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Fermina

Acne has ruined my life

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Ok. My story so far. I used to have normal skin. Not perfect but so bad i wont look in the mirror. About 8 months ago everything change. Right now is the worst my skin has ever been since I was 17 years old and in high school.  Acne is ruining my life. I go to med school, so i have to study, theres no option, but i’m so depressed. All i can think is how horrible look, i dont wanna go back to uni, I dont wanna get out of the house, been to several derms, none has help. A doctor diagnosed me with pcos. I also have facial hair. I feel i look like a man. I feel so disgusting. Lately all I can think about is the fatest easiest way to kill myself. I see no end to this. I’m sick of it. I dont go out anymore, no one’s gonna love looking like this. I wish i could just dissapear. I wish i didnt have to wake up in the morning. I want to die. I cant go on living like this anymore. I ask god everynight why this happened to me and why cant he just kill me in my sleep. I know a lot of people have it worse, but this is important to me. I want to die, please god just let me die

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Please don't do something stupid. You're gonna overcome this. This forum is here to help too. 
I often wished I would die too. You're not alone. 
What I really suggest for your PCOS (I was diagnosed PCOS almost 10 years ago) is taking the pill (like Yasmin) + Spironolactone. Go see a gyno and do hormonal tests. A lot of women suffer from PCOS. I know how it is painful. 
Stop all the inflamatory food, high sugar food, dairy. 
If you feel so bad you can't even live anymore, maybe take a semester break. I know some people that did it and because they had time to be able to take better care of themselves, avoid any stress factors, they overcame it and they came back to school stronger (and cured)
Think about your family and people who love you. 

Edited by Kixhikari

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Yes I did ! Honestly... I tried so many things to cure my acne. Some things did indeed help. But the only thing that really cured it was taking the pill. I first started with diane35 (I don't know if it exists in your country, I'm French) and my skin, my hair, everything was so perfect... Then because everyone said pill is not good for the health etc... I stopped the pill. My acne came back in 6 months and became worse as ever. I did treatments in order to make my acne gone without taking the pill. But the truth is that when you have hormonal imbalance so important such as PCOS, the only thing that can really work is to cure your hormones therefore to take the pill... 

Anyway, after almost 3 years of figthing acne, I started taking the pill again (Yasmin this time). Within 3 months ALL my acne was GONE. 
I started to take spironolactone 2 months ago cause since I started a new job in september, high level of stress/cortisol; lack of sleep; spikes of insuline (and that insulino resistance that I hate...) literraly f*cked up my hormones... So I started to have hair problems... I know how it feels, believe me. 

The derm said my acne will never be "cured" but as long as I take the pill acne won't show up again. 
Taking care of your gut, liver and your general health is also really important. If you're a futur doctor you surely already know that... 

I know taking the pill is controversial but for so many of us with PCOS it has been a real gift and saved our life. 

Edited by Kixhikari

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I had the implant in my arm. My skin was so good with it, but I gained a lot of weight. Then I lost it and boy my problems with my skin began. It qas break out after breakout. Right now my skin is as it worse state, its the worst thats ever been since high school. I’m scared of the pill because I know everything that can go wrong with it. Through adolescence I was anorexic. Right now It still lingers. I feel so inadequate. I cant focus, mu grades are going down. I just to quit all together sometimes. I have even consider wearing a mask to school. We do have diane but oh boy, it really scares me out. I will give everything to feel normal again. My face even hurts.

I have also read so many horrible things about. How it breaks you out more before it gets. I wish I could just get a face transplant. I want to quit life all together. Reading you really brought some hope to me. Because all I’ve heard is bad things

Edited by Fermina

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Weightloss / weightgain trigger hormonal changes... 
Diane did make me gain a few pounds. like 5 pounds. 
Getting personnal but I'm 42kg and my height is 160cm. Maybe it's in my DNA but whatever I eat I loose weight really easily and can't gain weight. My IMC is to low. My body can't produce enough estrogen or whatsoever. Homones are such a tricky subject. Anyway, a lot of doctors have asked me in the past, telling me I'm almost anorexic... 
Anyway, weight fluctuation, or not enough weight/too much weight can trigger hormonal problems and acne. 

