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wandererxo

Dating.. Breaking up? Going on Accutane for the first time..

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I start accurate in 2 days. I've had acne since I was 12 years old, but it only got severe during my first year of high school... I'm graduating from a university this year (I'm 21). These last few years have been the worst of my life. I've had a lot going on, but I'm sure the emotional distress aggravated it, making it worse over the years. I have active acne and severe scarring on every part of my face and back. I don't wear any sleeveless tops. I only wear long sleeve shirts because my back is practically cheetah printed acne. It looks like more of a disease then something your average teenager gets. I've traveled to a country in Africa to visit family for the first time and they all thoroughly examine my face and talk about my acne. I show them pictures on my phone and they say I look nothing like them and laugh. My boyfriend suggested I go on Accutane. He has been talking about how I should take medicine for it since we met (7 months ago). I was really against Accutane when we first met, but he would put it in my ear every time I complained about a breakout and I eventually convinced myself it was good for me. He can tell I'm insecure about my skin so I don't know if he wanted me to take it for myself or his benefit, even though I think he just doesn't want a girlfriend with cystic acne. I was telling him this morning about how I started to break out again and his first response is "ew". Also, I was required to take uncomfortably close head shots in my journalism class outside today. The girl who took them for me has an iPhone X... never realized how bad my skin looked until we took those and the professor shows them to the class. Today was just a whole mess.. I'm contemplating breaking up with my boyfriend, but I just got comfortable being around him without makeup, which is something I could never do with anyone else. I feel like I won't find anyone that will be okay with my skin. I'm really afraid to go on Accutane. The purge is something I'm dreading and on top of all that, I already feel depressed because of my skin.. I don't know what'll really make me feel better without clear skin and assurance right now. I'm just a mess.

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