nobody cares. I don't have any "muse":( 

When you see TV and lots of good-looking people who achieve their dreams and tell the shits like "Everything is possible If you want". With my people around I've become a perfect liar - in a second I can create super excuse why I can't go out then I start thinking that they don't like me and gossiping me and that makes me angry and paranoic.

I love talking about life stuff and overthinking with my boyfriend but he has a terrible light in bathroom - always when I am washing my face and look into the mirror the only thought is "I had to get drunk and die"

I know, we probably just keep going with all pain and thoughts. Thanks for your post - it really helps.

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On 10/31/2018 at 2:24 PM, GrayEagle said:

Hello, little fighter
thank you so much for your answer.
I know, its really sucks when we're young and totally depressed by life and quotes "you should enjoy all party, events, traveling, holidays, fuck-whatever".
I've been the programmer too but still, I had have to work in the office - and my colleagues still creating some teambuilding and I hadn't known what to say. I have a new job but still, have to go to the office but it is a little much better.

I really try our advice. I am also talented in music instruments or painting but I can't find any inspiration and motivation why I have to paint my pain, angry - nobody cares. I don't have any "muse":( 

When you see TV and lots of good-looking people who achieve their dreams and tell the shits like "Everything is possible If you want". With my people around I've become a perfect liar - in a second I can create super excuse why I can't go out then I start thinking that they don't like me and gossiping me and that makes me angry and paranoic.

I love talking about life stuff and overthinking with my boyfriend but he has a terrible light in bathroom - always when I am washing my face and look into the mirror the only thought is "I had to get drunk and die"

I know, we probably just keep going with all pain and thoughts. Thanks for your post - it really helps.


Hey, 

Thanks for your answer.

I know , when people talk about "self made success", " just believe in yourself..." , I mostly don't care when it comes from people looking like models.
Most of them don't even know their own limits, and they don't realize they would never be able to go on TV, or engaging in all their social activities, if they had a single breakout.

Anyway, I know it's really hard to motivate yourself to do things when you're depressed...

But let me tell you something I thought about, that that relieved me :

First, I want to precise that hat I'm gonna say  only applies to my own skin. Indeed, I don't really know the state of your own skin.
But it doesn't matter.
I think that it applies, more or less, to every acne scars sufferers (Even if the severity of the acne or scarring has an impact)


Ok, what I want to say is :

Many diseases are recognized in society. 

For example, if you get one of your leg cut in an accident, your family, friends, colleagues and everybody else, will recognize the fact that you're disabled.

Same if you get seriously disfigured by a car accident.

Like I said, society will recognize you suffered something, disabling you.

Governments will help those people, and family and friends would consider you're disabled. It means you would receive lots of empathy from them.

But the problem is :

I realized that adult acne, and acne scarring are not recognized as a disease and as a disability.

When a man/girl suffers with serious acne and/or acne scarring, people around this man/woman will treat him/her exactly as if he didn't suffer at all :

-They'll expect this person to behave and to live his/her life as if he/she didn't have any skin problems.
It's like it doesn't exist.

My family said to me "Don't think about that. Just go out and live your life."

Everytime I talk about this, people answer "It's just acne"

The problem of this is : because of this I constantly compared with people with perfect skins, and felt guilty for not being enough.

Yes, those people  were very social, happy, motivated, good looking... And me I was constantly depressed because I wasn't that way.



But you know what relieved me :

The truth is that I understood everything was a lie :

MY ACNE SCARRING DISFIGURED ME. Half of my face is seriously scarred.

So, deslite what those people tried to tell me, I'm not a regular person :

I was victim of a terrible disease.


It's a good starting point to start to accept your skin :

Your skin is what it is. Don't compare with people with perfect skin.
You don't live the same life as them. So don't be harsh on yourself. Don't blame yourself for not feeling like them.

Most of them couldn't take it.


What I mean is : Now I defined myself (not my spiritual self, my physical appearance) as a disfigured man. (Which all severe acne and acne scarring are,  according to society standards)
It means that I don't have to compare with anybody. It means I don't feel no pressure anymore to try to be like them.


So, you're perfect the way you are, don't compare with others. 

Most people you compare to would be dramatically different if they suffered what you suffer from.


So, try to create your life your own way.





 










  Edited by mickidepaname

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Sorry for the mistakes, it's due to my phone corrector going crazy 

Edited by mickidepaname

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Thank you so much!
(I don't see any mistakes because I am not en-national speaker ^^ )

You give me a new point of view - I mean in life - you have totally right! It is terrible and it is a disease.
I don't know anybody who has this kind of problem and my friend don't understand why I won't go out or drink with them. I don't know how is our skin condition is but I could feel your pain in the text.

