well, no matter what I do it won't stop; no matter how careful and healthy I am the severely inflamed nodules won't cease. I guess that leaves one solution; the moment I find a foolproof way to do it, I am going to end my own life. After a short bucket list that will most likely end in failure, I WILL be taking my own life. There is NO reasoning me out of it; I didn't even ask to be brought into this world in the first place so there is NOTHING wrong with me killing myself which is the BEST and ONLY solution!!!! Please don't mention therapy which is useless, depression which is a trumped-up "disease" like ADHD, an excuse for them to shove pills down peoples' throat thus make more $$$, dieting and not being able to eat anything besides veggies which doesn't work and accutane which is a death wish anyways. Also, please don't mention that idiotic useless "crisis line" that everyone won't shut the hell up aboutwhich is too clogged up to actually be able to help most people to begin with. They don't help, nor do they even care. Nobody can help me, probably not even the top-paid dermatologists in the world so why the fuck even bother living on? It's OVER, and my life has BEEN over ever since the acne began. Suicide IS the only solution! YES IT IS AND HAS BEEN ALL ALONG!
My only "hope" left is that maybe in my next life I will finally be truly healthy and happy and won't be some sadsack piece of shit, won't have any acne whatsoever and I'll have an actual shot at being the actor I always wanted to be. This life isn't where it's at. It's over, and it's been over. Dead man walking...
Sorry none of you could help me; genetic problems are impossible I guess. If there's one thing I learned from this nightmare of a life, it's that genetics matter far more than people like to fake.
You win, acne. I never stood a chance.
Hello buddy, i feel i should reply here by saying that i can relate to much of what you have experienced. I too have been robbed from a normal life experience due to my acne and its scars. I've had to ajust my mind to adapt to my reality living with the disease.
For the mpst part i believe I've managed well enough for what I've gone through, im 24 living at home and many would call me a loser for doing so. But i say fuck them and anyone else who isn't me, i no longer care about anyone else but me and that has greatly improved my overall happiness. I think you should do the same, focus on the things that bring joy to you and pursue it. It doesn't have to be something big and in fact the little things are what make a big impact. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings and realize that some things are just out of our control of influence.
So go to the movies in imax or drink a bottle of your favorite liquor or play your favorite kind of music along with a plate of your favorite food, play that new game that just came out. Whatever to help your mental well-being i say. I know your frustrated right now, as well all get from time to time. But as cliche as this may be, i don't really see the point in killing yourself seeing as how death is all but inevitable to us all. So why rush what you know is already coming?
Look, from what i can tell your dreams of becoming an actor and hitting it big hasn't panned out as of yet and you feel it's due to your skin condition. While it may be true, the important thing is that you tried. Many people have failed pursuing their dreams, they just accept it and move on. I fell you must do the same, accept that you didn't ask for this and that it's not your fault so that you can do the final step of moving on with your life. You shouldn't continue to beat yourself down like this. Find a reason to live, look for it until it becomes clear and if you fail to find a purpose then that's ok too. No one has the answers, we simply try to find ways to muster up the will to go on. For some its not a problem, but for people like us its a daily struggle... of that I'm all to aware of.
essentially, the one thing I even fuckin BOTHERED living for is impossible because genetics fucked me, and you're saying "just be happy and give it up like everyone else does!" Guess what, I'm NOT everyone else, unfortunate as that may be. This shit really DOES hurt and I REFUSE to live the rest of my life like some miserable character from one of Alex Payne's movies or the rest of the people out there who turn into fucking assholes because subconsciously they are suffering from broken dreams of their own. You know, just because one has advice doesn't always make it GOOD advice but I do thank anyone who tries, no matter if it doesn't work.
legitimately though, I also thank you for helping me drive further my goal to end my own life. Suicide is going to be the greatest thing that has happened to me and why should I NOT thank anyone helping me die faster?
I see, listen friend in all honesty my advice wasn't really meant to make you feel better. What is was meant to do was give you a realistic way of dealing with the situation that you find yourself in.
To be frank, i must say your acting like a child throwing a fit because it didn't get what it wanted. You remind me of stories where a guy offs himself over something as Petty as a failed relationship, except in your case it's been a faliure to succeed in your ambitions. i mean, seriously? You're a grown man and should act like one. Ok your dreams didn't come true, you think your the first that's happen to? Fuck no, people have failed at all kinds of things they wish they could have succeeded. But they dont decide to give up everything because of it. They pick up the pieces and move the fuck on.
