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Laakry

Destroyed self esteem SEVERE acne scars

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Hello everyone. This is the first time I joined and the first time im posting this on this forum.

I am 29 years old Asian female with severe acne scars. And sadly...these are actually significantly better then they used to be however it's still horrific. The camera doesn't even show the full extent of it because I have severe hyperpigmentation black red purple marks right on them as well...I've also developed wrinkles on top of this as the acne bacteria destroyed my collagen completely and ate it's way through...so the cells were not able to repair...

I know there is nothing I can do as I have active acne still I am most likely going to have to go back on the second course of accutane ...and unfortunately this means I cannot do laser or even use a derma roller while on it to fix this fucking shit.
I have had severe chronic acne since I was 13 years old and have tried literally everything. Unfortunately it is deeply genetics for me as members of my family have had severe cystic acne to the point where many of their faces are permanently disfigured from it...one of which is my uncle who has had a worse case then mine. Despite drinking several litres of water and even on a vegan diet and a strict skin care regimen acne never ever stopped. Now I'm left with these hideous soul destroying scars that I cannot get rid of no matter what I do...

I've never seen anyone my age and an Asian female with scars like this in my life and it looks especially atrocious in dark and dim lighting.

Due to this I've not even been able to look at people I subconsciously avoid their gaze and I turn away when I even have an admirer because I feel disgusting with this. No matter what someone else thinks I cannot figure out how to be satisfied with these scars.

I've tried hypnosis and therapeutic coaching and watched and meditated with many sources and videos on how to rewire my brain and the closest I got was to get my deranged mind to lie to myself before reality crashes down.

I know there are worse things out there but as a young woman where beauty is socially very important this has literally and quite catastrophically changed and rotted me from the inside out. I see people with horrible habits drinking smoking and drugs who have beautiful skin while I come home and cry when I see this in the reflection every day. I have no social life because my acne is so bad I literally cannot do the things most people do I have to come home to take care of my skin and it gets worse with bad diet.

Left cheek is worse then the right but I have a deep large pitted gash one on the other side which wouldn't show here. Overall scarring like this is literally all over my face. 

Makeup does not cover this I've tried literally everything. Bio oil etc even the dermatologist told me that accutane won't get rid of these types of scars.
What I don't understand is I've seen people with worse acne then me that have NO SCARS while I am left with severe scarring more then them...how and why is that possible? I heard Asian skin is more prone to scarring...

Can anyone give me advice on what you did to get rid of these scars...or did you destroy a part of your soul to convince yourself to live with it and legitimately be happy ? To make it worse someone I legitimately loved rejected me due to the severity of the scars 

I literally can't even think straight and am in so much mental anguish from this ...I am a husk of a shell remaining just wondering and dreaming of a life where one day I can finally have beautiful skin.. I ask myself what I did to deserve this when I've always had a healthy lifestyle of excercise water and greens. I don't drink any alcohol and don't smoke...
 

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Reprogramming your mind will not work. Everyday we step outside our acne scars linger in the back of our minds. The only solution is to move to the mountains of Alaska and live in seclusion.

That, or start doing surgical procedures - @beautifulambition and others will chime in.

You may need to set aside $5000+ and wait years for collagen to form but it may be worth it. 

I am unsure of why they haven't invented a makeup that erases all acne scars. It's 2018 and we can send high-tech probes to Jupiter but we can not hide an indent on the skin.

Edited by ChildhoodDreams

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In all honesty, having acne and battling with it has just opened my eyes and made me realise not to judge people on appearance.

ofc we don't want acne or scars, but I've came to the conclusion that it shouldn't define us as people - this isn't cheesy btw!

Just accept who you are, don't let it define you but use it to shape you into someone better.

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1 hour ago, Laakry said:

I know there is nothing I can do as I have active acne still I am most likely going to have to go back on the second course of accutane ...and unfortunately this means I cannot do laser or even use a derma roller while on it to fix this fucking shit.


If you do go  on Accutane, I STRONGLY urge you to take antioxidants. Accutane is known to cause oxidative toxicity, which not only causes you to look older (premature aging) but it will wreak havoc on your health. As you may already know, there's a high correlation between poor health and poor healing. 

I assume your health isn't all that good anyway. If so, you wouldn't be so prone to acne flareups or the formation of residual scars. So it's more paramount that you take any necessary measure to boost your immune system. Start taking good antioxidants like (oh, there are so many) Green Tea Extract, which is high in Polyphenol, and also Probiotics to strengthen your gut health. If you want to go the natural route, any of the following is all good.
 

