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Fred99

Will i ever be happy?

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Hey everyone 
Fred here^_^,am from Zambia,Africa and its my first time posting anything here. I just want to share my acne story.  So i started having acne at 15 but then it wasnt serious, i could live with it, but it got really worse at age 16 when i was in my final year of high school. Right before it got worse i had my first serious relationship, it was my first time liking someone that much. But unfortunately after my acne got worse, the relationship didn't work out (i couldn't blame her). My acne made me really sad through the rest of my last year in high school, because i never pictured myself completing high school in that way. I got teased about it by my friends and teachers. I will never forget the comment one of my teachers made, "Why would you want to bleach your skin, you are already light and now look you burned your face" and the whole class laughed. Fast foward, after completing high school i moved to a different place to live with my sister were nobody knew me atleast. And that time my sister took me to a local physician who then prescribed Clindamycin gel and the capsules. It was a miracle!!  I was normal again, it cleared all my acne within 2-3 weeks. But that happiness was short lived, as i then suffered from another skin condition. My face had light patches all around( like burns), and i had that for 2 months but luckily i was cured from that. My face was then clear for about a year, but now am 18 and my acne is worse than it has ever been. I hate myself right now....Its so sad that just 2 months ago i was normal but now i cant even step outside without people starring at me like am a freak or something.  I have panic attacks everytime i think of going outside. Am extremely depressed! My self esteem is as low as it can get. Every night i sit down in the bathroom just crying looking at the pesticide, contemplating my suicide. Am tired of living this type of life, am tired!! I just want it all to to end.. Ive been put on different medications, Doxycycline, Azithromycin, Erithromycin, Adacin(Adaplane & Clindamycin)  gel, tretinion, Zincvit, magnavit, Deriva gel, mupirocin etc.  Ive been seeing my dermatologist for two months now with no improvement. Am currently on benzoyl peroxide 5% with shea butter as a moisturizer ,Erithromycin and magnavit. I dont know if the Bp is working, cause mostly it has just burned my skin badly, but my acne is still there. And the sad part is, am starting university in 2 weeks time, and just the thought of being around people with perfect skin, is making me sick. Lately i just sit back and accept the fact that i'll never be loved, i will always be looked at as a freak and i will die all alone. Ive always wanted to study medicine but right now i dont even know if my life will reach that far, cause the more university approaches the stronger my suicidal thoughts. I just need a drop of hope

Thanks for reading. 

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Same as my story except i just passed the sophomore year of my university. After new year i have to go to university and this depresses me. 
But contrary to what you said you will meet people with worser acne than you in university. 
And i have seen them enjoying their lives where i just keep thinking about my face and how i might be the most ugly person here. 
 

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5 hours ago, Depressedwithmyface said:

Same as my story except i just passed the sophomore year of my univerity. After new year i have to go to university and this depresses me. 
But contrary to what you said you will meet people with worser acne than you in university. 
And i have seen them enjoying their lives where i just keep thinking about my face and how i might be the most ugly person here.

Am glad you passed your sophomore year despite having acne. And you are right there might be people with worser acne but that still doesn't numb the pain. I always wanted to enjoy that university life but its clear i wont have that privilege. Anyway i wish you all the best with your studies and i hope one day all this will just be a story of the past. 
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