I agree, my family told me many times "I don't see your problem, it really burns?" or "Eat everything and don't use so much product and you will be fine." FINE? Fine will it be if the scars disappear during the night and I will be capable at least go the to swimming pool or two-days trip.

How I will stop feeling guilty or blaming myself for lying to my friends or keep telling them that I don't have time?
(Of course, where I am going out I am happy and drinks lots of alcohol but the next day I get anxiety about everything and feel that my face is getting worse), actually, I love two friends (others toxic friends want me only as drink partner or using me for lent money) but I have anxiety, depression and overthinking about the whole world and I have the feeling that everybody hates me and they know I am laying and after this thoughts I feel guilty and at the end of whole thinking process feel angry - all I want that everybody don't call me anymore. And this is happening every day. It would definitely help me be more selfish and don't think about others.

I agree and started to not compare so much to others. I'm really happy and glad that you are helping others and exists in this world:)

Is something (hobby, doing regularly, books) except medication, pills, cream and dermatologists that you've found helpful?

Thank you ^^!

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I just want to say I can totally relate to you 100%. I started getting acne at either 12 or 13 , I can't remember. I dropped out of school because people called me mean names. I dropped out in 7th grade. I missed out on prom and so much social interaction because of it. I was homeschooled and cried all the time over my face. Fast forward to 2011 one of my friends told me to get my face fixed. It hurt so fucking bad. I started scar treatments right after she said that and I regret it so bad. The treatments and harsh chemicals made my face so much worse. :( I come on here to vent to people that can relate to me , because most people I know can't. My scars bug me so bad, I cry all of the time. It's not fair the suffering that we go through. Yes, it truly is a disease and it also causes a disease of the mind as well. I'm 27 now, but I have spent the last 15 in emotional pain from my acne and scars. My acne has pretty much calmed down, but I'm left with severe scarring as a result. I didn't deserve this . No one does. I see murderers with better skin than mine. I see 60 year olds with better skin than mine. I will say this , my skin has made me very suicidal. It has caused me depression , isolation and I have missed out on so many things in my life. Let me tell you this though, if you have a man that loves you for you and accepts you for your skin , your life is good. Things could always be worse I promise. I have been with my husband for 11 years and he just recently started cheating on me. I thought things were bad before they are 100% worse now. I probably will end up taking my life over this , but I'm not saying you should. There are other reasons to be happy, like how you have a supportive boyfriend who I assume doesn't cheat on you. Don't take him for granted. I now realize my skin is a little problem compared to how hurt I am over him cheating on me. I will say this though, my scars keep me from having the courage to move on from him. I'm so afraid I will be rejected by other men as I have been in the past. I have been called ugly by some of my husbands friends and his brother. They said it behind my back and he freaking told me, I was so sad over it. I never did anything wrong to them and I never thought they were ugly or called them ugly. I've had people say really mean things to me over my face. I've came to this website trying to find a man with acne scars to date me and I have had no hope. Even though you're suffering , please don't throw your life away over your scars. Your life is valuable. You're a miracle. It's not your fault you have scars or acne. There's so much you will miss out on if you go . Trust me , I think about it everyday. I know how much I'm going to miss out on and it fucking hurts. I don't desreve this and neither do you. I was afraid to go around my own family beause of my scars , I missed out on time with my mom and she shot herself in the head last january. Now there's go going back to make up for lost time. I regret not spending time with her. Spend time with your family and friends, don't let acne and scars stop you like it did me , because one day they will be gone and you will regret it just like I did. It's a cruel , but beautiful world we live in. My husband is at work right now with a female he's cheating on me with ,. Trust me when I say things could be worse.Things might not get better for you exactly ,but I promise I know I've already said it like three times , things could could be so much worse. I'm glad I've found some people on here I can relate to . I consider you guys on the org my friends. We're friends on a deeper level and have a more meanigful understanding of eachother. If you choose to live over death, I promise you will have happy moments even if they're only for a second , that make you happy to be alive and happy to be here. Sometimes , actually a lot of times , I wish there was something after this life. I wish I was promised a perfect face , a husband who wouldn't cheat , the list goes on and on. My life was perfect before I got acne and scars.Still to this day I think stress from school caused mine. I'm sorry I'm just venting on your post now. Please keep your head up and don't hurt yourself. It would hurt a lot of people if you left , including me. If you kill yourself, you're basically telling others with acne scars they should kill themselves too . :( I know you don't know me in person , but I'm sure you wouldn't want me killing myself over my scars. I hope I have helped you in some way. Message me if you need to talk , I get on here a lot.