Do you stil have the implant in your arm ? 
As I suggest you, you maye consider if it possible taking a semester break... Sometimes we have to let it go. It's better that do suicide right ? 
I took Diane for 5 years and it was the best years of my life. It's really strong so may want to try Yasmin. 
I was like you. I was so scared to take the pill again. But now, looking back, I only think "How could I have been so stupid, and suffered so much, for such a long time, because I was so afraid to try what could have cured me". 
If you're to scared to take the pill, ask your gyno/derm about spironolactone. It a diuretic but it's used in woman with PCOS to block DHT. 
To be honest, I think treatments like accutane are a lot more dangerous than the pill. 
With Yasmin you'll get likely a flair up of your acne within the 2nd cycle. Then that's all.. I have side effects with Diane, but I have been taking Yasmin for 2 years now and NO side effects AT ALL. 
Everybody is different. But Yasmin is prescribed to women with PCOS with hair/acne problems. 

To know if a treatment work, you need to have the courage to try it...
I would say that to my young self who has suffered too long for nothing. 

Edited by Kixhikari

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No. I removed my implant back in december, bu the acne problems started before. Like 1 1/2 years after I got it.

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Hormones change. What might be enough to balance them at one time of you life, doesn't necessarly mean it will always be effective. 

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Sometimes I have doubts is acne vulgaris. It spreads fast. I sleep and woke up to several pimples. One day is normal and the other is covered in tiny red papules and pustules. 

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Acne vulgaris is just a general term. Acne is inflammatory and chronic, and yes it can spread out crazy fast. That's why is important to know how to calm down your skin (by skincare) and to have an healthy way of living (non inflammatory)
As I said, acne can be triggered because of many things : food, alergies, stress, lack of sleep, even sweat... Change your pillow case everyday. After washing your face always use a new towel or even a tissue. 

During our sleep our pores open, we sweat and our head has a lot of contact with the pillow case. Even that can cause acne in already inflammed skin. 
Take care/restore your skin barrier so that it won't be affected by every bacteria that is in the air. Once your skin is stronger and can protect itself, balanced and calmed down, I assure you pimple won't appear as numerous as before. 
BUT don't forget that inflammation is triggered by what's inside your body - therefore pay attention to stress, food, hormones... 
I can't stress that enough... 

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I have also thought many a time of ending it all because of it but you will realise that there is so much more to a person that just there skin.

Also, my decline in moods and general personality was affecting others, such as my mum who cried with me. When you see things like that you say you gotta kick yourself up the ass and tell acne to GTFO of your head.

As above diet can play a part, so can stress and many other factors. What I found helped was vitamins and not stressing as much as possible. A combination of these things and some medication should clear you up (I've been put on accutane).

So remember, you mean so much more than your skin, people's looks change regardless, it's what's below the skin which is important.

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what I meant by that is that there was a time I thought. Since this started 8 months ago that maybe I had a fungal infection or something else. I even gor analysis and came back positive for demodex spp. Thank you so much. Really. I know we are just strangers in the internet but I think I just needed to get it all out.

I know looks are not really what matters, that me becoming a good doctor has nothing to do with how I look, what scares me the most is that none wil love me looking like this.

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So did you get a cream or some treatment for demodex ? I'm really interested in that. 
I do not have acne now. Sometimes a few during that time of the month. But I have "spontaneous" scarring. Meaning that scars happen on my face without acne nor reason. I have to go through auto-immune test but the waiting list is really long where I live and it's driving me crazy. I did a lot of research and heard about demodex... I have not been tested yet. But I heard they can eat the sebum and therefore give scars or so (ugh so scary to think that...) 
You're welcome. I know how much acne or skin conditions are difficult. I have eczema and many allergies too. It's a pain in the... lol
It's okay. I'm scared too. We are all scared. Even people with beautiful skin and features have their fears, even if they are the not the same fears as us. 

First, this condition won't last forever. So keep it up and it will go away. Secondly, if a person don't love you with your acne then he just doesn't deserve you. 
It would be so shallow. People are way more than just a face. 
I know it's easier to say than to do it. I have many scars on my face and scars doesn't really fade as acne does. I lack of self-confidence a lot and I'm unconfortable too... 
Time will pass by and you'll heal. That's a matter of time. Please don't pray to die. There are so much people on this planet that pray to live...
Try to do what makes you happy and see the little hapiness in everyday life. I'm trying too. 
It's okay to feel discouraged, dishearted, and emotionaly drained. 
Don't be too harsh on yourself and always remember how the people who love you would feel if you do suicide. 
 

