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Scars - can't accept them, can't fix them

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I've had acne/scars for many years now and I've tried next to everything and it didn't work. I won't go into details of the procedures here. 

Everyone around me has normal skin and I am forced to walk around like this, with these severe scars that I can't ever be fine with. I can't be happy with scars, and I cannot erase them. I've had them for 6 years now, so it's not like I will get used to them in time. I just wish I had the life of the people around me, I can't even imagine anymore what's it like to be free and not have to constantly worry about scars. I feel like an alien in a way, like no advice I hear or can find online even applies to me at all. I can't relate to the experiences of normal people, like I'm subhuman or something. It's all very isolating. I obviously can't talk to anyone about any of this, not even my therapist who I'm seeing to try and treat my depression but it clearly isn't working out for me. I wish I died before I got acne scars, I see no point in this torture.

Anyway, I guess my question is - those of you who have severe scarring - do you have any advice? Are you able to lead a normal life?

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Get into anime and gaming. Those are the only things that keep me from offing myself. Friends you meet online cant judge you from apperence if they never see you. Trust me i know its hard. I look like a straight up meth addict and am constantly harassed and laughed at because of it. 

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On 2018-02-25 at 4:23 PM, Leperednome2 said:

Get into anime and gaming. Those are the only things that keep me from offing myself. Friends you meet online cant judge you from apperence if they never see you. Trust me i know its hard. I look like a straight up meth addict and am constantly harassed and laughed at because of it. 

That was the  worst advice I could imagine.
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Just live your fuking life!! Do whatever you want, chase whatever dream you have! I know it is nearly impossible to go outside and do things without being judged, but you gotta put yourself in the public spaces. Think of it as a  training, the training you must experience in your life so that you can truly be a psychologically strong person!! Read books about emotion adjustment to learn how to control emotion without being influenced by others!!!!  Smile to people you meet! Don't be afraid of fighting back when some assholes insult you on your skin! !  Remember, nobody is important but yourself, nobody's words are important but your own feelings!!! YOU, yourself is the center of your life, NOT OTHERS!!  

 

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I am thru the exact same thing. It's been almost 2 years since I gathered severe scarring and began to imprison myself from the world except minimal necessary social life. I feel sympathy to 100% of your words, but I'd bet my scarring would be more severe than yours. I am trying to overcome this stuff, but whenever I go outside, some part of me blocks myself from eye contact to other people, and makes myself run away the spot whenever I feel stared by people especially in sunlight. I want to change this mindset because it seems like modern technology has a limit to treat this scarring... but it is not so easy as words...

Yes... so, I need an advice as well... but I am thinking about making a company whom we can share what we are feeling would be a good option. If we let out the painful thoughts to someone who can understand situation, then we would be relived a lot, I guess. That's why I recently joined this site.

So... my advice is this. Try to stay strong, stay positive... but when you think it is not so easy, then I can be your company on here. Message me if you need a colleague to rely on. I also need a friend to share the progress and share my story. So, I'll be here always!

Edited by ScarsWillBeHistory
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On 12/12/2017 at 2:55 PM, freshman said:


Everyone around me has normal skin and I am forced to walk around like this, with these severe scars that I can't ever be fine with. I can't be happy with scars, and I cannot erase them. I've had them for 6 years now, so it's not like I will get used to them in time. I just wish I had the life of the people around me, I can't even imagine anymore what's it like to be free and not have to constantly worry about scars. I feel like an alien in a way, like no advice I hear or can find online even applies to me at all. I can't relate to the experiences of normal people, like I'm subhuman or something. It's all very isolating.


You're not an alien my friend, you just described my life.

I feel completely fucked...the really hard thing is that it completely change the way you behave (you see yourself becoming a strange person) with others..and you know all people will do is judging you considering what they see of you (a shy, quiet, empty person) without seeing what you go through.

Man, feeling the pressure of society to date girls/men...

You really feel like you're not alive anymore...