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21 hours ago, GrayEagle said:

Thank you so much!
(I don't see any mistakes because I am not en-national speaker ^^ )

You give me a new point of view - I mean in life - you have totally right! It is terrible and it is a disease.
I don't know anybody who has this kind of problem and my friend don't understand why I won't go out or drink with them. I don't know how is our skin condition is but I could feel your pain in the text.

I agree, my family told me many times "I don't see your problem, it really burns?" or "Eat everything and don't use so much product and you will be fine." FINE? Fine will it be if the scars disappear during the night and I will be capable at least go the to swimming pool or two-days trip.

How I will stop feeling guilty or blaming myself for lying to my friends or keep telling them that I don't have time?
(Of course, where I am going out I am happy and drinks lots of alcohol but the next day I get anxiety about everything and feel that my face is getting worse), actually, I love two friends (others toxic friends want me only as drink partner or using me for lent money) but I have anxiety, depression and overthinking about the whole world and I have the feeling that everybody hates me and they know I am laying and after this thoughts I feel guilty and at the end of whole thinking process feel angry - all I want that everybody don't call me anymore. And this is happening every day. It would definitely help me be more selfish and don't think about others.

I agree and started to not compare so much to others. I'm really happy and glad that you are helping others and exists in this world:)

Is something (hobby, doing regularly, books) except medication, pills, cream and dermatologists that you've found helpful?

Thank you ^^!



I heard a lyric of a French singer the other day, that makes me think a lot.
The song is a letter of the life lessons, and advices he would give to his child if he had one.

He notably says "If you got the feeling nobody understands you, it's because it's true, nobody understand you. How could you blame them? Even you don't fully understand yourself"

That's why I don't mind about people's opinions.


Anyway.
TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION : 
Honnestly, the thing that I could say help me the most is to avoid people that drain your energy.

Sometimes, those people are not even bad people. Those are just people that are in a completely different state of mind than you.

It's people with who, for different reasons, you feel "not enough".

Run away from those people.

It may even be family members.
Some people (like I said, without even wanting it) make you feel like crap.

While now I enjoy calms, empathetic persons, I feel comfortable with.

 
18 hours ago, floridagirl1991 said:

I just want to say I can totally relate to you 100%. I started getting acne at either 12 or 13 , I can't remember. I dropped out of school because people called me mean names. I dropped out in 7th grade. I missed out on prom and so much social interaction because of it. I was homeschooled and cried all the time over my face. Fast forward to 2011 one of my friends told me to get my face fixed. It hurt so fucking bad. I started scar treatments right after she said that and I regret it so bad. The treatments and harsh chemicals made my face so much worse. :( I come on here to vent to people that can relate to me , because most people I know can't. My scars bug me so bad, I cry all of the time. It's not fair the suffering that we go through. Yes, it truly is a disease and it also causes a disease of the mind as well. I'm 27 now, but I have spent the last 15 in emotional pain from my acne and scars. My acne has pretty much calmed down, but I'm left with severe scarring as a result. I didn't deserve this . No one does. I see murderers with better skin than mine. I see 60 year olds with better skin than mine. I will say this , my skin has made me very suicidal. It has caused me depression , isolation and I have missed out on so many things in my life. Let me tell you this though, if you have a man that loves you for you and accepts you for your skin , your life is good. Things could always be worse I promise. I have been with my husband for 11 years and he just recently started cheating on me. I thought things were bad before they are 100% worse now. I probably will end up taking my life over this , but I'm not saying you should. There are other reasons to be happy, like how you have a supportive boyfriend who I assume doesn't cheat on you. Don't take him for granted. I now realize my skin is a little problem compared to how hurt I am over him cheating on me. I will say this though, my scars keep me from having the courage to move on from him. I'm so afraid I will be rejected by other men as I have been in the past. I have been called ugly by some of my husbands friends and his brother. They said it behind my back and he freaking told me, I was so sad over it. I never did anything wrong to them and I never thought they were ugly or called them ugly. I've had people say really mean things to me over my face. I've came to this website trying to find a man with acne scars to date me and I have had no hope. Even though you're suffering , please don't throw your life away over your scars. Your life is valuable. You're a miracle. It's not your fault you have scars or acne. There's so much you will miss out on if you go . Trust me , I think about it everyday. I know how much I'm going to miss out on and it fucking hurts. I don't desreve this and neither do you. I was afraid to go around my own family beause of my scars , I missed out on time with my mom and she shot herself in the head last january. Now there's go going back to make up for lost time. I regret not spending time with her. Spend time with your family and friends, don't let acne and scars stop you like it did me , because one day they will be gone and you will regret it just like I did. It's a cruel , but beautiful world we live in. My husband is at work right now with a female he's cheating on me with ,. Trust me when I say things could be worse.Things might not get better for you exactly ,but I promise I know I've already said it like three times , things could could be so much worse. I'm glad I've found some people on here I can relate to . I consider you guys on the org my friends. We're friends on a deeper level and have a more meanigful understanding of eachother. If you choose to live over death, I promise you will have happy moments even if they're only for a second , that make you happy to be alive and happy to be here. Sometimes , actually a lot of times , I wish there was something after this life. I wish I was promised a perfect face , a husband who wouldn't cheat , the list goes on and on. My life was perfect before I got acne and scars.Still to this day I think stress from school caused mine. I'm sorry I'm just venting on your post now. Please keep your head up and don't hurt yourself. It would hurt a lot of people if you left , including me. If you kill yourself, you're basically telling others with acne scars they should kill themselves too . :( I know you don't know me in person , but I'm sure you wouldn't want me killing myself over my scars. I hope I have helped you in some way. Message me if you need to talk , I get on here a lot.


