Hello, this is my first post on this forum but I've been a lurker for a long time. I hope my english is understandable as it's not my native language QwQ

I am a soon to be (yeay!) 19 years old male and struggle with mild to medium acne since puberty hit around ~7th/8th grade.
While it started i had no concerns as everyone in my close field of friends hat pimples etc. aswell, but it faded. Mine did not ...
You know the drill when you just get frustrated and kinda hate yourself (like asking youself 'why me..??' etc.)...Yeah, same happened to me. I then took the opportunity to see a dermatologist who prescribed me BP to put on over night. It burned like hell but i took it for 2 years with some results, but i broke out relatively often ...
Beginning 2017 i was confronted with lots of stress (A-levels, GF...) and my acne started turning into a nightmare as it made me pick (i cant stop :(( ) and killed whats left of my self esteem and made me develop social enxiety (is it called like this?)
Anyways, i couldnt handle it and went to another derm who took a skin test and told me that my skin was basically dry as a desert as result of not moisturizing even tho i did with a creme of my former derm together with the BP....
Acne made me consider quitting my job multiple times, consider even worse things at its "peak" and i just cant handle it getting worse...
Isotretinoin might be a life saver for me, and my derm always told me that stop picking might be the way to go, but i just cant...
I'm sorry for this rant / cry for help, but the question remains : Should I wait or try the easier way?
Reading the logs etc. made it look nasty for a short time with benefits in the long term, but i remain hesitant because stuff like the IB would make me life horible for what i know. But if, i would start a log aswell just to keep a reminder for myself that its worth and to give people hope like it does with me...

I'm curious what you think or wheter you felt the same...
Thanks for reading anyways, and I hope you had a great New Years