20 low-carb high polyphenol foods infographic


1 hour ago, Laakry said:
Can anyone give me advice on what you did to get rid of these scars...or did you destroy a part of your soul to convince yourself to live with it and legitimately be happy ? To make it worse someone I legitimately loved rejected me due to the severity of the scars 

I know this won't sound too reassuring, but I've seen far worse case than yours. Good thing with you is they all appear on the same plane without any jagged edges, which would otherwise have made it problematic. Of course, you'll need to get your acne under control first. But once that's behind you, I would first get subcision to break up any tethering and lift the scar beds up as much as possible. Couple that with a few syringes of dermal filler will pretty much give you a very good coverage IMO. You'll most likely need to repeat subcision. Once the pits have been elevated, then I suggest Infini or similar RF treatment. All in all, they shouldn't be too hard to treat but it can take a very long time, which can take a heavy toll on your psyche.

BTW you have a crappy phone >_<

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I am sorry you are at the end of your tether and I can completely understand.  It has only been recently that I can look in the mirror without blurring my eyes. 

Emotions aside, do you work?  I think you should start saving or get a loan (credit card balance transfer - you have 2 years to pay off the debt with no interest) and start researching the subcision professionals in your area.  If you are in Australia book in with Dr. Lim or Dr. Sinclair.  Start planning how and when you are going to carry out your procedures and you will feel like you are accomplishing something and moving forward. Motivation will get you started.

New studies suggest that it is safe to have your scars treated whilst on accutane.  Dr Lim goes into this on one of his videos.

Another helpful thing that I used to do was limit my time in front of the mirror.  I would apply makeup with a small mirror only.  They say that women should throw out those magnifying mirrors and scales anyhow, and it kind of makes sense to me if it is only going to push you into a cesspit of negativity.

With your skin - the scars aren't all over.  Going by the photos the skin on your jawline is flawless.  I would love that as my scarring is all over.

Diet never worked for me but it is good that you are looking after yourself.  Walks outside help, time with pets is another good stress relief.

On another note, if you met someone in passing with really bad teeth, you'd probably just think to yourself "gee they have very bad teeth" but you'd forget about them in record time without a second thought, that how people are - unless it concerns them they don't give 2 figs.

 

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Hi Hun,

So sorry you feel this way.  I understand what you are going through and many others on this forum do too.  Without even talking about scars, I want to let you know that the old cliche beauty comes from within is true.  Our bodies remain young and aesthetic looking for a very short time, and if you tie your happiness to how you look instead of your goals or relationships you will live a very unhappy life.  Everyone has something they are insecure about...EVERYBODY!!  I don't know if you have seen the movie Mean Girls where the popular hot girls are standing in front of the mirror and crying about how their nail beds suck and how their pores look huge but there's a lot of truth to that.  People are overweight, people have skin problems, hair loss, big nose, short height, asymmetrical faces ect.  Nobody is completely secure and most people who have clear skin don't even notice.  Both my mom and my sister have never once brought up my scars and call me delusional when I try to show them LOL and my scars are about the same as yours.  I thought they were just trying to make me feel better but when I starting talking about my scars to my roommate she did the same thing and tried to convince me that her scars were worse (I didn't even notice her temple scarring).  The point is most people probably don't notice your scarring.

I would say that you have moderate scarring.  You need to get your acne under control which could take a while, but you can do lower risk treatments like subcision concurrently.  I would say go to several dermatologists and get their opinions but unfortunately in your case it sounds genetic.  I would experiment with different cleansers, moisturizers, AHAs and BHAs and continue using Accutane.  You are very lucky that your scarring is only on your cheeks because that is the best place for improvement.  I would start with 3-6 subcisions as your scars are very tethered.   From there a deep peel like Phenol or TCA or a possibly a laser depending on your skin type.  From there you can do a filler (in your case I would recommend sculptra) and that should get you to 70+ % improvement.  At that point trust me you will hardly be able to notice your scars even when you look for them.  Personally,  I am experimenting with scapel excisions at the moment and that also may be a possibility for some of your scars, but from what I'm seeing you do not have alot of space between them.  But please don't lose hope or put your life on hold for something as stupid as acne scars.  You only have one life and to waste it worrying about pockmarks on your skin is sad.

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I am so sorry you are suffering.  It's really hard to deal with the scars acne leaves behind.  Know that you are not alone.  I really think acne scars require a dual approach -- physical treatment and emotional treatment.  You're on the right track by addressing both issues and it sound like you are doing great things for your body with exercising, drinking water, avoiding alcohol and smoking. 

Please make sure you see this thread.  @beautifulambition's post on March 18 is one of the best on this site.  I have committed to spending as much time and effort on my emotional healing as on the physical treatment of my scars. 

https://www.acne.org/messageboard/topic/372782-encouragement-for-the-scar-suffer-how-to-not-fall-for-the-beauty-before-afters-bdd-body-dysmorphic-disorder/?do=findComment&comment=3591144

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