I'm very sad another person had to live through what you/we live.

I hope you'll eliminate any negative persons in your life. If those dudes made bad comments about your skin, don't worry, you know it's not your fault.

I won't lie, knowing life is not eternal helps me a lot. That's why instead of killing yourself, understand life is just a game, because it is so short, that nothing really matters.

Will you stay in this earth for ever? No you don't, actually it ends up so fast. 

So don't take life too seriously, nothing is that important. Your body is temporary, your skin is temporary. Edited by mickidepaname

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To floridagirl1991
I'm sorry what your husband did to you. There is no excuse for this. I think you deserve also love and be happy - at least three hour per day. You should think differently about yourself - so far you've been so strong that you continue to live till today and I'm very happy that you could write to me your pain, your feelings, your opinions. Believe me, he is the only guy who gets me on the date after 5 years - so don't hurry, you can find someone or something that makes you feel more comfortable about thoughts. I don't think you should be around this kind of people - its must hurts. However, as mickidepaname said: So don't take life too seriously, nothing is that important. Your body is temporary, your skin is temporary that does to me more sense than pleased everyone. If somebody loves you - then he will take your life-conditions even if you have to wear a mask or bag inside your house. 
I damage my health by anorexia, bulimia, lots of depression pills, I'm feeling that my body is dying - all my part of the body have something wrong (dandruff on the head, stretch marks) and that is why I get angry and don't want to see anyone and be happy at my home with my mirrors and my routine. I was strong enough to stop being bulimic or stop hurting myself and get very well paid job....but I'm not strong enough to see my reflections for now. But nothing has ruined my health as overthinking, trying to please everyone and being harsh on myself.

To mickidepaname

Quote

It's people with who, for different reasons, you feel "not enough".

Run away from those people.

It may even be family members.
Some people (like I said, without even wanting it) make you feel like crap.

While now I enjoy calms, empathetic persons, I feel comfortable with.

 
Hm, that is absolutely true - I just need to run away from those kinds of people. It is hard to live with my family because I'm not smiling and I am not being supported, look always angry and don't speak and that is not what my family deserve. Last party I must run home because my super friend - cute girl came and she has totally awesome skin like peach and super cute eyes - it is strange that human is strong enough to fight for love or "play hardball", be strong enough to live with insomnia, arrhythmia but not strong enough to look at some girl that drinks all the time, smokes everything, eats junky foods and she is sexy as fuck in her face - it is maybe quite funny:D I'm really like reading your "strong" posts and don't feel so bad that I'm can't live dreamy life. Edited by GrayEagle

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I'm sorry you all have gone through all of those things. I'm 38 and though I guess I have my moments I'm no longer "generally there" as I heard someone say recently. She said the thought of suicide was always there on some level... Just like writer Stephen King who said he has always been "quasi-suicidal".

Maybe life on Earth is one stage and after that comes the next...and after that the next..until ultimately we all find peace. You can't really escape certain realities through death I think.

Edited by Lapis lazuli

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I totally understand how you feel because that is exactly how I feel recently..

I have been suffering from severe acne scars for almost all my life and it is influencing my life so fking negatively. Trust me, my scars are severe as fk.. I think this extreme stress caused me to develop some kind of psychosis.. I get so freaking obsessed on my skins that, for past 2 years, I have been taking at least 20 pictures of my face every fking day.. literally every day.. I have over 10,000 pictures of my acne scars.. not even joking LOL !