  Edited by mickidepaname
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On 18/03/2018 at 11:40 PM, Duperele said:

There is so much more that makes a man than having a baby ass face. 
 

what about being a girl. 
Yes guys want a baby face girl, perfect in every way. 
You can be a interesting, kind person, if your face doesn't look cute, guys would likely to be not attracted to you. 
Sadly the first thing people see is our appearance/ mostly our face. 
Most of people don't see what does really matter, what's inside. They just judge by the appearences. 
Plus, they don't know and can't understand what we are going throught.  Edited by Kixhikari
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1 hour ago, Kixhikari said:
what about being a girl. 
Yes guys want a baby face girl, perfect in every way. 
You can be a interesting, kind person, if your face doesn't look cute, guys would likely to be not attracted to you. 
Sadly the first thing people see is our appearance/ mostly our face. 
Most of people don't see what does really matter, what's inside. They just judge by the appearences. 
Plus, they don't know and can't understand what we are going throught. 
that works for both way girls and guys, you'll be likely judged by your looks but the girl i love has many rolling scars but again she'd judge me by my looks she wouldn't settle a guy like her you know so she wouldn't attracted to me as you said. think otherway around like what type of a guy you like and then understand there's no doublestandarts. 
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On 28 mars 2018 at 3:00 PM, Kixhikari said:
what about being a girl. 
Yes guys want a baby face girl, perfect in every way. 
You can be a interesting, kind person, if your face doesn't look cute, guys would likely to be not attracted to you. 
Sadly the first thing people see is our appearance/ mostly our face. 
Most of people don't see what does really matter, what's inside. They just judge by the appearences. 
Plus, they don't know and can't understand what we are going throught. 
Yes i agree. 
Even though is really sad and unfair we should accept the fact that women and men get attracted by different things... 
It is much more important for a woman to be pretty than for a man. But it does indeed go in both ways, however anyone who is "depressed" about their face and complains will seem to be much worse than someone who isn't.

People who come here complaining about their acne scars ruining their lives (mostly guys) will have a very hard time finding love. Not because of their scars, but because of their whining. Trust me that being "depressed" and "sad" and "insecure" is much more unattractive than having a scar filled face.


  Edited by Duperele
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3 hours ago, Duperele said:
Yes i agree. 
Even though is really sad and unfair we should accept the fact that women and men get attracted by different things... 
It is much more important for a woman to be pretty than for a man. But it does indeed go in both ways, however anyone who is "depressed" about their face and complains will seem to be much worse than someone who isn't.

People who come here complaining about their acne scars ruining their lives (mostly guys) will have a very hard time finding love. Not because of their scars, but because of their whining. Trust me that being "depressed" and "sad" and "insecure" is much more unattractive than having a scar filled face.


 
Indeed. A positive mind is way more attractive. Edited by Kixhikari
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On 31/03/2018 at 7:22 PM, Kixhikari said:

Indeed. A positive mind is way more attractive.


I think its more a positive attitude rather than a positive "mind". Your can't really control your mind, but you can control your attitude.
 
On 31/03/2018 at 5:32 PM, Duperele said:

People who come here complaining about their acne scars ruining their lives (mostly guys) will have a very hard time finding love. Not because of their scars, but because of their whining.


That's assuming they are "whining" in real life. A lot of people use this forum to vent their frustrations anonymously. They say and admit things that they never would in a real conversation.

Its also a little sad that we seem to be living in a culture that's moving towards being open and honest about our feelings, then when someone does admit their insecurities we accuse them of "whining" and compel them to repress their feelings.
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I am a teacher and i have pretty severe acne scarring. But i always strive to keep a positive attitude, and smile and be kind to people around me. Regardless of how negative attitude people judge my skin.
Once, a student asked me in front of all the other students whether my cheek got burned. I just smiled and said they are scars from my war, they just smiled. Good people attracts good people, that's the nature of mankind. If we delve on how judgemental people judge something that's completely out of our power, we already admit defeat.

Stay strong. I've been single my whole life and i'm 30 years old. But i still believe i will find my better half. A positive attitude is the most attractive thing in life. 

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On 3 april 2018 at 8:34 PM, jwalk said:

I think its more a positive attitude rather than a positive "mind". Your can't really control your mind, but you can control your attitude.
 