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I was given oral ivermectine as well as topical. The thing is my skin was pretty much clear, even when the signs of pcos like facial hair and all that. People even asked me what do you put on your face. Your skin is amazing.

I remember when I think everything started. I was at the gym, took a shower and my skin was itchy and got a burning sensation, at the same time I started experiencing hot flashes that became more more recurring. The stress was so bad because my skin felt like it was on fire, I had to get naked because nothing calmed the burning sensation. Even the derm began to think it was autoinmune and got me tested.

Because this started like 8 months ago, there were times when I had my doubts it was regular acnr so I when and got a lab test. Demodex search and KOH for fungus, both came back positive.

I have read that demodex carry bacteria with them and its when they die that the acne like lessions appear because inflamation process. Sometimes i wake up reall really oily and then all the sudden  by mid day I’m dry, like really dry, and scaly. Also I never had indent scars. Never, but I started having them this time.  They also consume elastin and collagen besides sebum which could explain the scars.

.  The test actually consist of popping a  zit(they look more like red papules that sometimes have a little whitehead) and you search for the demodex, since is a normal habitant of human skin they count how many are per campus, if you had too many then is positive. My skin all feels like papersand texture, and sometimes it gets really itchy. A month ago I went back to the derm with the results, she gave a dosis of 6 mg ivermectin, then limecline for 20 days and topical ivermectin. I also read that hormonal birth control can be related with Malassezia foliculitis. In the mean time I got my hopes up a little and I’m just waiting for my period to kick in and start yasmin. Thankfully i mostly only got PH, since I mostly get papules and little pustules, sorry for my bad english. I also started taking fluconazol today because a completely different reason (been having recurrent infections)So if its a fungus on my face maybe it’ll go away.

I have the luck, well in some things is lucky, to live in Mexico and private practicioners are not *that* expensives here, thankfully I’m able to afford them.

My worst fear  is that this is not regular acne and that maybe I’m treating it wrong.

Thank you both for making me feel less alone. 

 

Thats a picture of how it looks right now. I know some people might say its not that bad, but to me is worse it has look in years.

the last one is from 5 days ago, it really spread fast.

E32F7480-5A4A-484F-9F7E-DCDECDD5D49D.jpeg

4E0A7D55-D686-47AA-B148-F14FC94670DF.jpeg

6B1DBD31-19D8-4961-8369-5E22D51FBE9E.jpeg

91DB8C88-9692-4F75-981E-859F8B983ADB.jpeg

Edited by Fermina

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Hey guys I just wanted to let you know I’ve been doing so muc better right now mentally and skin wise. I think. I hope to keep this up. I’ve been taking Reishi and using a line call Epiology. Wish actually helps me and its not drying. Maybe is too soon to tell.6154E0CB-3A0A-471E-B3E1-2435C8D84D8E.thumb.jpeg.dead721cf40740612610b7f82d115fb1.jpeg

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Thank you so much and thank you for being so supportive. Right now seems to be getting better. Also I forgot to add I've been using soolantra too. Apparently sometimes demodicosis could be mistaken for hormonal acne because the lessions appear when the mites die off (14-15 days) 

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Good to hear it’s getting better!! I know those feelings all too well I used to get so depressed with the acne on my face that it got in the way of EVERYTHING in my life. I couldn’t even think straight because of it for a long time. I’ve had bad facial acne for the past 2 years and spent a lot of money on different things trying to sort it and felt like I had tried everything. I’m 24 now and about 6 weeks ago I went to the doctor to try some antibiotics before I went to a dermatologist. I was prescribed doxycycline to take 2 tablets a day. I started using it with a benzoyl peroxide cream using just a little bit in the morning and little bit at night. About 3-4 weeks I really started to see improvements I completely stopped getting pustules and was only getting small pimples on the surface. Within 5-6 weeks of treatment I have absolutely no pimples at all I cannot even recognise myself in the mirror. I honestly thought it was hopeless and that there was nothing I could do to stop them but here I am. If you haven’t already I really recommend trying those antibiotics with benzoyl peroxide and make sure your consistent and don’t forget to take the tablets each day everyday your meant to! Towards the last 2 weeks I started taking maca powder capsules too which is a natural hormone balancer so I will have to wait and see if they help keep them away but I highly recommend doxycycline with benzoyl peroxide I know it’s hard but you just have to be patient for the first few weeks and stick with it! I really hope this helps someone it’s important not to give up there is solutions!! Good luck Fermina don’t give up!! 

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