Today, while I was driving I saw my face in the mirror, and it was so frustrating and depressing that it made me cry... like.. wtf.. I think I have depression too.. 

I try to stay positive but it is just damn so hard to be positive.. I have been trying so freaking hard for my skin for past 2 years, but my skin got worse and worse..  its like the more I try to make it better, the worse it gets.. it feels like I fking wasted 2 years.. literally.. all these time and money I put on it.. it just means nothing..

It is so freaking funny that I am still suffering from acne at age of 27.. lol.. what is this? why am I like this? 

However, I am currently on low dose accutane (planning to take it for 1-2 years) and I am planning to treat my severe scars when my active acne is under control. It will be freaking long journey, at least 1 year, this is going to be my last attempt of trying to fix my scars.. I am going to spend a whole year of  2019 on treating my scars, staying home alone, going to work with bruises and full of scrabs on my face, not socializing at all.. 

I don't think I can move on to next page of my life with this scars on my face.. I just cant.. 

But.. I realized.. there will always be someone beside you supporting you whether your face is full of scars or not.. your bf in your case. One of my best friends mother has been diagnosed "bone cancer" just today. Thinking about how hard and sad it could be for my friend, I thought of myself as a fking loser..

As of today, I will try to be positive or at least try not to lose the hope, I hope you do this too. 

 

Edited by Gimozzi

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Hay Eagle, 

Acne scar is not a true scar at all,  but rather post-inflammatory hyperpigmentation  (google)
So briefly, this happens in your intestines, because of inflammation inside your body. Acne scars are just symptoms. For this reason no laser therapy or anything external can't help for long term health. 


I see that you had bad experience with dermatologists and I feel you. I am not one, but I've helped myself and 9 people to stop acne breakouts and get a clear skin naturally. 

I had a patient similar to you and we managed to get her results she had dreamed of. 

I don't want to teach you here as why medications made your situation worse, and why nothing that you have done haven't helped you for a long term. 

Let's have a quick chat in messages, I have some things I'd love to share with you that will help your skin drastically. 

Heres John who also had acne scars and Debbie who had scars and dark depression. (both of my clients) swell I have review/testimonial videos with them but I am not allowed to send you away from this website by rules :/


5be5826ac12e9_JohnBA.thumb.png.b9e7c73bbbc4c32c5acc257293282140.png
5be5826f14995_DebbieBA.png.8eb15c2ab9a987f0f2ca0e0b7a02c594.png

And here's Vadym who also had acne scars, but with the right system and the right lifestyle, we got these results within 6 months! Just in case - I am not suggesting my clients to change pillow sheets or next "magical" skin cream...

5be582cb9a9d2_VadymBA.png.4fda0d88a5103898b668757603de1d75.png

Looking forward to see if I can help You, too! 

  Edited by retsroberts

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I have been suffering from severe acne scars for almost all my life and it is influencing my life so fking negatively. Trust me, my scars are severe as fk.. I think this extreme stress caused me to develop some kind of psychosis.. I get so freaking obsessed on my skins that, for past 2 years, I have been taking at least 20 pictures of my face every fking day.. literally every day.. I have over 10,000 pictures of my acne scars.. not even joking LOL

!I can totally agree with you - I'm obsessed too. I'm afraid of wind that it will bring me a new scar.I was thinking that I will just live like a zombie and the then die. However, my boyfriend does technically everything to see me, so if I tell him my face burns and I will stay at home, he says that is ok and he will come and brings me everything that I want and he is absolutely happy with that. So please, don't stop believing that some miracle/interest/happy things in your life can happen. My miracle to all kind of pimples, acne, active acne, cystic acne is duac-gel: little layer at night - nothing else ever helped me more - but there is a risk for using this product for a long time. But I used to popping pimples and that is why I have scars, redness, thin skin, wholes, etc. now. Totally agree, sometimes we must be stronger for those who really care about us. For e.g. I have to be strong enough to not show my weaknesses to my sister and make her happy. If you feel comfortable at home stay at home - for now, I regularly turn off my phone and social app for a weekend because I realized that real friends don't ask you out only for drinking on Friday night and they should at least ask you how are you in the week. All we want is quite nice skin without holes pimples scars and hurting comments from people. However,  hurt self the most by our thoughts is the worst. We are not alone even we are from a different "world" :)
Maybe we keep continue together and waiting for new medicaments and treatments.

Thank you so much all of you for the posts:). It is pity that I don't know anybody who can tell me "YES the laser, filler really help with my scar and with red marks" :( 


 

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