That's assuming they are "whining" in real life. A lot of people use this forum to vent their frustrations anonymously. They say and admit things that they never would in a real conversation.

Its also a little sad that we seem to be living in a culture that's moving towards being open and honest about our feelings, then when someone does admit their insecurities we accuse them of "whining" and compel them to repress their feelings.
I am not talking about expressing yourself... I am talking about the mental state. If someone here's is "whining" then they must be thinking what they are whining about, therefore they get affected in real wife. Feelings that "no one will ever love me because of my scars" are just pathetic, and they only make it worse, people are not as evil as everyone thinks.

ESPECIALLY men, men do not have to be handsome, really, they just have to be so called "alpha males", be confident and decisive. And when you have scars and can't find a girlfriend, trust me, it's not the scars, i know guys with bad scars who get girls, and i am actually one myself, it is all the same, whether you are ugly or fat, it's the mental state of a man that makes him attractive . AND THAT'S SOMETHING POSITIVE BECAUSE YOU CAN ALWAYS IMPROVE YOURSELF
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21 hours ago, Duperele said:

Feelings that "no one will ever love me because of my scars" are just pathetic, and they only make it worse, people are not as evil as everyone thinks.


This statement seems contradictory to me. If "people" aren't so bad, then why do we need to hide our insecurities from them? Its usually from fear of ridicule or rejection. In my experience people, especially young people, can be unusually cruel and callous when it suits them. Case in point - you've referred to people with insecurities as being pathetic, which I would deem to be unnecessarily cruel.

When you say "feelings" do you actually mean the way you feel or the way you behave? You don't get to choose the way you feel. If you're happy, you're happy. If you're sad, you're sad. If you're insecure about something, then you're insecure about it. Your only choice is to either express that insecurity or repress it and pretend it doesn't exist. I do the latter, but that doesn't mean that I am no longer insecure. I just don't let it show.

The downside of this is that I find it exhausting as I'm effectively not allowed to relax and be myself, so I completely understand why some people need to vent their frustrations to others. It can be annoying and "unattractive", but its often necessary.
 
21 hours ago, Duperele said:

ESPECIALLY men, men do not have to be handsome, really, they just have to be so called "alpha males", be confident and decisive. And when you have scars and can't find a girlfriend, trust me, it's not the scars,


This would depend on the attitudes of the society you live in and the pool of potential partners that you have access to, although I agree that there is generally less pressure on men to have flawless skin.

 
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15 hours ago, jwalk said:

This statement seems contradictory to me. If "people" aren't so bad, then why do we need to hide our insecurities from them? Its usually from fear of ridicule or rejection. In my experience people, especially young people, can be unusually cruel and callous when it suits them. Case in point - you've referred to people with insecurities as being pathetic, which I would deem to be unnecessarily cruel.

When you say "feelings" do you actually mean the way you feel or the way you behave? You don't get to choose the way you feel. If you're happy, you're happy. If you're sad, you're sad. If you're insecure about something, then you're insecure about it. Your only choice is to either express that insecurity or repress it and pretend it doesn't exist. I do the latter, but that doesn't mean that I am no longer insecure. I just don't let it show.

The downside of this is that I find it exhausting as I'm effectively not allowed to relax and be myself, so I completely understand why some people need to vent their frustrations to others. It can be annoying and "unattractive", but its often necessary.
 
This would depend on the attitudes of the society you live in and the pool of potential partners that you have access to, although I agree that there is generally less pressure on men to have flawless skin.

 
Yes but if you are searching for a girl, and then express all your feelings about how ugly you feel with you acne scars, then she won't think as good of you in the end. And your choice is not only to express the insecurity or repress it, there is another choice which is OVERCOMING the insecurity... Being sad about it won't change a thing, you have to deal with it and accept it, how hard it might be. 

And yes, you can tell your partner about your insecurities, but that is when know your partner very well and have been with them for  a long time.

And with "feelings" i mean both, thinking like that is indeed pathetic because it is not true "that no one will ever love them because of their acne scars". 
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2 hours ago, Duperele said:

Yes but if you are searching for a girl, and then express all your feelings about how ugly you feel with you acne scars, then she won't think as good of you in the end.


I agree with this.
 