I also want to say that if you take the cowards way out, don't put that shit on me. Because if you go through with this, then it'll bea decision that you alone make. So don't think I'll be losing any sleep over this, i wish i could help you really i do and i wish i could do a lot of other things to make the world a less shit infested place. But im only one man and so are you friend. They are other things you can do with your life, that may bring you joy and happiness. I hope you manage to get pass this and that it makes you a stronger person for it in the long run.
listen, i feel your ambition was too unrealistic. I mean out of all the things you can do, why would you deside on becoming an actor when you know how superfitial the media industry is and that your acne would be an obvious deterrent to that goal. It's as if you purposefully have gone against the grain and are now surprised by the results of doing so. Perhaps you wanted to prove people wrong, i can respect that. But I just don't think you should kill yourself over something like acne. Your a fighter, you always have been. Even if you didn't know it before, the evidence in that is that your still hear among the living. The world needs people like us and even though we are few and far between. I believe one of us to be worth more then 100 of them. Set the example, be a beacon of hope to others like you. You are not alone and your right your not like all these other fools out here, your better then them as are all those who walk the paths less traveled.
That's ok. I won't pin this on you and you missed the point in the first place; you are far from the first person to discourage me or tell me I'm "unrealistic." I don't really think suicide is the cowards way out, it's just one of those things that happens and even over a failed relationship, I get it and will never look down on one for not being able to handle this life.
if you think I'm childish, I don't care either. People already have their minds made up and I can't convince them otherwise. I am whatever you say I am. I won't debate this because my mind is already made up anyways and you won't talk me out of it just because you think I should live on in quiet desperation at best.
Skipping the fryer bit, best of luck with your lot too.
I didn't mean to make you feel worse, I'm not a bully nor your enemy. I just hoped to change your mind and have you realize that there's another way then suicide. I thought that perhaps a hard nose approach may have done the trick, I see now that isn't the case.
I can only imagine all the bull shit you've had to go through and in behalf of every asshole and bitch that's ever given you a hard time, every idiot that's ever called you names or made funny looks or verbally bullied you... I say to you sir I'm sorry.
I know what it's like to be an outcast, different from the rest and unwanted by society at large. Truth be told your a very brave man for going after your dreams, something that many people never even bother to do. myself included, So in that regard it is you that has encouraged me to perhaps give a second look into the things I haven't done out of fear from others opinions. I'd like you to Stay alive and give them hell, might as well until the final curtain falls. You can basically live life to the extreme if you wish since, once your dead that'll be it. Why rush the inevitable?
Hey man, it's all good, you're just trying to help any way you can even if I didn't agree. I get how what a dreamer might say/do wouldn't make sense to anyone else... I try to manifest my intellect both ways just so I can understand others without judging them since I hate being judged myself. It really wouldn't make sense to most normal people how one would willingly stay poor drawing pictures or creating guitar riffs when accounting or engineering pays more and most probably don't have a chance of making a living out of it. It's the love of it that is worth fighting for when it comes to the dreamers. Hell, even one of the people I respect the most, a man who voluntarily lives without a cent to his name and lived out in seclusion in the desert for years, I support his plight of going against the grain too despite my own dreams of superstardom, delusional as they may be. I've always supported people who shoot for the stars and wanted them to do what makes them happiest; disabled people who want to be athletes, people suffering from cysts who dream of being models, those with speech impediments who dream of doing TED talks, cubicle dwellers who dream of living off the land; hey, whatever it is, if that person has a kind heart and does it for the right reasons, I'm all for it. I held onto mine, even despite being shirtless in the sauna and having grown-ass men make fun of my body acne, I still held on to one day being acne-free... even now with a goddamn cyst on my back that might unfortunately be bad enough to where I have to see a doctor. Even your own dreams, no matter what anyone says or what your background is, are not worthless in my mind. It helped me a bit that you're able to take a 2nd look at them because it's an accomplishing thing when I cheer on others to do what gives them the most purpose.
Be well and thanks for the replies.
i notice these thing bc i have acne and scars. I don't know how old you are but I've seen plenty of older male actors with bad acne scarring (something hollywood would never let women get away with but that's another story) for example i just saw noah emmerich in the walking dead if you see the episodes he's in, it is very obvious. anyway there is still hope honestly and regardless probably millions of people with clear skin of don't make it as actors. it's a very difficult business, don't be too hard on yourself.
btw this thread will probably get shut down but i feel suicidal at least once a week because of my skin so i get it.
hey if it gets shut down then so be it and I'm sorry. I want to die 24/7 really. I noticed though how most of the actors/actresses who have/had acne dealt with it on their face; much easier to manage than body acne where the skin/pores are thicker. I used to have acne on my face a lot so I know firsthand. I've seen LOTS of movies and the last time I saw full-blown body acne on film was Enrique Castillo in Blood In, Blood Out... VERY rarely (if ever) after that. But I will say, I'm gonna die soon anyways, may as well go all the way with this thing right? Go out doing what makes me happiest like the watermelon watering scene from Evangelion. Finally put my money where my mouth is before I go since my own dad never even TRIED going for his dreams. I know how tough a business it is but this is like the ONLY thing that even sort of came naturally to me... anything else is a monumental struggle at best and I often say I'd rather die starving in an LA gutter going for my dreams than being a miserable blue or white collarwage slave living to 80+ just waiting for retirement so I can maybe squeeze in a cruise to Mexico before I pass and hoping said cruise doesn't give me food poisoning. If that is what one wants more power to them, but that's no kinda life for me.