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(sorry but had to type quickly, I still have to face the world as everyone else does)

today, this morning, marked my death in the bloody hands of acne. This morning i turned my face over my pillow, I smelled and tasted the iron of blood.The blood that was encursted in my fingernails and spewing from the claw marks on my face. Funny thing is, is that these slashes, I can't feel them. This blood of mine, I can't see it, but I can smell and taste it. I can feel with my finger tips over these gashes, but i don't believe their mine. The lithium i take, is working i suppose. My good psychiatrist knows everything. She can cure all of my ailments. but she can't fix the polarity that has become the bleak of life and recurring horror of what I dream. Please am I all alone? I scream but no one answers.

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(sorry but had to type quickly, I still have to face the world as everyone else does)

today, this morning, marked my death in the bloody hands of acne. This morning i turned my face over my pillow, I smelled and tasted the iron of blood.The blood that was encursted in my fingernails and spewing from the claw marks on my face. Funny thing is, is that these slashes, I can't feel them. This blood of mine, I can't see it, but I can smell and taste it. I can feel with my finger tips over these gashes, but i don't believe their mine. The lithium i take, is working i suppose. My good psychiatrist knows everything. She can cure all of my ailments. but she can't fix the polarity that has become the bleak of life and recurring horror of what I dream. Please am I all alone? I scream but no one answers.

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wow ur a fuckin retard stop cutting ur acne up with knives thats not gonna help it. at least send me the acne that you cut up so i can eat it

bye

love,

paul

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.......... I don't have acne. Im sorry i guess I wasn't exactly articulate. And nor would I mutilate and eat myself. At the time I was writing it, I don't know, I guess I..... I don't know. What I am though, is a victim of acne dysmorphia, or at least that what my phsyciatrist lables me. she'll never understand, she never understands. When I took accutane about a year ago, the mirror and others say it worked perfectly. No reason to lament, no reason to feel this way. I still do though, what I dream is more real and cold than anything I've ever witnessed. Sometimes it's so black.... so somber. Sometimes I dream things of joy. but it's still there, in the back of my head, falling through my bed because its just so heavy. then I wake. And today it happened that I did this to myself. I don't know why.......... but that's not what kills me. what is, is that I can't feel it any longer. I'm so scared.

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it wouldn't matter now, it seems like it's always there. maybe even if it did, i would feel better. nothing is making sense right now.

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Guest brokencocoon
wow ur a fuckin retard stop cutting ur acne up with knives thats not gonna help it. at least send me the acne that you cut up so i can eat it

bye

love,

paul

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we dont know because he won't tell us.

hey man. i dont really know how it is that its affecting you so much, but i guess i could say that i kinda feel for you. when i had severe acne...i'd think about it a lot, but i almost didnt obsess over at much as i do now. does that make sense??? after tane, every little zit that i got freaked me out, becuase it was only a few. then i feared it would come back and got even more paranoid. finally im starting to not care anymore. i'm beginning to realize how little it really matters. i still get pretty paranoid though sometimes...like its still there. that shit scares me.

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look man, get yourself a girl friend maybe that will cheer you up and get your mind of acne.

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hey i can kinda relate with u on that......im pretty paranoid about my body and specially about my acne. i have a really bad picking problem because i always just will see things or acne thats not really even that bad, but in my mind its ten times worse and i just have to get rid of it. and i know my acne is not that bad anymore, but to me i still look at myself and just feel disgusting, and i feel like i am just covered in acne and that no one will ever think im beautiful. i am also that way with kinda the rest of my body too, and it sucks......im very critical about myself and am kind of a perfectionist, so its like nothin ever satisfies me when it comes to myself because ill always imagine that something else is there and i have to change it or get rid of it or something.

i heard about acne dysmorphia after i heard about BDD-Body Dysmorphic Disorder, i think u should read up on that......it will explain a lot of stuff to u. but i think its a good thing ur talking to ur pyschiatrist about all this and she actually knows about acne dysmorphia and stuff like that, cuz mine has diagnosed me with like a million different things.....cuz hes just an idiot, and has no clue what im really goin through, and doesn't take the time to understand.

but i completely understand where ur coming from, so if u ever need to talk, ill listen! and so will everyone else here.....

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man that is heavy stuff. And your name lestat, I picke up on that. I hope you are feeling better dude. anyone to talk to? you can always come here

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Guest OnlyJoe

theres an article on Acne dysmorphia, it sounds horrible.

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