2 hours ago, Duperele said:

there is another choice which is OVERCOMING the insecurity


This isn't a choice - its an objective. You can make the choice to work towards that goal, but that does not mean you will achieve the goal or will achieve it the same way that someone else has. In the meantime you can either choose to express your true feelings or repress them. 
 
2 hours ago, Duperele said:

And with "feelings" i mean both, thinking like that is indeed pathetic because it is not true "that no one will ever love them because of their acne scars". 


You can't really mean both, they are different concepts. This is where I really disagree with you and is the reason that I pulled you up on your original comment. You seem to be under the impression that the way you feel on the inside is the same thing as the way you express yourself on the outside. This isn't true. As I said previously you do not have any control over your internal feelings, you only have control over how you express those feelings externally.

Referring to someone's internalised insecurities as "pathetic" is needlessly cruel and counter productive. The only result will be to shame the individual concerned into silence. If the goal is to ultimately overcome one's insecurities, rather than simply repress them, this cannot be achieved if one us unable or unwilling to speak about them or externalise them in some way.  

This is based on my own experiences as I was frequently discouraged from expressing my true feelings and shamed into silence by my family and peers. I'm sure they thought they were doing me a favour, but all it did was compel me to repress my feelings in an attempt to appear "normal". Repressing your emotions is a very useful skill. It might get you the girl or the job, but its unlikely to resolve the underlying problem.
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2 hours ago, jwalk said:

I agree with this.
 
This isn't a choice - its an objective. You can make the choice to work towards that goal, but that does not mean you will achieve the goal or will achieve it the same way that someone else has. In the meantime you can either choose to express your true feelings or repress them. 
 
You can't really mean both, they are different concepts. This is where I really disagree with you and is the reason that I pulled you up on your original comment. You seem to be under the impression that the way you feel on the inside is the same thing as the way you express yourself on the outside. This isn't true. As I said previously you do not have any control over your internal feelings, you only have control over how you express those feelings externally.

Referring to someone's internalised insecurities as "pathetic" is needlessly cruel and counter productive. The only result will be to shame the individual concerned into silence. If the goal is to ultimately overcome one's insecurities, rather than simply repress them, this cannot be achieved if one us unable or unwilling to speak about them or externalise them in some way.  

This is based on my own experiences as I was frequently discouraged from expressing my true feelings and shamed into silence by my family and peers. I'm sure they thought they were doing me a favour, but all it did was compel me to repress my feelings in an attempt to appear "normal". Repressing your emotions is a very useful skill. It might get you the girl or the job, but its unlikely to resolve the underlying problem.
Im not calling the person pathetic, the feelings are pathetic, because one is worrying about something that is not true, and won't be true. Thinking that no one will ever love me because i have scars is indeed PATHETIC, the person is not pathetic, but the feeling is. 

The way you feel inside is not always expressed, however it is often felt by the ones surrounding you. I doubt it's possible to be confident outside when you are insecure inside. 

And i disagree on the fact that you have to express your feelings to get rid of them. One have to realize that such things actually don't matter.
 
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39 minutes ago, Duperele said:

Im not calling the person pathetic


Not directly, but you are implying it. It may be true that such thoughts are unworthy or mistaken, but calling them pathetic seems somewhat inflammatory.

I completely agree that if you act depressed, insecure and anxious, people will probably find you unattractive. My suggestion to anyone would be to try not to act that way. We can all control how we act on the outside, but that doesn't mean we can control how we feel inside. 

I really disagree that a person's insecurities should be dismissed as "pathetic". They are perfectly natural and the only way that some people will ever resolve them is if they feel comfortable talking to others. Referring to such feelings as "pathetic" just shames people into remaining silent.
 
42 minutes ago, Duperele said:

I doubt it's possible to be confident outside when you are insecure inside.


It certainly is possible - although I admit its not a true "confidence", you can just give the impression that you are confident. I pretty good at it.

My point is that you can't just switch your insecurities on and off. We can certainly pretend we don't have any insecurities, but we still do. We may overcome them eventually, perhaps you already have, but its not as simple as you make out. You don't have direct control over how you feel, only how you behave.
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